Summer Camp 2023 Reading Challenge | UnagiLogic
Welcome to my article for the Summer Camp reading challenge. I haven't reached my New Year's goals quite yet, but I'm excited to keep working on them and creating more goals to work on throughout the year.
ARTICLE 1: The Book of Sybil
FRESH WATER EELS
I loved hearing that the Empyreans used the book to create their script and religion. This got me excited to learn what they have written and what practices they now follow. I also enjoyed the additional details of the Rarity of the book. This helps me visualize how important the initial texts are.SALT WATER EELS
I found myself wanting more information about who was talking about the book. Adding a character behind the information would help ground me at the moment that this person is telling a story within the world that's been developed. Another section that made me wonder about the character telling the history behind the book, is when the character said "Before Arabian was a thing, obviously". This sparked my interest in who is retelling this information since this was not obvious to me as a reader.Feedback Comment on Article
Thank you for the fun read. I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I loved hearing that the Empyreans used the book to create their script and religion as it got me excited to learn what they have written and what practices they now follow. The additional details of the Rarity of the book stood out and helped me visualize how important the initial texts are. Throughout the article, I found myself wanting more information about who was talking about the book. Adding a character behind the information would help ground me at the moment that this person is telling a story within the world that's been developed. Another section that made me wonder about the character telling the history behind the book, is when the character said "Before Arabian was a thing, obviously". This sparked my interest in who is retelling this history since this was not obvious to me as a reader. Hope this information is helpful and can't wait to read more someday!WHAT I LEARNED
I learned a character telling a story is something compelling to listen to. I want to take from this and create a character who tells a story about something significant in the world.ARTICLE 2: Black Opal Earrings
FRESH WATER EELS
You added lots of great details with the history and significance of the black opal earrings which helped make them feel a part of the Freystalia culture. I also liked reading about the raw materials, components, and manufacturing process of the earrings as it gave me a good sense of how they were made.SALT WATER EELS
One thing that I was pondering for a little while was the price of this one-of-a-kind jewelry. My guess as I was reading the article was the royal family would not sell this piece of jewelry. Since the base price is shown, consider adding additional lore as to why the price matters. Adding this additional reading content may inspire additional intrigue for the readers.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: Great job adding lots of details with the history and significance of the earrings as this helped make them feel a part of the Freystalia culture. I also liked reading about the raw materials, components, and manufacturing process of the earrings as it gave me a good sense of how they were made. One thing that I was pondering for a little while was the price of this one-of-a-kind jewelry. My guess as I was reading the article was the royal family would not sell this piece of jewelry. Since the base price is shown, consider adding additional lore as to why the price matters. Adding this additional reading content may inspire additional intrigue for the readers. Great job and I hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
The details matter. Not necessarily more details is better, and finding the right amount of details to convey your subject.ARTICLE 3: Rethas Magnis
FRESH WATER EELS
Lots of great ideas.SALT WATER EELS
As I was reading, it seemed each time I was getting excited to read more, the subject would change. As an example, when you said "the artifact has graced the hands of esteemed religious leaders" I started getting excited to hear about these leaders, who they were, what their culture is, and what part they played in this item of great cultural significance. The next line talks about it being stolen quite a few times without any underlying understanding of why. Additional details like this would spark my interest in reading more about this item and help ground me in the story being told.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: You had lots of great ideas. As I was reading, it seemed each time I was getting excited to read more, the subject would change. As an example, when you said "the artifact has graced the hands of esteemed religious leaders" I started getting excited to hear about these leaders, who they were, what their culture is, and what part they played in this item of great cultural significance. The next line talks about it being stolen quite a few times without any underlying understanding of why. Adding additional details like this would spark my interest in reading more about this item and help ground me in the story being told. Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
Lots of great ideas are a great start, and I want to ensure that all my articles going forward capitalize on answering questions like who, what, when, where, and why something is important. I'm going to spend time looking through my articles and ensuring that I've answered these 5 W's.ARTICLE 4: Iron Snail Steel
FRESH WATER EELS
I loved reading the introductory paragraph of the article. You added lots of interesting details that immediately made me want to continue reading more!SALT WATER EELS
As I was reading the third paragraph about the snails not having much awareness of their surroundings, I found myself getting a little lost in the information. Consider looking through this section and finding additional ways to present it. I understood what was being said, and felt a little disconnected with how fast the information was coming at me. Doing so would help me as a reader understand better how to defend myself or prepare myself to meet one of these creatures (for instance if I wanted to go out and hunt them... I would hunt them for the black market :D)Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I loved reading the introductory paragraph of your article. You added lots of interesting details that immediately made me want to continue reading more! I could feel the danger. As I was reading the third paragraph about the snails not having much awareness of their surroundings, I found myself getting a little lost in the information. Consider looking through this section and finding additional ways to present it. I understood what was being said, and felt a little disconnected with how fast the information was coming at me. Doing so would help me as a reader understand better how to defend myself or prepare myself to meet one of these creatures (for instance if I wanted to go out and hunt them... which I will hunt them for the black market :D) Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
I've said this previously, and I will need to remind myself relentlessly that a strong opening will get someone to give your article a longer read. I think I'm going to look back at my earlier articles and check all my openings out to see if they're indeed strong.ARTICLE 5: Cdonnic Copper
FRESH WATER EELS
I love the graphic design and quote from Forgemaster Uno of the Cdonnic Mint. It draws my eyes in and gets me excited to read more. I enjoyed reading all the little details that you've added and can't wait to click on them to learn more about everything like you did with the Cdinnic RotSALT WATER EELS
When I was reading, I didn't understand what "antithesis" meant. Consider adding a tooltip description describing the term to help readers understand better. This would help me grasp the concept quicker and get back to enjoying reading the article.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I love the graphic design and quote from Forgemaster Uno of the Cdonnic Mint. It draws my eyes in and gets me excited to read more. I enjoyed reading all the little details that you've added and can't wait to click on them to learn more about everything like you did with the Cdinnic Rot. When I was reading, I didn't quite understand what "antithesis" meant and guessed it meant not the same as fostrend which I interpreted as not copper. Consider adding a tooltip description (or something similar) describing the term to help readers understand quickly. This would help me grasp the concept faster and get back to enjoying reading the article. Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
I've taken note that If I'm going to commit to writing an article for others to enjoy reading, I need to take the purposeful time to fill in all the little details that others would enjoy looking at as well. I say this knowing that it will be a lot of disciplined work, and I want to take the dedicated time to look at my articles and ensure all pathways have a link to articles (not fully written yet as that's too large of a goal in the timeframe I'm giving myself)ARTICLE 6: Larite
FRESH WATER EELS
I enjoyed reading about the Unknown Pathfinders note. This gave an initial insight into the material and the dangers of getting it. The everyday use section also gave me a few clear uses to help understand why people would hire someone to get it.SALT WATER EELS
One thing I wanted more information on as I was reading was the cultural significance and usage. I wanted to know more about why an apprentice would take the risk to keep Larite on them that was not bestowed upon them by a family member or master. This information would intrigue me as a reader to read an entire chapter (worth of information :D)Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I enjoyed reading about the Unknown Pathfinders note. This gave an initial insight into the material and the dangers of getting it. The everyday use section also gave me a few clear uses to help understand why people would hire someone to get it. One thing I wanted more information on as I was reading was the cultural significance and usage. I wanted to know more about why an apprentice would take the risk to keep Larite on them that was not bestowed upon them by a family member or master. This information would intrigue me as a reader to read an entire chapter's worth of information about this risk. Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
A note in the world somewhere is a powerful tool to immediately draw in interest. I want to create one that the whole article is dedicated to the note!! Thanks for the inspirationARTICLE 7: Cartographer
FRESH WATER EELS
I liked all the different types of maps and information surrounding them. It was fun to read all the details that go into the profession. The additional information such as hiring the merfolk added a new realm of mapping I'd not considered before.SALT WATER EELS
When you stated "Pirates will often hunt down vessels specifically to find updated or better sea charts" I was curious if/how Cartographers stayed safe. Something to consider if Cartographers are tired of getting their maps stolen constantly.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I liked all the different types of maps and the information surrounding them. It was fun to read all the details that go into the profession. The additional information such as hiring the merfolk added a new realm of mapping I'd not considered before. This unique information got me excited to learn more about how the merfolk became friends with the cartographers and the culture behind it. When you stated "Pirates will often hunt down vessels specifically to find updated or better sea charts" I was curious if/how Cartographers stayed safe. Something to consider if Cartographers are tired of getting their maps stolen constantly. Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
I learned that I should find ways to add a twist to a normal situation as it adds a lot of intrigue and gets me excited to explore the world more in detail. I think I want to create something seemingly normal and add a twist to spice things up.ARTICLE 8: Zone Guide
FRESH WATER EELS
I appreciated the tooltip on "The Zone". When I read this tooltip, I got excited to explore more about the zone and learn why it's forbidden to go there. I also enjoyed the additional information provided on the Strigatov Brothers. This added depth to the story and kept me interested and wanting to learn more.SALT WATER EELS
As I was reading, a few sections didn't make sense. One example is in the opening paragraph you said "They are guides-for-hire, and anyone way ask for thier services for the right sum". I assumed that "way" was supposed to say something along the lines of "can". Consider re-reading through your article and fixing any small errors like this. This will help me as a reader to get through your story with more clarity and an enjoyable reading experience.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I appreciated the tooltip on "The Zone". When I read this tooltip, I got excited to explore more about the zone and learn why it's forbidden to go there. I also enjoyed the additional information provided on the Strigatov Brothers. This added depth to the story and kept me interested and wanting to learn more. As I was reading, a few sections didn't make sense. One example is in the opening paragraph you said "They are guides-for-hire, and anyone way ask for thier services for the right sum". I assumed that "way" was supposed to say something along the lines of "can". Consider re-reading through your article and fixing any small errors like this. This will help readers to get through your story with more clarity and enjoyment. Hope this feedback helps!WHAT I LEARNED
Tooltips are a powerful way to give just enough information to inform and help create a more diverse world. I want to add more tooltips to my articles.ARTICLE 9: The Trader
FRESH WATER EELS
I like the chosen fonts and colors of your article and layout. It makes me feel like I'm in a futuristic space. There is a lot of information to explore and I enjoyed reading the righthand side under Financial/Trade. It gave me lots of useful information about how pirates can trade which expanded the story and gave me a few adventure hooks to think of.SALT WATER EELS
One thing that made it more difficult to read your article was grammar. Consider using a tool like grammerly to help out with this. I make many mistakes in my writing and it helps me learn and get better at the same time.Feedback Comment on Article
I'm here for the Summer Camp Reading Challenge. Here is some feedback: I like the chosen fonts and colors of your article and layout. It makes me feel like I'm in a futuristic space. There is a lot of information to explore and I enjoyed reading the righthand side under Financial/Trade. It gave me lots of useful information about how pirates can trade which expanded the story and gave me a few adventure hooks to think of. One thing that made it more difficult to read your article was grammar. Consider using a tool like grammerly to help out with this. I make many mistakes in my writing and it helps me learn and get better at the same time.WHAT I LEARNED
With enough dedication, you can make your world look and feel like you want. I want to achieve this for my world so thanks for the inspiration. This goal is more than a year away, but I'll find ways to break it into smaller chunks so I can accomplish more. My SummerCamp Resolution Thanks again everyone for all the great reads. Thinking about how much work I got done at the start of the year, I want to make an even bigger impact this time! I resolve to dedicate at least 10 minutes a day to improving my world one story at a time. I've also written down various small goals along the way. Thanks for giving this a read, and in the spirit of the reading challenge, comment on the article and give me some feedback! Until next time, Unagi out. _______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________Join our worldbuilding space - Social Pixels
Improve your world, one story at a time -UnagiLogic
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Click the links to see progress! (When I make them xD)
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