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Atlas Falls

And I Will Bear His Burden...

He watched the screen, hoping just shy of praying that it was a glitch. As if on cue, another notification appeared. Sensors detected a massive burst of energy somewhere deep below the surface of Safeharbor. Either something was failing, or something was waking up. He didn't know which outcome was worse. Within an hour, the entire fleet was mobilized and prepared for evacuation. The Elders of Autumn convened and unanimously declared a state of emergency. Scientists gathered to study the anomaly from afar. They came up empty-handed. This was a problem that needed eyes on site... "Activate Atlas Protocol."
       
Safeharbor is no mere rock floating in the void. It's a machine. The planet is hollow, the clockwork so far beyond us that we scarcely comprehend its most basic functions. We can't tell where systems start and stop. We can't even determine if they have a beginning, or an end to begin with. Perhaps it's all connected, each a fraction of the beating heart powering this world. Remove even the smallest component and the whole world dies.   This is what the Atlas Protocol was designed to prevent. It was the only condition of the truce between Safeharbor's government and the rebellious Wayfarers of yore. Should Safeharbor's internal systems fail, and conditions prove inhospitable for human life, the planet is to be evacuated, and the wayfarers called to descend into the depths of our planet wide city in an attempt to solve the problem.   It seemed agreeable at the time. The planet ensured our survival thus far, after all. Shortly after The Battle of The Pillars and The First War, the protocol was used and abused, though the wayfarers of Homebound didn't seem to care. They thrived in those deep dark places. The other wayfarers, however, barely understood the commitment they were making when they joined the initiative.
Oracle woke up to the sound of banging at the door. Stacy was frozen in place, terrified. Who would visit so late in the night? Oracle opened the door and a soldier stood before him, armed and confident.   "Can I help you?" Oracle asked.   "Mathew Locke?"   "That's my name," he replied with a halfhearted smile.   "Atlas falls. What is your response?"   "You're serious?" Oracle began. He turned back to his wife and the smile faded to a frown. She was hiding her fear, her disappointment. She wanted to spare him, but they both knew he could see it clear as day. This wasn't the first time.   He wondered what would happen if he refused. There were plenty of wayfarers on Safeharbor. Let them sort it out. Oracle gave a sigh. "Fine. I'll bear the burden."
 
 



Argus opened the door, an armed soldier staring back at her as she spoke "Yes?"   "Atlas falls." the soldier replied.   "Oh," Argus began. She heard Diavae approaching from behind. Argus turned and held out her hand. "It's okay. Sorry but I don't think I can get out of this. I gotta go."   Diavae looked past her, and grabbed the door to force it open. "What is this?"   "I don't answer to you ambassador," the soldier said, his Stoic demeanor cracking. He took a breath. "Francis Bors, Atlas falls. What is your response?"   Before Argus could speak, she felt Diavae tense up. Argus felt an urge to move. It was a strange feeling, standing between a predator and their prey. The soldier raised the rifle and Diavae laughed. "Francis. Step to the side."   Argus spun around and tried to push Diavae back. "No, Diavae. This is-"   "A little boy with little toys." They growled. Diavae's eyes were focused and the soldier was clearly shaken by the sight.   Argus reached out, her hands shaking. She shouted as she let her hand rest on Diavae's shoulder, "Mom, please."   They shuddered at her touch, or maybe it was her words. Diavae looked Argus in the eye, and Argus saw what might have been the precursor to tears.   Argus turned to the soldier. The man was shaking. "Atlas falls?" She began, "I will bear his burden."

Used and abused

The wayfarers lack organization, at least compared to that of the military. This makes communication difficult. It's not entirely clear how often the protocol has been used since its inception. It's confidential information.   One thing is certain: it's a number greater than zero, and not once has Safeharbor been evacuated. Perhaps these incidents were preemptive. Maybe the wayfarers managed to solve the problem before it was needed. It doesn't matter.   Every wayfarer fears those words: Atlas falls. What are they compared to titans? What could they do that others can't? The wayfarers come into contact with non-human technology on a regular basis. This gives them an advantage. The moment something goes wrong, they are the ones with the most experience.

Fear

The wayfarers fear what awaits them when they get there. There are dangerous creatures in the depths, not to mention unsafe and unstable ground. This isn't what makes their mission so horrifying. It's the prospect of delving into a dying planet that scares them.   The wayfarers venture down to remedy an ailing world. They go to cure what they can’t possibly diagnose. When they find the problem, it could take them weeks to find some way of patching it up and getting things working again. We didn't come to this planet expecting to find something that needed to be maintained.   This is the worst part of a wayfarer's job. Our survival as a species rests on their shoulders. Most of them are just kids, 20 somethings with little knowledge of the ways of the world. We humans have a habit of sending our young out to die. Sometimes it's a war, or maybe a disease. Sometimes the world itself is enough to kill. Civilization was a carnivorous beast of our own creation, preying on the sanity of our brightest youths.
         
Mouse stared out the window, checking the street outside for any signs of life. When she failed to make out a single soul, she closed the pair of rickety shutters, turned, and knelt beside her cot.   She reached for the floor, removing a metal panel. Reaching into the hollowed out space, she retrieved the bloodstained bible. She sat on the cot, nestling herself as close to the wall as she could. She rested her back in the corner to hide from anyone who would dare peek through the shutters.   She opened the book to where she left off, toying with the ribbon bookmark in her fingers as she read.   1 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
3 He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness, for his name's sake
4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.
  She jumped at a furious knock at the door, her blood seething as the adrenaline flowed. She would have let out a shout if, in her moment of shock, she hadn't forgotten how to breathe.   She slammed the book closed, darted toward the hollowed space in the floor. And tossed the book in. She set the metal panel back into place, her head spinning as the banging continued.   She took a deep breath, her body breaking out in a cold sweat. She opened the door to a man with a rifle and military fatigues.   He nodded before speaking, his voice shifting between panic and controlled haste, "Rhey Thakur?"   "That's me." She replied, the words small and meek compared to his.   "Atlas Falls."   She narrowed her eyes. "Excuse me?"   "Atlas falls. What is your response?"   Her eyes widened as she clasped her hand over her mouth. Was it a drill, she thought, they can't be serious.   She removed her hand from her mouth and rubbed the back of her head. Her mouth opened, but it took a moment to get the words out, "Then I will bear his burden."   The man nodded again. "Report to the bunker in Dawn immediately for briefing and assignment."   "Got it." She replied. She looked across the street and saw other soldiers, each knocking and delivering their message.   She stepped back inside and gathered the essentials. "What exactly happens if one of us says no?" She said. Looking back at the man.   He smiled and shook his head, "Quickly, please."   She stepped out onto the street, the roar of engines breaking what would otherwise have been a perfectly silent night. She saw a shuttle hovering just above the ground, the door opened. Jordan sat next to an empty seat, and mouse sped her way toward him.   The soldier followed close behind, and she soon found out why. She heard the faint sound of a struggle. She turned to see a wayfarer wrestling the rifle away from his messenger in a doorway.   The soldier pushed the young man back, aimed, and fired without hesitation. This time she shouted, screaming as the man flew back and out of view. Not a moment passed before the soldier fired again, and again.   The soldier following her spoke, his expression firm. "Does that answer your question?"

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Comments

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Jul 4, 2021 10:00

Besides a great article, I just have to say the title/subtitle is fantastic. 'And I will bear his burden' is tremendously evocative, super well done Dyl :D


Creator of Araea, Megacorpolis, and many others.
Jul 4, 2021 17:41 by R. Dylon Elder

Thanks Q! I appreciate it. I'm glad it struck a cord.

Jul 4, 2021 13:26

Very nice article! Of course once again very nice layout, especially that each piece of story has a different layout as well. The returning 'Atlas falls' and 'I will bear this burden' is a nice touch as well.

Feel free to check my new world Terra Occidentalis if you want to see what I am up to!
Jul 4, 2021 19:40 by R. Dylon Elder

Omg thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it, not just the phrase but the different layouts. I'm glad it worked

Jul 4, 2021 19:09 by Time Bender

Wow, this is absolutely stunning, the words "And I will bear his burden" gives me chills! The government on Safeharbor is honestly rather frightening, however. The fact they'd kill a wayfarer for refusing to accept his burden is awful!

Jul 4, 2021 19:42 by R. Dylon Elder

Agreed. There's still alot of animosity. Between the government and the wayfarers. The worst part is alot of them dont fully realize it. Many are off world, and may never really hear about this event.

Jul 4, 2021 19:31 by Avalon Arcana

Oh. My. Gosh. This is amazing. I'm not actually sure why I'm surprised since all of your writing is this amazing but still. Gosh. The bits of prose are well written and convey so much emotion and information at the same time, drawing you in deeply to the underlying fear the words "Atlas falls" bring. Amazing. Absolutely amazing. :D

You should check out the The 5 Shudake, if you want of course.
Jul 4, 2021 19:52 by R. Dylon Elder

Ahhh! Thank you so much. I can never express how much it means to hear. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Jul 5, 2021 13:40

And we're right back in it! Awesome scene here, and I'll add my appreciation of the coded call and response. I'm particularly intrigued by the possibility that this has been abused in the past. For what reasons, and to what ends? To be honest, I'm a bit sympathetic to the Wayfarers, so I'm naturally suspicious. But then again, the whole fleet is spun up, so it sounds legit.   I'm on a phone screen, and the flow is great, so nice job accommodating different form factors.   Finally, fwiw, a mechanical planet illness sounds like a perfectly valid entry to me!

Jul 5, 2021 18:39 by R. Dylon Elder

Thanks so much man. I feel better about entering it now XD I was worried. I work on phone 90% of the time, so I try to keep In mind what that does to my articles. I'm glad its appreciated for sure!   This season will be very jarring when it comes to reveals. The government waste all that trustworthy to begin with but there's alot the archivist doesnt even know, hes just chilling in the archive, after all. You can only learn so much through the lens of surveillance cameras. Its a huge part of the set up for this season. So far it seems to be going well. I'm glad you're enjoying it! Thanks so much man. It means alot.

Jul 9, 2021 15:02 by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull

Jesus, that last bit of prose gave me chills. All of the prose gave me chills. Really well done.

Emy x
Explore Etrea
Jul 9, 2021 15:24 by R. Dylon Elder

This one is probably my favorite out of all the articles I've written in this season thus far. I'm glad it achieved the desired affect. It means a lot. Thanks so much!

Jul 10, 2021 05:18 by Wendy Vlemings (Rynn19)

This gave me chills. I love the use of all these protocols. "Atlas Falls" and then the response: "I will bear his burden" are such powerful frazes. I'm almost scare to read the next article, because I'm worried what might happen to the wayfarers, and whether humanity will have to leave Safeharbor. Amazing writing, and as usual, I'm completely hooked. :)

Author of Ealdwyll, a fantasy world full of mystery.
Jul 10, 2021 15:59 by R. Dylon Elder

I will guarentee that they will not be leaving Safeharbor. I like dat planet too much! Thanks so much. I'm glad I managed to hook young second time.

Jul 10, 2021 17:07 by Wendy Vlemings (Rynn19)

Pfew, I am glad Safeharbor is staying. :) I like that planet too.

Author of Ealdwyll, a fantasy world full of mystery.
Jul 10, 2021 15:30

that's very interesting.   ALSO WUT DU HEC THE NAVY IS MURDERING WAYFARERS... ish...   So you make it sound like the navy and the wayfarers reached an agreement, but now the navy is not holding up their end of the deal; you never say it outright, but it sounds like the navy's responsibility is to evacuate safeharbor whenever the protocol is used...granted there is some gray area...   The navy is looking more and more like the bad guy here. I'm wondering whether their sins run deeper than we know...

Jul 10, 2021 15:57 by R. Dylon Elder

Well yes and no. The navy is always chill with the wayfarers. You learn in this on the next article, but the army... oof. Yes. Some sins run deep.

Jul 13, 2021 03:09 by Stormbril

Woah, this is incredible! Really amazing evocative stuff here, I loved every bit of story woven into the article. And what a great way to fit the prompt, too. Excellent work, Dylon!

Jul 13, 2021 04:34 by R. Dylon Elder

Thank so much storm!

Jul 17, 2021 14:48 by Amélie I. S. Debruyne

Really great narration! I love the way all of your articles have those pose bits, I really need to go back after Summer Camp to read more about them :D

To see what I am up to: my Summer Camp 2024.
Aug 12, 2021 17:36 by R. Dylon Elder

Again, thank you so much!

Jul 17, 2021 14:53 by TC

God, chills, literally. First of all, amazing way of answering the prompt! Second of all. God. The title and header are just so powerful. That last section where Mouse witnesses a wayfarer who refused to answer the call get shot really gave me an "oh shit its that bad" reaction, amazing work!!

Creator of Arda Almayed
Aug 12, 2021 17:37 by R. Dylon Elder

Thisnis probably my favorite of the whole season everything just clicked and I absolutely loved writing it. Thanks so much!

Aug 17, 2021 23:30 by Grace Gittel Lewis

Starting to notice some factional divides among humanity here— and I am intrigued.

Aug 26, 2021 02:14 by Jacob Billings

Daily Comment! I think this is four? It may be two or three instead... I can't remember, but I'm excited to jump in. The fact you've pumped these articles out so fast is astounding!  


 
He watched the screen

This is something that I've noticed a few times now, but the transitions between articles are a bit... disjointed? It's not a huge deal at all, but it doesn't quite fit perfectly with everything you're looking for in the overarching story, to my understanding. In my mind, it makes it feel like fully new "chapters" with each article, but we also don't get quite enough context per chapter to fully fill it out? It's a bit hard to describe and could just be a side effect of the way you're doing the story, but it might be interesting to (at least in the future) base the articles all around a singular prose system with the article content interjected within it? Maybe. Just a suggestion.   Something a bit more pressing that I just noticed is that you never name the character in this quote. This is fine in complete prose, however, you are still advertising these stories as being unique individual articles that can be read in total as standalone, which doesn't work without a name... Probably. Again, it's really about how you want to structure your world.  
Either something was failing, or something was waking up. He didn't know which outcome was worse. Within an hour, the entire fleet was mobilized and prepared for evacuation.


This was a problem that needed eyes on site... "Activate Atlas Protocol."

Both of these should probably be their own paragraphs, at least how I see it. It does well because "Within an hour" is about the cardinal rule of making a new paragraph when you switch scenes (which is technically happening here with the time jump). The other one is about emphasis as separating the line gives it better emphasis. (I'll also cover my tracks a bit here as I know you've had the prose sometimes not include your breaks in it before.)  
We can't even determine if they have a beginning, or an end to begin with.

The last bit is a touch redundant and repetitive in a bad way. Removing it or choosing a different phrase would help. "they have a beginning or end." It could still do with a bit of flare, but I can't think of anything off the top of my head.  
the rebellious Wayfarers of yore

Is yore the right word? I can't remember reading it before, but that could just be on me.  
Should Safeharbor's internal systems fail, and conditions prove inhospitable for human life, the planet is to be evacuated, and the wayfarers called to descend into the depths of our planet wide city in an attempt to solve the problem.

I've not really mentioned it before because some of the points could be argued, but you seem to be overusing commas a lot. Here, both of the commas around the ands aren't needed. "should Safeharbor's internal systems fail and conditions prove inhospitable for human life" is technically a list and a prepositional phrase. This means it's a combined dependent clause. The comma separates it and convoluted the sentence. The comma between "human life, the planet" is fine as it joins the dependent and independent clauses. "the planet is to be evacuated" is an independent clause while "the wayfarers called to descend into the depths of our planet wide city in an attempt to solve the problem" is dependent. Based on the rules of comma splicing I can remember, you only need the comma and coordinating conjunction when making a compound sentence (2 independent clauses). Rather, here, you're trying to connect a prepositional phrase (additional information about setting) with an independent and dependent. This means both of the ands are parts of incomplete clauses and thus don't need the comma. Let me know if you disagree with my assessment, but it'd be good, regardless, to start thinking about clauses as you most often misuse the comma by turning "or" into a coordinating conjunction when it should be a listing preposition (I don't know the official term for that)   I would also suggest finding other wording for "our planet wide city" because "planet-wide" should be hyphenated and it's slightly repetitive as this dependent clause (see above) repeats the word "planet" in close proximity to the independent clause.  
She was hiding her fear, her disappointment. She wanted to spare him, but they both knew he could see it clear as day.

Let's open with the fact I LOVE this passage. IT's really interesting to read and just super engaging. I can't even pinpoint why. Anyway, my problem with this is emphasis (a stylistic thing) so it's just a suggestion: turn the comma in the first sentence to a period. "She was hiding her fear. Her disappointment." This is literally wrong, in terms of grammar, but is one of my personal favorite methods of intentional disruption of grammar. The other thing is that you don't say what she wants to spare him of. My initial impression was that she wanted to spare him of the duty, as though she had control. This was, clearly, wrong as I believe you intended for it to mean "spare him the guilt that came with seeing her disappointment, but they both knew he could see it. In the little frown that had grown on her face and flickering of her eyes from him to the door, he could see the hints of disappointment which he had grown to dread." My sample, while far from perfect, does also help with putting a shown element to the scene. It adds character (probably the wrong character since I don't know your characters) and generally could improve the scene. Up to you though, as it's also technically a preference.  
Oracle gave a sigh. "Fine. I'll bear the burden."

A strange problem here. You use two instances of annoyance. "sigh" and "fine" both indicate a tone that becomes redundant. With the importance of the line, I would actually separate it to just be "I'll bear the burden" as it gives the same tone but also adds a slight hint of professionalism and, in my opinion, power?  
It's not entirely clear how often the protocol has been used since its inception. It's confidential information.

Maybe consider combining these sentences? "It's confidential information" seems unusually informal and threw me off a little bit as the rest of the article has an incredible voice to it. The latter line doesn't fit, to what I can tell.  
Civilization was a carnivorous beast of our own creation, preying on the sanity of our brightest youths.

Oh. My. Gosh. I love this line. Nothing more to say.   There's also nothing to say on the pink prose. It's amazing. My brain did get a touch sidetracked along the way, but it still showed a good sense of mood and tone, adding really well to the overall story in this article.  
She sat on the cot, nestling herself as close to the wall as she could. She rested her back in the corner to hide from anyone who would dare peek through the shutters. She opened the book to where she left off, toying with the ribbon bookmark in her fingers as she read.

From what I can remember of reading your novel, this is something that is just native to your current style, but it's the consistent repetition of sentence structure and length. This example in particular is rather obvious, but it was something I was beginning to notice as I read the paragraph. It gives it an unusually symmetrical meter which can be somewhat unsettling.  
her blood seething as the adrenaline flowed.

I seem to be on a style kick today. I would actually get more into cause/effect here. "her blood seething and brimming with adrenaline, pulsing through her veins." This sample may not perfectly work as I lost context, but it draws a stronger connection between blood seething and adrenaline as otherwise they feel like separate effects.  
She slammed the book closed, darted toward the hollowed space in the floor. And tossed the book in.

The broken style occasionally works (ex starting a sentence with and in dialogue). However, it just feels incomplete or underwritten in this case. The first of the two sentences has no properly active verb as both are "ed" without a solid conclusion. The and should be appended onto the clause as it gives a definitive final action that serves well. Otherwise, you just have two dependent clauses joined randomly by a comma.  
He smiled and shook his head,

From the "his voice shifting between panic and controlled haste," the current characterization makes smiling feel out of place. At least a genuine smile. Rather, saying he forced a feeble smile would work because it continues the same character and tone.  
Not a moment passed before the soldier fired again, and again.

This is fine. As I mentioned, grammar can be altered for tone. In this case, you could remove the comma and be more correct. However, the comma indicates a slight pauses which is nice in reading the line. It's interesting.  
  Well. This is probably my favorite article so far? It's really amazing. I loved the prose you included and everything was extremely engaging. Amazing work and suffice it to say, I really agree with the other comments I've sporadically read while scrolling back and forth. Incredible work!

Aug 26, 2021 05:21 by R. Dylon Elder

Yeah, once I start to write, I grind it out, but as you can see, editing suffers. Lol I'll fix all these suggestions. They're all valid and improve the piece. The disjointed article problem you mention is a choice I made since I already have a lot of prose and creating these chains from one article to next will just make it bulkier. I do plan on doing so once I figure out just what I'm going to do with this project. I actually have scenes that didnt make it in for that reason.   Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. The ball starts rolling super fast from here. From here on the threads start really taking shape. I'm glad this article was enjoyable cause its arguably the most important of the season.

Nov 6, 2021 08:15 by Angantyr

It's a powerful beginning of a story. And very neatly written, thick with emotions and mystery. Until the very last sentence. :D

Playing around with words and worlds
Nov 6, 2021 15:17 by R. Dylon Elder

I appreciate the ki ond words my friend. Thanks so much!

Jun 15, 2022 02:16 by Lilliana Casper

The mystery of this article really adds another layer to the fear! Well done.

Lilliana Casper   I don't comment much, but I love reading your articles! Please check out my worlds, Jerde and Tread of Darkness.
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