Behold a pale horse
… and he who sat upon it was death.
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A research pod sat on the back wall. What once was a cylindrical glass tube shattered some time before. The strange flora, still very much alive, covered the wall. A massive trunk stretched from floor to ceiling, puncturing the hull and sealing the breach with its own body.
Mouse walked to a nearby computer, inserting a memory drive into the only port it would fit in. "Argus, I'm connected to a computer."
"I see it. Nice work, I can touch every system on board from here. Are you on the bridge?" Argus replied.
"No, it looks like a lab. Pull everything you can. You'll have time. I don't think anyone's gonna pull the drive out. We're heading home." Mouse stood up and noticed Roadrunner staring at the writhing mass.
She was about to speak when he stepped forward, his attention drawn to a blank space on the wall near the pod. He wiped away the ice to reveal a plaque with words written in gold: "Pale Horse."— From Odyssey 2
Argus sat on the edge of her seat, carefully piloting the drone with her eyes glued to the screen. The drone raised the blade attached to it's arm, angled it as instructed, and made the first incision. The cut took effort. The fleshy skin resisted, almost too dense for the blade despite being sharpened to perfection. When the blade managed to cut through, the outer layers pealed away. Spheres of fluid floated off in the void, a thick red sap pouring from the wound.
“Is it…” Argus began, her stomach churning, “Is it bleeding?”— Research notes from The SVN Calstine
As always a beautiful article - paired with the Oh Hellos "Pale White Horse" I got very good "we went too far" vibes from it. Logically put together and satisfying - I love it.
Yay! Your challenge article. I'm so excited to start reading.
I love the title, though it doesn't tell me enough about what the actual species name is. I was able to quickly skim and notice that it's called "Pale Horse" but you don't make that clear until the second paragraph after the quote. While you do state "Pale Horse" in the quote, I can't be certain if that's the plant or the ship or what. I have a little context that you're focusing on the plant, but your opening paragraph begins by talking about a star system. That immediately threw me off. Including an opening line that explains a bit more what the article is about might help. Granted, my comments should always be taken with a grain of salt since I miss things rather easily.
"What once was a cylindrical glass tube laid shattered on the floor."
This line is fine. I need to get that out of the way, to begin with. My comment here is more about style and narrative flow. I'd say a phrase that focuses more on the fact it's broken across the floor, setting the scene. For example, you could phrase it as "Shattered glass remains were sprawled across the floor, a reminder of the cylindrical glass tubing that once lined the walls." In that case, you focus on the glass more than what it came from. Not that my sentence makes much sense either, but it should hopefully be a useful comment. Also, since I've not gotten to the Odyssey 2.2 yet, I'm also going to leave the comment that this is the perfect place for contrasting the mechanical aspects of the ship being destroyed by the unnatural plants.
" its constant bath of radiation"
Constant bath is a strange phrase to me. I feel like you were going for "bathing in the radiation." Bath works on its own, but if you want constant you should try focusing on motion more than the image of a stagnant body of water.
"This could be inferred"
What is "this?" You were talking about the fact it's soft despite having a harder outer layer. However, that's not a subject in the previous sentence. It's a statement. You need to correlate it to a subject, stating something like "Stained red from the sap, the flora has a soft texture regardless of the extreme density of the outer layer. This discrepancy could be related to..." Something more like that fixes the problem.
"giving it an almost glowing white color."
I can't really help here, but I can point out the fact that "almost glowing" is a rather cliché phrase that doesn't really give a good image. Leaning into the glow and, instead, describe it based on the other qualities the plant has.
"zero gravity environment of the void."
You use the term "void" a lot. Intermixing other terms like space or vacuum to keep the reader from noticing the repetition.
I may have missed something, so can you explain to me how it continues to survive? I can understand how it works. Logically, as the plant grew, it would naturally be releasing material it cannot use. Even with the crew being held captive to produce carbon dioxide, eventually, the water vapor and other nutrients would be fully depleted. I probably missed some scientific explanation of how it controls the release of material and the like, but this bit kind of confused me.
Wow. You have some great scientific words like vestigiality. I had to google that one.
I have no idea what the image on the right of the genetic modification section is of. It looks like broken read glass, but I have no idea how that relates to anything?
...Oh. It's dormant. Did you mention that before? Or was the first mention in the ship logs section? Anyway, that answers my previous question regarding its growth.
Your second quote is, at least while I'm reading, centered. It's a bit weird.
Woah. I definitely wasn't paying enough attention to the Safeharbor Protocols article. I'll need to look into that again because of the whole system where the plant grows with the mention of the title(great tie-in to explain it, by the way). It's a super cool idea.
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Great article, of course! I really like the fact the article is closely related to Odyssey 2. There's clearly a lot of scientific research that clearly went into the article considering you went ahead and included your works cited. I love the imagery, especially the cover image and last image included. Loving The Void Between! Keep up the incredible work.
I was hoping for this! Yessss. Excellent technical advise, as always. I'll ne sure to tidy this one up and clarify some the issues here. While some are cleared up by the end, such as the title issue, but they should be made more clear. I'm glad you enjoyed it! I apologize for my hastily written build up articles. They weren't exactly on par and need some cleaning but I really liked the idea of this narrative driven worldbuilding to lead into the challenge. Next time, I'll try to be more prepared. It was a last minute idea XD. Regardless, I'm glad it was appreciated! Thanks for all the kind words, my friend. I believe you've completed yours as well, and intend on reading here today. I'm quite excited!
Ohhh and the picture is red sap. I may have to move It if it isn't clear. I definitely dont want it to be a random picture of broken glass XD
Very nice and unique plant species.
Ooooh this was a great article!! The horror of the fleshiness of that plant is just the right amount of unsettling, and its a really great balance of interesting facts and more "ew wtf is that" descriptions, if that makes sense. Absolutely fantastic work (as always)!!
Yessss I'm glad you enjoyed it changeling! It took some time but I'm happy with how it turned out.
Great work, as always! I love the level of detail you go to - it's a very readable balance between encyclopedic detail and mere handwaving. I find it thoroughly immersive. There is only one thing I would like just a bit more information about: where does the plant get its mass? At 4,000km in size, even if you made it 95% water from the nebula, you'd still need tons and tons of carbon - much more than humans could provide on their own. Are there also rocky deposits in the nebula? Was that the reason they selected this particular location? Or am I missing a more obvious explanation? Otherwise, just beautiful!
..... ok so I have to thank. I would assume there were many deposits of rock in the form of debris or asteroids to provide the building blocks but are no longer there. I'm thanking you because this will be added in. I failed to consider that and let the mind wander. I cant believe that with the research done, I failed to consider the law of conservation of mass and energy... you know... one of the fundamental laws of all science XD I shall fix this. Thank you so much for pointing that out. Likely the plant would anchor itself to these objects and break them down. But now, since there are none around or at least within reach, it remains dormant?
I do that *all the time* so I feel like I'm in good company now! I think it's perfectly believable that the researchers would have selected Azrael1 because it has a large water source and high carbon deposits. Perhaps they even intended to mine those deposits themselves, but Pale Horse took matters into its own tendrils and now all that remains are small, perforated chunks of silicates with all the goodies sucked out.
That is perfect! Thanks so much. Also yes, originally they did indeed choose the location for the water source, though it wasnt supposed to be so large. The carbon would be a perfect addition and cleans up the problem. Two birds, one stone. Also I'm glad I'm not the only one who makes the mistake XD
This was awesome! Love the buildup of story around it, the really interesting features of the plant, and just in general everything presented here. Really great stuff!
This is such a fascinating article. I love the mixture of story and science, and the unsettling, fleshy nature of the Pale Horse. Intrigued by the face the Safe Harbour Protocols work with it, too.
Yessss! Thanks my friend. I'm glad you enjoyed it
I can imagine that the Pale Horse project could become quite the delicacy among folks who have more money than sense; just don't eat above the recommended dose. I imagine it tastes sweet, so maybe pour some sap over your ice cream like chocolate sauce? (; Now, a plant imbued with the safe harbor protocols is a rather interesting thing. I wonder if it can be ordered to destroy itself? I wonder if someone ought to try... The safeharbor protocols are somewhat of a mystery. Tell me; as the author, do you know exactly how the protocols were implemented, and is it gonna be important for the story moving forward?
Hmmm I imagined it tasting like a sweet floral tea, almost, but with the right ice cream that sounds like an interesting expirience. They actually tried to make it destroy itself, but I't doesnt have the means of doing so. It twitched and not much else. The only protocol it responds to is "behold a pale horse." As far as how their implemented, that's tricky. Theres no technology that could do it in the modern day. At least not in the way the protocols work. Voice command is one thing, but the protocols are fundamentally woven in the programming. They cant even figure out how the protocols are represented in code. My best guess, at least when it comes to how I've written it, is it has something to do with quantum encryption. And other functions of quantum computing. However, I've intentionally left the details out. I consider old earth to be just as alien as The Others, so their tech may not always follow the same rules as humanity does. I'll reveal some details about the inner workings of the protocols, but likely not in a super impactful way. I like to think of it like a super lightweight and contextual magic system for humans.
*sees Void article by Dylon*
*immediately grabs popcorn*
*reads immensely creepy article! Doesn't regret a single moment!*
This was just an awesome article! I love the scientific approach you took here for this plant. Great idea to have it originally be created as something beneficial and to go horribly wrong. Looks like an unsetteling but very cool plant to see from space. Great article!
Oof. Sorry I missed this. Idk how I did. Just wanted to be sure to thank you for the kind words. I'm glad you enjoyed it!
OOOOOOOO this is so lovely and vibrant and IT'S A SPACE PLANT! Very cool stuff. I'm a fan of the narration, the bits of fiction, and the ship-log style as well. They combine nicely to provide an excellent picture of what the plant IS, as well as an invitation for further speculation, which is always nice to shuffle around in one's brain. <3
Ahhh! Thanks so much! I appreciate the kind words. I had quite a bit of fun here. Also thanks for the follow as well. I hope you enjoy the world too!
I love the way you've presented your article as an investigation! All the scientific details in this article are great and sounds plausible. The article itself looks very pretty and is easy to read despite having lots of text. A few notes I took while reading: " science cruisers meant to research what was considered too dangerous to explore so close to home." The use of "explore" here made me doubt whether the ships would explore something dangerous that was already existing in some far away corner of space or if they would find a far away corner of space to start doing dangerous experiments. "no wind and fauna to assist in reproduction by spreading seeds" the way you've formulated that it reads as of the tree is helping the insects reproduce by spreading their seeds rather than the other way around. The biology of your plant is very interesting, as well as how it is adapted to survive in space. And as a biologist I loved the section on genetics XD "This explains explains the problems that come from high quantities of consumption." Explains is repeated twice. " The drone raised its air," I'm guessing you mean "blade" here. "Even The cells of the plant back this up." You have a wrong capitalisation here.
Thanks for pointing out the errors. I'll be sure to correct them! Also thanks so much for the kind words. It makes me kind of proud when someone in the field gives praise! Thanks so much.
DANG COOL. Answers the questions from before quite nicely! Also, hell yeah, posting your research in the author's notes is just...nice to do.
I wanted to push what could be probable as much as I could here so I definitely wanted to do something research wise. I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much!
Oh hell yeah---this was smooooothe reading, with clenching teeth and a few shivers. LOVE IT! My favorite part is the initial setup though. The lead to the title "Pale Horse" brought all sorts of ideas to my mind---and none of them were good. Hehe. Awesome job.
Why thank you kind sir. I appreciate the high praise! I'm glad you enjoyed it.
I love just the idea of this plant. What a cool, creepy, and interesting discovery. I can only imagine what it looks like, it has a sort of bittersweet and foreboding beauty, I think. I honestly really wish there was an image, but not sure if anything would do it justice. Did they try to move the tree/ship?
oooo i agree completely. That bittersweet and foreboding beuaty is exactly what i wanted! I wish i had an image as well, but i agree, it likely wouldnt hit the mark. As far as moving the ship, sadly not. the wayfarers left rather quickly, but it is still there if others wished to view it. moving it may damage the plant or at least take quite a bit of fuel given its size. Thanks so much! i appreciate the kind words.
Hi Dylon! Your article is visually incredible. From your cover and background images and subtle glow of your texts to your font selection and overall layout, it all suits the article. I had a mildly unnerving feeling near immediately (the combination of the Pale Horse plaque and fleshy, roots) that I was happy to see pay off as I continued to read. I have some rather miniscule edits that you may want to consider but it's all ignorable: -Your opening quote would benefit from adding some line breaks between your spoken text and the other content. There are a few orphan words (e.g. body.) that could be cleaned up as well. -I personally prefer using commas to break up numbers (e.g. 4,000 Km), the "K" in "km" should be lowercase, and "The" shouldn't be capitalized in ship names. -In the analysis box, I'd separate 6g and 1L into 6 g and 1 L. -I would add the small BBcode to your note at the end of your sample box, left justify it instead of center, and expand the Archivist article link to include "Note" just from a visual perspective. Oxygen should be capitalized or changed to O2 to align with CO2 (where I'd also use the sub BBcode). -From a 'technical' perspective, the leaves should be black if they're absorbing all wavelengths of visual light but I honestly prefer the multi-colour description. -"Even The cells" shouldn't be capitalized in the very last paragraph of the article. Regardless of my suggestions, I thoroughly enjoyed your article. Keep making wonderful content!
Thanks so much! I've made those edits. Indeed it should be black but I too prefer the multicolored leaves. I'd chalk it up to being by design I think. Since so much os altered, it's likely it would be preferred to have many colors. Again. Thanks so much. I appreciate it!
A perfectly valid explanation in the world of fiction! I'm glad to hear you found my comments beneficial!
I like that people tried so eagerly to perfect the plant that they accidently made it dangerous. The ways in which it adapted to life in the void are really fascinating, and the description of its appearance sounds really beautiful. One thing that I was not expecting is that the plant responds to the Safe Harbor protocols - this adds a nice layer of mystery to it.
I'm glad you enjoyed it! Thanks so much! I was having alot of fun with this one so I'm glad it's well received.
Extremely lovely plant and article, kept me going and you know it went bad, but then you keep getting more detail and go 'well bloody hell'.
Wooot I'm glad you enjoyed it! That is definitely the effect I was going for and I'm so glad it worked out! Thanks so much.
This plant is equally scary and beautiful. Wonderful article as always!
Absolutely amazing. I love it. The plant sounds so creepy, but also so cool. I find the fact that it reacts to Safeharbor protocols particularly interesting. Great work!
Cool! And also unnerving. A great and intriguing article! This plant is like a nightmare plant, but at the same time, it would be fascinating to behold. The effects it has on humans aren't ideal, as the crew shows...But the plant sounds eerily beautiful! Great job; I can't wait to see more.
I'm glad that shined through. I really wanted that duality to be clear. Its horrifyingly beautiful. Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!