Langedier Matsumoto
"Languedier, Languedier Matsumoto?"
"Aye, that's me Lad, what can I do for you?"
"I'm told you act as a distributor for specialized import meats, here in Megamisama?"
"Aye, who wants to know?"
"Err, sorry, I'm Linnaeus Van Pelt, CI-08 Vice-undersecretary of State of Kagomei."
"I'm sorry, is this an inspection?"
"Err, no, I'm not responsible for that, just need to buy Goguryean River Sweetfish."
"Those are very dear, the Taiphoon killed so many, why would you need something so specific, and in what quantities?"
"My Miptun recently parented an Otter, and I found a recipe for Sweetfish, I thought it'd be a nice birthday present for my Miptun if I treated them both."
"Oh, you found a recipe for the rare Goguryean Fauxfish soup?"
"Yeah."
"So you'd have how many guests? I can't order them in less than a crate quantity."
"Oh, hmm let's say two crates, the otter is going to make it all disappear, no matter how much I buy, but I'm thinking of making it a dinner party for some friends."
"I'll get back to you with a price, later today, how do I reach you?"
Linni handed his comm-codes.
"Office of the Undersecretary of State for Technology of Kagomei, how may I direct your call?" "I'm trying to reach Linnaeus Van Pelt? He made an enquiry to me about some services?" "Services? Bro, you better not be importing things, there's a crackdown right now, too much attention on smugglers." That was Linni's sister Luci, also, technically, his superior now. "You think I don't know that? Who do you think maintains the bulletin board that announced that? But, well Shibue's birthday only comes once a year." "Aww, you're getting her a present?" "Well, her and Jor-Jie. She really loves that little water sausage." "Water sausage? Funny name." "Apparently, it's common for otter owners, since they're so lithe, especially in the water, brings to mind eels and other wirey creatures." "I've seen Jor-Jie, the way she rolls around, especially in the water, does bring to mind a sausage." Brrrrrrrrrrrring. "Linnaeus Van Pelt." "So, I can't get the price down below 2000 sums per crate." That was a lot, a month's rent for a nice place. "How do I get them?" "Can you pick them up at the Tavern?" "Why there?" "Because, if people think we're doing anything untowards, having this happen under the watchful eye of Abirnoth Kukulkan and any Emeritus in attendance would probably make people reconsider any rash opinions." "Oh, yeah, it's that tavern." "You've never been?" "No, why?" "Just surprised, both the Bameimeito and Lifeguard Firrson are Emeritus, you'd be an honoured guest." "What? Amarat? I had no idea he'd be in such a... place without a reputation for refinement." "Heh. The fire has a reputation for workers coming there after work, and not being made to feel unwelcome. I imagine that's a bit rarer at the state opera room." "I'll grant you we don't usually have regular people over so much." "I'll keep the fish under ice, try to come over in the next 48 hours, or they will go bad." "Thank you."
"What's that smell?" "Those fish you brought in..." "Oh, no. Please tell me you put them in the freezer?" "What, no, I put them next to the otters' fountain. I was meant to keep them frozen?" "Well, until we served them, mostly." "Oh." "You'd planned to cook them?" "For the humans, at least, Jor-Jie can have raw sweetfish if she wants." "Oh, like tonight? With guests?" "Just Amarat, Flora, Luci and Lunqui." "I messed up, those fishes aren't gonna be fit for human consumption." "Let me go take a look."
"So, what's the damage?" "The fish totally didn't go bad." "What? How is that possible?" "I forgot that cats like fish..." "Wha?" "Our..." "Your..." "Hey, hey, I'm totally for owning my owning of eight cats, but they only found the fish over something I'm not in control of..." "Ok, ok, OUR cats..." "Found ten kilos of fish, and disappeared it, with OUR otter disappearing maybe a kilo by herself. The criminals, all nine of them, are now snoring, on the floor of the fountain, all terminally cute." "What, no way, they ate ALL the fish?" "I can't find a piece larger than my thumb." "So, just how many cats disappeared how much fish?" "Eight cats and one ferret disappeared the best part of ten kilos, the four baby kittens' bellies look distended, like they ate a kilo at least each." "A whole kilo?" "They're about a kilo apiece now, growing girls." "And Jor-Jie?" "Maybe a kilo or two herself, I can't exactly count pieces from the remains." "And the adult cats?" "A kilo at least each, they all look quite content with themselves." "What?" "Ten kilos, nine pets, all of them look quite happy." "And Namei Rudiger?" "He seems to be unwilling or unable to eat fish. And they wouldn't let him have a bite anyways, he looks put upon." "What about Nameita Robyn?" "I haven't found her." "PUrrrrrrrr." "I think that's her." "Ok, we've found the Nameita, she ate a kilo and a half, just from the angle of her body, dang it." "What?" "She... Is laying on her back, with the belly sticking out." "How heavy is she, normally?" "She's easily five kilos, and she looks like she's digesting her sixth, to be quite honest." "Oh, heavens, she's that big?" "From nose to tailtip, you'd be hard-pressed to match her with an arm! She's a tall, long stringlady." I'm just under two meters tall, she's a metre long?" "She's 1.1m long, most likely, including the tail, her grandfather was longer and taller." "And her grandfather?" "Heavens, you don't know? Rembrandt, the cat that launched the lifeguards as a political force." "Oh, frak, so she's blood of heroes, to boot." "If someone intimidates her, I'm legally required by law to write down how they managed... It's rather unlikely at this point..." "Unlikely?" "She's a semi-short housepanther, what can intimidate her is... probably already classified as a threat." "Like?" "A slashbeast, an amber raptor, apex-level predators, mostly." "She looks a lot more sedate than that..." "Sure, but the Corgi knows better than to get on her nerves, really." "What, Rudiger?" "Rudiger's her brother, but also her clawcushion, he's not starting any hassles..." "What?" "Rudiger knows he ain't winning no fights." "I know he's not winning, but he's at least two kilos heavier..." "He hasn't successfully started a fight since he was adopted, he knows what his role is." "And that is?" "Furbaby." "Oh, good one, so he's the babey?" "He's very much the babey corgi." "And his sister?" "Owns the palace, and woe to anyone who underestimates her highnessness, Nameita Robyn." "Her highnessness, huh?" "You've seen her, she owns everything she surveys." "And then some, she is the mayor of the palace. I thought it was a metaphor when I started my job, but I learned better." "Oh, so we have to run palace improvements by her?" "And her legal representation, which is substantial." "Elements! I needed to get reinforced windows installed this week!" "Because there's an unusual element, her representation doesn't usually enforce prior notification clauses... I'm hopeful, for your sake, but you should do that paperwork." "Ironic." "What?" "I hear you're responsible for that kind of paperwork, all the way at state." "Some of it, the palace doesn't have our volume, and it saves costs when we use the same kind of jadeware." "Can you point me to the form then?" "Jade, instruct Shibue on how to submit palace structural modification forms." "What? Jade, please hold." "They're public, like most of the business of the government. You expected them to be secret?" "Hmm, well yeah, I expected the form contents at least, to be protected." "They are, just not the forms themselves." "Oh, and do we have to instruct Jade not to record? I don't necessarily want this going into the wrong hands, you know." "Jade, instruct-only protocol, do not record this interaction." "Jade is to instruct on how to fill form 23145b, and not to record the information to be input. Jade is waiting on permission to proceed." "Thanks, my very own jadebank expert. How'd you learn all this?" "State, I was hanging with my sister, except she's a lot more into interacting with people than I am, kept my divergence under control by reading, until about 6 years ago, where I got called into a war room, and helped catch an intruder." "Were you ever a Voice of Meihomei?" "It's complicated, by definition, even a CI-06 Assistant Auxiliary Vice-Undersecretary is technically a Voice of Meihomei, but I was never assigned to an embassy as a principal or secondary." "Why not?" "When I first got into Jadeware, my post was as a CI-03 Assistant Director, assigned to Number 3's copious internal security division." "I knew I'd seen you years ago, when you were moving up." "Yeah, we never spoke though." "Oh, I made a bad impression?" "No, you just were within the 'noise' that surrounds Meihomei, I had enough concerns and didn't want to add to them, so I wasn't going to try to widen my circle of acquaintances, which was mostly my peers at state, then and until Lai Dang..." "For six years you didn't make any friends?" "Not real ones, my peers were in a somewhat toxic competition with each other half the time. Auntie tries to stamp it out every so often, but it keeps returning. The jobs that people want for prestige or career reasons are rare, and the jobs that people have to do, to keep State functioning are numerous, but a lot of the staff wants to career out of them. They want to make a difference, not just keep it working." "Is that why you always seem to get promoted without trying?" "I'm not sure what you mean?" "I researched you a bit, when we started dating, everyone there is supposed to campaign for new posts, you never did." "I just did the job that needed doing, well enough that the next job that needed doing, more prestigious, was offered to me. And I'm guessing my lack of campaigning didn't hurt, since the ones campaigning weren't campaigning for the information security jobs, the maintenance or organisational jobs, everyone's just campaigning for ambassadorships. Since I'm not ambassador material..." "That's not true, or you wouldn't have your current job." "What?" "You're on the short list for the embassy to Brunswick." "I don't want it. Oh, no. They're sending me to Brunswick, with the kits, is that related?" "Not according to my sources, honey, but, they've been wrong before. At any rate, they can't send anyone but you with the kits, they're your kits. But they could have assigned an ambassador first, and didn't." Ding-dong. "Hey, Amarat, nice to see you bro. Flora, lovely as always." "You're turning into a real ambassador, who knew?" "What?" "Getting good with flattery." "Err, well I am going to need all the help I can get... There was a small mishap, I invited you all here for dinner..." "Yes, fauxfish soup, I've heard, but never tried, sound lovely." "Except, somehow, one otter, and nine cats decided fish was exactly what they wanted on the menu." "Nine?" "Nameita Robyn graced her granddaughter with her presence." "They ate it all?" "They didn't leave enough to make anything out of, I'm afraid." "How much did they leave?" "I think there's the equivalent of one sweetfish left." "One? But you surely ordered a dozen." "Four dozen... Well, I ordered it by the kilo, but it looked like about right for four dozen." "Those were hungry kitties." "And otter, although, let's not delude ourselves, the five adult cats outweigh the others a fair amount and likely ate more like two thirds of the fish."
"Office of the Undersecretary of State for Technology of Kagomei, how may I direct your call?" "I'm trying to reach Linnaeus Van Pelt? He made an enquiry to me about some services?" "Services? Bro, you better not be importing things, there's a crackdown right now, too much attention on smugglers." That was Linni's sister Luci, also, technically, his superior now. "You think I don't know that? Who do you think maintains the bulletin board that announced that? But, well Shibue's birthday only comes once a year." "Aww, you're getting her a present?" "Well, her and Jor-Jie. She really loves that little water sausage." "Water sausage? Funny name." "Apparently, it's common for otter owners, since they're so lithe, especially in the water, brings to mind eels and other wirey creatures." "I've seen Jor-Jie, the way she rolls around, especially in the water, does bring to mind a sausage." Brrrrrrrrrrrring. "Linnaeus Van Pelt." "So, I can't get the price down below 2000 sums per crate." That was a lot, a month's rent for a nice place. "How do I get them?" "Can you pick them up at the Tavern?" "Why there?" "Because, if people think we're doing anything untowards, having this happen under the watchful eye of Abirnoth Kukulkan and any Emeritus in attendance would probably make people reconsider any rash opinions." "Oh, yeah, it's that tavern." "You've never been?" "No, why?" "Just surprised, both the Bameimeito and Lifeguard Firrson are Emeritus, you'd be an honoured guest." "What? Amarat? I had no idea he'd be in such a... place without a reputation for refinement." "Heh. The fire has a reputation for workers coming there after work, and not being made to feel unwelcome. I imagine that's a bit rarer at the state opera room." "I'll grant you we don't usually have regular people over so much." "I'll keep the fish under ice, try to come over in the next 48 hours, or they will go bad." "Thank you."
"What's that smell?" "Those fish you brought in..." "Oh, no. Please tell me you put them in the freezer?" "What, no, I put them next to the otters' fountain. I was meant to keep them frozen?" "Well, until we served them, mostly." "Oh." "You'd planned to cook them?" "For the humans, at least, Jor-Jie can have raw sweetfish if she wants." "Oh, like tonight? With guests?" "Just Amarat, Flora, Luci and Lunqui." "I messed up, those fishes aren't gonna be fit for human consumption." "Let me go take a look."
"So, what's the damage?" "The fish totally didn't go bad." "What? How is that possible?" "I forgot that cats like fish..." "Wha?" "Our..." "Your..." "Hey, hey, I'm totally for owning my owning of eight cats, but they only found the fish over something I'm not in control of..." "Ok, ok, OUR cats..." "Found ten kilos of fish, and disappeared it, with OUR otter disappearing maybe a kilo by herself. The criminals, all nine of them, are now snoring, on the floor of the fountain, all terminally cute." "What, no way, they ate ALL the fish?" "I can't find a piece larger than my thumb." "So, just how many cats disappeared how much fish?" "Eight cats and one ferret disappeared the best part of ten kilos, the four baby kittens' bellies look distended, like they ate a kilo at least each." "A whole kilo?" "They're about a kilo apiece now, growing girls." "And Jor-Jie?" "Maybe a kilo or two herself, I can't exactly count pieces from the remains." "And the adult cats?" "A kilo at least each, they all look quite content with themselves." "What?" "Ten kilos, nine pets, all of them look quite happy." "And Namei Rudiger?" "He seems to be unwilling or unable to eat fish. And they wouldn't let him have a bite anyways, he looks put upon." "What about Nameita Robyn?" "I haven't found her." "PUrrrrrrrr." "I think that's her." "Ok, we've found the Nameita, she ate a kilo and a half, just from the angle of her body, dang it." "What?" "She... Is laying on her back, with the belly sticking out." "How heavy is she, normally?" "She's easily five kilos, and she looks like she's digesting her sixth, to be quite honest." "Oh, heavens, she's that big?" "From nose to tailtip, you'd be hard-pressed to match her with an arm! She's a tall, long stringlady." I'm just under two meters tall, she's a metre long?" "She's 1.1m long, most likely, including the tail, her grandfather was longer and taller." "And her grandfather?" "Heavens, you don't know? Rembrandt, the cat that launched the lifeguards as a political force." "Oh, frak, so she's blood of heroes, to boot." "If someone intimidates her, I'm legally required by law to write down how they managed... It's rather unlikely at this point..." "Unlikely?" "She's a semi-short housepanther, what can intimidate her is... probably already classified as a threat." "Like?" "A slashbeast, an amber raptor, apex-level predators, mostly." "She looks a lot more sedate than that..." "Sure, but the Corgi knows better than to get on her nerves, really." "What, Rudiger?" "Rudiger's her brother, but also her clawcushion, he's not starting any hassles..." "What?" "Rudiger knows he ain't winning no fights." "I know he's not winning, but he's at least two kilos heavier..." "He hasn't successfully started a fight since he was adopted, he knows what his role is." "And that is?" "Furbaby." "Oh, good one, so he's the babey?" "He's very much the babey corgi." "And his sister?" "Owns the palace, and woe to anyone who underestimates her highnessness, Nameita Robyn." "Her highnessness, huh?" "You've seen her, she owns everything she surveys." "And then some, she is the mayor of the palace. I thought it was a metaphor when I started my job, but I learned better." "Oh, so we have to run palace improvements by her?" "And her legal representation, which is substantial." "Elements! I needed to get reinforced windows installed this week!" "Because there's an unusual element, her representation doesn't usually enforce prior notification clauses... I'm hopeful, for your sake, but you should do that paperwork." "Ironic." "What?" "I hear you're responsible for that kind of paperwork, all the way at state." "Some of it, the palace doesn't have our volume, and it saves costs when we use the same kind of jadeware." "Can you point me to the form then?" "Jade, instruct Shibue on how to submit palace structural modification forms." "What? Jade, please hold." "They're public, like most of the business of the government. You expected them to be secret?" "Hmm, well yeah, I expected the form contents at least, to be protected." "They are, just not the forms themselves." "Oh, and do we have to instruct Jade not to record? I don't necessarily want this going into the wrong hands, you know." "Jade, instruct-only protocol, do not record this interaction." "Jade is to instruct on how to fill form 23145b, and not to record the information to be input. Jade is waiting on permission to proceed." "Thanks, my very own jadebank expert. How'd you learn all this?" "State, I was hanging with my sister, except she's a lot more into interacting with people than I am, kept my divergence under control by reading, until about 6 years ago, where I got called into a war room, and helped catch an intruder." "Were you ever a Voice of Meihomei?" "It's complicated, by definition, even a CI-06 Assistant Auxiliary Vice-Undersecretary is technically a Voice of Meihomei, but I was never assigned to an embassy as a principal or secondary." "Why not?" "When I first got into Jadeware, my post was as a CI-03 Assistant Director, assigned to Number 3's copious internal security division." "I knew I'd seen you years ago, when you were moving up." "Yeah, we never spoke though." "Oh, I made a bad impression?" "No, you just were within the 'noise' that surrounds Meihomei, I had enough concerns and didn't want to add to them, so I wasn't going to try to widen my circle of acquaintances, which was mostly my peers at state, then and until Lai Dang..." "For six years you didn't make any friends?" "Not real ones, my peers were in a somewhat toxic competition with each other half the time. Auntie tries to stamp it out every so often, but it keeps returning. The jobs that people want for prestige or career reasons are rare, and the jobs that people have to do, to keep State functioning are numerous, but a lot of the staff wants to career out of them. They want to make a difference, not just keep it working." "Is that why you always seem to get promoted without trying?" "I'm not sure what you mean?" "I researched you a bit, when we started dating, everyone there is supposed to campaign for new posts, you never did." "I just did the job that needed doing, well enough that the next job that needed doing, more prestigious, was offered to me. And I'm guessing my lack of campaigning didn't hurt, since the ones campaigning weren't campaigning for the information security jobs, the maintenance or organisational jobs, everyone's just campaigning for ambassadorships. Since I'm not ambassador material..." "That's not true, or you wouldn't have your current job." "What?" "You're on the short list for the embassy to Brunswick." "I don't want it. Oh, no. They're sending me to Brunswick, with the kits, is that related?" "Not according to my sources, honey, but, they've been wrong before. At any rate, they can't send anyone but you with the kits, they're your kits. But they could have assigned an ambassador first, and didn't." Ding-dong. "Hey, Amarat, nice to see you bro. Flora, lovely as always." "You're turning into a real ambassador, who knew?" "What?" "Getting good with flattery." "Err, well I am going to need all the help I can get... There was a small mishap, I invited you all here for dinner..." "Yes, fauxfish soup, I've heard, but never tried, sound lovely." "Except, somehow, one otter, and nine cats decided fish was exactly what they wanted on the menu." "Nine?" "Nameita Robyn graced her granddaughter with her presence." "They ate it all?" "They didn't leave enough to make anything out of, I'm afraid." "How much did they leave?" "I think there's the equivalent of one sweetfish left." "One? But you surely ordered a dozen." "Four dozen... Well, I ordered it by the kilo, but it looked like about right for four dozen." "Those were hungry kitties." "And otter, although, let's not delude ourselves, the five adult cats outweigh the others a fair amount and likely ate more like two thirds of the fish."
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