Cookie

Cookies are a popular snack and dessert throughout the Clarkwoods Literary Universe, and in the land of Eden in particular. Small, flat, and sweet, they are easy to carry and a staple amongst Edenian adventurers. Yes, they are prone to breakage if jostled too much, but a fistful of crumbled cookies are a far better treat than just about anything else a traveler might stuff into their knapsack.

 

All that said, in Eden care must be taken to scope out one’s surroundings before eating these cookies on the open road. Rumors persist of a clan of blue-furred dwarf yeti with strange googly eyes and an insatiable craving for this particular snack. Supposedly, there is nothing you can stay to reason with them. So: beware.

 

The Queen’s Cookies

Queen Frieda Jacobs had strong opinions a great many things, but her opinions about cookies were amongst her most fiercely held. In fact, in 264, after her unification of the seven countries of Wonderland into one United Kingdom, the monarch set down a list of cookies which were allowed to be served at state functions—and one cookie which would be henceforth be known as an “abomination.”

 

The List

  1. Chocolate chip cookies
  2. Shortbread cookies with fudge stripes
  3. Sandwich cookies of all kinds
  4. Snickerdoodles
  5. Sugar cookies
  6. Molasses cookies
  7. Peanut butter cookies
  8. Thumbprint cookies
  9. Black & white cookies
  10. Lemon crinkle cookies
 

Though other cookies could be served by special permission of the Queen, one was expected to tread carefully and to never suggest any version—however innovative—of the so-called “abomination.”

 

The Abomination

According to Queen Frieda, the oatmeal raisin cookie was an “abomination” and to bake or serve one was an affront to all that was good and holy in the world. Historians believe this was the result of oatmeal raisin cookies being served in close proximity to chocolate chip cookies—the Queen’s favorite—during her coronation. The Queen apparently picked up the wrong cookie and immediately called for the baker to be decapitated.

 

To this day, given the Queen’s future preference for shouting “Off with their head!” at anyone who offended her, no one is sure if she was joking on coronation day or if she really did expect the baker to be beheaded.

Item type
Consumable, Food / Drink
Rarity
Ubiquitous
Weight
40–100g
Dimensions
3–4.5" diameter

Comments

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Jul 29, 2024 11:00 by Dr Emily Vair-Turnbull

This got a chuckle out of me, though I do admit to occasionally enjoying an oatmeal raisin cookie. :D

Emy x
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Jul 29, 2024 13:21 by E. Christopher Clark

Hahaha, I won't tell the Queen. I promise.

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Aug 3, 2024 16:51

I imagine raisins aren't even allowed in the castle after such a blunder. Do wonder if the "abomination" has any cultural impact because of it, being seen as an insult in her kingdom to serve it to someone. Lovely article as usual!   Also a blue-furred dwarf yeti? Sounds like a monster that really likes cookies.

Aug 3, 2024 18:57 by E. Christopher Clark

I can neither confirm nor deny the identity of the blue-furred dwarf yeti. If I do, I may be hunted down by a pack of wild lawyers.

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Aug 3, 2024 21:04

I'm with you on the abomination. I also have limits on what I will tolerate in a cookie.

From The River to The Ocean, a civilization grows up. Under them both lies The Deeps.
Aug 4, 2024 13:44 by E. Christopher Clark

Ooh, do you have any other abominations you want to share?!

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Aug 4, 2024 19:00

*shudder* Coconut. I don't care for the taste, and the little bits dig themselves in between my teeth.   Walnuts. Too strongly flavored, too dense. (But I'm not against nuts in general. Pecans blend better with cookie texture. White chocolate/macadamia is on my good list.)   On the other hand, toffee is a strong flavor I love. I am at this moment enjoying a toffee pecan chocolate chunk cookie that is all the sweeter because it was on sale.

From The River to The Ocean, a civilization grows up. Under them both lies The Deeps.
Aug 5, 2024 01:10 by Chris L

I share her opinion on the oatmeal raisin cookies! And I'm glad that you're as fond of a pop culture reference as I am!


Take a look at my Institutions of Learning challenge article.

Learn about the World of Wizard's Peak and check out my award winning article about the Ghost Boy of Kirinal!

Aug 9, 2024 00:31 by E. Christopher Clark

Yes indeedy! I can't help myself!!!

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Aug 28, 2024 16:57

From the thinly veiled Cookie Monster reference to the well conceived cookie list well done. Although I kind of wish for a sidebar history with a LotR reference:   "But they were all of them deceived, for another cookie was made. Deep in the ovens of *insert place* an evil chef crafted the Abomination. One cookie to ruin them all"

Check out some of my summer camp articles, like the dangerous flying jackalope or dragon wasps. Or, for something more light-hearted, there is the whimsical language Gobbledygook and Jaden's interesting job as a guano polisher.
Aug 28, 2024 20:54 by E. Christopher Clark

Oh, that's got to happen now! I don't know why, but I'm imagining the chef is Swedish for some reason.

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