Ghost Pirate University

"Dough, we have a problem!" Drowned Dough turned from his beauteous view of Merdia, the harbor, and the ships returning to dock from a long day of pirate-vs-law sea battle re-enactments, surprised. Two-feet Janny Lastley did not usually slam the door to the balcony open and stomp to him. She preferred to sneak up and let the edge of her cutlass to speak for her instead. "They don't know how to pirate!" He blinked. "OR sail! OR raid a ship! The tourists just stand and gawk as we shoot the canons, cheer as we swing to the other ship, clap as we clash, and scream as the ships sink. We even have to carry half of them to the escape boats because they're frozen in fear! Something must be done!" The leader of the law side of touristy things, Trevel, followed in her wake, embarrassed red staining his ghostly cheeks. "She's right, Dough," he said. "We've built Merida into the ship-sinkingest city in the Evenacht, but those curious tourists who want to sail with us? They didn't sail in life, and they haven't sailed in death, and that's a problem." Janny stuck her hands on her hips, leaned forward, and squinted at her captain. "Dough," she said. "We need to train these jackajaws how to battle on the open sea!"

In this article:

GPU flag, proudly created (and fixed)
by Drowned Dough, Founder of Merdia All images by Shade Melodique
unless otherwise stated Background water by Matthias Cooper, Pexels

Beginnings

When Dough first envisioned sea battle re-enactments to entertain him and his mates, the thought of tourists taking an interest in them never occurred to him. It was a pirate thing, and he and his mates had too much fun ramming ships, shooting canons and screaming threats at one another before ending up in the drink. That anyone not a pirate wanted in on the action surprised him. Well, sort of. Trevel, once a Keel fleet lieutenant, missed the sea as much as the pirates did, and gathered enough like-minded, law-abiding ghosts to make the sea battles interesting. But regular tourists? That was a surprise. Ghosts, curious about Merida and sea battles, flooded the town. Seeing opportunity, Dough made the pirate haven into a tourist trap, and the money poured in. Pirates and lawmen still had their battles, they just had a few extra bodies along for the wave-riding. And that was the snag. Pirates and their law buddies had sailed the seas of Sensour while alive, had sailed the Evenacht after death, and knew the ins and outs of keeping a ship afloat. But the tourists? Well, they had no such luck.

When Dough goes into "Thoughtful Dough" phase, Merdia knows hiding under a table will not protect them from the upcoming shake-up.

Tourists did not know rigging, or sails, or what end of a canon to use. Sticking a sword in their hands meant instant fake death because they tended to catch the tip on everything but the enemy, and they could not hit a target standing a nose-length away with the Mitee Firearm paint pellets. Oh, sure, they still had fun, but jumping to their opponent's ship to do battle on a foreign deck ended with most of them in the water, and time wasted as they clambored back on board using the rope ladders. If they didn't sink. Funny, how many ghosts couldn't swim. Good thing they couldn't breathe, either. That gave the re-enactors time to break away from their battles and rescue them. Janny was right. Something needed to be done. Dough studied her, Trevel, the bay, the floor, stroking his beard in thought. Just when the two troublemakers thought they should leave Dough to his ruminations, he grabbed Trevel and dragged him through the door, down the stairs, and into his den of an office. He shut the door with a polite bang. Janny tiptoed past. She did not look forward to telling her crew she instigated another round of brilliant-idea-having between the two.

Dough and Trevel work hard to make certain Merdia is the best it can be. And if that means developing a ghost pirate university, so be it! Now all the ghosts complaining about boredom between battles will have something to occupy their time.

The Founding

Days passed without a peep from the founder of Merdia and his business partner. Dough's sweetie, Kjethelwyn, shrugged when concerned ghosts asked after them, and went back to chewing on her pencil as she filled out yet another order for shipbuilding wood. 40 days and 253 reams of paper later, Dough and Trevel burst out of his home office. Dough grabbed his shouting cone and made certain every corner of Merida heard the announcement of his and Trevel's 576th brilliant plan. "Mates, we have a problem!" Dough boomed. The ghostly pirates looked at the ghostly lawmen. The ghostly lawmen looked at the ghostly pirates. And they all crossed their arms and waited to hear what ludicrous idea they would have to suffer through now. "We know how to sail, how to fight, and how to sink ships!" Cheers erupted at that--the ghosts took pride in their re-enachtment prowess. "But the tourists do not! They trip over their boots, drop their knives, forget to change their eyepatch when they enter the hold. Trevel and I know how to fix that! Ghost Pirate University." Ghost what now?

"We have hundreds of years of experience in sailing, in fighting, in looting! Why not teach the tourists the trade? Not only will it make the re-enactments run smoother, they'll have sea-battle experience for their next visit." Always looking forward, that Dough. The ghostly pirates looked at the ghostly lawmen. The ghostly lawmen looked at the ghostly pirates. That...was not a bad idea. Had the sun started to shine in the lands of the dead, to commemorate Dough and Trevel actually having a brilliant plan? "Two-feet Janny Lastley said we needed to teach these jackajaws how to sail and fight, and we will!" The ghosts cheered, except for Janny, who had the suspicion she'd be roped into the instruction whether she proved to be a good teacher or not.

Commencement

Happy one of their ideas FINALLY got the accolades it deserved, Dough and Trevel hosted a huge meeting in Merdia's town square, outlining their Ghost Pirate University. The number of volunteers that offered their expertise for GPU surprised some, but not Dough and Trevel. They knew their people, and knew they'd overflow in volunteers wanting to make the re-enactments safe and entertaining. They were professionals and proud of their skills, after all. Why not share that knowledge? First order of business--they needed a campus. Since the sailors knew ships, that was what they built. They constructed a gigantic flagship building for the first-of-its-kind university. It floated at the docks, towering over all other ships, and became a not-to-miss site for new arrivals to Merida. Intro classes with Cadaverous Carl covered terminology on all things related to sea battles. Graduates of these courses could then study rigging and masts and sails on deck with Tim and Tam, learning first-hand how to tie knots and heave-ho. Those who wanted to board enemy vessels and loot holds took classes with Honey Hutches, who taught them how to jump or swing aboard another ship and break down doors looking for the choicest of prize loot. Those interested in navigation sat under the helm's gigantic skull-decorated umbrella, where they studied about rudders and compasses from Kjethelwyn, and learned how to spot sailing obstacles from Bird-eyes Donnie. Classes did not end there! Janny taught swordfighting, while Sensible Sticks showed the students how to load, shoot, and care for replicant, paint pellet firearms. Dodge taught hand-to-hand, and Modge added in knives. Canon instruction came at the hands of Boom Boom, and Scragglebeard taught the way of the taunt and how pirates and lawmen were supposed to act around one another during battles (friends they were not, he reminded them).

Not all tourists thought education-by-pirate was the best learning endeavor, especially after Boom Boom told his sad tale of miscalculating the amount of boom-powder to shove in a cannon and ended up at the Tunnel of Memories, sheepish and glum about missing his final battle. Dough waved away the complaints. If tourists wanted authentic, they would get authentic!

ship by PixelSquid360, Envato Elements

Moxie is serious about her Final. Ghosts will walk the plank and jump into the waves--or she will gather them up and cannonball with them.

Expansion

In the midst of all this learning, the teachers realized another harsh truth; not all ghosts were good at Touch. Touch was the way ghostly essences interacted with the Evenacht. Yes, ghosts could use Ether Touch and pass through walls, but they could also employ Physical Touch so they could, well, touch physical objects. To interact with anything on a ship, including the increasing numbers of living Evenacht residents who wanted sea battle adventure to spice up their dull lives, ghosts needed to use Physical Touch--and too many failed that staple of ghostly existence. The pirates and their law-abiding siblings refused to let that stand. If a ghost wanted to sail Mer Bozem, they would learn the ins and outs of Physical Touch! Gallant Moxie added Touch to her swim lessons. With the help of Bess Bedouir, Zany Zelly, and the threat of being torn apart and sent to the Final Death by Mer Bozem's waves (water and ethereal essences do not mix!), she made certain all ghostly tourists learned Physical Touch.

Adjacent interests popped up. The History of Sailing and So You Want To Be a Pirate Captain became popular classes, resplendent with lots of visual aides and pirate-vs-lawman humor. Sea shanties were a hit, and scuba diving the shipwrecks and identifying the colorful fish that swam in the wreckage appealed to both living and dead visitors. The living tourists had classes that focused on staying alive during their trip into the bay. These mandatory courses covered protective gear, rescue aid, and the ins and outs of the special, not-to-be-sunk ships they would sail on. Merdia's re-enactments were for fun, not for making more ghosts! Within a decade, Ghost Pirate University became an attraction all on its own. Tourists sat in classes even if they didn't mosey on out to the bay and have-atted at an enemy ship. Janny's sword fighting pulled in curious living and deceased swordmasters from all over the Evenacht, and the GPU Museum of Piracy became an academic draw. And that is how Merdia, the ship-sinkingest city in the Evancht, became the premiere granter of the UPBD-- Ultimate Pirate Battle Degree.