The Great Topiary Spat

The Beginning

It started simple, really. You see, Nakamura Hisako sent me seeds but didn't label what they were or leave a note why she sent them. I planted them thinking they were a gift and the blasted things quickly took over my yard, casting a curse of gloom and doom.

— Dr. Aya Ginji

My note must have gotten lost somewhere. The old fool could have simply called. But no, I find a note stuffed in an envelope with no return address stating that the recipient of the seeds cursed my name at the Akutai Festival. It took me a while to remember who I'd sent seeds to and that they were meant to be taken to the priest there to examine and exorcise if needed. Aya-sensei had the nerve to smile visciously when he greeted me at our meeting with Soujoubou. In revenge, I sent more seeds of an equally invasive plant just to see if he'd be idiot enough to plant those too.

— Nakamura Hisaka

Progression to Topiaries

by Freepik

Considering that I didn't wish to get in trouble with the authorities for dispersing weeds and that I couldn't very well rat out my trainee to the authorities or our boss, it was time to take this to the next level. I found a lab that was doing genetic testing on various poisonous plants of the world. Using my charm, I convinced one of the lab assistants to give me a sample of poison ivy, which I (while wearing gloves) wove into the most hideous pig shaped topiary.

— Dr. Aya

After I recovered, which took two-and-a-half weeks to get rid of the itching I'll have you know, I burned the plant and sent it back with a miniature orchid intermingled with poisonous mushrooms

— Nakamura

Final Evolution of the Conflict

It continues to this day, but has become more of a game to outdo each other.

Barrel Cactus by Yinan Chen

This year she had the nerve to send a poison hemlock, buttocks-shaped topiary. The delivery man doesn't even wait for me to come to the door anymore. He knows I'll try to refuse large packages from her. Though I confess to being tempted to take a picture, making it look like I was mooning her. Then I can mail it with a large barrel cactus that says 'Sit on this'.

— Dr. Aya

Work in Progress

This article will be expanded in the future.

Stub

This article will be expanded in the future.

Definition

This article stub serves as a simple definition.

Beligerents

Nakamura Hisako and Dr. Aya Ginji

Battlefield

The Japanese Postal System

The Engagement

Year long plotting, for how to top the previous year's insult.

Conflict Type

Duel

Start Date

March 14, 1960

Ending Date

Ongoing