Zoe's Journal #7 - Blood and Dreams

Day 14
Three Days... three Days I think, is all it took for things to go from bad to worse for me aboard the Escplise. I'd been barely sleeping since Claughton, and shortly after we briefly stopped at Cawton, my nightmares had been getting worse. It's gotten so bad that Morgan has practically forced me off duty until further notice, even forced me out of my Armour, the Splint Armour I spent the last of my inheritance on. I know she cares about my well-being, but how am I supposed to be able to protect my comrades, my friends, if I'm as defenceless as a kitten, a tired kitten at that? Cap'n even approved the suspension of my duties... we're all supposed to be doing our part though... What if, no... I can't think about it now.
I don't know what I was thinking at the time, but when the Eclipse stopped briefly to do some fishing, I crawled up to see the good captain, personally reporting what happened at Claughton step by step, after rounding up the rest of the away team for that incident. service to say, Saorsie wasn't happy about hearing what we did inside and underneath Khazra's manor, even less so about how I withheld certain information. I insisted it wasn't my intention, but then Perfurar of all people had to get up in my face, the zurui baka had the audacity to suggest that I might still be under Khazra's control. I swear if I didn't care for him as a friend The Skelly Boys would be having a word with him after that meeting. though I can't say I blame him for not thinking correctly, Perfurar looks like he's just as tired, if not more so, than me. How Cap'n hasn't noticed yet is beyond me, or maybe the baka is better at skullduggery than I give him credit for. At least he's not as bad as Clyde.
Speaking of Clyde, it quickly became apparent he was the main reason why we left Cawton so soon I was just about to share a drink with Nina dammit. How the two of us became friends after that small boating incident a while back is beyond me, more so that Cap'n hasn't personally thrown him overboard yet. I'd be lying if Clyde didn't have his uses... I only wished his fuse was a lot longer, and wasn't so flammable.
Just so everyone is accounted for, I heard Theron has officially become part of the crew. Not sure what triggered the decision, but another potential friend aboard this ship is a welcoming thought. The story he told me about himself earlier was rather sad, its a bit of a shame we couldn't speak more on it. Even if death or Lichdom are my two options, I want to help my friends however I can.
But this resting isn't helping. My nightmares are keeping me up late. I know I'm afraid to do this, but my only option left is to present myself to Morrigan, and hope that the trifecta isn't too disappointed in me fleeing from a losing battle. Make no mistake, Khazra will pay, but he's not my greatest concern right now. if I'm to overcome these nightmares, i need to repent, i need the help of my goddesses, even if my mindset doesn't particularly align with theirs.