Session One: The Sorcerer's Stone
General Summary
The day was like any other. The party had just spent most of the day doing a small adventure from a noble family that was borderline mundane, but paid well. As they were walking to their favorite watering hole, the Golden Lute Inn, they happened across a pop-up street performing circus. They all stand there mesmerized when out of seemingly all dark corners, popped countless magma mephits. Little flaming assholes causing absolute chaos. The stage was immediately destroyed and civilians were dying all over the place. The party, along with all other adventurers in the crowd sprang into action. A few party members ran up and started beating down these pesky flamers but found out very quickly that they explode upon death.
They then used other tactics to kill them at a distance and as they were making semi-quick work of these pests, they hear the bleat of a goat coming from above them. As they look up they see a massive fireball flying overtop of them and hitting a group of other adventurers, scorching them and leaving nothing but charred remains. The source was a goblin flying a black friggen dragon. The bleating noises originated from the black staff the goblin wielded.
Luckily enough for the very weak and squishy group, the goblin and dragon decided to spend its attention on the other adventuring party. When the pain-in-the-ass mephits were all destroyed, the goblin and dragon flew off into the sky only the teleport away. As they teleported, a green and purple gem fell from the sky into the streets. With all the hostile creatures killed, the party quickly ran away from the scene and Eudrui loots some corpses on his way to the spot where the gem landed.
The fearsome, drunk sorcerer, Hairy Pothead, picked up the gem with his bare ass hands like he gave zero fucks. It was warm to the touch and had a rune inscribed in of an unknown origins. At this time, the chaos was starting to die down and the guards were finally starting to get control of the situation. The party felt it was best to leave the area and go get a drink.
They make it to the Golden Lute Inn where their favorite barkeep, Tigerius "Tig" McFearius, greets them. Ricky, the stoner, bitch ass elf, remembers that there is an old, crazy wizard that lives in the observatory on the edge of the city. They decide to take a trip to see them. Their name is Qytoa. They make it to the observatory and Qytoa greets them at the door. The group makes it into the entry way and Ricky notices the golden gauntlet of the Order of Golden Gauntlet on display in the common room. Hairy Pothead asks Qytoa about the gem and they are able to identify that the rune is necrotic in nature and is probably connected to the bombardments of attacks they have been experiencing over the past 8 months. Qytoa tells the party that there is a scouting party trying to uncover more information about who/what is behind these attacks. They have been out in the Royal Thicket for a few weeks now and might be able to help them gather more intel. Qytoa gives them the location on their map of the scouting party's last known location and also says if they are able to uncover more information, Qytoa will induct them into the Order of the Golden Gauntlet as Watchers. They also ask for an albino bear pelt and a fully intact unicorn horn. The offer 300gp and 2,500gp for them respectfully. Ricky also asks about the location of a Staff of the Woodlands, but they are unable to come up with any more information.
As the evening is coming to a close, the party decides to make a quick provision run at the main market before turning in for the night. They gather the necessary gear and turn in for the night. Ready to leave as soon as the gates open up at 6a.
They make their way to Castlewatch and that is where shit gets fucked. Their first action was to immediately go to the local tavern and gather intel. Which they did. They met a young tabaxi barmade who greeted them with a smile and simply told them that farmer Bob on the Myleth farm was having troubles with his crops... that is when things started to go sour.
The party goes to the Myleth farm and speaks with farmer Bob. He says a group of them cockatrices have been eating all his crops. The party asks what's in it for them if they help. Bob says he has an old family heirloom and will give it to them if they can defeat them. They try to gather intel and Hairy decides to walk blindly into the woods. He eventually gets mauled by a grizzly bear and drops unconscious, but not before getting a firebolt on the bear burning its eye. The bear takes one last swing and runs away. That final swing was enough to drop Hairy's bitch ass. He eventually stabilizes himself out of pure stupidity and drinks a potion.
The party then comes up with a pretty solid plan to wait in hiding around the plots until the cockatrices in question arrive. Hairy Pothead decides to go ask for help and asks one old guy who offers him a jar filled with an explosive mixture. They plan to use that to kill as many of them as possible.
At around 3a, they start to hear noises and the cockatrices have finally arrived. They allow them to get into position but realize they are spread to far out to get an effective shot with the homemade bomb, so they start attacking them. When the combat starts, farmer Bob comes running out wearing a silver pendant of a sword and shield with a black raven on it. He goes toe to toe with the cockatrices and the party makes short work of them and no one was turned to stone!
Bob is delighted and gives Scary Brandon: the Legacy his pendant. The Amulet of the Midnight Raven. He lets them all rest in his house so they can start making their way to the scouting camp deep in the thicket.
All the elves wake up early and start doing their own thing.Eudrui decides to go the shop to acquire some arrows. He meets Riewk, a handsome and totally awesome owlfolk who runs the second hand adventurer equipment shop, the Preying Owl. He gets a few arrows but Riewk is able to convince the ranger to buy a bad ass red and silver whip for a pretty good deal... a shockingly good deal... like it was almost too good to be true... But, he thought nothing of it and left the shop happily.
Ricky and Brandon decided to scout out the Cockatrices' nest to see if they can gather any intel as to what was pushing them out of their home. Ricky is fairly stealthy, but Brandon is too God damn stupid to be stealthy. Ricky went ahead while Brandon kept making noises. They were almost made when they started hearing loud rumblings that scared the cockatrices away from their home. A few quick seconds later and they see 3 T-rex's and 6 velociraptors running into the glade that the cockatrices made their home. The T-rex's attack and devour a few flying cocks while the velociraptors pick up the scraps that were flung out of the T-rexs' mouths. Ricky immediately covers himself in as many leaves as possible while Brandon busts ass back to the town to get everyone... for what reason, I am not sure. He grabs Eudrui and wakes up Hairy and they all run to the woods. They get about 25 yards away and they can see the heads of the T-rexs through the trees. Eudrui nopes the fuck back to the edge of the woods and wonders why the hell no one followed him. Brandon and Hairy try to be quiet but Hairy cracks a stick and causes birds to fly away. This gets the attention of the T-rexs and velociraptors. One T-rex roars into the air and the velociraptors run toward Brandon and Hairy. Ricky is still safely buried in the leaves playing dead.
The two fucking idiots dive in the ground and surprisingly hide from the raptors. The raptors run past them and that gives them time to fuck things up. Brandon runs up the tree like he is a damn squirrel and Hairy decides to run behind the raptors.. at this point his actions are unclear, but he may have been trying to pretend to be one of the raptors. He fails to be stealthy again and gets the attention of 4 out of the 6 raptors. He then scurries up a tree and is beyond reach. Brandon casts a massive ball of fog to hide themselves and all seems like it has been saved. They sit there for a minute and the T-rex calls them back with a might roar as he makes his way back to where they all came from. The raptors are slowly making their way back when Hairy gets the bright fucking idea to take a pop shot at the last raptor in the pack. He also jumps out of the tree to get below the fog to do so. Like he's fucking Turok or some shit. He hits it and gets the attention of 5 out of 6. They all surround him and proceed to eat him alive. Hairy Pothead is now dead af. Brandon sees that and just chills. The cleric just sits there in the tree and watches his comrade get eating alive.. probably not a LG character.
Ricky, still playing dead in the woods, hears the commotion and tries to jump wimbly nimbly from tree to tree and get to Brandon. He gets about half way there and a branch breaks and he falls 30 feet, breaks his leg and then gets attacked by velociraptors. Brandon finally remembers he is a cleric and tries to save Ricky. He wants to cast Thunderwave to get them away from Ricky, but needs to get down there. With his knees weak and palms sweaty, Brandon slips and falls out of the tree. As he makes impact with the ground, he loses his bowels and the sheer force of his anal explosion casts Thunderwave killing all but one raptor who was severely injured. Brandon makes quick work of the straggler while Ricky is literally breathing his last breath. The cleric, who has a great track record at this point, runs up to Ricky and realizes he's dead. He quickly says a prayer to Xytix to save the only elf he has ever loved and miraculously, Ricky gasps for air. Almost like there was a merciful DM out there who didn't want to kill the entire party on the first session because of one idiot and his mistake.
Brandon grabs hold of Ricky, loots the body of Hairy Pothead, leaves his corpse there for the dinos, and the two hobble back to the village where Eudrui was sitting in the watch tower trying to see what was going on. They all go back to farmer Bob's house to stay another day and recover. Ricky has a fully broken leg, Hairy Pothead is currently dead af in the woods, and everyone else is pretty much unscathed.
Their dumbassery led them to achieve 2nd level.
Report Date
29 Aug 2022
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