Not Yesterday
I write this, going on to the end, or I guess, the middle, depending, the beginning, perhaps.
Mimi dies fighting off Baz, he kills his own grandmother, he sets off the dominos, but not the ones he thinks. Sinclair is wrong. It can be changed. Time is not permanent. It can't be. Nothing ever made sense. Zanneth can't live without paradox. Hali isn't herself without the Pompii. Krel doesn't get captured without Baz being there. Roxas dosn't infect the fey. Nothing happens without the storm.
Hali always told me I had to make sure things happened so things happened, but she got what she wanted.... I didn't. Little Chrissy, her sister, even Christos comes by a lot for a man who died so many years ago. I got a father who could never be around, and a son raised as an orphan. I got regret, and impending, ever approaching, doom. Baz is mine, and maybe he sees this as good, but that only means I failed.
Early on we ended up in Chorto. I paused time so Krel could say goodbye to his family. I watched a grown man, a Goliath, a barbarian, cry. His family... he never got to go back. He knew Omar, but, he watched what happened to him, to his eldest child. After losing all of them, a brief taste of family again before Omar was so violently killed. Pieced and quartered. We all watched it happen.
Baz did it, and he killed Christos too. He set this all up. It's crazy, I love him. He is my boy, I only ever wanted the best for him, but... living outside time means cause and effect... they don't exactly line up. Baz think's the treaty is an obstical. He sees the new gods as enemies. He sees Sinclair as his target. He sees Besar as a target.
No death, no time....
...Is it worth it?
I have dreams where he is just the cute little boy I wanted to raise. He swings swords and climbs trees and wrestles the dog. He learns at the library, he studies with the cleric. He trains with the fighters and the guards. Maybe he trains to be a wizard, maybe he makes a patron of Iris and becomes a Warlock. Maybe he doesn't falter, doesn't go the way he did.
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