Property of Parnathyn Gurd
The Great Wizard of Gurd Keep
I have made my home on a small peak North East of Aladore in the Eastern Range. This gives me the privacy I need to create my wondrous inventions without the guild trying to steal from me – or “guide” me in my efforts. I will have to spend some time here constructing my keep, but isn’t that part of the right of passage? I will know my keep, every inch, every stone, every possibility.
I have taken a break from mage handing large stones into place. My temporary shelter is serving me well enough currently. I have cleared some ground and planted a few crops, including potatoes, beans and oats. Next time I travel over to Surnhome I should buy a few chickens. And a rooster. You know, because… never mind.
The base of my keep is complete and I am now installing columns to support my home. This lower layer I will finish off later with some manner of trap. Visitors are unwelcome. Yes, unwelcome indeed.
Perhaps I shall invent a self plowing plow. It has proven difficult to cultivate this land, and I don’t want to drag an ox all the way here from Surnhome. My chickens are doing well though. Why do they keep eating rocks? Strange things. Fresh eggs are a welcome addition to my food stuffs.
And winter is here, and me still in my temporary shelter. I gave up and moved into the lower floor temporarily. At least now I have stone over my head. How would a self plowing plow work? What magics would it involve? I should have something ready for spring.
A wolf ate half of my chickens before I was able to hunt it down. Fireball was a little oversized correct, but such is the way of revenge. Perhaps I should consider some kind of animated servant to guard my property. Yes. Something terrifying and strong. There are goblins not too far away. Hmm… guard or plow? Perhaps the guard first. Oh but what if spring comes and I have to plow my fields with a shovel... again? Crap. Both? And I’m still building the keep. No rest for the brilliant.
The plow is complete. Well, it works. Refinements are definitely needed. Damn this thing is hard to steer. Perhaps a steering mechanism? Oh... multiple movement spells, increasing the left will make it turn right. Yes. Oh this is going to be awesome.
Goblin raid today. A little fire ball here. A little fire ball there. Luckily they are not stealthy animals. I think they will avoid my mountain for some time.
Traveling to and from Surnhome is boring and long. This takes way too much time away from my experiments and building efforts. Note to self: add a teleportation device to my list of possible awesome inventions.
I took a chance. I left my unfinished abode and traveled South back to Aladore. What a dump. Everyone living on top of each other. The guild hall was mostly asleep when I arrived. My rooster has been waking me at dawn, and I have been getting so much done. These lazy bastards can’t get up before noon. ‘We must stay and watch for the portense in the stars’ – right – more like you need to stay up and drink wine. I must make a pilgrimage to Felstad someday. True magic there. Anyway – I found what I was looking for in the library. Animated Armor – the complete guide. YES. The recipe is quite extensive. I will have to work on this. Perhaps I can improve their crude attempts? We shall see. Yes, we shall see.
The improved self plowing plow works wonderful. Spring is here and I have plowed my fields in just a few days. I have planted much more and should be comfortable. I also brought a few more chickens up from Aladore. Funny – It humors me to think of Aladore as ‘below’ me.
Fail fail fail. I drug that stupid plow all the way to Surnhome and showed those dull witted farmers what you could do with it. They were afraid of it. And then once I finally managed to get someone to try it, they found it easy to use. I was elated. And then I told them I could make them all one for 600 gold each. They looked at me as if I had a blue head. They laughed. They LAUGHED! ‘Why buy this magic thing when I can get an ox for 25 silver stars?’ They all walked away. Leaving me with my greatest work. Alone in the field. I managed to drag it all the way back to my keep. I was NOT going to leave it with them. And I can use it well enough. Who needs a damn flee infested ox?
The long trip reminded me about the idea to work on a teleportation device. Note to self, add a star to that entry. Done.
I finally have all the ingredients to animate a suit of armor. Hell, I don’t have a suit of armor! Crap. Now I will have to procure one. Or.. more than one? Where do you get a suit of armor? I could kill a few people wearing it? Fireball! Hmm… will ponder.
Finally the keep is complete. A trap room, living space, and workspace. Now I feel like a true wizard. I have been just wandering through the keep for a few days, enjoying my own small world. I have so many ideas.
As I wait for opportunities to “procure” armor, I have started work on my next greatest project. Teleportation! The trick seems to be defining a location anchor, I will have to ask the dwarves over at Wind Echo Cave to carve me some anchors… well, stone pillars. The mass seems to be important.
Killing men in armor isn’t as hard as you might think. Dragging a set of armor back to the keep … now that is the hard part. I have enough bits and pieces of armor now to work on this.
Well that is that! One full set of animated armor patrolling the lower level of my keep. Will sleep well tonight.
I have a working prototype teleportation circle. The dwarves did a great job on the pillars – they actually made them look like dragons. Something about Dragon Statant – whoever invented Heraldry should be fireballed. Nuf said. The mass of the anchor required was much larger than expected, so I had to use all twelve Dragons to make it work. Now I can instantly recall myself to my wonderful keep any time I want… as long as I have the key with me.
I’m not sure I want to share this invention with the world. Some things are best kept secret to myself. This ability is amazing, but would be less so if everyone could do this. Also, it is not as marketable because you can only teleport into the circle, greatly limiting the functionality.
What to work on next? Improving the life of the local farmers definitely didn’t work. I still have my plow, works great. Perhaps a cart that doesn’t need horses? Stupid idea – horses are only slightly more expensive than oxen.
While working on other things, I’ve started carving puzzle boxes. I think I’ll keep one with me at all times. Keep my key to the circle in it? Yes, great idea. Secure, and only I know how to open it. Great idea!
Starting to “collect” more armor pieces. This is actually fun. Each one is like a puzzle I get to mix and match and put together, then animate. But I don’t want them all to animate all the time. What a hassle to command them all just to get out of my own keep and pick some onions or get today’s eggs. I think I will create a magical device that activates them as needed. If someone enters the lower floor of my keep without a specific key – BAM – they come to life and turn them into little bits of pig food. I should get a few pigs. Bacon. Oh – and I may get more armor this way too. I am brilliant. And I can keep this new key in my box as well.
I have asked the dwarves to build me a dozen sets of full plate armor. No more kidding around. Ha. Hahaha. I’m going to use those in my trap. Imagine being some schlop adventurer and having to deal with so many identical knights. I almost want to entice a few to come and see how it works. Hmmm… that could work.
While at Surnhome yesterday I happened to see an odd device for sale. Some adventurer had sold it to the merchant for a few gold. It’s obviously some kind of wand. They guy didn’t know what it was, so I was able to get it for a few gold. Nice. And getting home was easy this time.
That damn wand. What does it do? Does it do anything? I’ve tried to attune with it for weeks. It just keeps alluding me. The build quality is rare, almost like it was made of some kind of otherworldly monster flesh. I like it. There is power there within, I’ve proven that a few times. It is magic.
What if that wand isn’t a wand? What if it is a tool? Something that doesn’t require attunement? Hmm… how would it work?
And presto! I found a way to activate the wand. It glows and thrums with power in my hand. Amazing.
Or not. What a devilish bit of magic. What the blazing donkey crap does it do?
The dwarves have delivered my dozen sets of armor. It will take me months to perform all the incantations and animate them all. This will be so awesome though. The dwarves said they have made a treaty with the guild – apparently there was some kind of magic vent found in their mine. I must go visit when I have time. And when I have something to prove my greatness. Not some kind of plow; or something I must keep to myself – something truly amazing.
And then it happened! Solved! I was just wondering around my keep trying to use that damn wand to perform various tasks – and then I tried to light a candle with it. I’ve actually tried that before. But this time it was very dark. And out of the corner of my eye – a scroll I had laying open on my bench began to glow! The wand activated some kind of hidden runes on the scroll! Amazing!
So now I have used the wand on every written object I have. Tombs, scrolls, papers, notes… everything. I have found three objects that had hidden runes. It appears that some great runecrafter has used this method to send secret messages. A spy? Hmm… interesting. One of the messages I cannot read yet – it is in some kind of code. Another is description of a phylactery – a great golem. Wow, now that is a cool idea. Place your soul in a great steel golem. Who in their right mind would attempt to destroy such a construct? The last is a recipe, “Cold Cream Custard”. Whatever that is.
I can’t sleep. What is cold cream custard? The ingredients sound good. Milk, cream, eggs, essence of vaneeya, extract of Kowcka bean, reduction of sweet beet. Hmm… I think the local farmers grow sweet beets. I’ll have to find a cow.
Vaneeya is actually some kind of rare flower seed pod. This is going to take time.
I have finally broken the code on that first secret message. I believe whoever was using this communication method was sending notes about Xantorous, the arch mage of Necromancy at Felstad. Why would anyone do that? Strange.
For future reference, Kowcka beans are the most bitter nasty thing I have ever eaten. Why in the world would you put them in food?
Addendum: I have developed a taste for the bitter Kowcka bean. Amazing. It makes me feel alive, and the bitter essence actually has a richness to it. I must make this cold cream custard.
My army is complete. I have stationed them all in my trap room below me. I am now perfecting my activation system. I feel alive. I have a wondrous keep, several ongoing projects, magic abounds, I am truly a great wizard.
The first snows finally fell today. This is the seventh winter here in my keep. And with the snow I have the last ingredient needed for the cold cream custard – ice. I must carefully measure out every ingredient and build my first batch.
Food of the gods! This is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted. So rich, so creamy, so wondrous! Hmmm… I think this has value. Perhaps to the dwarves? Farmers cannot afford self plowing plows – but the dwarves are rich! They could afford this ice custard – and once you have tasted it – you will want more! And if they buy it – perhaps the stuffy rich of Aladore will buy it as well?
Crap on a donkey hoof. What happens after I make it? Well.. I eat it. Note to self, must figure out how to use mending to increase the size of my robes. But how do I get it to the dwarves? It will melt. Or do I only sell it during the winter? And they would need special storage areas just to preserve the ice milk custard. I’m also trying out new names. I’m not sure who wrote the recipe down ages ago – but just in case I will have to come up with my own name for the food stuff.
Magic! Of course! I can do this.
I have made my first ‘ever frozen’ magic keg. This will hold about five gallons of iced cream. Yes! That is it! Iced Cream. This has also greatly improved my ability to produce Iced Cream.
I have cultivated vaneeya flowers in my living area. They smell so wonderful themselves. A little boost of magic and they are growing up the side of my wall. And I have three Kowcka trees in my garden.
OK – that went over much better than expected. No laughter in site. Just those dwarves eating iced cream. I “gifted” them a keg. Then I absently mentioned that it was very difficult to produce – and that each future keg would cost 300 gold pieces. They didn’t even blink. They ordered a dozen on the spot.
Now that I have something worth protecting, I am going to test my trap room. All the pieces work, but I never tested the whole. I have my key with me – in my latest puzzle box. I’ll go down tomorrow after breakfast and activate the trap… make sure it works as expected. My kingdom is great. I am the greatest wizard in the realm!
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