Role Models

I wish someone asked me what I wanted to do with my life when I was younger. I don't mean that someone walks up to me, puts a hand on my shoulder, looks me dead in the eyes, and asks," Ode, what do you want to do with your life?" I don't take well to someone putting their hands on me.
I mean the casual way. The buddy-buddy way. Like when you're having a moment with your friends, the type of moment that makes you laugh at first but then have you coughing up your grog because your buddy just told you the story of how someone's on his dad's crew had a romp with a fish. It's not the first time he's told you, but it keeps getting funnier every time he tells it. I wished I would've been asked like that by someone. I hoped it would've been Maggie, but you can't ask the dead questions. Least I don't think. I've got no clue what in the Nine Hells is going on with death anymore. What will happen when I die? Will he let me die?
Capra?
You can act like I'm not talking or that you can't hear me over the drum of your hooves against my skull, but I know you can. What's the plan now, huh? You almost get me crushed by Ares and now it's onto the next death wish? You understand how bad that is right? You haven't let me sleep in days and we just keep going. Just running through trees, jumping rivers, knocking down everything, and it doesn't stop. I need some rest. I need some time to process... Everything.
You killed Maggie. You beat my sister into a bloody puddle of bones. What were you thinking? She meant everything to me, you knew she meant everything to me, and she was my ONLY family left! I've done everything you've ever asked of me. I found Ares, I found the resonator, and I've carried you because I had hope that I could help you, that I could bring you back the way you were, the way I see you every day. The strong guy, the unstoppable force for the little guys in the world. You make people feel renewed in what they do, you give them purpose. You gave me a purpose.
That doesn't matter to you though, huh? It doesn't matter that I am dedicated to you, that I worship you, that I care about you, that even though you have MADE me kill the people I've loved and are driving me to the edge I STILL want to help you. I still want to do everything in my power to bring you back to the way you were, the way I know you can be underneath all that destructive power. I didn't just change my entire life, my philosophy, and my entire morality because I thought you were cool. I believe in you!
Ever since I got your book, I have done everything I thought would make you happy and I was glad that it made me happy too. I inspired people, I made some positive changes in one of the shittiest places in Arhor'ha, and I MADE IT MY HOME! People on the streets would buy me beers, kids would run up to me and ask for some advice, I bought out slaves from the masters and pushed them to follow their goals! In that city of opportunity, I made it a point to give everyone a chance, but now look at me! I could kill anyone by accident, I'm irritated, I'm angry, and it's all coming from you trying to break me down! I'm losing my mind here and I'm tired! I am I not enough for you? Am I not a good champion? I know you didn't choose me, but I'm trying my best here I can't...
What am I saying? I won't stop. I know I won't stop. We're too similar for either of us to stop. I hear your thoughts sometimes you know? I see things the way you do. The cleansing, the apocalypse, and Ares at the head of it all. I don't like it. I keep thinking that it will all be good if everyone had a choice and could be relieved of their struggles painlessly and quick, but I know it's wrong. You're twisting me wrong. We may share the same drive, but we can't be alike. No matter how much you wear me down or growl at me to keep going, I'm not backing down. I can't share your family. You're using everything I want, need, or don't have against me and it's WRONG! This isn't you. You don't manipulate people. You don't destroy. You build things, you protect people, and yeah I know I haven't seen what you're like in the past but I can FEEL IT! That's why I won't know who you were so badly. I want to bring that old you back. I will bring him back. The REAL you. My teacher, my friend. Even if I can't bring back the old you, whatever I do is going to be better than how you are now. I accept how you are but that doesn't mean I'm happy about it. I'm still trying to help you. I'm still dedicated to you even if you don't give a shit about me. I guess it's funny in a messed up way.
With the Pirate King gone from Freeport I always thought he did it on purpose. I mean, if you're trying to make a city where anyone can do anything as long as they seize the moment, what's a better opportunity than being a god? To have the fear and respect of an entire city at your back, to have fleets of ships ready to sail at a flick of your wrist, and having a whole ocean to explore. I know I don't want to be Pirate King, but sometimes it's not about wanting it. It's just about being able to have the chance. It's nice to think that I have a chance.