Safe Travels

A campire burns in a small cave, providing a small amount of illumination as six bodies rest, a small respite from the chaos that preceded them. A pair of ice blue eyes once filled with determination and pride stare at the fire, now empty. Alexa blinks slowly, mulling over her next thoughts. An act she used to relish, planning where to go and what to do, but that was when she trusted herself. She pulls something small out of her pocket, it glows lightly, the soul of her family. "I'm failing, Ford. I should have just run in there, book blazing, and saved Luna. That's what you would have done, but then again, you were good. I don't think I can say that about myself anymore." Alexa's hand clenches, attempting to regain the resolve she once had. Flashes of Luna's face appear in her mind. The brief moments when she's seen her now warp into pained expressions. "I know I told you I would be both of us for Syn, but how can I do that when I can't even be one of us?" Her eyes remained fixed on the flames, one tear falling down her cheek, the only sign of emotion showing on her face.
Black hair brushes across her cheek from a soft wind as she stands at the entrance of the cave, looking out through the forest as the very last rays of sun trickle through the foliage. There is a familiar yet strange feeling that courses through her soul. It had sparked when they flew away and the gate had cracked open, leaving the party to imagine the chaos brewing across Arhor’ha, now seemingly doubled? Tripled? Quadrupled?
Am I the cause of this?
There is another strange feeling that sits in her soul, it aches like a stab wound and fades out through her chest. Red eyes flicker to the side of her, turning slightly to catch the Candle resting by the small campfire. To see her clutch the soul orb of Ford, only strikes her harder in the chest and forces her to leave the troubles out there, and tailor her attention to the troubles in here.
And this? Her hand leaves the rocky ledge of the cave wall, shifting on her boots to walk over to Alexa. She stands looking down at her for a moment before leaning down and running the side of her index finger across her friends cheek before taking a seat close beside her. “I upset you, and Solus.” Syn speaks quietly between the small space they share as her eyes join Alexa’s and watch the flames flicker up from the campfire. “I am sorry. My brain was…elsewhere in the moment. Though I suppose it doesn’t matter now, does it? The shit show has truly begun and maybe if I…” Her knees fold up to her chest, arms wrapping around them. “maybe If I had listened to you, things would have been different. You… don’t think what we did was right, we left her there, I know. But in that moment, I was worried about the lives of you all.” She lets out a heavy sigh of frustration. “I don’t know what I can do to take the hurt away from you, or the doubt away from you. But you are and always will be the better person of this group. I am just an idiot doing idiot things that continue to hurt people. So your anger is justified. I want you to hate me right now. I should have gone in there, we should have gone in there for Luna.”
Alexa listens to Syn, the words seem to not process fully. She turns her head to Syn slowly, "I don't hate you, and I'm not mad." The words coming out in an emotionless monotone. "You say I'm the better person, but look around, it doesn't take much to be better. What does being better really do? The world is changing, and our party is changing with it." Her body starts to slump "I used to be so sure... So strong as to think if I looked at the data, and saw the bigger picture, I could do whatever was necessary to help the world. But now? We are in the middle of everything, I'm watching men die who are just trying to do their job, and willfully traveling with the Devil who will steal their souls. I want so much to see the bigger picture, find some data that we're doing the right thing. All I see is death and greed."
Syn catches the gaze of Alexa, turning to meet eyes for a moment. “Well, I don’t think being a good person is easy, nor do I think everything someone does in order to be ‘good’ is…justified by the eyes of other people. As you know, have heard, have seen, the world is not rainbows and sunshine. Your data… only gets you so far. There are things out there that can’t be determined on data. How can you figure those things out when it’s never happened? Where would I have pulled data to choose to…” Her voice lowers. “To kill Solus?” She pauses, another strike of pain in her chest. “Was that justified enough? Did I make the right choice then? Was I a better person for wanting to end her pain? A puppet? A fool? An evil person for murdering someone? People will die Alexa, I’m not going to sit here and tell you that the paths we stumble down won’t be casted in a darkness. But I refuse to feel remorse for someone that raises a sword to me if it means saving the ground I walk on.”
Her red eyes return to the flickering flames of the campfire. “I know this is heavy, I know it’s driving you insane and has been for awhile. But if the bigger picture is what your are seeking, is the idea that we are trying to not let this shitty world crumble to nothingness not enough?”
"But are we really doing that? We decided to give Ozy a second chance, Paulo's killer, because everyone deserves a chance to be good. Do you remember what was the one thing that snapped him out of it? That really made him start listening to you? Luna. For a minute I had hope, it felt right, we save them both. It might not be killing Jacob, but it's at least us fighting for what's right. But what do we do instead? We run. We leave family behind because a man consumed by the notion of being Paulo read a book." She takes a deep breath, trying to hold back the emotions she can feel inside. "I would fight to the ends of the earth to protect you and help you, I've come close to death more times than I can count so you would be safe, because that's what you do for family, you do whatever it takes to make sure they're safe. Can you really tell me that Luna is safe? Or that you can convince everyone else to really focus on saving her?" She shuffles her feet, words and feelings buzzing through her head. "Don't be ridiculous, we have no voice. Sure, they'll humor us by letting us state our opinion, but ultimately all you are is a killing machine, and all I was was the smart one, but I'm not even that anymore."
Her words strike deep, enough for Syn to clench her teeth and her arms grip tighter around her knees. Her head snaps to the side to look at her. “Why are you knocking me down?” She says abruptly through gritting teeth. “I get it, I fucked up. But if you felt that strongly, you could have spoken up. I mean SPOKEN UP.” She shouts and her voice carries through the cave. If you are so upset that we ‘ran’ then why did you? Why are you pointing fingers at the party for making their own choices, but not at the ones you made yourself as well?”
“Would you rather have had us all run in, possibly killed in a moment of Arhor’ha where we are dead, gone, in a void for eternity? No place for your soul to end up? Yeah, whatever it takes. In my mind, that meant pushing through the fucking fact we left Luna back there because I thought It would have been a better choice in the long run. But like you, I don’t have the fucking ‘data’ to determine what was or is the better choice. Though I guess since I am a god damn killing machine, I should have just ran in. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.” Rage overtakes her and she pushes up off the ground, hurling her backpack against the cavern wall. “FUCK!”
She turns to look down at Alexa. “What does that even mean? ‘I was the smart one’. Was? Because we ran into a hiccup of our plans, our intentions, you are just going to sit there?” She leans down and grabs her by the collar of her robe, pulling her up to her feet with strength and force. “Stop doubting yourself, stop belittling yourself. You are ALEXA STONE.” She shouts, sneering into her face with anger. “You have made it this far, you have helped people, you have saved people, it will not be easy, this is not easy, but you can’t just give up, you can’t just push your feelings and thoughts aside. SAY IT. FUCKING SAY WHAT IT IS YOU FEEL.”
Alexa stands up, her body appearing strained. She wants to yell, to run, to get away from the screaming of her friend. What comes out instead is a calm voice, a broken voice. "I spoke up, I stood up for what I believed in, what I thought Ford would do. But I'm walking in a world with no center. How much do you speak up when no one listens? When you realize that your moral compass is just a gnat in their ear?" Her chest falls, the pride that was once there holding it up strong gone. "I just want to feel like I'm doing good for once. Even for a moment. I just want to feel. Something showing that people are more than just the possessions on their body, that if I give a frightened man fighting for his life my word, it'll actually mean something. I fought, I spoke up, but my voice is tired. I look at the pain on Solus' face, and can't really believe that we're doing good. You know where we're going, the possibilities that are open to us once we get there. I'm just struggling to believe that once we're there that people won't get drawn in by temptation and that we'll actually do good."
Being roused from sleep by the party's frustrated Syn, Rolf slowly sits up. Takes a sip of water, swishes it around, and swallows. The cave, even still with the fire embers burning, has gained a chill. As Syns anger rises, the chill in the air is sapped in an instant. Warmth flows over Rolfs exposed skin providing a needed comfort in a difficult time. A small positive.
Taking a survey of the rest of the party it seems like Captios might be awake. The conversation must have roused him as well. Surprisingly, well unsurprisingly, Gig is sitting in the corner conjuring door maze after door maze. Crushing, reforming, adjusting. His focus into this death trap is admirable. May god help the poor soul who ends up in that situation.
Rolf slowly stands up, stretches his arms out, twists his back, and slowly walks toward Syn and Alexa.
"I know you probably don't want to hear anything from me Alexa..." Rolf let's out a sigh and that fact. "But we made a promise to get Luna. I keep my promises." Rolf reaches into his pocket and starts digging around. Bow string; no. Lint; tosses it on the fire giving off a crackle. Finally pulling out a single gold coin.
Rolf flicks the coin to Alexa. "This is your coin. Proof that you were able to defy the odds and come back from Avernus. A deed and offering deemed worthy of an Immortal Dragon. I think we did the best thing we could with the information and time we had. If I could go back knowing what I know now I'd have done some things differently. But we are alive; and that means we have hope to push on and fight harder. Correct our mistakes. Make things right and learn and live." A wave of sleepiness sweeps over Rolf. "I'm sure you guys won't get much sleep tonight. If you guys get tired and need someone for watch; feel free to wake me for the next shift.
Rolf slowly starts shuffling away from the fire groggy. Goes back to his spot. And collapses into it falling into slumber once more.
Fuck! Syn’s words wake Captios up from his subconscious dreaming. For one of the first times in his life, he has been dreaming about something other than his mom. He’s been dreaming about this group, replaying the events of the last day in his head. His mind has fixated on that last moment when the door of Jacob’s HQ blew off. With Syn and Ozy feeling that greater bloodlust, it can only mean that Reth is back.
I was the smart one… Your moral compass is just a gnat in their ear. Those words hit Captios a one of the little stones that the older kids would throw at him back when he lived alone in lower Crystallis. We are just a “they”. We are not their family. For all this time Captios viewed Alexa and Syn as his family with all the shit they had been through. Could he even trust they felt the same way? Was it a them versus the world and he was just a tag along? Wouldn’t be different than the rest of his fucking life.
“Why does this suck so much?” Captios opens his eyes but doesn’t move yet. Rolf says his piece but Captios is still focused on Alexa’s words. “Everything I did back in Jacob’s cavern was for you guys, all of you… all of us. Is it just me, or does it feel like I’m not yet family. I guess I haven’t had one in a long time, and I just naturally latched onto you guys. I don’t know, I guess I thought you felt the same way about me. Maybe I was wrong?” --- “His head swivels to face the three “Thatchers”. “Maybe that’s a fucked up way to feel. I don’t know. You guys already know I’m not good at feelings and people and all that nonsense. But I feel shitty now. I feel shitty that you feel shitty, Alexa. I feel shitty that Solus feels shitty. I wanted to protect you, and us. I did what I thought Alexa would do. Turns out my brain doesn’t work that way. It’s all algorithms up here, pattern matching. I don’t feel like you do Alexa, and for that reason, it turns out I’m not you. And that’s why, your moral compass is exactly what we all need more of.”
“The bottom line is guys, I see you as family. I don’t plan on abandoning any of you. If you say right now, let’s go back to get Luna, I’d do it because I’d want to help. If that’s what we want to do, tell me now and I’m in. In terms of Solus…” Captios looks to make sure it feels like she’s still sleeping. “…she is the kindest person I’ve ever met, which to be fair isn’t too high a bar, but if my actions have hurt her in any way, tell me, and I’ll make it right. I just can’t really tell given, you know…” he points at his head, “…I don’t work like that.”
Solus is, in fact, not sleeping. At this point it doesn't seem like anyone is. Though she is doing her best to pretend. Play the part of someone sleeping. A charade which isn't lasting much longer. The wavy hair gives it away. Solus isn't sleeping at all. She attempts to lay there and sleep through this. Ozy seems to have no problem with it. Ozy seems to have no problem sleeping through an emotional breakdown. Its all she can think about. This is what is 'acceptable'? This is what we value? It becomes a ringing in her head. Louder. Be quiet. Be good. Do the right thing. Louder. Be quiet. Be good. Do the right thing.
What would Paulo do?
She opens her eyes.
"Why," she says at first. Too faint to be heard over the fighting. Solus sees Rolf has already thrown his spear and returned to slumber. "Why can't you listen," she yells. A voice of sugar cracked with ruby-red frustration as she puts a single small hand on the ground and pushes herself up with obscene amount of silver hair around her.
"This," Solus stands up, all five foot nothing of her, "isn't about your insecurities!" She glares daggers at Captios as she walks over. "It isn't," she looks to Syn, "about being the strongest, the loudest, voice in the room." She heads over to Alexa one step at a time, not giving Rolf the same directed look because right now she can't even look at him, "Its not about convincing someone your idea has more value than another's and dismissing anything less." --- She isn't strong. A strong wind looks like it could carry Solus away into the sky. If it wasn't for her magical hair, she would barely be noticable. Which is exactly what she has been all this time. In the background. Quiet. But she defends the people she cares about. She never thought it would be against her friends, like Nevelle Longbottom had to. Solus stands inbetween Alexa and everyone else, "She was talking to herself. She was talking to an inanimate object because it was the only thing that wouldn't silence her voice. And still," she's starts tearing up just thinking about it, "still you are trying to force your issues? Again. And Again. And again. With Nuru before and Luna now. Again and again. Until she is too weak to speak up. Again and again." She looks at Syn now, "Of course you Broke her!"
If anyone knows how that feels, it is Solus.
There is this look in her eyes, Solus now, turning to Alexa and putting her arms around her. "We'll sneak out. While they sleep. And start over. Ok?" she isn't hiding what she is saying, but she also isn't yelling it now. "Just. Don't give up your voice," she says as she rests her head on the blonde's shoulders, "its not too late and you are not alone, Alexa Stone-Thatcher."
Her hands curl into fists at her sides as the soft spoken tiefling now at the side of Alexa speaks out about leaving, leaving with Alexa, and leaving the party behind. Her fists close tighter, nails pressing sharply into the palms of her own hands, desperately trying to focus the pain somewhere else, anywhere else.
“Leave?” She lets out a shaking reply. “You just want to leave? After all this? After everything?” Her eyes dart to Alexa then back to Solus. “I made my apology, I realized my faults and I admit to them, to this. That is still not enough? For either of you?” Her eyes look back to Alexa.
“We have been together for years. We have gone through hell and back together…LITERALLY.” She fists uncurl and she throws her hands out, leaving red marks across her palms. “I have tried this entire time to take what you say to heart. It’s why I am here with you now. If I didn’t care, I would have fucked off and burnt Freeport to the ground years ago. I wouldn’t have second guessed letting the mage run off back there at the gate. I wouldn’t have offered mercy killing those poor souls stuck to that wall in that plant asshole or whatever it was. I have been TRYING to find remorse and be a better person like you Alexa, I have been trying… I am not purposely ignoring you, I am just BAD at understanding people. If I could go back and change the past, I would. If I could go back and hear you then like I do now, I would because its heartbreaking knowing you can’t talk to me. ” -- She steps forward slightly, looking Solus dead in the eyes. “And I mean that little to you? This mistake is enough for you to leave as well? I feel like all I’ve done was crawl through this world to get you back.” She hisses out with anger. “I fought my way through Avernus to get back to you, to find a god damn solution. I’ve sold my soul, thrown it away, just so I could give you a second life. It feels like a million miles and a billion punches I have taken just to see your face again. I thought all this time you were ‘stuck’ in some tragic place. The truth is, you were comfy cozy with Paulo. You didn’t even WANT to come back did you?”
She steps back again. “Sorry.” Her head lowering and the black hair of her bangs casting a shadow across her face from the fire light. “Sorry that I keep ruining lives, over and over again. I keep thinking there is some way to fix it all, and really it just keeps getting worse. I get it. So leave. If that’s what you need to do, then leave….” Her head lowers even more, hiding her face behind black hair.
"Are you done?" Solus says sharply as she turns around. The night air itself seems thick. Tense. Hair that flicks about her like an angry cat. "Are you done making this about YOU, Syn?" she stabs back, face wet with tears. "Are you done turning someone grasping for air into someone being horrible for not forgiving you for suffocating them?" Her fist is also clenched now. "For wanting some space?"
She points her finger sharply at the other tiefling, "From having take everything you do to hurt others into a pity party about how you tried and failed?" Solus is breathing heavy, "From having you speak so RECKLESS and so PAINFUL that they have the hope taken from them?" A hand gestures to the sky, "What choice do you give us, Syn? Tell me? You want us to sit here and continue to listen to how we are horrible for feeling powerless against the way you treat us? Repeatedly? Your inability to listen and only attack others, even with your words?"
"Do I mean that little to you?" Solus says in indignation, "I CAME BACK for you! I survived. For you. In PIECES. I risked erasure to come back, not even sure if you'd recognize what I've become. But I never. NEVER threw that in your face like you just did to me." The hair begins to raise up, framing around Solus' small frame like a sea creature. Slowly it gives form to two majestic white wings of hair around her that glow a faint radiance about them. --- "Because you just care about how THIS effects YOU, Syn," Solus says as she resigns to close her eyes, "no where in your self loathing did you even consider that I wasn't afraid that leaving means we would mean we never see each other again. That we didn't care about you. That we were doing this for us, not for you." Her eyes open back up, "But you crossed a line with Paulo," she says with a righteous zeal, "you would be worse than Ozy if not for him. I would be lost into the void of the abyss if not for him. And we both WANTED to do that. But no," Solus exhales, "you need to paint us as monsters. We are traveling with Paulo's killer and we need to be the monsters. Because thats how you see yourself, a monster."
"And no one has the power to fix that but yourself," Solus states, "So we are leaving. If you listened well, you'll know how to get ahold of us while we find a way to solve the problem that doesnt involve traveling with a mass murderer."
“Suffocating!?” She sneers at Solus. “Space!? Listening!? And when I don’t say anything that also becomes a problem. Be you, don’t be you, should have done this, should have done that, lets do this, lets do that. Do your thing Syn, don’t do your thing. I’ve never felt so god damn frustrated. What the hell is it that you want from me?” Her voice is shaky and pained, and her eyes trail to catch the faint glow of radiance around Solus.
“You’re right, I don’t have a fucking clue what you are. You haven’t told me.” She inhales sharply, releasing a frustrated growl of anger. “Oh but SYN! You never asked!” Her hands wave in the air before they drop dramatically at her sides. “I thought you needed space?” Her eyes narrow onto her friend, an expression of frustration, pain, and disappointment in just… everything. Those red eyes and their gaze fade from Solus as she shifts on her boots and turns away, throwing her back against the wall and sliding down to sit against the cold stone, eyes focused back on the flickering flames.  “Safe travels.”

"Safe travels," is all Solus says back to Syn. She reaches down to help Alexa up. They look back one last time and then Alexa casts invisibility on the both of them. Gone.