Orlando The Magnificent

A Trickster who spends his days playing pranks and messing with people, Orlando is a magician who uses his talents for performance rather than combat. However, he is well trained and deadly in a sticky situation.

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A Night To Remember

Dear Dad, Let me just say, it's been one hell of a night. I'm sure you've had your share of nights that never end, but have you ever had one like this? It all started when I dashed to get costumes for my buddies. I was pretty upset at them, for nearly sabotaging my chance to perform again. But then, in talking with Alexandra, I realized that maybe I was treating them too harshly. They only watched for me because they care for me, even if they don't care to admit it. And as it turns out, I'm the linchpin in this plan. I'm the key to success. And you and I both know how much we love to be at the forefront, dad. So I grabbed them their pimped out costumes and returned to the Gilded Lily, where we dressed to the nines and disguised ourselves. Then, it was time to infiltrate the Red Devils. The night started out fine, we entered the brothel and began the plan. I shmoozed the bartender and Nobler and Zashi both found themselves ladies to spend some time with. Naturally I found myself with a good time, and so the drinks kept coming and they didn't stop coming. Eventually I heard some ruckus in the downstairs area so I went to check, and I'm glad I did! Nobler and Zashi were covered in blood, having killed some of the Devils already. Unfortunately I couldn't quite keep my voice down, and some other guards started to see us. SO it was finally battle time. We brought our swords to blows and hid the bodies in an empty room. The hostesses were kinda trapped with us, but it was what it was. Then, weirdly, we started being tracked. Two Blood priests knocked on our door, and I tried to fool them into thinking I was just getting laid, but it didn't work. They nearly chopped my head off! We went to battle with them, and I put one to sleep right away with my new harp. From then on, all I could do was stand on the sideline and cheer for my friends as they fought the remaining Priest. BOY was he tough! It ended with a fiery explosion that knocked us all on our asses. Last thing I remember is feeling ash in my mouth... A couple hours later, we wake up handcuffed to a chair. The Red Devils captured myself and Zashi once again, and a damsel in distress was handcuffed to the wall in the room with us. A rough-looking guy grabbed a smorgasbord of weapons to torture us with, and left us to choose how we wanted to die. Unfortunately for him, he forgot I'm an expert escape artist, so breaking out of those cuffs didn't even break a sweat. After that, I realized they were stupid enough to tie the rope to the chair, so I just stood up and freed myself. After that, it came Zashi and our lady friend. She was really mad for some reason. The tough guy came back in, but with Zashi free and weapon in hand, all it took was a moment to take him out. We then made our great escape, climbing the levels of the ship to return to the top. On the way, we found a beautiful treasure chamber, and pilfered what Baltos could take. Once we reached the upstairs, we saw Nobler in a bloodlust, killing everyone in sight. And who else but the other Blood Priest. We fought alongside him for a moment, but then the priest did some weird magic thing and Nobler was fighting US! After some trickery and some magic of my own, we(Zashi) managed to kill the priest. Nobler was free, and we went back to the treasure room to claim our rewards, which for me was a gun and a drum. After that we left the brothel and headed towards the seas with Neema, to obtain a REAL ship. We sailed over on the dingy, and a chimera monster tried to attack us, but thankfully my new drum came in handy, and I got that chimera dancing long enough for us to make him pay. We hopped aboard, commandeered the ship, and left Neema the captain of it as we headed back into the mainland, trying to find the source of all this chaos. Our search led us to a series of tunnels, most of them on fire. Knowing that fire is a friend, not a foe, I decided to take the initiative and scout ahead, walking confidently through the flames. Once I got to the other side, I saw who else but Tusk and the Maycomb pirates. I used my god-given talent to quell the flames for long enough for Zashi and Nobler to get through, but in the moment Tusk heard us, and sneered. He laughed, and said we had no idea what was ahead. But I knew. I knew Nar Shen wasn't dead. We couldn't kill him that easily. We kept going through the tunnels, forwards and backwards into the fire, until we saw some undead monsters. I grabbed my Red Rifle and fired, which was a big mistake, because it ignited the entire hallway. We barely made it out, and at this point there was much doubt amongst us. Should we turn around? No. Not on my watch. I grabbed my friends and gave them a speech to ignite the fire in their hearts. They needed to remember WHY we were here, and that our legend begins TODAY. We need to get on the Crossbone Council, and what better way than by destroying whatever is destroying the city. I saw the twinkle of adventure in their eyes, and we all walked confidently right into... You guessed it, I guessed it. The rotting, undead corpse of Nar Shen. My old nemesis. We saw him and the battle was on. Nobler and Zashi leapt into action! I stayed behind and provided some sick beats. Slicing, dicing, slashing, crashing, drumming! This battle had it all. When he looked weak I raised my Red Rifle to finish him once and for all, but the fire wasn't strong enough. In the end, Nar Shen died at the hands of Zashi not once but twice. As we speak, I'm weak, out of magic, out of songs to sing, all I have left is a drum and a gun. But, seeing as it's gotten me this far, maybe all you really need is a drum and a gun. Stay tuned. This night is not over yet! Gracefully Yours, Orlando

A Moment in the Spotlight

I felt my heart beating faster than ever. I felt the sweat on my palms and the lifelight's fierce shine. I felt the energy in my legs carry me beyond where I thought I could go, I felt the earth shale beneath me as I performed, and I felt the rush of joy when he clapped. I felt the greatest feeling in the world. And then, after my moment, all it took was one moment more to flush the feeling away. Like you always said, Dad. The audience is your only friend. My audition went dare I say perfectly, and Alexandra looked cute as a button. Though, I guess I should start a little earlier. After rummaging around the Fens for some new magic tricks, I stumbled across an old friend, Samuel Snoot. His house of Curio's and Wares has been a favorite of mine for my magical objects, and today was no exception. He gave me everything I needed, free of charge for some reason, and I even bartered a little extra. A magician never reveals his tricks, so let's just say that during the performance I would finally let my body match the size of my ego. Then, after procuring curious curio's, I inquired quickly at the White Lily for capable compartments so that my real friends could have some sweet dreams tonight. Then, after I set it all up, I got back to the boat and there they were! I do have to say, it's odd, the way they looked at me. It's like they don't trust me. It's like nobody trusts me. Zashi seemed alarmed at my sudden return, and Nobler barely wanted anything to do with me. Neither of them know Del'Orta particularly well, but they seemed to assume that my idea was a bad one. But nonetheless they followed after some brief convincing and the invisibility of our somehow still unconscious dwarven friend, and we were off to lodging. Once we got there it was nearly time for my audition, and once again my two armed compatriots felt the need to babysit me as I walked through the back alleys of my home. Honestly, it's like these guys think I'm gonna betray them or something. We got to the Bridled Mare and I waited at the bar for my moment. THE moment. The moment I've been waiting for since I left that god-forsaken college in Doylin and finally started being my own performer: my big break. Alexandra called on me, and I walked into the green room to prepare. She told me to take all the time I need, and my auditioner was right behind the door. I got myself all set up, took a breath, and stepped onto the stage. What happened once I began my performance is how it always is, which is to say a mixture of preparation and exhilaration. After making an entrance with smoke, I started by thanking my audience, because a true performer knows to always love your audience more than you love yourself, and I showed this guy behind the curtain exactly what I was capable of, small-scale and large. I started with a soft and lovely song, played from the harp I acquired recently, and I felt the power it held in my hand. This was surely a special harp, and I'll have to use it again soon, perhaps against somebody I'm not trying to impress. Then after that, I began my inflation exercises and started using the entire room to my advantage, turning large and small at will. Finally, I combined that with my classic ball game, and used Baltós to let the balls fly around the space as my body shifted from large to small in an attempt to retrieve them. As this was happening, I unleashed my signature move, letting scarves fly from my wrist until they were floating all around the room, and in a Magnificent moment, I burned them all up in a breathtaking fire and emerged, center stage, and took my bow. The man applauded and then left, and Alexandra came to me saying how impressed she was. I asked to meet my mystery man, and she said he wanted to meet all 3 of us. Now by this time I was downright confused, because I was the only one in there. But low and behold, my "friends" come out of hiding and reveal their shameful faces. First of all, I was pissed they followed me in. Second, I was pissed I hadn't NOTICED that they followed me in. And third, and most important, I was pissed they broke my trust. I may not be perfect, far from it, but I was confident about tonight. I got us back to Del'Orta in once piece. I told Zashi to exploit the news of the Imperium to save his skin. I got us a room at my own expense, I got us food, I got us a ship, and most of all I wanted them to sit down in the lounge, watch the Renflower and the Warbling boys, and just have a good time. They deserve it, because they're my friends, and I would take a bullet for them. This was my moment. This was my chance to make something of myself. This was my dream, my passion, my time. And not only had they risked it by following me, they had gotten caught doing it. They risked everything I had ever worked for by being in that green room. All the glory of the moment was washed away. Everything I felt was torn from me, and I was left, once again, with the feeling my father would leave me with. This feeling of childlike inadequacy, where I'm not even worth keeping around past the age of 10. The feeling that no matter what I say, no matter what I do, people won't trust me. Do I get into trouble? Sure, sometimes. Do I get out of trouble? Always, always. That's the Orlando Guarantee. Alexandra told me that my mystery man loved me, and we all went up to see him. We reached his office and he revealed himself to be a dragonborn, with a scar over his eye. His name was Mai Lin. Zashi roared with excitement and greeted this man, and my last ember of happiness was blown out. All this was just a set-up, wasn't it? The Bridled Mare didn't want me. They wanted to get close to Zashi. Did they just entertain me for the night so they could get something else out of me? Do they even like me? If it's not for the audience, who do I do it for? Mai Lin did thank me for the performance, and told me the Bridled Mare would see me perform yet, but I wasn't really listening. The stinging ring of thought permeated my mind, and everything that was spoken sounded as warbled as Renflower. Was it all just fake? Did I earn anything? Were we just here to carry out some Draconion mission? And then, he said the words that cut me like a knife and brought me back to the conversation: We're going to rob the Flying Flynns. My brain in a whirl, my heart crouching in terror, I nearly passed out. I caught myself on my back foot, but the damage had been done. I felt dizzy, sick, exasperated, thirsty, confused, and above all, scared. Rob...the Flynns? I can't see them. I can't go near them. What would Markorn think of me now... Anyway, that's the story of my moment in the spotlight, Dad. Oh, and one more thing, just so you know. I found your passport book, with your stamps. Doylin, Ramethea, Tixas, Del'Orta. It's not much, but it's enough to go off of. You're a clever man but even you have patterns. One step closer led me two steps back. I'll find you yet, old man, and I'll do it with or without my friends. One thing's for sure, since those two are so fearful of what happens in the shadows: If someone's always watching, you might as well make them look. Gracefully Yours, Orlando The Magnificent

Every Day is an Audition

One step forward, two steps back. Just when I think I got closer to you, dad, I find you left a week ago. At least I finally have a lead this time. SO! Orlando takes strides on his journey and finally returns to Del'Orta. The journey was a bit tumultuous, I have to say, but we made it nonetheless. After chasing the corpse of Gaaku into the open ocean, we finally subdued the zombie beast and got Neema back. He was a hell of a fighter, though, and after we blew off his head, arm, leg, and everything else, he finally gave her back. After we got her back, we shored up on some remote part of the island and started a fire to get warm. Everybody else wanted to leave, but something didn't sit right with me. They wanted to take that fishing boat I had to borrow and downright steal it! I couldn't believe how heartless they were, especially after we saved the town from the pirates. So Nobler and I came to blows and he said some pretty hurtful things, and me being me I had to divert the blame and remind him that I'M NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED HIS FRIENDS. But that was neither hither nor thither, and eventually our tempests of emotion and exhaustion quelled. Zashi and I decided to go into town and wrangle up the last things we needed, primarily a boat. I ended up running into the dockmaster, and bartered a boat from a toothless guy. But before that I went back to the inn and saw an unfortunate sight. Gaaku, in his zombie rage, killed the man who put us up the night before. So I gave him a proper cremation, and seemed to be rewarded with a pristine and beautiful mini harp. I can't wait to play it. We rode rode rode our boat gently down the shore, scooped up Nobler and Neema and the Dwarven woman and set sail to Del'Orta. Along the way nothing interesting happened. Oh yeah, except the Imperium seems to be on their way to the pirate town, so we took note of that and moved on. Once we got there, it was time to split up. I went in and stopped some guy from going on a murderous rampage over a bad tattoo, and found out where Sir Starlight played last. The Bridled Mare. Finally, a clue. I strode on over there and entered a luxurious brothel/performance house. Honestly? I could see myself spending a lot of time there. I charmed my way in, seduced my hostess, befriended the barkeep, and got access to Sir Starlight's dressing room so I could see his next show. Unfortunately, all I found out was that he had stamped three places in a passport. Foiled again. I had no idea where he was. As I was leaving, the hostess told me I had an audition that night. Apparently there are good things that can come of brash confidence. Who knew?! I'm not sure what trick I'll have up my sleeve, or how I'll dazzle them this time. Baltós and I will have some fun messing with them. I'll find you yet, Sir Starlight. I know you'll lead me right to you. And once I meet YOU, I'll finally find you, Dad. Gracefully Yours, Orlando the Magnificent

A Song of Light and Fire

Dad, First of all know that I'm coming for you. I will find you in Del'Orta. Whenever we GET there. SO here's where it stands as of late: Zashi, Nobler and I were hurt pretty badly. Well actually, Nobler was pretty fine and I got struck by lightning so the only one who really got attacked was Zashi. Still, it was a mess. I was up on a smoke stack at the top of the karst. Nobler looked pretty spooked, down by himself, and Zashi was nowhere to be seen. I had to act quick, and I had to think fast. My hand instinctively went to my rum, because the best way to think is to drink. DRINK! In a brilliant stroke of inspiration I stuffed my tie into the open bottle of rum and, using my gift, I dropped the bomb on an unsuspecting crew below. After that, unfortunately, things got a bit annoying. It started to rain and I couldn't find my friends. I thrust my spear to the sky, looking for hope from the great god Zephyros, and I got zapped. But right after that, my gaze shifted to some woman floating in the water. NOBLER, I thought. He needs help. I tossed him my spear and he just...I can't even describe it, he just fell apart. The woman got taken by Tusk and those pirates, and Nobler started to follow them. I knew he needed help, so I followed. I swam around their stackship, climbed up the broadside, pryed open a porthole, and fashioned another Cinder Cocktail. I let Baltós carry it in, and as Nobler rushed out with that woman the ship exploded in Magnificent fashion! You shoulda been there Dad! I got blown from the side as the ship was completely destroyed. I was the hero of the day. I stopped the pirates and Nobler got the girl. Then something odd happened. I came up for air just as a giant wing of a crow descended from the storm. I thought it was the storm of Zephyros but I guess I was wrong. Nobler and I swam to shore, where we met up with Zashi. I said let's get outta here, Zashi said Nar Shen was dead. It was a win-win. We bandaged ourselves up as Baltós went back for Neema, who was captured by that dragonborn Zashi killed. Don't ask, I have no idea how he's alive again. And that about does it! We are currently debating whether we should go save our damsel in distress. I say yes but Zashi is a misogynist and wants to wait until she gets brought back to Del'Orta. The thing is there is NO guarantee she'll be kept alive and lest Zashi forget, Dragonborns have 2 dicks. We gotta go save her. I know it. It's our fault she's in danger. After that, it's back to Del'Orta. I'll see you there, Dad. I hope you're ready to finally face your son. Gracefully Yours, Orlando the Magnificent

Heart of Narsh-Ness

Dear Mom, Felt like I should be writing one of these to you, right? Don't-cha wanna know what's up in the life of your son? Your ONLY son? I mean, I guess. I doubt I'll ever see you again. I doubt I even want to see you again. But Dad's been pissing me off lately, and honestly I can't make heads or tails of this situation, so I guess it's you today. Lucky you. IT all started when Zashi, my fearless lizard friend, lost his mind. You wouldn't believe it mom. This guy sure is hard to prank, and he's a bit of a stoic when it comes to humor and jest, so getting emotion out of him is about as easy as getting a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. But nonetheless I try, and of course I succeed in making him chuckle. But aside from that, he's a tough nut to crack. Oddly, until tonight.I didn't even think my reasoning was that absurd this time! The Red Devils were back, and they knew we were here. I TOLD THEM to sink the longship but nooooooooo, nobody wants to listen to Orlando's good ideas. So when Zashi proposed the insane plan of going TOWARDS the pirates I rationally objected, citing death as an excuse. Nobler agreed, and it was comforting to see he no longer hated everything I spoke, but it wasn't so nice to hear how begrudgingly he acquiesced to my request. We were all set to get a good night's rest and leave this tiny town when Zashi blew up at us and ran to hide in his room. On one hand I was mad, being screamed at like a child. But on the other I had great respect for Zashi. Clearly this meant something to him. Nobler scurried off to his room shortly after, clearly not interested in unpacking the outburst with me, so I went to my friend to calm him down. Strangely he was cool as a cucumber when I found him, and even apologized for his outburst. I told him the truth, which was that we were wasting time we should be spending killing pirates. He seemed incredulous at my sudden change of heart, but the joke's on him for thinking I wouldn't help a friend. Nobler came in right after that, and we started to formulate our plan for the pirate attack. There were no good plans for our pirate attack. UNTIL! I once again had a brilliant idea. Using my magical talents and my enormous intellect, I concocted a diversion plot that even Dad would be proud of: While Nobler and I turned invisible to slip in, an illusion of Gaku would approach their front door. This would distract them enough for Zashi to sneak by on his cool-ass grapple. He took Baltós along for the ride, and I was sad to see my companion go, but I knew he would be better served with the visible man. We entered the karst and began our infiltration. Strangely I ran into Tusk again, who looked handsome as ever, and followed him to see the whole operation. It was the kind of thing that makes you sick. Mass production lines littered the length of the karst, and the Maycomb pirates were working hand-in-hand with those dragonborn scum. Nobler and I made our way through, eventually coming to a strange contraption with levers and many people. I climbed to the top and gently pushed the lever-master off the top level. Unfortunately everyone heard and started shooting at me, so I escaped through the smoke stacks. And that's it! I can't wait to find out if Zashi is still alive or if any of this was worth it. He mentioned some fish spirit so I sure hope it appreciates the sacrifice we're making. Listen, mom, I don't blame you for what you did. I just don't forgive you. I hope you're proud of me, but I don't care. Clearly I didn't mean enough to you. I thought I did, but, I was only 10. I've been doing fine without you. In fact I would dare say I've been magnificent since you left. I've got friends who care for me, and power you could only dream of. If only you stuck around long enough to see what your son could be. Instead you ditched him because he wasn't his father. Gracefully yours, Orren PS Nar Shen is dead and I fucking hated that guy

For Orlando the Bells Toll

Dear Dad, Just when I thought we were done with the pirates, Zashi had to go and get us attacked again! It was the high-seas of the open waters where I finally felt safe again. Odd, considering how often I've been in chains or bondage(and not the good kind!) when I've been on the water, but this time was different. Finally, I had some people I could trust with me. We started sailing away from the calamity on the beach and Nobler, even though he was bleeding pretty badly, started taking the oars to row. I'd never seen anything like it! One minute the guy's shot on the beach like a duck, next he's evading cannonfire. This guy has got balls, that's for sure. We kept rowing away when my good ear perked up, and I heard the winds wail. A storm was brewing and we had to get off the water. Thankfully we made port in a local fishing village, and at the expense of some silver, we made our way to safety at an inn. I approached the innkeep and lost some silver, AGAIN, and then posted up by the fire. It was a pretty smoky and gross flame, so I fiddled around with it to make it a bit more comforting. Zashi was out praying or masturbating, I can never tell, and Nobler and Neema found themself a table nice and far away from me. That didn't bother me too much--I'm used to being alone. Eventually, Nobler came over to talk with me. He seemed apologetic, or hungry; it's remarkable how often those two intermingle. He mentioned something about his daughter, how he hopes she's still alive, and struck a deal with me: I help you, you help me. It seemed fine enough, but I'm not sure yet. This guy is a raging beast! There's no telling what he might do next. I'm not sure I want to hang around such a rash individual. Then Zashi came in, and all hell broke loose. Some disturbing fog moved in on the area, and an odd metal bang began emitting from the distance. My innate sense for action and splendor led me to kill the fire. I didn't want to attract whatever was making that sound. However, Zashi was less inclined to hide and moved towards the door, exactly when a big lizard hand burst through and grabbed him. Nobler and Zashi leapt into action, but I stayed by the fire and boosted their morale a bit. It didn't exactly help Nobler too much, who got shot in the fucking chest again, but Zashi ended up benefitting greatly from it. We dismantled those goons and I even picked up a neat spear! It's got a chain on it, so I can pull some ol' quarter-with-a-string tricks on some people. All that was well and good, and at the expense of MORE OF MY HARD-EARNED SILVER we bandaged Nobler up. Then it was back to the fire for me. Listen, dad, I'm certainly not the boastful type, but I felt pretty good about myself for surviving that fight without a scratch. I spent some serious time staring into the fire, trying to understand my gift. Your gift. Our gift. MY gift. As I peered into the incandescent flame, I noticed a twinge of something. It wasn't much, but it was enough to draw me closer. Then I saw you, dad. I saw you in Del'Orta. I saw you get on some ship. The ship started to FLY, and it turned into a crow. Then darkness consumed my vision and I saw no more. I ripped my face from the fire as Nobler came bursting back inside, screaming about how he lost Zashi and there were weird things in the fog. Poor, poor Nobler. All that strength and yet he panics at the first sign of trouble. If I can do anything for that man, I want to show him that he can do anything. I know you're watching, dad. I know you see me. The spotlight shines brightly on your son. Gracefully yours, Orlando

Runaway FAST AS YOU CAN

Dear Dad, Well this adventure sure was full Orlando Cardio! It all started back on the beach, right after we swam from the wreckage of the Maycomb ship. The Red Devils were coming, but they were more interested in whatever Nar Shen tried to pillage from the other vessel, so we had a head start on them. For some reason the big wolf, Nobler I think his name is, was suuuper concerned with making sure we waste time and "think" about what we're doing. I found this a bit presumptuous but whatever, I went with it. We start running into the jungle to avoid the pirates and lo and behold, what do we find? PIRATES! These 2 buffoons were trying to climb a tree after Nobler's girlfriend and lemme tell you, he didn't like that one bit. So Zashi and Nobler killed the motherfuckers and saved the girl. Heroic, right? All was well and good for about 5 seconds until MORE pirates started coming in our general direction and it was off to the races again. We sprinted through the jungle and made our way to the north beach, and swam across a channel to safety on another island. We spent the next couple hours talking and gathering material for camp. Turns out, these guys really don't trust me, and I have no idea why. Well, I have some ideas. Nobler watched a vicious scorpion murder the entire circus and Zashi absolutely doesn't think I'm gonna live past tomorrow, so it seems like they're hesitant to put their faith in me. It's a shame, really, because they have no idea how much good I could be for them. They REALLY have no idea how good they are for ME either so it's a win-win-win. I feel bad for Nobler, actually. He doesn't seem to think there's any way forward because of his past. I wish he knew that though the past can't change, the future can. Anyway then a fucking million ants started attacking us and we began our relay race to the shoreline once again. Thankfully we made it out before anything catastrophic happened but damn, those ants packed a mean pair of pincers. As we headed back towards the original island I was inclined to go make a deal with the Red Devils at their camp, but everybody thought that was a bad idea for some reason so I didn't do it. We swam back to the other shore and, exhausted, started looking for a boat. We stumbled across the Maycomb camp, and I was inclined to speak to them but I held my tongue. This is where the story gets interesting: We found some crates full of sugar and booze and emptied them out, hoping to float back to Del'Orta like rubber duckies. The problem is, TWO SECONDS after we got in the water some big mean clawed thing started swimming towards us and we bailed on what amounted to the eighteenth failed plan of the day. We stumbled through the jungle some more and came across a lightly guarded temple. The guards saw me and took a shot, and the fuckin' thing grazed my moneymaker! I came out and talked to them, and got taken prisoner once again. For about 5 seconds, until Zashi and Nobler killed the guards. Oh boy do I love having them around. We entered the temple and finally, mercifully, had a full night's sleep. Though 1 weird thing did happen with Nobler. He came up to me as I was working on my fire and demanded I do more! I he knew that this is the only thing I struggle with in life. This fire inside of me, I don't know what it means and I don't know where it comes from. My mother didn't have it; at least, I never saw her have it. It's hard to remember back when I was so young... Which means it has to be you, Dad. You hold the secret to this burning enigma inside of me. Why do I have it? What does it mean? Is this the source of my magic? The furnace of my soul which blazes my passions within? Or is it all just another cheap trick, like you. We woke up the next morning at first light. We had to get off the island. We made our way north, back towards the shoreline we first washed up on, and saw our ticket out: FINALLY those Red Devils left their camp relatively unguarded and we saw a longboat we could steal. As we approached the guards saw me, but I snapped my fingers and turned my companions invisible before the guards could notice. I bought some time by being who I am, charming and hilarious, and my friends took 2 of them by surprise. Just then, the Maycomb pirates started waltzing in so I made like a fish and jumped in the boat. Nobler got fucking shot, how he survived I have NO idea, and Zashi tossed him a grapple to help him escape the fire. We all made it onto the longboat and our "captors" took the weapons off of Nobler and Zashi as they entered. But not me :) You should be proud dad! You always wanted me to make a killing, and I finally did it! So now we have a boat, and the only people left on the beach were the Maycomb pirates and some dead Red Devils. For all the pain you've caused me dad, it's nice to know I have your gift of gab to fall back on. If I couldn't talk I would be dead. If I couldn't perform I'd have died a long time ago. These things...this heritage of mine. The music. The performance. The magic. Is it MY heritage? Is it what you intended to leave behind to me? Or am I just a blip along your path to glory. I wish you would write back to me, but I know you can't. I wish I could talk to you, but I know I can't. At least my friends accept me for who I am. For now, anyway. Who knows, maybe they'll be just like you, and they'll cast me aside the moment I'm no longer useful. I doubt it, though. Without me, those 2 have no idea how to get where they're going. Plus, I like spending time with them. It's been ages since I've had this much fun. Maybe you didn't want me. Maybe my mother was a fool. The past can't change, dad, but the future can. I can feel that fire. I don't know why it's there, but I know it shines brighter than yours. You might be Starlight, but my light is Magnificent Gracefully Yours, Orlando

One Devil Two Devil Red Devil Blue Devil

Dear Dad, Once again, things went awry because NOBODY LISTENED TO ME. So, there I was, in the hands of those Maycomb idiots, marching through Del’Orta. Outta NOWHERE, the Red Devils show up to complain about the Maycomb Pirates ripping them off. I sensed my opportunity and tried to de-escalate the encounter(as I always do). Thankfully for us, it saved a fight and might have even saved my life. I was stuck with the Maycomb pirates but…The Red Devils kind of implied they might want to turn me into a sex slave? I mean I’ll be honest dad, it’s nice to be wanted but I’m not sure even I can swing that way. The Maycomb pirates tied us up to posts(and not in the kinky way) and set sail to go get something. What, you ask? Great question! We never even found out because my LIZARD FRIEND had to get antsy and try to escape. I said—out loud, to EVERYONE—that the best time to escape would be when they got attacked. Because let me tell you, Dad—I saw how those Red Devils looked at Narshen. I saw their anger. Their determination to prove them wrong. When I see you, on flyers and in murals, I look at you the same way. I knew what they were gonna do. So Zashi and that beast-guy we picked up at the circus tried to abandon ship. It didn’t work, of course, and soon the whole crew came marching down to stop us. I nearly died again! Zashi really better start being more careful with my life—I’ve only got the one! After that they inevitably got attacked by the Red Devils after getting some golden sarcophagus or chest or something from some other people—I was kinda passed out at this point(and admittedly for a lot of this encounter) so the details are fuzzy. But, I mean, who could’ve seen it coming? Pirates getting pirated? It was some swashbuckling fun! Though I do have to say, I’m getting tired of getting shot. I tell ya’, it’s not easy to be so charming people want just to kill you or fuck you. Guess I got that from you, didn’t I? Gracefully yours, Orren

The Night the Scorpion Attacked

Dear Dad, You'll never guess where I ended up again. The Maycomb Pirates have taken me hostage. WHY? I have no idea! I even gave them the stupid lamp! Let me start from the beginning: Zashi, my strong lizard friend, wanted to go see the Flying Flynns, which did not flu so well with me. He doesn't know anything about my history with them so I had to improvise and transform while we walked there. He didn't think anything of it but I'm sure he had suspicions; he's not that easy to trick, I'll tell you. So, we went over to the Flynn's and Zashi got us chased. He didn't realize just how difficult it is to deal with them so he was pretty insistent on visiting the brig. I wonder who he was looking for... Regardless, we had to duck dive and doge our way around Del'Orta since Mr. Lizard Man got us followed. Along the way we met these terrible people who ran a circus full of slaves. We watched their show and it was only ok, the showmanship was real tragic. THEN THE CRAZIEST THING HAPPENED The scorpion, that they were using for gladiator-style battling, went ROGUE and started attacking the audience! I leapt into action, like you know I would, to save the day, and the show! The battle was meritorious. It was 1 of the greatest battles I've ever fought! You should've seen me dad! I was jumping, slicing, and all-around carving this scorpion! But it was no good--the beastmasters were cruel and attacked us too! After a bloody battle, we escaped the tent with our lives, only to run into my favorite crew of pirates. Never ends, does it? Nonetheless, I'm lucky to have escaped with my life! That's what you get for being flexible huh? Well let's see how I can get out of trouble this time. You know as well as I know, there's always another trick up my sleeve ;) Gracefully Yours, Orren

Enter Stage Left

Dear Dad, SO! My remarkable adventure has finally begun. Not by choice, of course, but everything great starts when you least expect it. Picture it: There I was, face to face with pirates. Not the real pirates, like we used to see in Del'Orta, but some motley crew of miscreants nonetheless. I coulda taken 'em if I wasn't bound to that chair. I may have inherited your escapability, but even I couldn't get out of that. One of them, a big ugly-but-pretty half-orc named Tusk, hit me twice! For no reason! After some gentle banter, I agreed to work for them and get a really neat lamp. Your son has a job! How about that, huh? More than you thought, right? aaaanyway, once I left the pirate ship Tusk put me in a little dingy and made me sail halfway across the bay! It was torture. And Baltós didn't lift a finger, so I had to do ALL the rowing myself. When I finally get there, some peddler is selling this weird magic potion. I made a fool of him, stole his gold(and his lotion) and headed for the tavern, where I met a most interesting fellow... THIS guy was a fisherman! He could take me to Del'Orta to meet with those Maycomb Pirates. To get him to take me, all I had to do was steal his wallet and ruin his night. I did some magic, it was just all right, nothing you would've been impressed by. Most of it was just sleight of hand, followed by some shenanigans with Baltós. After a while, I finally managed to figure out how to get this special fisherman to help me. Some big lizard was sitting at the bar full of people so I knew immediately I could play with him. I went over, stole his women, out-drank him, and paid for his dinner all just to be nice. He didn't quite understand how to keep a secret so he let on he was headed to Del 'Orta. I go back to the fisherman I shmoozed and set up passage on the ship, and make the lizard pay for it! After 6 hours of rowing I'm getting my free ride straight to the city. Later on after stealing everyone's money and playing songs for them, I ran into the lizard again--I had thought he went to bed. He looked pensive and kinda lost so I took him with me to get the lamp! We sailed across the sea and climbed up some politician's wall. I went into his bedroom and found his lamp, seemed like he was writing something interesting. Almost seemed like a warning... Anyway pops long story short I got shot by a clay golem and I died. Well, almost--your son is remarkably sturdy. But this lizard guy saved my life, and he didn't even ask why I needed the lamp. Then I had some great soup from Ma Sing and here we are. I think I'll keep the lizard around. I wonder what else he might be good for... Gracefully yours, Orren

Orlando The Magnificent