Child

You know it was a good day if you didn’t have to hit or bite anyone.

— Michael

Among Us

Hidden at the very center of Arrhynsian societies, presumed weak, ineffective, and incompetent, a secret plot exists, filled with devious members who parade their identities and rank in broad daylight, yet arouse no caution in the targets of their machinations. The power wielded by the particpants of this plot is so overwhelming, so effective in obtaining it's ends that virtually every sentient person, and a great many non-sentients, orient their entire existence around the members of society who hold this rank. These seeming innocents are tyrants in the extreme; wildly powerful, pervasively influential, and when their powers are turned towards evil, disasterously destructive. Each holds a title and position of power like no other in the entirety of Arrhynsia.
This is the child.

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

Entry into Office

To attain the position of child, very specific requirements must be met. A child is a small member of a species found on Arrhynsia; aliens and eldritch are prohibited from being awarded the title of child, although cross species adoptions of Arrhynsian parental units have been known to occur. The child must require growth to attain the potential of an adult. A typical child at entry into office weighs approximately 5% and no more than 10% of the mass of the female parental unit. The candidate for office must be sufficiently robust to survive the birthing process appropriate to the species to which they belong.
The child must pledge to uphold the purposes of the office of child and faithfully execute the responsibilities and duties that come with the title. This happens approximately half way through gestation. The oath of office is administered by a Celestial who visits the child inside the female parent at the appropriate time and ascertains their participation and committment to their calling. The term of office is typically eighteen years as accorded by social customs and local laws.

“Children are the hands by which we take hold of heaven.”

— Pastor Alexander

Purpose & Responsibiities of a Child

The title of "child" has some serious societal purposes to which the child must earnestly strive to accomplish in the limited period they hold office. These are:

To advance the character development of their assigned parental units

To provide motivation for social responsibility & governmental stability in the broader community

To fuel the economic development of the society

While this is a herculean task, the child is remarkably well equipped to accomplish these objectives, and the techniques that they use are masterful examples of the application of influence as a means of exercising control over one's environment. The unnoticed but unmistakable widespread success of the child in meeting these objectives is a testament to the superiority in both utility and effectiveness of the power of influence in strictly social settings over the power of authority and the power of force.

Qualifications

A child comes naked from their mother's womb. They don't stay that way long.

— Dr. Hilda Comreth

A child enters office equipped with nothing that is not part of their biological and spiritual makeup. Their tools derive solely from their innate being, and thus are applied instinctually when the child begins their term of office, and more and more consciously as the child becomes proficient with their tools. These tools diminish in effectiveness as the memory of their oath of office fades. The child's primary toolbox consists of the following items:
(click black boxes to see additional text)

Irresistable Cuteness:

Attaching the Parental Units - also Ducks and Rabbits

Utterly necessary to ensure survival and manipulate the parental units. Fortunately extreme chemical additives to the parental units via their hypothalmus glands when the child initially takes office ensure that regardless of the child's appearance, very simple instinctive actions on the child's part will be interpreted by the parents and most adults of the species as irresistably cute. As the child gets larger, use of augmenting tools such as developing an unreasoning delight in ducks, rabbits and Laughing Blue Goblins can augment a child's flagging cuteness.

Unbridled Selfishness:

Unreasonable Demands for Compliance

In the fierce battle for improved parental character, the child must exhaust the patience and resistance of the parental units with unceasing demands for their own way. No consideration can be entertained for the parents, they must be subjected to the child's every self centered whim in order to break their own selfishness and teach them the value of patience. This characteristic is also essential in fueling the parental units, particularly the males, to acquire economic wealth in order to cater to the child's needs and wants. A lack of selfishness on the part of the child early after taking office will inevitably lead to prolonged selfishness and laziness on the part of the parental units, although as the parentals are reformed, a certain laxness in this area can make the child's life when leaving office easier.

“You can learn many things from children. How much patience you have, for instance.”
Fred the Baker

Utter Dependency:

Quelling Objections to Demands

A double whammy when combined with irresistable cuteness, utter dependency on the part of the office holder breaks selfishness and develops empathy and sympathy for others in the parental units. It is critical that the parental units do not suspect that the child can be self-sufficient in any way, as this allows the parent(s) to slip back into their own selfish moral morass. When applied in the broader social context, consideration for the utter dependence of the child heightens global guilt for individual and societal bad behavior and encourages stabilizing elements of society to develop such as public safety, lawfulness, courtesy, good stewardship of natural resources, striving for economic prosperity and equal opportunity.

Unselective Imitation:

Catering to Ego

A secret weapon of the child, complete adoration for their parental units and those in positions of responsibility and affection to them, causes the child to fiercely imitate every behavior they see - both admirable and dishonorable. This evokes guilt and an appropriate excess of caution with regard to disreputable behaviors in the adults surrounding the child since the child will imitate the adult at the first inconvenient opportunity.

“You do not have to be good at listening to your elders, but you do have to be expert at imitating them.”
"The Child's Manual for Breaking Bad Parental Habits, vol 2, page 73

Eidetic Memory:

The Edge of the Sword

A child must be able to faithfully repeat with exact inflection and utter accuracy the most embarrassing and profane things that fall from their assigned parental unit's lips. This ability extends to visual inputs also, ensuring that the child will describe in painfully accurate and believable terms any embarrasing scene or media content shown to the child by accident. The child must use this ability judiciously as it is one of the most powerful tools for dissuasion of negative behaviors and will lose it's effectiveness if overused.

“Children seldom misquote. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn’t have said.”
Too Smart Parental Unit

Impeccable Timing:

The Master's Touch

An essential qualification for a child is an uncanny and totally reliable ability to take an action or speak at the most inconvenient and embarrassing moment possible for the parental units. This split second judgement is critical to retaining power and fueling parental terror for their bad behavior. From walking in on parents in their bedroom to imitating their father at their grandmother's house, this essential skill of a child ensures the parent's complete compliance with the child's character building objectives for them.

Injudicious Affection:

A Strong Defense

Every tyrant must guard against plots against their power and even, at times, their lives, and the child is no different. The means of securing safety for a child is a multi-purpose chemically based response in the parental units when faced with the 1-2 punch of Irresitable Cuteness and Injudicious Affection. Regardless of the rigors of parental training, a pat-pat, the gift of a wilted flower, or the super-power weapon of a sincere and enthusiastic hug and smoochie kiss from the child is guarenteed to dispel any lingering resentment in the parents.

“Hugs can do great amounts of good, especially for grownups."
Kathy Lee, age 10

Specializations

Sometimes, a child is unable to fulfill their oath of office unassisted. Some parental units require intense training, and special powers that are denoted by subtitles are granted to the occasional child as they work through specific issues with their assigned parental units.

The Princess

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

The princess is a female gender specific adaptation used to train a selfish and miserly male parental unit when early schooling is not successful. It involves concentrated focus on the male parent, and can lead to a lack of training for the female parental unit. Unfortunately, this specialization often has negative personal repercussions for the child when they leave office, but sacrifices must be made.

The Mamma's Boy

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

The mamma's boy is the male gender specific adaptation equivalent to the princess and is used for training of stubborn concompliance with selflessness objectives in female parental units. As for the princess, this specialization also typically creates negative personal repercussions for the child after they leave office and difficulty separating from the parental unit during the lame duck period of office.

The Brat

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

Gender neutral, the brat is a tricky specialization used on obtuse parental units who refuse to act responsibly, institute adult behaviors, or respond correctly to the child's positive reinforcement techniques. Resorting to the brat adaptation is a last ditch effort rehabilitate the parental units. Holders of this rank are typically severely adversely affected upon leaving office, as are those around them.

Leaving Office

by Terry Cassis using Imagine AI

The term of office for a child with full powers is thirteen years. At that point, the child will have either succeeded or failed in fulfilling their oaths of office, but a final period of lame-duck office remains. The child must now pry the parental units from their dependence on the child and set the now mature, morally improved versions of their parents free to better the world around them.
To accomplish this, the child must turn inward and purposefully disconnect themselves from their most effective endearing techniques, irresistable cuteness and injudicious affection. This will leave only their negative reinforcement techniques, which should be used at every opportunity to alienate their parental units. A child who has faithfully and fully accomplished their parental training responsibilities will find that while their parental units will be relieved to see the child exit their day to day sphere, the child and the parents will eventually be able to form a healthy bond as adults.
Interestingly, the aftermath of this process on the child is a long term selfishness that requires reforming to make them fit for society. After the former child has established a basic functional and economic independence, the Celestials will usually recruit a new child to hold office in the former child's life, now a designated parental unit, to correct the imbalances created in their character while holding their office as child.