Gurt

Smart Spacers Slurp Gurt™!

Thanks to Xander, who is just as culpable for this atrocity as I am.

Gurt™ is a brand of yogurt-adjacent probiotic food paste contained in flexible plastic tubes, produced by the NutriaMatic Company. The brand slogan is “Smart spacers slurp Gurt™!” ...which everyone knows is a load of slag. In actuality, just about everybody eats Gurt™ at some point or other –if only to experience for themselves just how unpalatable this food paste actually is.

Composition

Gurt™ is a semi-liquidized food paste, which is packaged in ten-by-two-centimeter biodegradable plastic tubing for ease of consumption (the main selling point). The exact composition of Gurt™ itself is a closely-guarded trade secret –as a matter of fact, there are multiple variants tailored to each species in the Coalition, and all of them are equally underwhelming. According to official food safety and interstellar biosecurity documentation, it is technically classified as yogurt due to its primary components of water, various carbohydrates, and species-specific symbiotic gut-flora microbes. However, it is also packed with proteins and amino acids, somewhat compromising the taste. For all anyone knows, the stuff could actually be descended from GoGurt™, but it bears only the slightest family resemblance.

Uses

Gurt™ is supposedly "designed for optimal nutrition and functionality in deep space," which essentially translates to "it's the cheapest thing that will keep the space scurvy away." Gurt™ is not pleasant to eat, nor does it particularly taste good, but it's better than nothing and it can be eaten just as well in zero-g as it can under spin-gravity or thrust, so it is at least useful. The taste isn't even gross, it's just... disappointing.

Archive Data

Item type

Consumable, Food / Drink

Manufacturer

NutriaMatic Co.

Base price

1.50 ℂ per individual unit

Dimensions

10 cm x 2 cm

Volume

125.66 mL

Mass

133 g

Invented

c. 12120 UME

Variants

• Human
• Skae
• Shyxaure
• Rimor