Geartrude von Smokestack

Geartrude von Smokestack (a.k.a. Gear)

Geartrude was born and raised to loving parents, but abandoned when very young on a circus train. She became a shy introvert as even among them she was considered a "freak." She had a knack with animals, but was only allowed to train dogs. And because of her friendship with the train conductor she adopted her obsession with all things mechanical.

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

It's hard to say what's under all those layers of clothes.

Body Features

She is on the shorter side and has various scars from learning different circus acts. The worst of the scars were given by Nietzsche the lion. All of which she keeps hidden under her many layers.

Identifying Characteristics

Her grey skin.

Special abilities

She's a very strong psychic and uses shadows to her advantage.

Apparel & Accessories

She started with gear goggles, a train conductor's hat, a blouse, pants and trench coat and has since added a Jacket of Patches, a displacer cloak, and a pink fuzzy sweater.

Specialized Equipment

She wears a displacement cloak and a feather fall ring that she thankfully hasn't needed to use. She occasionally hurls her javelin of shadows or slings gears at attackers. And when in a real pinch has her jacket of patches full of useful items.

Mental characteristics

Education

None save the books she reads.

Employment

unemployed

Mental Trauma

After losing her parents, she has some abandonment issues. She was also not treated well by those in the circus.

Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Stay in the shadows. Help those who are worse off than her.

Savvies & Ineptitudes

While interested in many things, she has yet to master any.

Likes & Dislikes

She loves animals. She tries to collect gears with the hope that one day she'll be able to build something out of them. She dislikes alcoholics and those that think they're better than others. Lions scare her.

Vices & Personality flaws

She is impulsive especially when she sees and injustice. She trusts no one and assumes the worst in people.

Personality Quirks

Her awkward speech pattern.

Hygiene

She does not seem to care when she gets dirty, but will clean herself when it gets extremely bad.

Social

Contacts & Relations

Celestial Nights Salus, Maggie, Vackmu, Gathug, and Nunya at the Meadows.

Family Ties

She was very close with both her parents, but hardly remembers them as they died when she was very young.

Religious Views

She has no use for them. She does not deny there may be gods, just that they never answered her cries, and thus she has no faith in any of them.

Social Aptitude

She is fairly ignorant of social behaviors as she's always been an outsider. She has watched people and read many books, so she's aware of some, just is not sociable herself. She seems to be more comfortable around children.

Mannerisms

She's awkward around people, especially those she doesn't know.

Hobbies & Pets

She found a strange stray dog on the way to watch one of Jaime's fights. After showing him kindness he attached itself to her and she called him Puck. He has slowly become her sidekick as he follows her around. He has given help and cure during fights. Gear also enjoys tinkering, though she isn't very good at it. She also reads a lot, in doing so she found a sign language book to help her and Maggie (and eventually Jenson) communicate.

Speech

She talks in a clipped almost childlike manner. It has been noticed by some that this may be a facade as she speaks perfectly fine in Sylvan.

Wealth & Financial state

While she has money, she tends to give it away as she has little use for it. She does keep some for emergencies.

A tormented young woman who just learned she has magical abilities and is trying to learn who and what she is.

View Character Profile

Alignment

True Neutral

Age

26 (assumed)

Date of Birth

unknown

Birthplace

She doesn't know

Children

Current Residence

The Aesphodel Meadows

Gender

Female

Eyes

brown

Hair

brown

Skin Tone/Pigmentation

grey

Height

5'3"

Quotes & Catchphrases

Cops Bad!

Edge of Reason

Begin writing your story herWe took people of Meadows into woods. Took hours, still not far. Not sure people able live here. No know live in woods. Morq try teach hunt and gather, they look disgusted. Nunya at least try. He no do so good, get embarrass and run, then trip over Vakmu. I ask Vakmu talk him about old memory and skip rock. It seem help. Meanwhile Jenson work with Meadows people to get organized and who know what Robin do. I sleep to have energy for meeting Black Lotus. Robin come with Ruth and lots of supplies. Robin rich. She tell us later that she set up for someone come an get curse remove from chain. We go Professor Bruce who have magic cube and info. Ruth read Bruce papers, knows he good. He give info for cube, different language for each plane, he know more than me! There enough info for smith to understand and fix cube, that good enough to work for now. Now just gotta find bad dwarf! We have long talk with Morq try convince her no go to bad Black Lotus. Bad guy keep collection safe, son okay, we have plan go in one week when not expecting us. Morq seem okay, she go punch tree and say fine. Then Robin notice fire no stay lit. They blame Jenson. But fire no change when he go away, only grass die at his feet. Then they look me. I do what Jenson do, walk backwards and all. When get near other peoples fire theirs dim. Sigh. I no like light, but no mean put out for others. Why I always harm others unintentionally? As if none of it made any difference, Morq then say she gonna go meet Meifang. So I pack away all valuables and weapons make look like put up a fight, so we ready to go. We go, Robin faster on robodino, get to Greenwood’s bar before us. Still got in time learn about people wanting dead bird’s job in West Docks under Lieutenant. One named “The Render.” Meifang tell us we no should try get captured, just go get info, no one ever escape from place they take people. After much talk, Morq start think about it. Finally, Jenson say, when hunt prey no take easy shot, learn prey first, play smart, take right shot. He talk her language, finally she agree. Finally I relax, I no gonna die that night. I take Meifang aside after she relax a little and apologize. Tell her she good cop, I just no speak right. Ask if she trust me. She say trust my group, good enough for me. Tell her trust her. She seem distracted and have note in hand. A little later Robin leave and Meifang leave just after. Don’t take Sherlock know what happen there. I go back my people in woods. Still no sleepy I look at ring Salus give, still no clue what do, but definitely magic. It no matter, it last of her there is. I hope she at least at peace. Something happened recently when use powers, feel stronger, cause fires go out, but also now no need Salus translation, can read journal on own. Read I did. Most curious about mom and dad, wanna know them. Find out things in court room same as take mama and papa life. Papa turn to worm one, their leader. Maybe he still in there somewhere? None of family school trained, no surprised, chased forever, and we different, so they just call “magic” and think these infected humans. Mama hated travel and argued grandma a lot. Met papa in Pandomonium running off to meet him despite grandma. Soon enough grandma start go crazy, talk self, when grandma die, mama get surge of energy and mama feel sickened. Mama lose so much. And I never know any of them at least know names now, Talisha (pretty name) and Naeem Freeman. I miss family I no know. But there family I do know. I find Nunya and lay with him and Puck for rest of night. In morning Morq make breakfast again. After Jenson make speach to help moral, Morq notice something moving in trees. We go investigate, Morq and Jenson get first and find white wolf, Victor! Between Morq speak with animal and Jenson friendship with Victor, we think we now have wolves protect Meadows folk in woods. But he no can change human, he cursed by hag. So more work to do. Feel self losing everything. I get strong, then more taken away. No wonder grandma crazy.

Of Witches, Clowns, and Gods.

Begin writing your story here...I let Raaj live. I nicer than Jenson. Raaj just promise leave town and never come back. Also left Dr. McCoy to me. Birdman who we find out send underfae to “Collector” including Jenson mom, got dropped into ocean. Hag who gonna trade birdman something got away when Jenson did some fireball. And Jenson dad there, at least something happy come. Jenson dad wanna kill birdman too, I guess. But at least can rest easy some bad stuff stopped for little while. But work for night not over yet, we still need to get Morq son. Birdman tell us there collector take one each kind fae for display. He tell where next portal to collector tower be, under bridge in park. Hag provide underfae. Birdman also know Caraway, not good. This collector has huge eye with reptillian-like pupil. It look intelligent and no care who hurt. This thing apparently love intelligence and do anything to get more. Head of intelligence network that span more than city, maybe more than world. Also somehow got to be head of west docks? But why stop there? Why no be Hecate? Birdman also say Chief working for hags, no surprise there. Birdman was luietenant’s helper back when Jenson young, sent to collect the “item” i.e. Jenson mom. Jenson dad apparently made underfae when try to kill birdman, then cursed by hag when try get more clue to Jenson mom. Now finally coming together, until Jenson drop birdman from sky. See much nicer. We stop at Greenwood new pub, Exotic Guinea Pig. Others think to meet Meifang, or rest. I have other idea. Since I “underfae” and can’t “own” people, no wanna “own” people anyway, I give Dr. McCoy to Greenwood. He good man, trusted, and own bar so have money. Meifang told us no one know West Dock Lieutenant, but he hold Gala every decade or so for elite rich. Most people don’t know of this gala, but she might be able to get one person in because of her complicated family history, her father dragon! Unfortunately, grandad no like her mom not dragon, grandad kill parents. She orphan like me. Grandad, “the Drake” kill her if she go party. Worse Meifang know “Black Lotus,” might be one. Those the bad people from Primal Wilds who after Morq and attack me. No good. Have enough on hands. With that, Morq head out and so we go to forest, which quickly turn to swamp, who knew. Lots of mist. Lots of voices. Bad voices. Voices tell me bad things. Tell me things watching us. Tell me bad people take me away. Things in shadows watching. Then grass die around Jenson feet. Same feel as holy water evaporating. Either there another seed around, or he getting stronger. Voices start get worse and even become like Nunya. Someone asked what we want, when said I want out, like they said was what key was, voice said “turn around.” She said she like our sadness. I said she sad cause missing sis and know who kill sis. Already knew who this was before walk into forest, already know who kill sis before laughed at her shop keeper earlier that day. I negotiate with voice until she let us all see through mist to her hovel. Once inside, only little girl by meager fire, but I no fooled. Everything in decay and once I step inside with others small fire go out. I make her charmed and friendly even with ugly rotten teeth like sister. She tell keeping underfae “safe.” But Morq find their clothes in corner, all but Morlek’s. I take new “friend” outside, she say “They’re all here.” Jenson asks how to get them out. She no talk. So I tell her I kill Sally Greenteeth. She wants my friends, tries polymorph Jenson, but he quick to counterspell. Once she attack Jenson, his dad come from shadows and all hell break lose, let just say, Mr. Tock no longer friend. Jenson dad killed Hag. Found cursed chain on hag, that think each link is animal that was person at one time. Also locket that has hair and tooth of what probably her sisters. Fun. Even funner Morq took hag head and go talk secret to Meifang. Of course, not so secret, and in the haze of all, after being half eaten by alligator, at 3am, after crazy mist, maybe I still paranoid, but make mess as I try to get Meifang take me with to help. Tell her I circus clown they look for. I try tell if she take Morq to black lotus she need take me too, but it no work that way, she think I accuse her being one. I mess up, only make true clown of self. Still tired, I know more to do, need leave with Meadows folk in few hours. I took time to read Pumpkin letter, it sweet and remind me of her. Find nothing new in her diary though. Then look through Salus notes on family journal. So much info from great grand parents to parents. All chased, women learn to plane shift to run away, but always catch up and men die protecting family, family got smaller. Momma got crush on “not innately evil” guy on Pandemonium plane, made me, but no more plane shift since momma think that may hurt baby. She know insanity run in family. She no know what I know. If did, may be alive today. Momma also started to feel weaker when I born and more so when I got bigger. Confirm what Atrix say that seed need be spread so we no go completely mad. I no want baby, but after last night I need think about it, but ewww… Still, need think about for future and maybe not bad idea for help with current problem. So I try meditate and think about Elysium and Celestial I meet there. But instead all I get is ugly voices making fun of me and my effort to search for truth and even think of having child. Voices know everything and no shut up. But push them away. No time for them, Meadows waking. I talk Nunya and tell him I starting to go crazy, he need take care of Puck if something happen me, but I always come back him, if can. He try console me. He do good, make cry, but he no truly understand what going on, can’t make him understand. Of course voice have to tell me he betray me one day. I no listen, can’t list. Salus came out, gave nice speech. Then one by one people say good-bye. Jenson thank her, but she thank him instead. I no idea why, he basically reason she dying. When most people gone I tell her despite all, I do believe in her. I ask if there was something can use to remember her, though of her wreath but she gave necklace she have as more portable. She want me “keep believing in those around me they keep me strong.” Thinking that after Morq say her good-bye I talk her and tell I wanna help save son. She agree as we walk out and turn back to see Salus on top of structure watch us leave and slowly she fade into golden sparkles and gone forever.

Spinning Plates

Just when have handle on things, life finds ways throw ‘nother ball at you, you need juggle. Salus as good as gone. I say my, well no good-bye, but “see you later.” Just when I start have faith. Strange thing life. I want peace, give into idea can fight this thing with peace, and peace taken away by very people trusted with it. Now Salus gone. Home gone. And still so much to do. Salus believe we can do this. I believe her, that only thing I can do to honor her sacrifice. I must finish what I start to cause this mess. I need fix this. Yet, so soon after, too soon after, we meet lizard guy who protect Sally Greenteeth hag. He spotted me right away, call me murderer, but say they grow powerful and I laugh and show him how powerful I got. I no mean to really hurt him. I only mean scare him. I almost kill him. Now know how Jenson feel. He and I need to watch each other closer. I remind him. And then Morq run off. I scared humans or fae see her running around as orc and arrest her, I run after. Then she run into Rutherford land, she no stop even when we warn they kill her, what she expect me do? I do only what good for her, what keep her safe. She never understand. So like would child that no listen, I pick up and turn away from evil. Just I do mind, no body. I try explain, she open up. She no kill me. I think it okay. We go Harte Ranch. Robin tell us of powerful book that was stolen, one more thing to find. And Robin has date after our meeting at 6 for Jenson, which I think Raaj is involved with. Then Morq go disappear for little while, I think she meditating. I go talk to Justin, he doing good, got tan. I tell what really happen court house with Pumpkin. I think it crush him a little. He tell me Hartes don’t own ranch and he no know how contact them and they no have dulcimer. So many things still need to do then. I help with sheep, working with animals help make feel normal a little. As if no need more plates to spin, Robin search house, find Pumpkin’s diary and some letters for us. I disturbed to read in her writing very recent entries where she not sure she good. How she not dead? Even before all this, I mess up and announce to some little receptionist that I unaligned. Can’t put the djinn back in the bottle once it’s out. Maybe this why Jenson so surprised I bought a phone? He no realize I give up hiding. Well… to a certain extent. I no want go in crowded bar, eww. And I no want go this meeting and say “Hi, Raaj, it me circus clown you look for.” So go invisible. Almost got caught by body guard woman. Then just as Jenson about to find out what trade about - there very bad people next door apparently that have something trade Raaj, there something bad going on here - someone broke into room across way. Everyone rush out, but I no let Raaj. No, Raaj and I have unfinished business. I blast him, stop his plate spinning. Big blast, hopefully blast bad people in next room. Get justice Jaime. Get justice Dr. McCoy. Maybe mess up plans of stupid worm god along way.

Slippery Slope

If someone say few week ago, “There not only magic in world, but you magic, and can use to help bring other out of coma,” I tell them go back to sleep, they dreaming. Instead, all this, it like a dream, but it not a dream, and yet I can manipulate dream. Me? I thought that was just the other plane effect, but I enter Maggie mind. I no feel her the night before or next morning, fear for her, fear for Meadows after hearing Salus not doing well, and Calliope dead. So I slide deeper into her mind, her silky, lovely colorful mind, so warm and welcoming. I no want to bring her out. I know feeling wanting to stay where safe. She deserve rest. But, not where can’t get back, not where she alone. I know what alone do to a person. Not good. I want… we have too much to give her. I tell her she be safe, Jenson will be there keep her safe. She make me promise I be there too. In her head, she know what I not say too. I do promise. I was promising to my words, but in my heart, I think I already made decision. If she wanted me, I stay. Of course, I no have much time to talk after this as then her mind decide it hurt and need to cause havoc and attack, infection… me. So I defend her from ugly orc that hurt her, and dead Pumpkin, and Jaime? And why Salus dead? Why Jenson and I dead? I nearly panic at that but blow my whistle for help. No expected result, creepy shadow hands help but not help, escape though silk that reminded me of Jenson, which make feel… odd. When come out of it, Maggie better, not awake, but no longer too far gone. She safe, for now. But what of others? Exhausted, I napped, thoughts on my mind, though only woke short time before. Nunya, Gyx, was still on my mind. Needed to tell him I stay. I so happy he no mad at me anymore, and he trust me enough with real name. Just few short weeks and have family, even if some crazy, and destructive… Jenson… He blew up warehouse. Whiro’s seed. He told me to warn him if he went too far. Was what I saw in Maggie mind more than dream?

On Road Again

It no take much. A wrong word here or there. Small action. Now no longer welcome. At least before, in circus, we keep moving place to place, so I only need stay away from those in circus, and Harry see to that, keep me busy in stalls with animals. Now I think of it, he probably protecting others, not me. After what I see last couple weeks, I no blame him anymore. After all this time, maybe he right. I no know back then. I no know if he did. Either way, it probably for best. It definitely for best now. My actions cause this. Maggie, my first real friend, she hurt bad. Calliope, healer of Meadows, dead. All my fault. I push Susslusst. I get between him and Maggie. I hurt him. I announce to Meadows, Light and Dark coming to kill. It all my fault they go after Salus people, my friends, and no me. Even Jenson put himself at risk, for what? So I stay where not welcome? People no like me there. They scared me. I feel stares. I feel connection there ‘cause they like me, unwanted, unloved. But after today, after what I do, I not wanted even there. I try protect that place. I try tell them defend peaceful. I even try. But still, I wanna kill. I may no kill snake. But I mad I no kill snake. Robin sneaky, got close before me, and shadow creature hurt Puck. Wanted to make snake’s brain ooze out nose, but no satisfaction. And that before got message from Nunya that Maggie missing. Fucking snake planned all along. At least Nunya safe, no hurt only Maggie blood. But too much. And everything happen so fast. Then Morq come at Nunya with sickle, I thought she about to attack, she lucky I distraught I almost melt her brain too. But she only put sickle in Nunya hand and tell him to use. She right, maybe peace defend not way. I too took off patch and dumped two daggers onto ground gave him for Vacmu and Gathug. Selena no like, but told her about coming vision of kids standing over her. She can deal with that. Then we go save Maggie and others. Grave yard was not as spooky in day, but awkward. Mosuleum was empty, but found a tunnel into underground layer and we snuck way into bad area. We heard screams, and had to fight way past ugly creatures. Well, others fought, I tired fighting concentrated on saving. Maggie stuck on alter, no wake. Took lot to get off, but eventually did, and rushed out once Jenson picked her and flew out. I sorry later I no turn back to help others, but this no fight, this about friends. This last time people die because me. They want what in me, they need find it. Good luck. They only find it now because I stay in one place. That why people hurt. So, I no longer stay in one place. Won't stop, can't stop, otherwise turn into worms. Maybe I find new circus. I hope Nunya will like circus.

Snake in Grass

Messing up easy. Fixing things you mess up, not so easy. I try. All I do make more mess. I make apology to all of Meadows with several goals in mind. Mostly to fix my mess, but also wanted people have faith in Salus, or Meadows, or at least themselves. I mess it up by slipping saying people coming to kill underfae. Other goal was to move target off Salus and her people to me. If they think I more dangerous, maybe they leave her alone. Guess not, because Jynore follow them and they had meeting where they now wanna hurt them. I try tell people to be peaceful and defend Meadows peacefully, and now I start war. I try to follow Salus and I only hurt. That not only thing broke. Jenson took to elf named Robin, Robin know about cube and how fix. Well, kinda. Now we gotta go run around find more people because if no fix cube bad magic can leak out. And to fix cube, we spoke with blind man who was slave to bad dwarf. Now gotta go fix that too. At least blind man okay. But my mistake with dwarf probably cost us. Sometimes wish never left circus, never knew magic existed. Things simpler when only making dogs dance. Even then didn’t know who was good and bad. Didn’t know who could trust. Still don’t know. Thought could start trust people. Thought could trust Salus people, Rachet… He was there when we went to warn Salus and Maggie, and felt fear right away. Just like others who with Susslusst that no like me. Those plotting against Salus. Before we even talk her, I confront him. Even when I thought I help before, with pump and money, to fix Meadows, it all went to these traitors, not to people who need. Everything broken. How many more traitor among us? Who can I trust? Even people I thought friend shoot arrow at me. It perhaps time to return to shadows. Even we let Rachet go peacefully, it do bad, he tell others we mean him. He no tell them what we ask tell them. I no longer know what good or bad. What right or wrong. If everything I do make bigger mess, do it matter? This why never believe in gods. It not that I not believe they exist. Just have no faith in them that they help me. Have a god right in front of me, and even she powerless to do one thing she made for. But maybe she can still be useful. I know I can not walk away and no let her either.

The Worst Day Back.

It been a long day. From start to finish. Didn’t even get a full night sleep as we appeared on plane late at night. Talked Salus couple times, she confirmed she god. It didn’t go well. She refuse to do anything but hide, even if she is god of peace. She no will remember me, will just be a page in journal. I lost a little faith in her. These gods, they just playing chess with us. Then there’s Nunya, he mad me for leaving even though left him with a family. I know he need time, but no know if he give me time of day again. Went to Sanctuary, at least Jenson had good day seeing his friend now in charge of place. She gave good info, but sad, no know where his dad is. Worse, when got back, generator for water in Meadows missing. We go find. It been thrown in river. I go in, able to use telekinesis to lift out, but no matter, it already too waterlogged. So I gave money to Meadows for new one. Probably too much, but no care. The “anti-Salus” group is responsible. Jaime asked Meifang and she said Urakeir had become heavy handed and she no longer cop. They no like underfae. Underfae blamed for court incident. Judge dead, Rowen council dead, no Pumpkin, no us, no bad jaguar or monsters that reflect my brain melts. Just because you paranoid doesn’t mean there no government cover ups. I did get chance to talk with Jaime and offer him to use me as bait or what ever needed so we can try to get Dark and Light to work together. If he could get in there it would be good leverage, but seems fate no work that way. He said he needed to think and get back me. He wanted go with Jenson and wanted me go with Morq. I no want to go but I go anyway because Morq first day here and she need friend. I not good friend. She no want to stay in Meadows. She want be independent. She want live in woods. So I help her start build home in woods. But she had mentioned seeing vision of white wolf. Others mentioned Victor left and no come back. I put 2 together. I watch woods. Sure enough. Huge white wolf no like use in its territory, come challenge us. I try talk to it. Morq try fight it. I try stop both. I do wrong way. I try keep Morq out of harms way, but want do all of us, not strong enough. Should have lifted higher, and I didn’t. Should have let her down when she asked, but didn’t ‘cause thought she would fight more. Should have trust her. I bad friend. But I talk Victor, convince him to let her stay and build home. Still, lost friend and trust in process. I no know how bad until later, when I see her scars. She no know my scars, but I understand more and I too sorry for what I do. I understand helplessness. I understand and I sorry. But she have to shoot arrow at me? And build traps like those that kill Puck family? She know about those? I told her, but maybe she no think. We all forget in anger. So I try to calm, doing only thing I know how; tinker. I try fix gear for Jaime, help him sleep better. Or for when see Hecate. Of course, I no get far when there a little knock on the weak little door to the tiny room I given. Better than corner behind crates I made before, I guess. It little Gathug. He want adventure, like 3 Musketeers. So I took to library. Except we get lost. There was thugs in alley who try to attack us, except I cause darkness and get us out. Someone attack thugs as we left. Gathug got too excited my magic, then he excited about this other, this vigilante. Gathug say there is one running around called “Noche Obscura.” He also tell me that Ssustluss leader of anti-Salus group is said to have a place outside of Meadows where they gather. Gathug happy though because I give him book, not on 3 Musketeer but on how to fight. He need learn how protect himself and his family. We all do. And maybe no too soon. When we get back Snake boy already at it. Recruiting and telling people Salus weak. That Meadows need strong leader. I tried showing that he not that strong. It back fire. He strong enough to no be tripped. And then he do something that made me feel like I on fire. I hate fire. Fire scary. So I just shock his mind little. Puck unfortunately also got involved and by time I was about to save him, Salus showed up and yelled at us. She banned me. Me! I no even back a day! I- I- I… did wrong. But he make me so mad. I just protect home. I protect Salus. But I leave. Eventually, Jaime and Jenson come and want to find Morq. I no want to find Morq. Morq mad me. I announce presence and tell her they want talk. She shoot at me again. I walk away. Eventually, they Jynore came and told me Jaime leaving. Leaving as in going away and no come back. What? I ran back and slap Jaime breaking fae promise I guess but no care. He should tell me first. So just like that, we suddenly making plans to break into his house, save boyfriend, and send them another plane to get away from scary parents. Thankfully, we got him out. We had to break magic on a phylactery that held Ryan there. While there, we found Pride seed. But they had too many ward on it, we come back. Also learned, I’m considered underfae no matter if I choose or not. It no fair. But worse, all light and dark come together, they getting ready to attack underfae. And one scary bird guy says “master needs underfae as assets.” That almost worse. But whatever coming, I know it no good, and we need more preparation. Gonna miss Jaime. He strongest, bravest, sassiest, and he may not know, but maybe even last hope for now we no longer have any light or dark, no more balance. I scared. He lucky though. He with soul mate. Maybe that help? More love in world, more can fight death? We need more like him.

Breaking and Entering

First, I no write for some time. Morq back, never got off island I guess. Wanted for something. I no know. She met our slippery fingered friend Locke who brought her back to us. We told Morq all everything Atrix said. Convince her to go back with us. We together for reason. Foedus. Yeah, at least I thought. I work hard to finish project before go back home. Just in case. Worms in head scare me. Now need protection from self more than protection from outside. Don't know if this will help with that. But, sometimes people scarier, so at least this may give me some confidence even if no protection. Even so, Jenson come banging on door in morning. He have bad dream/vision. Ruin my good dream of momma. He dream of Meadows burning. Why he always dream of future, bad future people at war, his dad hurting, god worm almost killing him, now this. War against Meadows, kids, Maggie and Salus locked in shed surrounded by police. I no like Jenson's dreams. I try to wave him off, but he is insistent we go as soon as possible. But Jaime reminded she said midday. Good, give me time to finish. I work harder. They go downstairs to talk. Finally finished, we pack up and met Atrix at the temple. She seemed in different mood, as did greeter that took us to her. Everything seemed off. I no like mood today. She didn't explain much, and what she did, I was too nervous to listen other than we needed items from that plane. For some reason it did not click until she said Jenson and Jaime did not need because they born there. Why I need? I no born there? I know from my dream with momma, just that night I learned I been on other planes but... I not from the material plane? It never occurred to me. Even when I questioned the man in the shop about where my pappa from and learn he may be from this area that I wouldn't be from there. Now, she not even sure I from here. I nod and accept my fate for now. Too many other things going on. I stuff one of Pumpkin's maps under Puck's collar and fluff Pumpkin's sweater closer to my neck. I was ready. I assumed Puck would come with me when I took a drink. I was holding onto his fur like I normally do, but as I faded out (I watched Jaime and Morq do the same) his fur faded beneath my fingers. The vision of the kids near the river went by too fast for me. I wanted to reassure Nunya again. I wanted to hug him. He must hate me so much now. Think I lied., I left like his mom. I no wanna leave him. Then the other. The darkness. I gave in. I need to, I think. Use it against itself. And just so, I thought Atrix lied to us, tricked us. Trapped us in our own minds. Just then, I feel solid place, Pumpkin's farm. I was happy, upset, sad, all at the same time. I was somewhere familiar. Somewhere safe. But I was alone, and if I was alone, so was Morq, and we promised Morq we'd help her. And where was Puck? Whet did Atrix do? This was messed up! I needed to think, but needed to get back home. But more importantly, I needed to know the dulcimer was safe! So I rushed to the farmhouse. I knocked and no answer. I called out, still nothing. So I tried to slingshot Pumpkin's dad's bedroom window. Maybe my frustration and anger went into the shot. Normally it's pretty weak. This time I shattered the window completely. "oops, sorry!" But still, there was nothing. Looking inside, there was nothing. Everything that was there was covered and abandoned. They were gone. I might as well finish the job and went inside. I needed to know. I had to make sure the dulcimer was safe or if they left it somewhere. I searched everywhere I remembered Pumpkin showed me, including her Non's seperate home. I found the headstones. And by the look of it and the dates... we were too late. We didn't arrive back right after the court date. I found a letter asking the Hartes to move out to a friends where they would be safe. It sounds like Jenson's dreams were true. Why couldn't it be mine where we arrive back where the kids were still little and happy and everything was okay? I just want to tell Nunya that happy story he wanted to hear of how we came back to him safe and sound. Is that too much to ask?

The Good, the Bad, and the Wormy.

Morq gone. Jaime better. Jenson told about Atrix and everything she said. There were originally 7 champions who had 7 artifacts that the gods sealed seeds of Whiro away in. Pumpkin’s dulcimer is one, and so is Jenson’s bow. These champion’s artifacts made the compact and that’s why it mustn’t be broken today. Apparently, it why we brought together. I still no want anything to do with it. No idea how it got to be my fight. They champions, they fighters, not me. Jaime tried picking fight with big guy after he was pickpocketed. It was just a kid. The kid took his money and after we surrounded him (with a little Mesmer grab) and some persuasion, he led us to his boss. That boss was mean guy hurt people, took over their thief guild, didn’t deserve position or respect. Told him as much. Walked out on him. Left poor saytr lady there, Loch, I think was her name. Could do nothing for her without getting us all killed. At least not yet. Maybe later. Hate leaving so much undone. Jenson says its for best. Not so sure. Not doing anything is almost as bad as doing wrong. But then I’m used to staying in shadows and not taking sides. Still didn’t sit easy with me. Like leaving slaved blacksmith in Cielo Vista, dog fighting ring, trappers, and Puck’s girlfriend. So many things left behind. All because there something more important? Aren’t little things important? In bigger picture isn’t the little details the ones that matter? Isn’t it the corners of the Mona Lisa’s lips that make her smile beautiful? Isn’t it the imperfections in stained crystals that make them shine brighter? At least I do one little thing instead of one big thing tomorrow. But first, I need to know something. Something that I put off knowing. Something that in my heart I already know. I sleep. I see two archways. One to a dream I know that will be peaceful and happy. The other dark, and writhing. Even after hearing Jenson mention that going through the astral plane could help Whiro escape, I had to do this one last time. I walked through the wormlike dark door. Back to the train depot. Back to the scene where my parents lay dead, or almost. Papa still moved a little. But the worm monster, it approached him, just like before it dropped pieces of itself on papa. Poor papa couldn’t fight back, had no strength left and even as the worms were shoved in his mouth he tried, but couldn’t cough them up. I wanted to look away but couldn’t as he turned into a copy of that same monster. Papa… no the new monster picked Mama’s body up and walked away with her. She was dead, certainly, shot in the heart. Gone. They both were taken. I’d worried they were captured, but this, to be transformed in such a horrific way…. If these are the creatures after us, it is even more important I talk to the shop keeper.

Tinker, Healer, Run

Is it bad, that we so close to going home, I almost change my mind? So much has changed in just a few hours. Even after all that happened yesterday. I wanted to go back so bad. Now, now I want to stay and learn more. Now, we may need to stay. Jenson and Jaime went to the healers while I went with Morq to the inn. I wanted us to stay together. If I'd learned anything lately, it was best to stay together, and again it was proved right. This time in a strange way. First we walked to the inn and a shop caught my eye. It was unlike all the others, mostly because it had gears. Not the smooth fancy ones that must run this place but the hard working ones that run trains. There was a man there, and he watched the world about him almost like I did. I wanted to stop, but we did have something to do first and Morq and Puck were already out of time. When we did return, he seemed nervous but more willing to talk inside, maybe it was Morq's large presence or my pleading about my father teaching me to tinker, he told me it's dangerous to mention any of those things in this place. Morq said he's from an area south of where she's from, that they learned to build without magic. I wanted to learn more about this, but this made the man paranoid and he pushed us out. Now I know so much more about where I'm from, and I may never know any more, for Morq has run away. Not long after this, she made a commotion as she packed her things, and tried to slip away unnoticed. I have no idea why. But we tried to chase her through the streets, I met with Jenson and Jaime as they came back from the healers, Jaime looked much better, and she just rushed off onto a boat before we could reach her. Now we are split again. And I too feel like running now.

Eyes in the Dark

My goggles lay unattended as I tried to understand what was happening. I put the darkness spell on the corridor, why not on the science witch? It might have confused her more. Even then her eyes showed surprise, yet somehow, I’m not sure it was because of the spell. I didn’t have time to worry about it. We had to get back to the ship. I learned a trick from Puck and blinked just like him into the elevator. Even as I defied her giving her the bird, behind Morq’s protective arm she glared ate me, not any of the others. Why me? Why not one that shot arrow at her, or one she injected, or other one that got away from her? Me because she felt the tug in me, like I felt in her? Or something else? Jenson said he felt tug and wanted to go back, so why she no look at him? I focused on my project more, had to keep her out of my head. While we traveled I mostly only worked on this it was like meditation for me. It kept me focused. Doing something for someone else felt good. I needed this. He needed good sleep too. Don’t know if he sees it, but I know he cares. I held his hand for a little while, I hope he knows someone cares for him too. I was able to meditate and talk to Maggie in a dream. I scared her at first. I think she thought I was a ghost or something. She couldn’t see me. I don’t even know if she was dreaming or if it was even real. But I hope I did get the message across that we are alive and we are trying to get home. Something still seems not right. She different from dream from other night. This world was crazy. Everything turned upside down. Above water, no technology, below, have stuff that maybe better than ours. Jaime act scared. Jenson not so thrilled to get home as once was. I purposely blanked my mind. This place, this can not get to me. Even if there are things want answers. I tired and need stay in control. But could not for long. Something wrong. Something dark. I opened my eyes. Something wrong with Jenson. His dream bad, dark place. I told him dream of Maggie, this definitely not Maggie dream. After trying to slap him awake a couple times I hit him. Didn’t know I could hit that hard, but it worked. He woke. He said he dreamed he fought Whiro. Probably really there. Stupid go to dark place and to attack Whiro. But brave. Next time should not do it in dream though. Now we arrive at land that defies gravity. Hope we find this Atrix fast, but seems she’s not so famous, so may take some time. And already the others are getting distracted. This place scares me more than others, not so many shadows. Will need other ways to hide.

Well, That's Terrifying

We found Jaime almost dead, and acting weird. Very quiet, too quiet for him. Even after sleeping, he was too quiet, and he has little horns, not like the horns he has when he gets mad, like real horns like Morq's. He's still hurting, he tried to hide it, but we could tell. Need to get him out of here. Wish there was a hospital. Morq was able to lead us through halls to where Jaime's stuff was. What luck, this place looks like a hospital from movies, but there's no one there. Not the hospital I wanted for Jaime. There was dust on most counters and Jaime found a computer and said some rooms were empty. Before Jaime could punch in another wrong password, Morq called out and she found his stuff. Indeed she did, in the very operating room that he lost his abilities in. Refusing to go in, he stayed outside, and I stayed with him. There was another one of those scary monsters from the forest in there too. Why did it seem this was all connected? Jenson was pretty sure he and Morq could handle it with us helping from outside. Until it screamed. Then its buddies showed up and had Jaime, Puck, and I petrified. They were mutated things like we saw when trying to get the miasma. I tried to make them listen to me, but these were stronger and resisted. I think they also had one of those wormy things controlling them. It was tough trying to decide which way to go. I know Jaime said he would not go back in the operating room, but it was the safer of the two options doing what I could from back there. Jaime rushed the big guy, I wish he hadn't, it hurt him. Puck tried to help and my smoking sphere could only do so much. I know he felt alone and afraid out there. There may not have been much I could have done for him then, but there may be something I can do for him soon.

The Spirits Within

After finding a book on deities with a bookmark with the word Tenabrae, and Morq's explanation some things started to make sense. Morq knew of this Whiro deity that was bookmarked, the dark trickster, but scarier, she knew tenabrae was a dark prison which sounded too much like the dream I had the night we slept in the tree. The voices in the dark berating me until I became upset and lost control. The place I saw in the dream, a dream that ended up hurting my friends, that shouldn't have been real, now may be real? After another dream that also seemed as if I crossed planes (how the hell am I saying that as if it's normal?) I wanted to test the theory if it was real. My first desire was to see the place I was most familiar and comfortable, even though I was only there a week. After remembering the place I now thought of as home, I remembered what Salus said shortly before the last time I was there, the journal from the bay witch's layer that had a drawing of a familiar woman, Salus said it was written in quori and talked about the Kalashar. Morq, with her strange knowledge about different things might know of them, and so I asked. She said they were a psychic race, at least they were peaceful but had spirits that guided them. Between Salus and Morq, it felt like something familiar, something I needed to know more. I needed to test the theory and prove something to myself. That place, that tenabrae, had meaning, if it was real like the book implied, there was something so much bigger than even what happened at the court going on here. And so, I concentrated on tenabrae and to be willingly imprisoned in the dark with those condescending people. The last time they told me others wouldn't accept me, that I was corrupt to the core, and yes, I did hurt my friends after that, but they did accept me. I'd heard words similar to that all my life, I wasn't good enough to work with the trapeese, I was not to get angry because I would scare people. Work only with the cute puppies, so people watch them and not me. Hide and don't let others see you. I was done being not good enough. My friends had showed me I was able to do more than just train animals, I could do magic, pyschic magic, and if others could be peaceful with psychic magic so could I. But if there was something out there, trying to hurt our world, and the sphinx lady thought we were the answer, then I had no choice but to confront my fears inside or out. The world around me faded and I felt the unkind oppressive darkness like in my previous dream. I was kind of giddy that I could actually do it. That didn't last long as that soft and yet horrible voice came out of the darkness. "She's back." Another voice asked "Why is she back?" They did not expect me, that is good, I can catch them off guard. I would test this more. I wasn't going to mince words; "Where's Whiro?" They answered, "Not where, but when." Good to know, we now had a time limit. "Stupid girl doesn't know anything," one said. I no longer would stand their attitude, I wouldn't let them get to me any longer, and they'd learn not to mess with me. "Yeah, I am. But stupid girl learns." "We know where you come from, where you're going." Instead of taking their bait, I addressed what they had to be feeling if they were trying to intimidate me. It's what everyone who intimidated me always felt, it's what Harcort felt, it's what Rodney and all bullies felt. "I know you're afraid." They laughed at this. I must have hit that sweet spot, for they changed the subject again. "You're one of us." "Kalashtar." The laughter and whispers stopped. "That's what I thought." They were afraid. I broke the contact at that moment a new confidence in me. As their world faded, I heard one more taunting voice say "He's not dead." While I didn't get answers I was looking for, was I Kalashtar, were they just in my head, what were they (they most certainly were not peaceful) so were they the spirits Morq mentioned? I came away from there feeling like I'd accomplished something, like I won a battle, maybe not against them, but something better. That last sentence that I'm sure was meant to throw me off kilter, to confuse and distract me, only bolstered my confidence. If "he" was who I hoped he was, then all was good and I would find out in time. If "he" was someone else then it didn't matter. For now, the voices were gone and I had a friend to help save.

April 1st - The Weirdest Day

Circus train pulled into the station for the last time. Harcourt told us it our last stop. After a sad good-bye to Bill - gave me cap and his whistle - I follow others out of the station. Know not else what to do. Slowly they all dissipated until I left alone in a city I didn't know. I no clue where go, who ask, or what do. So I just start walking, towing little suitcase behind. I turned corner in some alley and met cat. It no seem afraid and quickly like me. It appear smarter than average cat and want me follow. It lead me crying children. Two crying green children. I put off by this, obviously, but crying tug my heart strings. They lose their way, and their mom and one hurt. The cat seem belong them as they recognize it immediately. I reveal myself and offer help. We follow cat, Sasha, to not so abandoned parking garage that filled with tents and homeless people. This was kid's home, though mother not here. One of first people I see there was scary woman with five eyes that remind me big spider. I reluctantly follow her to the leader this shanty town, Salus. Salus look perfectly normal, if no disheveled, woman with an air of authority. Inside Salus's tent there fire and nowhere shadows for me sit. She noticed and asked if she could touch my hand. I no like people touch me. Yet, she patient and kind and eventually, I let her. She say it cold, as if I no know that. She also ask if I feel more comfortable in darkness, which of course, I say yes. She told me I magical. Me? And my magic connected to shadows. Me? Magical? There no such thing magic. Closest any ever came, that guy that pulled rabbits out his hat years ago in the circus. And yet Salus asked Sasha show, and she disappeared, then reappear on my head. Magic!? Salus said she'd research more, but why should she? I just someone off streets. But then again, I in camp, they called Asphodel Meadows, full of alien like people. Or maybe fantasy more like it, orcs and spiders, what's next goblins? In fact, yes. Man came with a young goblin boy who claimed know where kid's missing mother and other people were. Salus gather group which include man and scary spider-woman and myself. She ask us go in sewer per goblin instruction, then ask me of all people to lead. I just get here, just find out magic real AND I magic, and she want me lead? I should kept running when I had chance. Now I mixed up with new group of freaks. Afraid, I ask if there bigger people who protect us. Looking around there just scrawny people including new guy, Jenson, and five-eyed spider-woman they call Maggie. I begrudgingly agreed. Then Jenson said he need go, but send “friend.” Great. Another monster no doubt. As made our way into sewer, yes, sewers as if all other stuff no bad enough, we soon joined by superhero. No, really guy dressed up in silver jumpsuit. I mean, really. I look him up and down, saw big C on his chest, and simply said, "Hi, Mr. C." Of course it Jenson, but I play along at this point. What came next nearly completely throw me off. There runes on the wall. Runes I see and no one else. This first pure magic, besides Sasha I see, and the first that apparently just me. I so intent on runes I no notice four escorts disappear. When did, I drew closer Mr. C and even Maggie. This not place be alone. Shortly, two shadow...things attacked. I no know if I do anything, it felt like I do something, but really it Maggie who kill them, and definitely made impressive display, raising her in my eyes. When my heart calm a little, I spot number of bodies no too far ahead. One was children's mother, Selina. Thankfully, she alive. After Jenson healed her, she explain that Sasha her familiar. Sasha understand this magic stuff more than I thought and sniffed out tablet. When Jenson destroyed it, I notice runes dimmed. This good. Selina said she believed we trapped until runes no active. I no know language on tablet but focal point for spell words legible and dimmer after destroy next one. So we follow runes to center. There see undead minotaur taking people and put alter, sacrifice them. Mr. C, Maggie and Selina jump one walkway another. I walk. Also make orc dance and fall off. Other almost kill me but Selina save me. Out of nowhere, lady come in from other side and burn minotaur while new man also attack it. Soon all gone, but not out danger, water begin rising. We go up, and destroy last tablet which stop water, but along way, I make friend of Mr. Tock the giant alligator. He try eat new friends, but tell him no. He go back to water. On way out we find trunk with some goodies, one was nice jacket with useful patches that others let me keep. Fire breathing lady turn out be cop named Meifang, and other boy Jaime who both trying to solve same mystery, seem had worse time with shadow monster. Just as think could rest and return to Asphodel Meadows, we walk out sewers and police wanna question. Mr. C disappear before they put in car. We sit for hours. Jaime talk centaur girl there, apparently they had adventure before ours involve robbery and more police, not sure why centaur girl, Pumpkin still there but seem nice, even let me pet hair. Other people come, go. They take Maggie first but no bring out, no like this. She brave in sewers, she strong, she also eat lots rats in one bite. She have our back even if scared her. She honorable. No mess Maggie. So they take me back, they get bunch of gobliny gook, literally, I no talk them common. They need bring someone who know talk. Still, they push. I push back, only say one word. “Maggie.” Once free her, then I talk, even then not much say. Once got back and go for sleep, Maggie invite me stay in tent. I no used that, I used hide, but I accept pillow and blanket she made her silk in gratitude. I go behind crates and sleep soundly.