Irisilou's Crow Pot Pie Parody

Caution: The response to the prompt CROW is a about a respectable witch's attempt to bake a crow pot pie. Young children and squeamish others (humans, nearly humans and beasts) who hold crows harmless should not read on. Not everyone likes a from scratch Crow Chicken Pot Pie.

Experienced witches know that making a crow pot pie at this time of the year is tradition. The recipe for crow pot pie varies somewhat from culture to culture, but the ingredients for every pie include a delectable plucked crow. Not plucking the crow before baking is an option that yields mixed results. Some crow pot pie GMs critics are averse to coughing up feathers for hours after their meal.
Other tasty ingredients include sausage, beef, onions, carrots, celery, salt, pepper, flour, parsley, and goat broth. Have plenty of wine on hand. Stirring in wine to flavor the broth while getting snookered makes the prep less onerous. Building a stick fire to boil the pot is not suggested. No one wants to dirty their homemade rolled out crust with chimney soot. Using a hot stove is not cheating. It is a customary appliance used for hundreds of years. Preheated to 380 degrees requires less attention for the rushed witch to consider. Afterall she needs to keep an eye on the bird.
The stock is cooked once without the crow. Then the intact and plucked crow is ladled into a scoured black cauldron. With the concoction that’s been cooked once and simmering, the bird will be warm to the touch. When the mixture reaches a bubbling temperature and the crow no longer squawks, it is time to cover the pot and let it sit until the crow is satisfied with being dead scalded. If the recipe is followed precisely, spooning the filling into an unbaked pie crust is a snap. Shove the pot pie with the bird into the oven and set the timer. In one hour, supper will be ready to feed ravenous friends, family and beasts.
However... and this is a big, however. If the directions aren't followed, there will be a calamity. These crows are savvy birds who know their Mother Goose rhymes even when their mark (the witch) doesn’t.

Last October Irisilou Meribee did not read well a poorly written recipe. The safety precaution about cooking once and cooking twice faded out into a wine stain. Because she listened to an arcane piece of folklore, she cut slits in the crust for the poltergeists to escape. In the rush of preparing the pie and pouring herself a large glass of Absinthe warm milk, she forgot to pluck the bird. The crow waited for the brew to steam, clawed through Irisilou’s incision and flew out the window.
Not a witch to give up. This year, she made significant changes to her recipe. She decided to bribe the crow before she touched the elixir. She sang while she prepared the stock. She changed the lyrics of the song she knew well to assure the bird’s fate would be less deadly. She cooked the stock twice and waited for the pot to sit on the cutting board without the bird. The crow would go in the pot last. She didn’t bore any holes into the pie crust.
The crow waiting for her to bribe him cawed, but didn't leave. Irisilou was prepared to cook her dinner. She got so excited when the crow happily grabbed the smore, she forgot to keep at least one eye on the bird. The crow, claws extended, grabbed the wrapped smores she held out and flew away with a chorus of 4 and 20 blackbirds that bamboozled every witch and wizard on the block.
Porridge, by order of the "slow to learn witchery," is the new October 1st dinner tradition in the neighborhood. Safer for everyone involved. The crows are looking in other regions to find foils.
Irisilou Meribee at last agrees that she has no business embedding recalcitrant birds into pies that take all day to stir and bake. She’d rather read a book on spells or lore, warm up leftovers for supper, spin three times under the full moon, and take a nap in a goose-down bed.

*A smore (graham cracker, chocolate and marshmallow sandwich) is a ornery and disobedient black crow's favorite treat, but it doesn't mean they will cook for them.

Sing a song of sixpence a pocket full of rye,
Four and twenty blackbirds baked in a pie.
When the pie was opened the birds began to sing,
Oh wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?

Crows Take Bribes by ROD w/Midjourney

Irisilou rolls a d6 4 (not the 6 she expected).

Crows Know their Nursery Rhymes by ROD w/Midjourney

Crow rolls a d6 6 (what every singing 4 and 20 blackbird always rolls.).

Credits