Journal Entry #17
Carmen 1003 YAR
It never ceases to delight me when we welcome back the Bhediya to our halls; not simply because I am reunited with my closest friend. No, the Bhediya bring a sense of... weightless joy that I find myself chasing on occasion. I will bask in its warmth while they are here.
Or, at least, I will try to. My mind has found no reprieve from constant, bombarding visions and the puzzles that exist in my waking life. Since my youth, I have known I was blessed with strong prophetic visions, but never have they been this oppressive and overbearing on my entire being. By The One, I don't believe I'll ever decipher all of it... if any at all.
However, it is the constant ebb and flow of Judas that I find perplexes and vexes me most of all. I had sworn to cease comparisons with Caliban and his realm, yet the tides are akin to his behavior. It is no longer what I see, sense, and feel in Judas'... disposition that vexes me now. No, rather, it is something not quite tangible, yet something I know with certainty, but do I dare believe what I suspect? What I feel?
I am a High Priestess of Judas. I am a soul reincarnated for him and him alone... His Beloved.
But what do I become when the soul of Judas is... no longer completely his own?
No matter, a question for another time. Now, I must prepare to welcome the Bhediya and to pretend I know how to dance with any moniker of grace. — His name is Annanias. He calls himself The Void. His touch lacks all the warmth I am accustomed to. Yet, it is enticing, consuming, and seemingly irresisitible. I am drawn to it – pulled inexplicably towards it... to him.
The weight in my heart – that has threatned to crush me beyond recognition – has finally lifted. Now, it flutters and sighs. Is this what it feels like to fly?
Was this my fate?
Or, at least, I will try to. My mind has found no reprieve from constant, bombarding visions and the puzzles that exist in my waking life. Since my youth, I have known I was blessed with strong prophetic visions, but never have they been this oppressive and overbearing on my entire being. By The One, I don't believe I'll ever decipher all of it... if any at all.
However, it is the constant ebb and flow of Judas that I find perplexes and vexes me most of all. I had sworn to cease comparisons with Caliban and his realm, yet the tides are akin to his behavior. It is no longer what I see, sense, and feel in Judas'... disposition that vexes me now. No, rather, it is something not quite tangible, yet something I know with certainty, but do I dare believe what I suspect? What I feel?
I am a High Priestess of Judas. I am a soul reincarnated for him and him alone... His Beloved.
But what do I become when the soul of Judas is... no longer completely his own?
No matter, a question for another time. Now, I must prepare to welcome the Bhediya and to pretend I know how to dance with any moniker of grace. — His name is Annanias. He calls himself The Void. His touch lacks all the warmth I am accustomed to. Yet, it is enticing, consuming, and seemingly irresisitible. I am drawn to it – pulled inexplicably towards it... to him.
The weight in my heart – that has threatned to crush me beyond recognition – has finally lifted. Now, it flutters and sighs. Is this what it feels like to fly?
Was this my fate?
Dysis Judas
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