A Letter to Saint Lydia, following the Alliance Summit

Dear Lydia,
I'm not sure if you believed we'd come this far. If what's happened would be of relief or disappointment to you. What's happened at the table of the world's various governments took even me by surprise, and like you warned, involved a problem far greater than just the civil war in Crypha.
Try as I might, I still can't pin any blame to you for what you did, originally. In a way it mirrors the desperation I made my vow in the first place. I wanted protection. You wanted an ally.
I'm far enough away from things now to understand you had a choice all along, the same as I. I'm grateful that even after your death, you weren't the bitter sort and acknowledged we did what had to be done. I think back to the way that Sybil described you and your blessing-- that I had to be willing to sacrifice for the people I love most.
Sacrifice is such a subjective concept. I nearly sacrificed my throne for doing what I thought was right. I sacrificed my sense of safety and any peace of mind I held before for the sake of that cause. I would have sacrificed myself it meant the safety of those closest to me as we pursued it. I was willing to sacrifice the respect of my own family if it meant Volatia would remain safe and alive, once we found out what her runes held back. I wasn't willing, however, to sacrifice her for the greater good.
Many would argue I should have. Even from a pragmatic standpoint, what did any of us stand to gain were she to live? How would that benefit the cause you fought for? How would it have benefited the Covenant? Dalvath? Lazwish? If we're wrong and Volatia's death was the answer to locking away the evil caged in her for good-- if I'd stood aside, or facilitated her assassination, how many lives would have been spared?
It was a microcosm of the question of leadership. I still don't know if I made the right choice. As the leader of a Company who valued Volatia's presence and believed she had a right to life, the same as we all, I fulfilled that role well. But was it done at the cost to my true responsibilities -- to myself as a future world leader, and to Dalvath beyond that?
Perhaps I can find the answer to be that it was worth it in the end, given that defense of her uncovered the extent of the absolutely sinister reach of the Silver Flame. Now it's a matter of what we do about it.
I've heard you spoke through your followers and said I should take your place as Saint, Lydia. As humbling as I find that, as much as I recognize this is the way you can best offer your support now, that mantle is something earned. I don't believe I can ever embody hope for the Cryphan people the way you did. Even as I strive to bring back the sun to your lands and people, my country has succeeded in negotiating a third of your own to be annexed.
Perhaps one day the legacy of the automatons I made for the orphans of the Iron Hills may paint memory of me in a different light, but that will only be years from now. Action in the immediate seems out of reach, at least in any ways that will impress your cohorts. I'm not trying to earn their respect, though, I'm going endeavor now for their safety. A day where they can finish their fight in the light of day.
I imagine any success in winning the hearts and minds of the Cryphans in the fight against Balocrypha will only come after that deed is done.
I look forward to a day where we can meet again under the warmth of some eternal sun. To a place when we might be able to talk about things we never were able to, with time we never had. I'll always look forward to a life beyond this one simply if it means we'd at last have that.
Thank you for doing what you thought was right. It touched so many people who looked up to you, and has changed my life forever.
If I know nothing else, I know I'm glad for the person I've grown into being as a result of those actions.
— Illara Alessio Zar'ath

Type

Journal, Personal