A somewhat hastily folded letter to Glykon

Mother,
I'm not sure how to get my thoughts out anymore. Every time I try to speak to people it comes out wrong, I say it wrong or they don't understand what I mean. It only makes things harder to deal with. This place makes me feel more and more like a child the longer I'm here. It's as if all the lessons I've learned in life are unlearning themselves. Somehow I'm just here. In the Wilds, I had purpose. Here, nothing grows. The plants that do are strong but… they aren't me. I'm not a plant that grows in Crypha. Here, I don't know what I am. In Crypha, am I just a Dhampir? Am I just Luther Valentine's blood?


Our comrade has returned. She's well and safe, as well as can be expected at least. I am glad she is okay, but it has sparked a few realizations in me. War is not something I expected to be in. None of my training has been to go to war. The longer I'm here, the more I just feel so jarringly out of place. I need to find Dad now. He's all that's left for me in Crypha. I won't go home without him. That's more important to me than anything. When I find him, we're coming home. There are too many things scarring me here and it makes me little good to others. They might argue, but I am certain that the idea of them not having Luther Valentine in pursuit might change their minds. Illara needed me at first but I feel as if she's grown out of me. She has others to support her. I fiercely told her I wouldn't leave without her once.


That was before a lot of things.


I'm tired of pretending it's all fine. I don't know who I'm holding it together for anymore. They all seem to think I am stronger than I am. If anything, that's because I had to learn to survive so early on. But as anyone can attest to with living creatures, surviving is only the rawest state one can be in. It's no life. The mirror dreams haven't come back but I have new ones now. It's like I'm living out your fears, like they've manifested themselves in my reality and I live them over and over in my dreams. I'm good at surviving with small amounts of sleep, though. I suppose that's the one thing we learned together, isn't it? You, me, Orion.


I'm going to send word to you in a letter and make sure it's carried across the border. I won't send these, I couldn't stand to break your heart when you're not here to hold me to get through it. I need you to know the basics of what happened so you understand but I'm afraid to give you too much. I'll find Dad and bring him back to you. I don't need you storming in and deciding to fight the war yourself. Let's all go home again. I need home.


I'll write you a letter you'll understand. I need you to know the significance. I secretly hope you know more you can tell me, that there's some secret you've discovered about Valentine. Some details you remember that could help would be a boon. At least until I find Dad, I just need to find a way to distract him and keep him off my back. As long as my presence isn't making the Company's efforts harder, I'll stay until I find Dad. If it becomes too hard, I promise I'll come home. I'll come home to you and we'll come back and find Dad together. I'd look forward to that adventure. I need to find something to look forward to.


Please write back soon.
Sev