An ink-smudged handwritten letter to Glykon Zar'ath Creed

Mother,
[Here, words are scratched out and smudged with ink for a few lines before finally getting to the start of the letter.]


I wish you were here. I wouldn't want you to be in this place, but I want what you represent. Safety, comfort, love. I wish I could send you this letter. I wish I could even tell you that I'm okay. My letter wouldn't get to you and even if it did… I'm not okay. I was so hellbent on helping Illara get through this that I ignored the sinking feeling in my gut that this was all wrong on so many levels. I didn't think any of this could be about me, that any of it had anything to do with me other than my connection to the royal line of Dalvath. It was a stupid, naive assumption that I won't make again.

It wasn't about my royal bloodline. But it was about my bloodline.


Did you ever think it would come back to haunt either of us? I thought if there was anything haunting me it was our time in the mirror. I remember those nightmares, burnt into my memories like a hot iron. It would be impossible to forget those. Here, I was worried I'd be found out as a Dhampir when we first arrived in Crypha. I told Illara, eventually the others, and I was forced to admit it to a number of people. I had been afraid that I'd be judged, that somehow it would color their opinions of me. I don't think it did, at least at the time. I might be a Dhampir in Crypha, but there were bigger and more important things going on than that. No one told me that Luther Valentine was somehow alive.



You told me stories of what happened, of how he died, of how you managed to get Dad back safely after being controlled by Balocrypha. Valentine asked me what you told me, as if it were somehow wrong. He said it was all too convenient for you, that it tied up loose ends. At first I thought he was trying to pry away my faith in you, as if somehow there were some line between where you stop and I begin. Upon reflecting, I think he believes his own narrative. He was so calm in his words, so certain. Were you ever afraid of his blood in me? Did you think that something would one day come of it? Is there something he knows about me that I don't know?



He said he'd protect me, he called me little one. It was almost affectionate for a moment and that was terrifying. He took me to the church, he made me watch as he slaughtered one of the Saints as some kind of ritual. He killed her like she was nothing and I couldn't break free. I could do nothing. He cut her open and



[Here there is a large black spot, something having been written and then scratched out over and over.]



I almost got away. For a brief moment I thought I'd get out of that church before he found me. Between me and freedom were at dozens of corpses, the air thick with blood, everyone we had worked alongside in the church just murdered and piled in the kitchen as if they were nothing. I had to step through, I had to scramble across bodies to try and get out. I didn't make it. Neither did they.



He said we'd have a long talk when we went to the Capital. I think the Company as a whole thought that I was part of the ritual there in the church. I think Valentine just wanted me to see what he was doing. He wasn't going to sacrifice me there like he did Saint Lydia. He was going to take me with him. I don't know what that means. I don't know what he wanted, other than that he said I had no idea how important it was. I don't know if he meant to sacrifice me at the Capital or keep me there for some other reason but I just don't have any clues as to any of this. I just know he came for me.



Is he going to come back? I know you don't have the answer to that but I'm honestly afraid. He's strong. I thought he was going to kill some of us. I tried my hardest to protect and get everyone out alive but one of our own was taken. I tried to warn everyone to get out but it didn't happen. They saved me, but I couldn't save all of them. More problems may come of this than just Crypha having a hostage to use against us and I can't help but wonder if it would have been simpler if I had gotten everyone out at my own expense. I was ready to use a spell against him even though it would hurt me too. I was ready to risk it. I wonder how things would have been different if I had. Would things have changed? Would things be worse if it was me? What if it was Volatia?



She is Balocrypha's daughter. He created her to be some kind of sacrifice and at first when all of this happened I felt like I understood what it felt like to be used in such a way. I felt like we were in the same role but she looked at it very differently. She's stronger than I am and I honestly hope that she overthrows her father and takes over Crypha. She seems sincere enough. Sincere or not, it just made me feel distant. I'm surrounded by people here and I feel more alone than I ever have in my entire life. There's a war to think about, there's a friend to rescue, there are things bigger than me that need to be taken care of. Things will move on even if I'm hurt. I don't think they understand, but I know you do. That's why I wish you were.



After we get Pandora back, I want to find Dad. I want so badly to leave and go home but if I'm here I can't just leave him too. I don't know where he is. I can't find anyone who knows but I'm going to try. Finding him means more to me than ever before, especially knowing that Valentine is here. Does he know where Dad is? Am I going to be in your shoes and have to fight for Dad's freedom? I'm not as strong as you were then or you are now. I know I've traveled a lot, trying to see the world and become someone stronger. When I find Dad, I want to come home for a while. I want to garden and tend the flowers and have afternoon tea. I want to help you watch the little ones. I'll even bake you those scones you like. I don't want to be anywhere else as much as I want to be home with you.



Being here makes me feel like a child again, it feels like everything is crumbling down and I can't stop it. I'm afraid to tell anyone. If I break, it might keep the others from doing what they need to. So I'll confide in you here until I have some way to tell you all these things. I know I can't send this but I'm going to keep it under my pillow so you'll be as close as I can get you. I know this is stupid and pointless to write here, but I need to say it.



Please write back.



Sev

[There are water marks on the bottom of the page. It's tucked gently into a plain envelope and not sealed but it contains a small sketch of a rose across the flap.]

Type

Journal, Personal