Saints' Day

I haven't written anything in several days, but I need to. Today was a holiday normally celebrated in secret for the non-vampires of Crypha-- maybe everywhere perhaps except Winter Bloom and the Eternal Church. A day specifically to celebrate their accolades, to affirm that what they do is right, to share stories of triumphs and challenge, and to vow to continue that fight.
We did our own continuation of that fight-- seeking means needed to make it to the Dalvath outpost after all. A local business owner notified us of a group of merchants who were working with the vampires, who should be dispatched. This was straightforward to us, and so we took the work-- followed the information to their camp and approached. We were noticed before long, and a full-scale fight broke out. The vampire seemingly in the lead attempted to buy us off for "twice what we were being offered". That's one of the last things I remember.
I was firing on the vampires. I'd killed... one? of them. Then suddenly my thoughts shifted. My family and allies could not be trusted. I ordered Ed to attack Mim, and I set sights on firing on Ms. Silver.
Thankfully, we both missed, and I was able to wrest my thoughts back under my own control. But not before I'd attempted to fire, without even questioning it. My mind wasn't my own-- my hands following orders I never would have given it. And I couldn't stop it. I was helpless. I didn't even know in the moment what I was doing was so against everything in me.
I'm afraid of that. Afraid of that happening again, with worse consequences.
If this is just the beginning, if that was just some... cutthroat in the field...
What happens when we finally cross paths with vampires that are truly powerful?
As the day closes, that's what consumes my thoughts. The Saints nearby are still celebrating the last of their wins, save for Felix who reflects on more than just this past year alone. I've spoken briefly with Ms. Silver-- she doesn't seem to be aware of what nearly happened to her, and we've made plans to speak at length in the future. I'm writing a letter to my father after this. I just had to get the worst of my thoughts out of the way first to put on a braver face for him.