VaCe

Giant VaCe (a.k.a. Dumbass; big muther fucker)

My entry for the Worst Worldbuilding Award.

and my list of steps on how we got this cataclysm of an article

Warning: This shit fucking suuuucks

that was your first and last warning... lost braincells are non-refundable

• sTEP 0: (optional) like booze, catnip... other things? have some. If you're underage or in a place that doesnt allow, then don't. You're not getting in trouble on my account. If you're gonna do it, be legal and responsible. This is the only legitimate advice you can expect from any of this. Oh, sleep deprivation also counts. NoW oN To tHE sHENANGinry!
• Step 1: have a throwaway idea, put it to completely unnecessary use
• Step 2: Write in a horrible bastardization of a language, in my case, partial leet speak.... though I forgot most of it already.
• Step 3: Make it something that can't even be entered into any other competition, NSFW is encouraged since that just about always does the trick
• Step 3: Add a step cuz you 4got something, 2 things actually. first, ignore all of the extra areas of the template used, stuff EVERYTHING in the vingette (that sounds like a salad dressing). Bonus points if you use the wrong template for article type, such as writing a character as a location.
• Step 4: Ignore conventional grammar rules. Complete sentences are for suckers. The metric system is also for suckers. Who needs standardized units that make sense?
• Step 4: you have a choice: A. Turn off autocorrect OR B. Let autocorrect destroy you. Let it do whatever it wants and don't fix it. Under no circumstances are you to use your best judgment. red underslines are your friends
• Step 6: (optional) Got access to CSS? Good. Know what you're doing? Great! Have absolutely no idea, or know enough to be dangerous? Even better! Grab yourself something like Visual Studio Code, pull literally any extension that has to do with CSS (you can search it, its easy I swear), and proceed to find all of the colors of the template that one saint of a man on WA made to share. CHANGE EVERY COLOR! make sure that none of them complement each other, and make them all different. We LOVE SKITTLES! (if you know what Skittles are, great, if not, I'll show you later... maybe) Bonus points if you experiment and try CSS and BBCode that you never used before!
• Step 7: (optional) find a person. Bous points if it's a spouse, significant other, or web designer. Triple points if you get 2 for 1. Show them your article. If they look at you like "you're sleeping on the couch", "wer can no longer be friends", or both, then i think you're ready. If not, repeat steps 2 - 5 until they are questioning your sanity and their willingness to be associated with you. I hold no liability for relationship damage or EMOTIONAL DAMAGE incurred
• If you can't do steps 6 or 7, then read yoru article when it is finished. If you cringed or laughed yourself into a fit while writing it, you're probably good. . otherwise, repeat steps 2 - 5 until you have words that resemble hyena vomit. If you noticed the redundant numbering, you can have a non-existant cookie!

If you're still reading... well. i don't know what 2 say. GERONIMOOOOOO!
eYEs: Big AgE: I 4got WEight: 69 ft (good ole freedum units!_ HeightL 420 washing machines! SexL YES please! Male (u no az soon as u C him) gENdEr: mALE pRESENtAtion: USUALLY naked
Step 8: Get lazy and refer back to the stuff you wrote earlier in the sections they were intended to be in. Leave them there and make the reader look for it.
Hygiene:

Swamp Ass

Artifacts

The Primisd Skittles (Opens in new tab)

Physical Description

General Physical Condition

He is thiccc

Body Features

Big dik

Facial Features

Face is size of car

Identifying Characteristics

Is tall as fuk

Mental characteristics

Personal history

Show spoiler

Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley

/I Dare you to click me

Gender Identity

Big dik. Is man

Sexuality

Hand

Education

1+1=blu

Employment

He makes for a pretty good human crane... if you don't mind his pantslessness

Accomplishments & Achievements

69 420 niiiice

Intellectual Characteristics

Buttered toast

Morality & Philosophy

Fooood pleez

Personality Characteristics

Motivation

Mostly food. It takes a lot to feed a giant...

Likes & Dislikes

• Coloring
• Buttered toast

Hygiene

'Swamp ass'

Social

Hobbies & Pets

Show spoiler

placeholder text-

Speech

hmmmm

Wealth & Financial state

Current Status

Fighting da police cuz no clothes

Age

I 4got

Sex

Male (u no az soon as u C him)

Eyes

big

Height

69 feet

Weight

420 washing machines

Known Languages

English?

In response to Hanhula's Worls of World Anvil 2024 Awards