Enessa Saeness
Enessa Saeness
Half-Drow young female seeking to find both her place in the world and everyone else's. Driven by her needs for fierce revenge and wild adventure. Not one to rest on her laurels, Enessa always has a plan for what's next.
View Character Profile
Alignment
Chaotic Neutral
Age
19
Children
Gender
Female
Eyes
Blue/red
Hair
White
Skin Tone/Pigmentation
Grey
Height
5ft 11
Weight
90lb
Letter to Ceri
836PD
Ceri
If I hadn’t promised that strange disappearing short man in the woods that I wouldn’t curse the gods any more, then I’d be doing just that.
Gods, why did you have to leave? Oops. No, wait that doesn’t count. I’m sure.
You’re the one I want to talk to about all…this, but you’re not here. And if I did tell it all to you I don’t think you’d want to talk to me any more. So I’m telling you. Because we can’t run away from who we are and what we must do, you taught me that.
I was promised to Lolth, as you know. I thought that was…well, I thought it was a bit of a joke. Something that would come up if I ever saw my mother again but not something that was…real. I didn’t even think about it when the Lord of the Hunt came into my life, or when Rafi showed off his arrogant little Ice Maiden to us. Or when the strange disappearing short man told me to stop dissing the gods. Or when he, or Melora, or whomever, pulled me out of Lolth’s toothy maw a few days ago.
Oh, you don’t know that bit – I sort of died. Vampire Hunters got me. Took four of them, but they got the job done. Thankfully Simeon kissed me and brought me back to life. I kissed him back in thanks, probably the best thing that’s ever happened to him, so I think we’re even. Only when I was dead – and I’ve never believed in life after death, you know that – I felt myself torn, shredded and pulled apart before I was yanked back. The strange short man appeared to me again after that and told me it was touch and go getting me back. That SHE had a claim on me that he wasn’t sure he could break again.
If I had time to think about that, I’d probably go mad. Thankfully we’ve had a vampire Lord and Lady (who was a bit hot, I have to admit) to defeat which we just about did. Moving from one battle to the next. I feel drained and I don’t feel myself. Something keeps pushing me to the fight. Something wants me to fight.
The thing is – that could be any of these godlike leeches that have their mouths on me. Lolth will want my soul stronger so she can tear it apart, Melora wants me stronger for Melora knows what and the Lord of the Hunt wants me to be stronger so I’m a better hunter for him for when he thinks I will inevitably fail and become his.
If I were cursing gods I might wonder why they want so much sacrifice from us in return for relatively so little, but I’m not. So I won’t.
If you know anything about this please help me. We’re headed to Singorn next where I think there’s someone who worships Correlon who might be able to help me. We’ll see. I figure the holy city might be able to divine a bit more information on how I can break this curse. If you can’t, if you’re busy then I understand.
I don’t know why we’re doing what we’re doing. I don’t know why I’m in a Keep helping Emon keep an eye on the scar of a gods’ war. I don’t know why we’re grassing up people who’ve been working with vampires and other criminals whilst at the same time protecting the secrets of more powerful people who’ve done exactly the same thing. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.
I miss you.
If we get through this I’ll come and see you. Just once. Then I’m getting on a Gloomstalker and going somewhere hot. And you know I can make anywhere hot, right?
Maybe I’ll convince you to come with me. And Riz, if he’s still alive. You’d like Riz. Or, well, you wouldn’t, you’d probably try and kill him, but he’d probably like that. He’d definitely like you.
Until then. Or until I hear from you.
The rest of the gang is fine. I mean, Zeni is plagued by troubling messages concerning her former mentor, Rafi seems to be ever more consumed by the cold and isn’t feeling himself and Simeon seems to want to overthrow an entire nation but that’s probably nothing more than you were expecting.
PS Ussi can change into a bird or a fish thing now. That’s cool. He misses his Metal Lady too.
The battle for Enessa's soul
28th Dualahei, 836 PD
By the gods, Abbil, what the hell have I done? What has been done to me?
I’m looking back at the previous pages here and how I found it funny that three gods, in effect, were taking an interest in me. It made me feel powerful.
I am anything but powerful. And it is anything but funny that these creatures’ eyes are upon me. The Exarch returned tonight, returning my Ussi to me. Again. Information was also given freely about how I can summon Ussi, change his form. As the Exarch spoke, I seemed to understand his words. They made sense, I felt the fey magic shape itself to the understanding the Exarch helped me to reach. I can summon him now. I understand what Ussi is. He’s not my Ussi. Not any more. And yet he is.
Is that what I am, now? Am I still Enessa? Am I still the same woman I was before I died? Oh yes, I died last night, although that’s really only a very small part of the story. I remember one of my tutors, a tall, elderly, even for a Drow, man with receding hair. Gallois, I think his name was. He didn’t last long before mother had him…removed from his position. I don’t remember much of the learning he was supposed to deliver to me, but I did remember this – it was regarding ships. From time to time, ships need repair. Planks are replaced, oars made new, crews changed and masts reinforced. Once every plank on a ship old enough has been replaced, is it the same ship? Nothing of the original remains, so is its only claim to that ship’s identity the fact that it is given that identity by others? Although it is something completely new?
I felt life slip from me. I felt…HER come for me, although I didn’t know it was her at the time. Death was no procession toward a white light, it was no comforting blanket of sleep. I felt her pull at me. Tearing at me. Pulling me to her piece by piece. Not my body. I didn’t have my body any more. I felt her pull at what I was, at the core of my being and mind. I felt haired, sharp legs shredding who I was, am and could be. I felt an inexorable dissection and my soul tearing away from itself, away from everything I am and away from safety.
Then I woke up with Simeon’s lips on mine and I kissed him. His lips were softer than a goblin’s, and I’m not sure I liked that. What I liked was I saw no trace of pride, or even pleasure in what he was doing to bring me back. It was simply what he felt he should do. It was his gift to give, so he gave it.
Only am I the same Enessa? Now I know that I am hers, now I know where I am bound after this life ends, has bringing me back with that knowledge brought the same me back? I have never feared death in my life. I have seen enough of it. I have caused more. We all have. We have also saved lives. Does that balance? Does the scale lie even? I fear death now. I fear what comes next. I fear what that will make me do and how I will react. So am I the same? What have they brought back?
Whatever I am, I am very glad Simeon saved me from that fate. For now. The Exarch said I should find out what binds me to Lolth before I die again. Easy words from an immortal causally considering the inevitable death of one with a very short time left to her even being young.
Gods, Abbil, I don’t feel young. I don’t feel like myself. I can feel her. Perhaps it is memory. Perhaps it is simply how I’m interpreting the senses now I am back in physical form. Perhaps it is just fear, but when I close my eyes I can feel the shredding starting all over again.
I feel better now Ussi is here. I feel better now we’re not attacking the vampires today. I can’t die again. Not yet. Not when it’s not worth it. Thankfully I was able to make the decision look easy. I was sorry to let Raphael down, but it already didn’t matter at that point. The vote had gone the way of parley.
Thank the gods.
I have to find something to get rid of this. I have to find what was promised and how.
I need my mother.
Keep Life
Everywhere I go, it seems I can’t escape being revered. Whether it’s the heir to my mother’s Den, the Longbow Lady in Drynna, or here, Lady Enessa of the Longbow Legion. It seems I am born to rule, Abbil.
It was good of Erik to come. He didn’t have to do that. I know these hunters are not soldiers. I know they had a good thing going. I will make sure this place is a better thing than that good thing and make sure it’s more than worth their while.
Which is why this vampire has to die, Abbil. You see the thing is, he’s messing with my family. Not just my Unbroken family, but those under my watch and I will not be like my family when it comes to that. I will not send people to slaughter under my banners for the sake of what is RIGHT or what is NEEDED – my people will not be slaughtered at all. I will teach them everything I know and I will learn from them, too, to make me better able to lead them.
So much has happened in such a short space of time. Ceri and Wind leaving, Simeon and Tarathiel joining and now we’re indentured servant lords to the realm of Emon. It’s a strange way to ply our trade as adventurers, setting up such secure and binding roots. I don’t mind life up in the trees, but the thing about roots is they’re hard to pull up. Even when you need to pull them up. Once a tree is grown is has already become more than you.
Yet I have a good feeling about this. I think this is going to be the start of things being a bit easier for the Unbroken. Squash this gnat of a vampire, then set our minds to the real task of this Cult of Therizdoun, whatever useless relic that old thing is. I think I know a few more powerful beings personally already.
What a strange few months.
I’ve met the representative of one god, met a powerful Fae being who has given me the most wonderful bow, and that…thing from my past has reared her head again now I’m interesting to her. Well, the spider has made a mistake at least, I can fight her now and I have one god and a fae thing that might as well be a god on my side.
So bring it, spider and bring it, little vampire. You’re quite good at the spy thing, I’ll give you that, but what you did to one of our own will not go unanswered. It was just going to be you. Now it’s all of you. Every single last one.
We’re about to go and see what’s what in town now, so I’ll cut this short. I’ll be back tonight with tales of the vampires’ ashen burials, I’m sure.
I think, finally, that everything is going to be ok.
Farewell my friend
16th Mithusar, 836PD
I don’t know what to say, Abbil. Ceridwen is leaving us. For good, this time. Last time, in Whitestone, I think I always knew she would come back, but I think not all of her came back to us. Not really.
She tells us she’s not had the summons yet but has a feeling. Of all the ragtag bunch we are, I would trust Ceridwen’s instincts the most. I’m sure when we return to Whitestone, she will be picking up the parts of her that she left behind and do exactly as she said she feels is coming – return to her Holy City and to Bahamut.
I will miss her terribly.
Perhaps I should have seen this coming. Perhaps it is it coming so soon after Wind’s so abrupt departure from the group that it hurts more. Yet I think not, I think you and I both know, Abbil, that sad as I am to see Wind go, it is not the last we will see of her. She will remain in Westruun and our paths will cross again. That Tiefling was never meant for the rough and ready road life. I will miss her too, yet I know it will be weeks, not years, until I can drink and laugh with her again.
Ceridwen, though, I would count as my closest friend. My closest real friend, Abbil, you don’t count. And Ussi is a cat. No, she was my closest friend in and among the family we have developed. And unlike Wind, she is going to be gone. That’s my feeling.
I couldn’t find the words to tell her all of this, of course, and I think doing so would embarrass her. She has said I can write to her, and I will. I will tell her how we forged something magnificent out of the breaking of the Unbroken, through Orlando’s skill binding our mettle.
Yet I’m drawn to how Ceri first seemed to me. I had seen Aasimar before, at home, but not one so… so upright. Stalwart. Just plain nice. I tried to follow her example in Bel and found something in myself that I didn’t think was there any more. I tried to follow her example when everything with Sabali came up and failed miserably. I just felt so sorry for the unfortunate thing.
I find that my truth is split somewhere between Ceridwen and Lord Raphael. It’s not as pure as Orlando’s and Sabali’s. It’s not as mercenary as Zeni’s and Wind’s. Nor is it as playful as Simeon’s or as resolute as Arin’s. It’s a mixture of Rafi’s distrust and desire for quick, decisive action and Ceridwen’s methodical dedication to her enlightened purpose. The “right thing”.
Since Rafi and I cleared the air, we have reached an understanding. Yet I do not think he would appreciate me leaning on his friendship as I have Ceri’s. So, I will talk to you, Abbil. I will talk to Ussi.
This change – is this what families are? My family was never still. Never quick and decisive and certainly never trying to do the right thing, for all their own “enlightened purpose”. We were never all united, even some of the time.
The Unbroken is more than a family, I see that now and it can be more still. It can be an idea. It can be the idea that whoever you are, wherever you start from, we are all stronger together and that the simplest of adventurers can become the most hardened of warriors for good in this world. It can show that world that there’s more than cowering before threats, be they evil or just whatever authority they find themselves in conflict with (Ceri would not like that) – but there’s an opportunity to stand up for each other. To help. To do the right thing.
I believe Ceri has taught us all that. I think she leaves us better than she found us. I think she leaves us ready to be more than a family. We are ready to be an idea.
Oh, and there’s some new woman too, Abbil, we’ll have to see about her…
Unbroken Around
Horisol, 836PD
Pack it up, pack it in, let us begin
We came to win, battle us that's a sin
We won't ever slack up, orcs you better back up
Try and play a role and yo the whole crew'll act up
Get up, stand up, Rafi get the fuck up
If your party's kneeling, moon the troll with feeling
Ceri plays a funk flow, someone's talking junk
Orlando shoots him in the eye, Sabali takes the punk's luck
Feelin', funkin', gods in Sim's trunk and we got more game
Than the Clasp in a many-eyed world of pain
Sho'nuff we got props
From the kids in Drynna plus no moms and no pops
We came to get down, we came to get down
So get out your seat and break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Stand up, stand up, break it down!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break!
We'll dunk your ass like yuan-ti in a pool
If your pirate steps up 'Nessa's shooting the fool
Word to your moms, Zeni wants bombs
We got more rhymes than a Paladin's qualms
And just like the Pennerton's son, we've returned
Anyone stepping to us you'll get burned
Cause we got a panther but you don't got this
If you come to battle bring a vestige!
But if you do you're a fool 'cause Rafi duels to the death
Try to step to us, you'll take your last breath
We got the skills, come catch your breath
Cause when Wind tells a joke you'll laugh right to death
We came to get down, we came to get down
So get out your seat and break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Stand up, stand up, break it down!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break!
We're the cream of the crop, we rise to the top
Unless you're a door, 'cause that'll make us stop
Or better yet a secret order, assasins in the place
Try to play us out like, as if our mame was Face
But we ain't going out like no punk bitches
Get used to one style and yo we might switch
It up up and around, then give you the gift
Put out your head and then you wake up in the planar shift
We're coming to get ya, we're coming to get ya
Emon planar fuckers we're gonna wet ya
We came to get down, we came to get down
So get out your seat and break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Break it down
Stand up, stand up, break it down!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break! Break! Break! Break! (we will never break)
Break! Break! Break! Break!
Break!
Yo, this is dedicated to Arin the knowledge cleric
Grab your doors, punks!
Mine
Horisol, 836PD
Ever since I’ve got back from that strange, intoxicating realm, I’ve found this one quite difficult. There’s a drabness to it, a sense of order that part of me can’t help but rail against. Saving those men was…well, it was fine. But they got themselves into that mess.
I got us out of a mess and got out of it with profit. My Whisper. I let off a few shots in the forest, just at a tree, and it felt much like my Old Faithful. Longer, for sure, but the strength of that wasn’t an issue now my arm has returned to normal.
It felt…familiar. Like it was somewhere it wanted to be.
I had a conversation with one of the guards at our Den once. I forget his name, but I recall it was something to do with a toilet. Or a bush. Something like that. It doesn’t matter. He was a swordsman. Not the finest in the land, not the finest in our number, but still better than most in our Ward and proudly held a blade he called Ilhar – Mother, in honour of mine. He told me that in one sense it didn’t matter what blade was in his hand, his hands and eyes would combine to fight just as well. Yet in another sense, it meant everything that his blade was his. That it would dance, parry, feint and thrust for him and him alone.
I’d never been given better advice. Old Faithful was a bow. Just a bow. A restrung bow, after that tempestuous elven woman had needlessly struck her, but just a bow nonetheless. Yet she was my bow. She was Old Faithful. She fired strong, true and deadly even as my arm withered before my eyes and the assuredness of my eyes wavered.
Death’s Whisper is mine.
In other news, the religious woman here was fucking useless. Didn’t tell me anything. Told me to approach Lady Vex’halia, which is the last thing I’m going to do. I’ve resolved to let Melora have her way with me. So far, she has brought Ussi back to me and given my bow to me. I’ll see where it all goes.
It also confirmed to me that religious so-called leaders know very little of anything. Nothing will be able to advise me as well as my time on the road with my family.
Which reminds me, I must ask Ussi how he is feeling. He seems fine, but he has barely eaten a morsel since he returned to me and his energy is…different. He’s still my Ussi. But…he’s not. There’ss a give to his flesh that there shouldn’t be. He knows it too, when I squeeze him at night he looks at me with those big round eyes and I know he’s thinking it feels different to him too.
But then he licks my face and he moves to watch the door for me and it’s all as it ever was. Changed but the same.
As we all are for this journey so far. It has been a strange path I have trod with this Unbroken, but something tells me this is the turning point. This is the point where we really pull together, Abbil. I don’t think anything else can shake us apart now. I think each of us is here for the others as much as themselves and I think I’ve found a home.
I think we’ll be together, just as we are, for a long time yet. I hope so. Rafi and I will work things out. I'll make him stew for a few more days then we'll talk, I'll make him see he's wrong and then it'll be fine.
I don't think anything can break us now. And that thought, Abbil, makes me quite cry with joy.
Prick
3rd Horisol, 836PD
It was just a dream.
Right?
Mine, indeed. I am nobody’s but my own and Ussi’s. Complete rubbish. I’m sure it was just because I was in a mad place, with a mad hunter telling me I’d have a mad dream about finding some super-magical mad quiver. So, that mad dream I had.
Like having cheese before bed.
If that’s the worst I have to expect from these Arch Fey that Little Lord Rafi is so concerned about then I’m quaking in my fucking boots, darling. A little dreamy-woo.
Although to be honest, what really shitted me up tonight was Sabali. “Think about the blood to be spilled.” His words didn’t affect me. The fact that they didn’t affect me, at all, affected me. We are a band of skilled killers, Abbil, there is no doubt about that. Yet Sabali is right. I thought not of the blood to be spilled that night, only of its requirement to be spilled.
The Druid and the giant were simply a hunt.
I didn’t think twice. Should I have? I’m not sure that’s even clear. Ussi did not think twice. I could feel his excitement in the chase, almost more than the kill. I feel it too, that pull of tracking, following and preying upon something lesser than yourself.
It’s intoxicating – Abbil, nothing can describe the adrenaline that courses through you when you are on a hunt. It’s pointless even trying. You hear the beat of your heart in your ears, feel the blood rushing faster through your veins and every one of your senses is heightened. See – that’s something, but not all of the thing, so I shouldn’t have tried.
It’s a chase. There’s a time limit – it’s the work often of a moment if your prey escapes, dies or kills you in turn. It’s FUN.
When the giant turned me into a deformed THING, I wondered for a moment if that meant the end of my hunting days, but then…something…I felt something. Abbil, my arms were no more than six inches long and yet I did not miss when firing a bow almost twice as long as those arms. If anything, I hit harder with my shrunken limbs than I had before. I felt…guided. I do not know if this was the Feywild exerting its influence upon me or whether something else was tilling the rudder.
But I liked it. I liked hunting them, regardless of their guilt or innocence. Regardless of my ability. It was fun.
Unlike Rafi. That one is about as much fun as a thorn prick during a romp in the bushes. It’s not the prick you want. I nearly shot the fucker. I was THAT close. War? What war? Who gives a fuck about a war between the Fey anyway? All I’m going to do is turn down the Lord of the Hunt for the rest of my life. And when I’m no longer interested in my life, do you know what? Joining his hunt doesn’t sound like the worst of ideas. If it’s that or living out my days slowly fading away in a cottage, tending to my gooseberries, I know which I’d prefer.
I told Rafi I could say no and he didn’t even listen. If he knew what I could…
It doesn’t matter. I had similar arguments with my brothers.
Gods rest their souls.
Hideous
3rd Horisol, 836PD
Well…shit.
Has today gone well, Abbil? I have literally no idea right now. This giant and his allies were far from an easy kill, even I took a few more hits than I would like. There was one poor fool archer who couldn’t hit a barn door with an axe, he didn’t last long, but the rest of them were able adversaries all.
That’s the difference between an archer and a hunter. I track and shoot prey. I’m used to the smell, chaos, dirt and death of an argument. Fey this one may have been, pretty too for all that, but I stood still and he just missed. No place on the battlefield. Maybe he was someone’s brother, which might explain why the archer to the south was so angry. Oh well. Orlando put paid to the dunce swiftly enough after I’d eased the target up for him. I almost felt sorry for the elven fool, but only almost. His death is just another to add to the catalogue of blood we’re compiling.
The battle was hard, but that was far from the hardest thing about this day. I’ve fought before, I’ve been knocked down before. I’ve been exhausted before; I’ve slept on a horse before.
I’ve never had my body contorted into a hideous, deformed…thing before. Whatever spell that giant threw at me, it twisted me in ways I can’t even begin to describe. The pain was…let’s call it acute. Have you ever felt your bones shrink? Imagine someone taking your forearm in an arm-wrestling grip and literally forcing your hand down into your elbow, crushing the arm bones as he goes. Think about how that would feel. Then imagine that same pain every time those shrunken bones tried to stretch to pull the strings of a bow.
Now, obviously I’m far too skilled to let it affect me, I still put the druid down as the Lord of the Hunt requested, but only after Simeon had raised me from the floor more than once. He’s nifty with healing, I’ll give him that. That bell thing he does, not so much.
The only thing was
BURNT EDGES MARK ALL THAT REMAINS OF THE REMAINDER OF THIS PAGE
Rafi went down too. Obviously. Orlando too, but thankfully Ceri was there to help him. Orlando killed four of our enemies today. I only managed one. It’s not a competition, obviously. But…
The main question I find myself waking up to tonight, even given all of the above is…why didn’t anyone pull me off the horse when I fell asleep? They just left me there, my broken, twisted back curved against Aoife, who I have to say was very comfortable, there’s something to say for a warm body next to you.
Nevertheless, that’s coming back on them one day, Abbil. I’ll enlist Sabali’s help with that I think, he’ll know what to do.
Once I’ve got him, of course.
Prey
2nd Horisol, 836PD
This Lord of the Hunt is an impressive creature, Abbil. Not just physically, although…but no, that’s not what I mean. Wind suggested it was possessed of hubris, yet all I could sense was just how well placed its confidence was. Surrounded by so many loyal hunters, I am not surprised, but even without them I felt it would succeed in any hunt it took on.
It told me that it had never failed on a hunt. Ever. That brought back some painful memories of that orc. I’m going back for Kardar, Abbil, one day. The Unbroken will slaughter that orc lord.
The Lord of the Hunt seemed to take a shine to me, which I won’t lie, was fairly gratifying, and wholly appropriate. There’s a little something there I think, so I’m going to call him my Lordi. I could tell it took a shine to me because it offered me a deal. Which could be a bit of a problem for the guys. Before we left camp on the night Ussi came back to me, Rafi told me to under no circumstances make any deals in these woods.
But the things is, I’d already made a deal by that point, and these are technically different woods, so I’m sure this other deal I’ve made is ok. Lordi spoke clearly and plainly to me and it did not seem insincere. I would trust it more than most people I have met on these travels so far. In this. I would also trust it to follow through on its word and allow its pack to slaughter us should we fail. I would trust it to laugh while that pack did so, even as I took some of the hounds with me.
Part of me wants to laugh too, at that thought. The others wouldn’t understand, didn’t understand Lordi, but there is a respect between the hunter and its prey that those who don’t hunt can never perceive. I’m not talking that poncy, horse-bound shit, mind you, I’m talking hunting to eat, to live. To gain vengeance. To right a wrong. Your prey is to be tracked, marked and slain. Hunted. It is not to be slaughtered, executed or humiliated. Thanks is given to its sacrifice. Its carcass is put to use.
Lordi announced, with pride, that it was not prey. Well you know what, Abbil? Neither am I. I’m of Den Saeness. Whatever the mistakes of that Den, we are most definitely not the prey of Xhorhas. Until we were. Until something bigger, badder and more organised came along. There was talk among my family of running. You do not run from a hunter. You fight or you hide. If you run, a hunter will catch you and kill you, eventually.
So I am not prey. Until I very much was.
Lordi knew all of this without us talking, of course, as did I. The thing was, I couldn’t tell if Lordi wanted Ussi or me to join its hunt more. Its first interest was definitely in “my beast” as he put it, an insult which I will one day repay it for, as Ussi is far more than mere beast. It was definitely more interested in me as I declined to ever become hound. Lordi seemed then more keen to accept me as I am. Which I’m surprised it didn’t want to do before, frankly, but then Lordi doesn’t know me that well, yet.
I’m going to owe this creature three favours once this is all said and done and my prey lies dead. I’m sure Rafi wouldn’t approve of that, but hey ho. I feel a change. I’ve felt much more comfortable with my bow in recent weeks. A better bow and I know I can help the Unbroken more still.
Do you know what Orlando said to me around the fire on our watch the night Ussi came back to us, Abbil? He said he wasn’t sure he offered the group as much as the rest of us did. I’d never heard such nonsense. From the gnome who got on his tiptoes and stuck a gun down the throat of a troll, blowing its head off. But it got me thinking. Clearly Zeni has arcane power beyond any of us, Sabali steps ever closer to the shadows and Ceri and Simeon can literally call the power of the fucking gods to slap their foes in their asses.
Well, do you know what, Orlando? You fire bullets, Wind fires bolts and I fire arrows. Those things tend to, I find, stick in anything you fire them at, so I think it’s the group that needs us. As far as I’m concerned, the concerns and ambitions of this group…of my family…are as much mine as they are theirs, and I will move mountains to help Orlando out in this quest, but this druid is mine.
The Harbinger of Silent Doom is a weapon I must wield. All I have to do is kill to get it. This should not be a problem.
Curses
1st Horisal, 836 PD
Usstan cha'kohk dos.
All of you. You took my Ussta Vharcan from me. My little Ussi. And you literally fucking took him, where the hell is his body? I tried to heal him. I tried to let the spirit of Ussta Ssuth bring him back, as he has brought Rafael back, but all that happened is both of my Ussis were gone. All I can summon now is this globe, this nothing.
Usstan sila dos elghinn.
All this talk from your righteous brethren about what is right. Doing the right thing. When the fuck has that ever been what any of you do? You sit, watch and play your games with us, your little toys running around crashing into each other. Sometimes bits fall off but you just make a new one to take its place. I wonder how many of us adventurers wander the realms in your names, how many armies fight each other for you, all of us dying in our hundreds for what each of you has decreed is right. How many of our lesser lives have been lost to your ideals?
Dorn inbal ussta vharcan. You will all pay. I curse you from the depth of my being. With all I have, by the earth, sea and sky, were you not cowering behind your protective veil, I would come for you all myself. My family are… both of my Ussis have been taken from me and you have allowed a fraud to lead the people of a nearby village to murder and possibly ruin. Did you use us as your instrument there? Or was it by chance that we enacted the judgement upon that man, I can’t even remember his name, to save you having to get up off your arses? Were all of those innocent lives simply a sacrifice to free will?
One of us wields a demon weapon. Does it suit you to let this be wielded in a good cause? Have the demons wrought their works upon the earth for you? I doubt that. Orlando is a good man, but these weapons did nothing for the good of that Percy we met. Yet I’m sure you would say he did your bidding. At his cost.
For that matter, why the fuck does it suit you to let demons be? At all? Either your power is limited to affecting a few paltry innocent lives and you cannot face these foes on equal terms, or as I am sure is true, you simply prefer the game. What else would you have us do, after all, if not killing each other in your names?
So, to business. This ends now. I learned this one from my Aunt. She had as much hatred for the rest of you as do I. I’ve only ever tried her version on a cockroach trapped under my toe. It worked then. So, this…improved version should work on you.
I spit this curse at thee,
bleed carcasses hereafter three,
entwine my purpose in their cords
commit my life unto this cause.
For you I come, as my last act,
a binding you cannot retract,
I spit this curse and offer my life,
For
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will not finish that curse. You made a promise. Or your representative did. Exarch. I’d never heard the term before. Yet it seemed to mean something to Ceri, Simeon and some of the others. Melora’s Exarch. Melora? I’m…why would she take an interest? I’m so confused. I’m not letting myself be happy or hopeful, not yet. But Abbil, if it is true…
To Rafael’s chagrin, I made a deal, Abbil. I will from this date curse the gods no longer. In return, they will return Ussi to me. “A little different,” the Exarch said. I don’t care. As long as he comes back. Rafi seems to think deals made in this wood should not be taken lightly, and was most put out to learn I’d offered to do anything. He eyes me warily now, but if Ussi does not return, by the morning as was promised, then all I shall do is begin that curse again and let…let what happens happen.
But I want him back, Abbil. Everything is empty without him. Just as it was when I lost Ussta Ssuth.
I’m about to go on watch with Orlando. I’ll ask him if he thinks I’m being a fool. He will tell me truly and he’ll look me in the eyes while he does it. I’ll also need to get Zeni a gift. It’s clear she knows loss, too. Not just any gift, though. The right thing at the right time. Anyway, let’s see what Orlando has to say.
Oh, and Cat God is real, Abbil. I know…
Oh gods, please let my Ussi return…
Simply torn
32nd Duscar 835PD
So it looks like we’re heading off to the forest, again. That’s fine by me. There are dangers in forests, for sure, but they are dangers that I feel much more capable of dealing with. They are straightforward dangers. Kill or be killed. Or don’t. There are no thoughts, feelings or morals to complicate things, only instincts.
I can live on my instincts just fine. That’s something this strange land has taught me. I spent so long shuttered away, living off what was prepared for me. If it hadn’t been for my Aunt…
But I don’t want to think about that. I need to think about what’s next, not what has been. What has been will always be, what is next is for me…for us to shape. This group has such power when we are together. Not just in numbers, not just in standing together. But in our hope. In our steadfast focus on what is ahead of us.
Whitestone seems friendly enough. We’re here on behalf of Orlando, who I am more than pleased to offer my assistance to. At his behest, we met Lord Percy. I’m not going to write his full name, because it’s ridiculous. He was courteous, if distanced, and just when the conversation was forming some meat upon its bones, he ushered Ceri, Rafi and I out of the room. I trust Orlando, although he did come out of that conference with Lord Percy without his gun and having signed us up to a track and rescue mission. The latter of course is fine, that’s what I do – the former, well that shows a degree of trust I would not put in a stranger.
You see, Abbil – already it is complex! Already the machinations of men require sacrifice, double deals and stripes to be earned. The forest will require none of that from us. The forest will require us to survive. Or not. It’s straightforward.
Speaking of straightforwardness, I envy the straightforwardness with which my companions seem to view the world. So sure of their actions and their thoughts. Some things seem straightforward to me. Helping the innocents. Helping those who can’t help themselves. That’s why I fight. The rest, though – there’s no certainty. Not to kill when it would benefit everyone…I don’t see the logic of that. It feels more about not tarnishing one’s own soul than it does preserving the souls of others. Rafi gets it. More and more I feel a kinship with the way he thinks. Ceri is…I envy her so much. She is a very literal angel. There is nobody I respect more. But Rafi – sure, he lies, cheats and probably steals, but there’s a simplicity in his assessment of a situation which strikes a chord.
I am torn.
I am also torn about how I feel about Arin. I fear Dalmar is not a route toward safety for him. Perhaps safety is not what he wants. He clearly needs this more than he needs us, and I know Dalmar will be a more than able teacher, if not a fun one. I hope she teaches him how to use his mace, because he’s fucking awful with that thing. Perhaps a dagger or another set of spells would be more his thing.
His departure is not what makes me feel torn. He is following his path. Simeon seems able enough. We will know that for sure in the forest. I wonder why he wants to stay with us, though. I don’t know what he, Wind and Sabali got up to while we were helping Orlando and I’m not sure I want to, but Simeon was the one who came back sober. That shows some sense, at least. So one cleric replacing another…I’m sad to see Arin go, but the party will be fine. No. What makes me feel torn is where they are headed. If they are headed to Wildemount, then they could well be headed to Xhorhas. That makes me feel…conflicted. I want, I need information from there. I need to know for sure.
I’m not sure Arin and Dalmar are the ones I want to have that information. I am torn about whether or not I want them to look.
I’m torn about why each step along this journey I take with the Unbroken, whilst it without a shadow of a doubt leaves me stronger, leaves us stronger…it does not lead to simplicity.
Still, Abbil. Who the fuck needs a simple life?
Murderers
24th Duskar 835PD
We just murdered someone, Abbil.
I mean, the guy deserved it, I wouldn’t have asked Rafi to do it otherwise. He wasn’t spilt milk and I’m not crying. But it’s still a first, for me. Sure I’ve killed people, but only ones who have been attacking me, the other Unbroken or the innocents. This guy – I can’t even remember his name, by the way – this was just straight up choosing he should die. He would never have found justice here. Leaders never do, even if they’re only religious leaders. His congregation were just sitting watching him about to burn his own daughter alive. Those people weren’t going to see him convicted.
It would make them wrong.
I’ll find out what settlement this was, where the girl and her father were from. I’ll need to know to make sure I know to never lift a finger to help any of them.
Gods, he was persuasive, though. Not as persuasive as me, obviously – although I do have to throw a nod to Zeni for backing my play up. I didn’t telegraph it very well to the others, I think they thought I was going back to what they think was my old ways, but I had a plan. Sure, they didn’t fall for there being Ravagers nearby, even with Zeni’s clever audio ruse, but it did give Sabali a chance to do something incredible and get in, and out, with the girl, completely unseen.
The guy doesn’t get enough credit. He saved her life.
Although, is he a guy? The cat doesn’t get enough credit. No, that doesn’t sound right, that makes him sound like Ussi. Who by the way had totally fucked off tonight looking for rabbits or something, he was nowhere to be seen. Not like him. He knows it as well, I can hear him trotting alongside the wagon now. He doesn’t normally go out of my sight… Anyway, I’m sure he’s fine.
Someone else who doesn’t get enough credit is Rafi. The guy didn’t even question my judgment when I asked him to kill the priest guy. He just did it without another thought. As if he trusted me. It certainly makes me trust him more – whatever his initial motives may be, Rafi is a good guy. A moody fucker, but a good guy.
I’m beginning to think they might all be good guys. Killers, each and every one. But good guys.
Like Erik. He’s a good guy. He told me to take care of myself before I left. Oh, Abbil, I don’t know…it’s not safe to get involved with me, even as a friend. He doesn’t like to fight people, he told me as much. He didn’t’ ask to come with me. It didn’t cross his mind. It’s not like that. But…he’s a good friend. He agreed to keep an eye on things in Westruun for me and get in touch with Arin if there was anyone asking about us or something he thought we should know. But if he doesn’t want to fight people, then maybe he shouldn’t even do that. I trust the Unbroken to fight with me at my side.
I trust them all to kill.
I don’t think I want to bring Erik to that. It’s a party he doesn’t need an invitation to. Because…half of me thinks he’d come along to see what the party was like. He’d bring his bottle. And I think we’d spike it.
He also clearly doesn’t get it. I can’t look after myself. I need the Unbroken to do that. I can play a part, but one Drow Longbowman in this world won’t get very far on her own. None of us would. There’s too many left to kill, for that.
Anyway, I need to go and make sure the girl is ok, although Zeni is…surprising me with doing that for us at the moment. Sabali is obviously keeping her entertained, as well. I can’t believe he won that strength contest, he’s even weaker than I am. Although I’d bet that the orcish woman let him win, I saw her winking at him. I didn’t see him later in the night, either, after he got into trouble with that wine vendor for picking up a barrell and chucking it at a wall, smashing the whole thing… well, good for him. He needed some fun.
Oh, and Abbil, there’s a new guy. Simeon. Another guy banging a god’s drum. Although funnily enough, it’s Rafi’s pretend god that Simeon bangs on for. He and Sabali seem to have hit it off quite well. I wasn’t too with it on the first morning we left Westruun, but I did notice he was coming with us as far as Whitestone. I noticed it mainly when I woke up the next day and he was still there. It suits me fine. It’s a shame to see Arin stay behind, but I understand. It’s what he wants. He’s found a home, somewhere and something to focus on that will make it and him better.
So I guess on to Whitestone. And Orlando’s demon. I’ve never met a demon before, I wonder if they’re nice.
Abbil
13th Duskar 835PD
I haven’t heard anything from home. I guess that means…
Well. I wanted there to be somewhere I could write down what happened to me. To us. I have nobody else to write to, everyone I know now is here. They already know what we did today.
So, I thought, why not write a journal? I always used to see Mama scribbling away in her little books. All I have at the moment are these few pieces of paper I found in The Mannered Bear. Well, I found them next to Erik. I stole them from Erik. He won’t mind, though. I’ll have to get myself a proper book when we’re back in town.
I guess I could write to Erik, but…it makes more sense to keep things between us simple, for now. Writing to each other feels more intimate than I think I want us to be. He’s such a great guy, such a good teller of stories, but I don’t want to drag him into something he’s not going to want to be a part of. I’m not doing that again.
So, journal, you’ll have to be what I write in, for now. What shall I call you? I can’t call you “journal”. How about…Abbil? Yes. Hello, Abbil.
Abbil, we fucked up a little bit. There was this Slaughter Lord, Kardar, we were supposed to kill, you see, and it was all going so swimmingly outside, but then when we got underneath, Sabali ran in to a fight he couldn’t possibly win, after he tripped a trap he couldn’t possibly fail to disarm and right after that the Slaughter Lord was going to pound him into the ground. It wasn’t good at all. Anyway, we got him out.
Arin and Raphael got him out. I…well, I left. Along with the rest of us, I might add, but…I didn’t do anything. I ran furthest first. Just like I did back then.
But the thing is, how do you know when to run? How do you know when defeat is enough? Ceri was adamant that there was no shame in defeat, that we were outmatched on the battlefield and we should be proud of trying. Sabali’s pride was hurt, I think, but he seemed much more inclined to believe that our failure was unacceptable. When I think back to that day in Xhorhas, that’s exactly how I feel. That what happened, both what I did and what happened to us, was unacceptable.
I didn’t want to stay. I couldn’t have beaten that orc. If it even was an orc. It seemed more than an orc, somehow. I’ve not seen such devotion and fear on followers of something so plainly malevolent before. This was no ordinary raiding party, I’m sure of it. I need to ask someone about this, because I’ve heard about Ravagers far too often in the short time I’ve been in Westruun for it to be nothing. Something more is happening here.
Defeat is enough for me, right now. It’s enough that we’re all still together. That I still have my family. Arin and I might disagree on a lot of things, his blind faith in the banished gods for one, but he is a good man. One of the best of us. Let me tell you a bit about us, Abbil. Arin is a man of his god, certain in his truth and definite in his actions. He tries to do the right thing. Much like Ceri. I really like Ceri, Abbil – she’s confident, just as righteous as Arin but somehow…more forgiving. She is friends with Wind after all and that Tiefling is about as far across the spectrum from Ceri as you can get. Fucking funny, though. Sabali plays the fool, but he’s the bravest cat I know apart from my dear Ussi. Zeni is still a bit of a mystery to me. She’s a wizard, or sorceress, or witch or something. I’m not sure. Orlando is the servant of a demon, but I’m not one to judge. He seems nice enough and whilst I know he doesn’t approve of everything I do, he’s always nice about it. Always tipping his hat in that funny way. Lord Raphael, he’s a curious one. My instincts tell me not to trust him. But somehow that doesn’t matter, because he trusts me. And I like him. He reminds me of Razz a little bit. I like him.
I like them all. They’re my family. We’re the Unbroken. We’re called that because of a door, by the way, but we don’t tell people that. We’re called it now because there isn’t anything that can break us. We wouldn’t have left Sabali behind, no matter how stupid he was to rush in. Although it was brave. I do have to give him that.
I told myself, Abbil darling, that I didn’t want to run away any more. I don’t like the feeling. I keep thinking back to the cave we found under that stronghold, wondering if there was anything else we could have done. I can almost see us all laid out, as if we were on a map. I can see in slow motion Sabali falling, Raphael reacting quickest to dispel the spike growth that had appeared, even as Arin proffered his shield to heal our friend. I can see the options ahead of us and how they would play out, and I couldn’t see a scenario where we won.
Raphael wanted to take them outside the entrance. Surprise them and take them down. I can see the plan for that in my head too and I think it could have worked. Part of me wishes we’d tried it. But a larger part of me says it was safer for us to withdraw. I can see us winning that fight, but not all of us.
And I need all of us. I need my family.
So, at the moment I need to elevate Zeni up from Cousin Alfo to something more like a Decrar. My brother.
No. I will not lose any more family. I need to pull them all close. I’ll try and talk to Zeni a bit more this week, as we head back to Westruun. We need to pull together, not let this and the issues in Westruun divide us.
So, you want to know who’s next, Abbil? Zeni’s next.
I’m not sure why I said that, it seems like a rather strange and challenging thing to say about someone I want to get to know, but I’ve written it now. I don’t have any fantasy white out to make any edits here. There’s already so many scribblings out for spolling mistakes.
They’re all asleep now. I can hear Raphael snoring. Shit, I can almost feel it, never mind hear it.
One thing I know. I’m going to put an arrow through Kardar’s head one day. The smile on his face as he struck down my friend will stay with me. I won’t tell the others that. But one day, that orc will die by my hand. Nobody pushes my family around. Not any more. I clearly won’t have any help from the useless banished relics behind that gate so I’ll do it myself.
And as for pushing us around…whoever thinks they can manipulate the Unbroken is in for a shock. Whatever Raphael and Zeni think about escaping potential harm, I want to know who is trying to worm our way into their lives and I want to make sure we chew them up and shit them out.
Sad Queen
29th Cuersaar, 835 PD
“Sad Queen.”
Enessa didn’t reply. She sat on the bed, shoulders hunched, her face still hot from the anger she felt at her…well, she couldn’t think of them as anything else but family now.
“Hunt complete! Hunt success! Tasted much blood.”
Enessa reached out a hand mechanically and ruffled Ussi’s neck. “Half the hunt, Ussi darling. We’re only halfway there. And every minute we waste here sleeping is another minute Duncan could be killed.”
“Large gas man gone. Scared of Queen. Ran like piss down a tree.”
Enessa smiled, “yes he did. I just hope he didn’t run back to the lodge. I hope Duncan will be ok.”
Ussi seemed to nod, although the causal observer may note that’s not something cats often do. “Need reward.”
“No Ussi, it’s not the reward.” Enessa’s cheeks grew hot again. “When you are in trouble and nobody comes for you, there isn’t a worse feeling in the world. To be abandoned, to be alone.”
Ussi nuzzled Enessa’s leg, saying nothing. For a while, they sat like that before Ussi let out a giant yawn.
“We need to get you cleaned up,” Enessa said, picking a rag out of her pack. She dipped it gently in Ussi’s water bowl and more gently wiped the blood from Ussi’s wounds. Ussi clamped his mouth together, determined not to whimper, just as he had seen Enessa do moments before.
“Queen hurt, too.”
“Yes, it was a tough fight. Even Sergeant Boom fell for a time.” Enessa frowned. “But Rafi did not, that was curious. Maybe he’s learning something about dodging from Sabali.”
Ussi purred. “Cat Man moves like vines in breeze.”
Enessa just smiled and shook her head. “He’s like something, alright.”
With Ussi’s wounds healed, Enessa motioned the panther across to his makeshift bed, made out of the covers of her own bed, and began the process of taking off her armour and tunic. Having nothing else, she put her cloak back on afterwards and lay down, pulling the hood over her head. The cloak would need washing too, but there wasn’t any time right now. The wound, while mostly sealed, ached badly from the bruising, and she instinctively put a hand to her chest, where it found the clasp. Her family crest. And just like that, her thoughts were once more with her home. Her loss. Her vow not to let any of it happen again.
She knew in the morning she would be fit to fight once more. She just hoped Lord Duncan would be too.
“Yet again,” she whispered to herself, although Ussi picked up his head at the sound of his mistress’s voice, “we lay here and wait. I hope Arin and Ceri’s gods give them some comfort tonight.”
“Meow?”
“And Cat God, of course,” Enessa replied, no trace of anything but sincerity in her voice. “I wonder if we’ll learn their name some day.”
“Meow.”
With the spell clearly having worn off, Enessa turned to the wall with a sigh. “If another family is torn apart because nobody came to help then I swear, Ussi…well, I don’t know what I swear. But if that happens, I won’t rest until the entire Myriad lies dead at my feet. And just like back home, I’ll clearly have to do that without a so-called god so much as blinking in my direction.”
Ussi remained quiet, and soon Enessa lay still, while Ussi watched. When her breathing told him that his mistress was asleep, he thought a small prayer to Cat God for her, and suppressed the whimper that was framing on his tongue, laying his own head down.
Chatting with Ussi
27th Cuersaar, 835 PD
“Ussi, darling?”
“Meow?”
Enessa sighed, looked hard at Ussi. The causal observer may not have noticed anything strange in this. An owner caring for her beloved pet. A less casual observer may have noticed the flash in Ussi’s eyes as Enessa stared.
“Ussi, darling?”
Both casual and non-casual observers would have heard another “meow” from the large cat. Not so our dear Enessa. “Queen!”
“I can hear you now, Ussi. We must teach you our language.”
“Voice box?”
Enessa laughed. “I know, but I’m sure there’s a way! I’ll get Zeni on it, she must need another project by now.” The tall, thin, young Drow sighed and ruffled her panther’s ear, eliciting a purr. “We’re heading for trouble here, I think, darling.”
“Trouble! Kill trouble!”
“I’d love to kill the trouble, dear Ussi,” Enessa chuckled, “but I fear trouble may have caught us in a trap.”
“Bite trap.”
“Yes. Yes, that’s exactly what we will do.” Enessa looked thoughtful for a moment. “I was talking to Ceri on our way here. She’s so sure. And that surety gives her such peace. I have never known that peace. I envy her.”
“Metal lady.”
“Yes, Ussi.”
“Metal lady happy?”
Enessa paused. “I think she has peace, as I said. Peace is not the same as happiness. I fear what this group brings to Ceridwen. But I can’t let her leave. She glues us all together, as much as Raphael. Sergeant Boom and Wind trust her. I trust her. I trust them all, even Raphael. A liar can be relied upon to lie, you can trust in that. You know where you are.”
“God, peace?”
Enessa nodded. “I think so. I think her god brings her peace.”
“Cat God!”
Enessa paused before laughing out loud, a cheering, playful belly laugh. “Oh Ussi darling, you do make me laugh. There’s no cat god.”
Ussi sat up slightly, fierce in a flash, growling. “Cat God! Speaks!”
Enessa sat up slightly too, but there was no malice in her movement. Simply a matching of stance. “Your cat god speaks to you?” She paused a moment, thoughtful. “What is their name?”
“Cat god.”
Enessa smiled, putting a hand out to Ussi’s head. “Settle now. I meant no offence, you know that.” Ussi quieted immediately. “So, you have a cat god.”
“Cat god. Cat god nice.”
Enessa laid down on the bed slowly, closing her eyes. “It would seem everyone has their peace except for me.”
“Queen? Unbroken peace?”
The Drow’s eyes flicked open. “Yes. That’s why I’m so worried about this… this heist. We have to get out of this in one piece. As a group.”
Ussi meowed, as if a “hmm” could pass her voice box. “Unbroken…safe?”
Enessa nodded, closing her eyes again.
“Cat god help. Ussi help.”
“You are part of the Unbroken, Ussi. Just as I am.”
“Cat god help. Ussi help. Unbroken help. Unbroken hunt.”
“Yes, dear Ussi, we will hunt. But what are we hunting? And what is hunting us?”
“Meow.”
Enessa sighed. And slept.
Letter to Rebur
15th Cuersaar, 835 PD
My dear Rebur
I’m not sure whether to give this to you or not, however I have grave concerns about where we are headed next. I know if I speak to you, that you will do…whatever it is you do to make me feel better with your words, and I don’t want you to do that any more.
From what you told me about Westruun when I first…when I arrived, I’m not sure it is a place I will blend in. In Drynna, I could make myself useful, and Drynna seems to be a place where if you are useful you are accepted. I don’t know if that is the case in Westruun. I guess I will find out. At least I won’t be alone.
The thing is, darling, I’m not sure this is the way to make a first impression in Westruun. This job is one that sounds simple, was presented to us as simple, but as Ceri rightly pointed out but perhaps to the wrong person, it is anything but. I feel the less you know about the job the better. At least you will not hear it from me.
It seems to leave our Paladin confused. I’m not sure Ceri is used to this feeling and seeing her like this is troublesome to me. I will try and speak to her on what appears to be a long journey ahead of us, but I don’t think I am the person to quiet her worries, for I share some of them.
Sergeant Boom suggested to us all that if the request for help had come from another source we would not be hesitating as much as some of us did. This is not true for me. The monetary concerns of a city’s population are for that city’s population to overcome, not me. They are alive, they have roofs over their heads and they are as safe as we can be in this world. They are not in the need of saving; the means of their salvation lie within their grasp. Likewise, The Clasp seem able to handle their side of business without the aid of eight outsiders, so the threat to their business or to the criminal underworld from another syndicate does not concern me.
Wind’s wellbeing, however, does. That is my only concern here. If we are to continue as a group, if The Unbroken are to become the force to be reckoned with that I know you hope, although you will still not tell me why, then we need to be together, fighting for each other no matter what. There has to be trust and for there to be trust there has to be stability. Wind is a wild creature. A creature of instinct and passion and I can relate to that. She has some skills with locks, with words and in…persuading people. In a different way to our “other” Paladin, who by contrast to Ceridwen, seems mightily unconcerned with the idea of breaking the law. His morals are his own, of course and not for me to judge.
So, I will protect Wind, with what I hope is not my life. I also hope that it is not at the cost of the reputation we are building or the direction we are heading in. Which I very much hope one day you will tell me about because frankly, I do not believe you when you say there is no future plan, even if that plan is not yours.
I also need to ask you a favour. If we are to be gone for some time, and you receive any…correspondence for me, I wish it to be relayed to me as quickly as possible. By whatever means possible. I will tell you where we are staying when I know. It is very important and I will pay whatever is necessary for this and trust what is enclosed here will cover any initial expenses on your end. You know I am good for the rest when I return.
Which is when I will see you next. The Unbroken will not break as a result of this. I know this. I just wonder what group will be coming back.
The Swamp Things - The Rebur Report
13th Cuersaar, 835 PD
Rebur
I don’t want to talk. So, I shall put my thoughts down here for you, darling.
Well, I guess you could say we did it. Your swamp here is disgusting, a fetid, stinking, squelching haven for predators and filth, but most of us managed to make it out alive. That’s probably a win.
Did you know anything about the hags? How long have you been in Drynna? Because Drynna sure fucked these poor wretches over with their ignorant prejudice. But it was not this Drynna that did that, it was the Drynna of twenty years ago. So, the one responsible, Berithia, had to die. You don’t carry on the cycle – the innocent should not bear the cost of their forebears’ failure.
Berithia already killed her own sister and we found out the third was dead some time back as well. So, they’re all gone now. More lives, lives which could have been powerful forces for the benefit of everyone if people could just open their minds, snuffed out.
But your fishy little town will be alright now, my dear Rebur – and make no mistake, you do all carry that smell with you. All the time. No wonder the Sahuagin come for you, they could hardly not with that odour.
But we should not forget those we lost. The two villagers who were killed by Gnolls, the five who died on the way back from Bel. The poor folk on the Northern Dock who were killed by the Sahuagin.
God, so miserable, Enessa! This is why I didn’t want to talk. I don’t like death. I’m not used to it. Not yet. The mission, if it could be called that, was a success. The sickness afflicting Drynna has gone. I accept the praise for that. Thirty people from Bel are safe. I accept the praise for that. I shall not accept praise for anything else.
And do you know what? Nor should you.
Yet whatever is next…these people…strange as they are, you are right about them. I know you will know more about them than I do, that is your way – but you were right to persuade me to stick around. Ussi and I have found…well, we’ve found people we like being around. People we trust. So, thank you. Again.
I presume you will keep this as you keep every piece of correspondence, you strange man – so I shall sign it formally for you, so you can sell it when we’re famous. And many, many more lie dead.
Your indebted friend
Lady Enessa of Den Saeness
Dear Cat God...
13th Cuersaar, 835 PD
I feel strong! Cat Man was trying to play fight again today. I didn’t fight too hard, let him win a few times, but matching him for strength was easier! When he wins, he gives treats, so I let him win more than I normally would.
Afterwards, Queen and I went hunting and I tested this new strength out on boar in the woods. Not that strong yet. Quick enough, now, but not strong enough. Queen helped me like normal. I love her so much!
I wish she was happier. I let her stroke me and she smiles, but her eyes do not smile. With the others she seems happy and strong, leading their hunt, but when we are alone in our room, she seems worried. I hear her heart beating faster and there’s more moisture on her face.
I don’t understand why they all sleep separately, they are more at risk that way. At least I am here for Queen.
Can you help her? I know you are Cat God, not a two-leg god, but if there’s something you can do or something you can help me to do for Queen then please do. Maybe you can speak to Cat Man and he can do something. Does he know you?
I wish I knew your name. I dream of you. You stride the sky jungle in two bounds, hunting the infinite. We ride with you there, the wind rushing through our fur and teeth, as they bare, our prey rushing near. I never see the prey, Queen always wakes up as we near the kill. I know one day you will show me what we hunt and we will all feast.
I thought the woman who looked like the ones hunted was also to be prey, but Queen decided she wasn’t to be harmed. I watched the others, making sure they did as Queen wished, just as I always do. I like them all, especially Cat Man, and I like Metal Lady because Queen likes her. But what Queen wants matters more than anything. Queen was kind enough to ask me about them when they were mouth-flapping round the fire, and I gave them all my blessing as my fellow pack members.
There are other cats here, but I don’t know what is wrong with them. They are slaves, it seems. They do not run with the hunt. They…cower. This group do not cower. They are hunters, like my Queen, that is why I like them.
But the thing that appeared in the Forest…it was not prey and it was not a hunter like Queen. It does not run with the hunt either, nor does it stand by. It was not a familiar smell to me, though it looked like the other two-legs. Its teeth and claws were hidden but sharper than all of ours. Perhaps you could hunt it, Cat God, but I do not think we could. I sensed that Queen thought about hunting it. Queen didn’t seem to heed her senses properly. I was ready to give her warning should Queen move, as was Metal Lady, I could sense that, but thankfully Queen thought better of it.
I hope we do not encounter the thing again. It might look like us but it wasn’t us. And I do not trust Queen’s instincts with it. As leader of the hunt, Queen could and should not brook a challenger, but I do not think this thing is hunting the same prey as us.
Queen stirs. Hooray! I wonder what today will bring. I hope we get to hunt and play.
The First Letter Home
8th Cuersaar, 835 PD
I can’t sleep.
I can see the fading moonlight forcing its way through the dirt on the window. Someone is obviously still drinking downstairs, celebrating the return of the villagers, and their laughter grates on my nerves like knife on the bone.
I can’t sleep and I feel sick. Yet again, people are dead because of me.
It was I who helped convince them all to travel. It’s true, they weren’t safe in Bel. The gnolls would have torn them apart in just days. I was right about that. But I hadn’t even thought about the fact that they weren’t safe on the journey home either. I’d been so confident. I knew that I knew the way back.
The four of them who died….I don’t know their names. I didn’t want to. Which worked out fine because it didn’t seem as if anyone wanted to talk about them. Those four died because of me. It was my fault. I had to double back, I very nearly got us lost in that dank swamp. The navigator who can’t navigate. I even nearly got the small demon-worshipper killed – if he hadn’t managed to wield the demon weapon so quickly, he would have been nothing more than crocodile food.
They were just looking for somewhere to call home. I knew at once what they meant. How they felt. To travel when it is one's choice is one thing, to have travel thrust upon you when you are trying to build a life is an abhorrence. What I said to Oteus is true - they could come to Drynna and build a new home, one where they can live without the influence of a hag and without the constant threat of wild overgrown dog people.
I can't sleep, I feel sick and I'm drunk, which is making it hard to think. Whether these people can make a new home or not - and I am going to do everything I can to make sure they can should they wish to - are 36 lives saved worth 4 lost? Was my life worth…
I know you said to stay gone, but I need to know – are you alive? Are any of you alive? Am I all that is left? If you’re all dead…am I Den Mother now? And if you’re all gone, what exactly am I Mother to?
That was my fault, too. I didn’t even think. It was just a night with a goblin, one of many, I didn’t think anyone would recognise me. I’d snuck out so many times it wasn’t something I thought about doing any more. I just didn’t think. Maybe the fact four guards with their weapons drawn just happened to be in that same disused tunnel as Rizz and I was a little more than a coincidence. Maybe the way they smiled when I used my name to get us out of it and then just left…of course it was a set up. Poor Rizz didn’t stand a chance. He tried to run too and…well, I guess that was my fault, too.
I should have thought. I should have listened to you. Every night, you told me. Every night you tucked me in, made sure I knew you loved me, even though nobody else ever would, that you would always be all I had because of my corrupted blood, and you were sorry. You said I should be grateful I wasn’t like my brothers and sisters. And here I am without you. Here I am, trying to prove you wrong and every time I try anything, people die.
First Rizz, then you…perhaps all of you…then Ussta Ssuth, poor Zeni in the cave, I still don’t know how she survived, and now these poor villagers. The worst thing is, I felt so proud! I’d persuaded them to do what I wanted them to do. What I felt was best for them. Then I got them killed. So much for what I know. I should have been able to bring them all back safely, that was my job. I won’t be keeping this gold. I haven’t earned it.
At least I listened to the guards who taught me how to shoot, as well as how to hide. My bow has been my best friend since the innkeep found me. I used it first to pay back my debt to him. Then to earn enough coin to properly arm myself for these lands. Then once more to prove myself to these people, without it I am nothing but my senses. Yet since the spiders… well, my aim seems to not be what it was. Perhaps I’ve managed to kill that friend, too.
I can’t let the others know. I can’t let them see I am weak. That I will no doubt bring their death if not now, then soon. Even if I do bring death, I need them. For now. There is no choice.
You told me I would always be an outcast. I don’t feel like an outcast with these people the innkeep has thrust me with. I thought home was keeping myself hidden, secret, hiding my true nature from everyone. I thought home was my brothers, sisters and the rest of the Den. I thought home was Rizz and his gang, the only people who treated me like I was normal. I thought home was boredom, silence and anger. Now I realise that whilst Xhorhas was where I lived, it was not my home. You tried your best and you and the Den always acted in the way you thought was right, the way your faith, beliefs and hearts told you to act. You were true to yourselves.
I don't even know who I am. Yet these people listen to me. They protect me and I them. They rely on me. I feel like if I can continue to make them need me…maybe I won’t feel so alone.
Maybe they can help me.
Someone, please let me know you are still alive. You can reach me at the Eagle’s Landing in Drynna. The innkeep, Rebur, will keep anything you send until he can get it to me. Send it in the family code so I know it is you. I can’t get back to you now. Not like this, not with what I've learned about the world. I choose to travel. I choose another life. But I want to know you are safe.
If you are reading this and you are not my family and you choose to come and find me…well bear in mind that I bring death with me and you will find that, too.
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