No More Secrets (Nomad, Atka, and Angus)
"Thanks."
Lif's hands made small circles in the air after handing off the bottle. Nomad came to take that as his sign of "you're welcome" or something similar. It was fitting enough, he supposed. The ghost now seeking redemption was certainly tactful.
Angus and Atka were going to meet him on the east wing. Night had fallen, and the eastern windows offered a pleasant view of all celestial bodies cresting the horizon, even affording a vantage above the rest of the buildings in Trollskull Alley. Somewhere more isolated. Somewhere secure. And with a bottle in his hand, he knew he'd find the confidence to speak of the past to someone else. Finally. He trusted instinct now. Something told him he needed friends, or at the very least, someone beyond his daughter and Lirelle. After they'd offered to stand by him in the days ahead, he felt he owed them the truth, or a portion thereof as well. At least that way they'd know what to expect, and maybe he'd have peace of mind.
Angus was first to arrive after his evening meal. Nomad, already three cups into the bottle of whiskey raised his fourth to the minotaur as he entered. He wasted no time in taking a seat beside him, Lif right behind with a cup already poured. Before they could exchange a word, Atka stepped through the doorway next, a wave and smile at the ready. Both Nomad and Angus stood at the same time, Nomad grabbing the bottle and another cup along with his own. He motioned for them to follow him upstairs.
"You think we'll need that, Nomad?" Angus posed, pointing at the whiskey.
He huffed. "Don't think I'll be able to tell you much if I'm sober, Angus. Time for you to know the whole story. You too, Atka. Our pasts might have converged."
The tiefling stiffened but didn't hesitate as she followed him toward the east wing. After they'd entered, Nomad closed the door behind them and gestured to the table and chairs he'd set out already. They settled in, the warrior pouring a drink for Atka. She accepted, clinked glasses with him, then with Angus. The three drank in silence as Nomad finished his fourth cup, the numbing sensation already starting to overtake his countenance as he poured his fifth.
"I have a daughter back home," he started, looking to Atka. "She's a lot like you, actually. Your age too. Most of what I do, I do for her. And to keep her from a common threat we've both faced, Atka."
Before she could answer, he took of his helmet and set on the floor beside him. He took another drink, then looked back to her and took in her reaction. It wasn't much, but he could tell she was regarding him. Likely she'd never seen anything like him before. Then again, if Ire was any indication, he didn't put it past her to at least know of a creature like him. Time to elaborate.
"Angus already knows this," he started again, "but Hell and a lot of devils have a vested interest in me. A long time ago, I was a slave to the fiends. Did whatever they made me do. Devils like Ire...I was made to serve their whims. A lot of innocent souls were condemned because of me. Many brave warriors are damned because of me too. Before I escaped, I made a few devils pay for their crimes too. But..." He looked back to Angus. "I guess I should just skip to the part that concerns you both now that you know Hell has a score to settle with me."
Another drink. They stayed silent as he stared into his cup.
"I come from Celestia. Long time ago. Don't know how old I am anymore. I think a millennia with a few extra decades tacked on. Used to serve in the Heavenly vanguard with others like me. Thought I knew what valor and honor was. Believed we could wipe out darkness once and for all, and so I followed another into Hell to do just that. Found out a bit too late we'd been mislead, and for our hubris we were captured or killed. Or worse, in my case."
Another drink.
"Told you they took my wings first. So I couldn't escape, I guess. Then it was the torture they're so good at. Years of that. Don't think I broke, but I can't be sure. Eventually, everything just became red. Rage. When the time was right, they turned me loose on whatever they wanted destroyed. Demons first. Then other devils."
Drink.
"Eventually it started to be mortals and other angels. Then one day...it was another like me...Tyreal...Don't know what he was doing there, but the creature I'd become couldn't recognize him until it was already over. I took his soul as I'd done to I don't know how many others, but he was able to bring me back. Nex Sacramentum. 'Do not forget who you are. Or where you come from.'"
They sat in silence as Nomad finished his fifth cup, then poured himself another as he stared out into the night.
"After that, I remembered. And I did exactly what Hell had made me to do. That's how I made those fuckers pay on my way out, because they made a beast they couldn't control and paid the price. Took some doing, but I made it out of Hell, and when I came out the other side, this is what I was. Think I've been here about seventy years now. Found a wife. Had a family. Did about everything I could to keep them safe. Devils kept after us. Angels did too, and I still have to keep doing what Hell made me to do. Had to for years. Guess it's one of the only things I'm good at."
Drink.
"It's funny...despite all that, and even as some demon, devil, angel mutant that I am, Orianna died of some fucking sickness when I was fighting in the war. Thought I'd make the world better for her after I got back. Give her and Zora something better in the future free of Hell and Tiamat and all that, and she's dead by the time I get home. Learned the hard way there's not much I can control anymore. Just gotta keep trying to make the best of what I have."
One more drink.
"Zora's so strong...can't believe how much of her mom she got. All the parts of me I figure are at least a little noble too. So I'm with the Zhentarim because they hide us and they don't blink at having something like me helping them in exchange for it. And now there's the Black Network that I was sent here to deal with and a fucking demonic portal opens up when some ancient wizard comes back, and..." to Atka. "your brother is back to life and dragging Ire and Hell into this mix too. I don't think it's a coincidence. But you both said you'd help me and I hope you know I'd do the same for you. That part's always easy. It's just what happens to everyone else that tries to help me...reminds me of Tyreal."
He raised his glass again, but this time held himself back, looking his friends in the eye after pulling himself from the depth of memory. A chuckle escaped him as he put his glass back on the table.
"Believe what parts you want, I guess. Might help explain some of what you've seen and why I don't like people knowing too much about me. Don't need some devil coming after either of you because of me. But it looks like that's nothing I can control. Since I made it out of Hell, I've tried staying true to who I was before the fiends corrupted me, and you can be damn sure that means I won't be abandoning either of you anytime soon, wherever this fight takes us. Don't know if I know what true honor is anymore and after what I've done, but I know it takes many forms, including mine."
Without hesitating, he lifted his glass and drained it. This time, he didn't refill it. Instead, he sat back in his chair and let the alcohol take its effect.
"Thanks for saying you'd stand with me. Both of you. And for listening. I'm gonna take a second and stop being so sentimental."
Atka looked from Angus, that mighty, steadfast brute, to the one she now called quite firmly as a friend--a comrade-in-arms. She looked down into the drink that was poured for her, swirled the glass around a bit in her hand before setting it down and sternly said, "Nomad, I am admittedly surprised by your admission and candid display." She motioned briefly to his visage and then "translated" it by circling in air a finger around her own. "Before I say what I am feeling--and I truly think I deserve to--I just want to remind you that while I may mirror your daughter to you, I am not she. I am someone who has, er, had a father and a mother who both were stolen from me by Ire in different ways. I am not looking for fatherly protection, nor do I feel comfortable with the thought of you taking risks on me simply for that reason, if that is how you meant it. I would hope that, like me, you are taking risks for me--and me for you--because we are allies, maybe even friends?"
Before Angus could interject, Nomad seemed to bury his face in his drink briefly, giving Atka more time to speak, "Now, I'll admit that your...look...and actions are disparate to me, but you must know that people look at me, too, and do not assess safety in similar ways. I know that your history contributes to your need for discretion, and I am a bit frightened by your likeness and connection to Baator, as my brother calls it, and Celestia, and devils, demons, angels... However, you have repeatedly proven to me your valor and character in my times of need and on the battlefield, and sometimes both together." Atka paused.
"Atka--"
Atka raised her hand abruptly. "Let me get this out. I have always assumed that devils equal bad, and angels equal good. Angus's mentor Delgin Quik made it clear to me that the lines are not so black and white, but instead gray, which is why there is someone like ME--with some true devil, and not just any devil, that damned devil Ire, in me--who can truly want not to descend to evil madness. I have met an angel, and lost his aid to Mamnen's descent. I don't know where he's run off to, the angel, but I do know that Mamnen inferred that he took care of him, and now I cannot find him for help."
Neither of the men said or tried to say anything this time, because, Atka figured, she had made it abundantly clear that her feelings needed to get out before anybody interjected. "So, I feel that despite your connection to heaven, hell, and whathaveyou--despite all the actions of the past, I judge you on your actions now, your words now, and they depict a much different story." Atka picked up her glass and heavily swallowed the entirety of its contents, trying not to flinch or cough. "You've made me see and reaffirmed that Delgin is right. If there is a chance that Mamnen's true self is in there and can be reminded, like you 'awoke' back from your malignant stupor, if I may be bold, then I owe it to him, my lost family, and me to try to save him, whether Ire is pulling the strings or not."
Atka cleared her throat. "And as I said before, but I'll reiterate now, I'm helping you as a means to my own ends, as well as, and perhaps more importantly, because I consider you a friend of mine. I don't need you to say it back or even bat an eye. I just wanted to state my feelings. So, now I'll stop being sentimental and shush."
He smiled beneath the veil of his hood, then couldn't suppress the small chuckle that came next as his head swirled from the effects of his drink. Angus sat in silence, he and Nomad making eye contact occasionally but the minotaur content to sit and listen. Nomad continued to ponder Atka's words for a while as they all drank. He leaned forward over the table, cup between his hands, staring down into its depths.
"Yeah...I'd say we're friends, Atka. Comrades in arms." He nodded to Angus. "Like he and I. We fought in the War of Tyranny together. Became friends through it." He raised his glass, Angus doing the same in response. "I think you mistook my meaning in this though. Don't worry about me trying to coddle you. You don't need my protection. Just my help. Like I need yours. I think we're both in some tough spots with our enemies. Looks like we're only making more."
Angus chuckled next, speaking for the first time. "Apparently, that was inevitable. But we're making friends too."
Nomad smiled at that, nodding. "Yeah. Guess you're right." He looked back to Atka. "I think that's about everything I wanted to say. Appreciate you both listening to me. I don't talk much about the past. Want to stay focused on the now. It's a lot more pleasant, enemies and old ghosts aside."
Color flooded Atka's face, a dark violet adorning her cheeks now. "Oh! How embarrassing! I guess I'm not so smart as I am skilled. I just talk when I should think, act when I should assess. I suppose it always gets me in trouble." She slammed the empty glass on the table with both hands gripping it. "Wait--! You, Angus, you and me... we're--?"
"Friends, Atka? I would be honored to call you a friend," Angus softly said and raised his glass to her. Nomad raised his as well and nodded, adding,
"I believe most in our circle are fast becoming so. It's difficult to place the trust of your life in someone who you wouldn't call ally to some degree."
"Oh... I think I've made a horrible assumption that you would somehow distrust or find me a risk to be around. I owe you the biggest of apologies. -I- would be honored to call -you- friend," she said and bowed her head. "And as far as the past, let's do as you say, Nomad. Let's not talk about it, unless it's needed to guide the present or future." On cue, the tiefling wrapped her tail around to rest in her lap softly and grew somber. "I get the distinct impression that at least one in our party knows of Ire Mennith enough that it makes -me- nervous. That means that Ire, while not a main name in Baator from what I can tell, was still a player here. That could mean that he -is- influencing Mammy--Mamnen." Crestfallen, at the slip of her tongue on her twin's nickname, she closed her eyes. "And if what you say is true in your pasts, Nomad, Angus, I'm still confused what role all of this might mean for my brother's future if I should fail at convincing him."
Instinctively, she lifted her hands to grip the base of her horns on each side. "All that aside, Raenar is searching for something that is putting him in possibly grave dangers on this plane. I don't know how to prioritize this. I've never had to choose family or lo--duty before." Where is your head, Atka, she thought to herself bitterly...
Despite his increasingly drunken state, Nomad found his focus, recognizing Atka's embarrassment and waving it away. "Nothing to apologize for, Atka. Or lose any sleep over. Torm knows I still need to do less worrying as it is."
Angus reached over, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as Atka released her horns in recognition of his gesture, warming to his touch. "When I get confused or frustrated, I like to go for a walk or listen to the birds. Or if it's night, I count the stars. After a while, I'm not so worried anymore."
Atka cocked her head, met his gaze, then let the helpless smile overcome her, joining Nomad and Angus in a row of laughter that lasted for some time. The three of them continued to drink and enjoy the mirth for a long while, a more serene silence overtaking them after it was done.
"Do the best you can," Nomad eventually said out loud, his gaze to the ceiling as he leaned back in his chair. "It's the most that can be asked of you, and the least you should be willing to give."
Atka turned her smile to him. "Where'd you hear that?"
"Can't really remember," he replied with a shrug, "but I think it was from someone in another life. I say it now because I think you already grasp its meaning very well, and saying it out loud reminds me to try and do the same. For myself and my friends. Whatever the circumstances." It took some effort, but he met the waiting eyes of both of his friends. "I think we'll get each other through this, Atka. Angus is here, after all. Got me through the war, so that's a very encouraging sign for you."
The minotaur rumbled with laughter, just before his shoulders slumped somewhat. "I'm sorry to hear about Orianna, my friend. I wish I could have met her."
Nomad's eyes went back to his cup, another sigh escaping him. "Thanks, my brother. I wish that too." He lifted his head. "But, we're here, we're alive, and maybe we can do some good and bring a family back together." He raised his glass to Atka this time. "Hopefully Mamnen doesn't bear too harsh a grudge against me for the last time we 'spoke.'"
Atka shrugged her shoulders, half-absentmindedly saying, "Well, he does bear a grudge against the 'secret sword bearer' but he knows nothing about who you are, what you look like... and that was by design. I doubt he could identify you if he tried." Atka sat for a second and pondered. "I don't suppose I know much about his reaction short of the nightmares, and who knows how embellished those are!"
Angus leaned forward a bit and cautious said, "My mentor always told me to take those kinds of nightmares with serious heed. I don't mean to scare you, Atka, but our psyches are not able to make up our fears in the same way that we make up stories--especially when someone is walking in dreams."
Atka shuddered and nodded. "I...don't want to think about the power that either Mamnen or Ire possess if it's muted in the dream, which you're saying it's not, hm? So, maybe I've seen all of their cards?" A nervous laugh from the tiefling. The other two seemed hesitant to share in it. "Can I tell you both something--something that has nothing to do with all of this except to complicate it?"
Angus nodded, and Nomad raised a hand and rolled his wrist a bit to bade her to continue.
"I know there have been jokes and whispers after Renaer's admission that his father Lord Dagult Neverember 'doesn't love me.'" she started. "I can only imagine what everyone must be thinking about my rank and comfort of living here in Waterdeep after that admission, but you must understand! Nothing. Has. Happened between Lord Dagult and me..." she lowered her voice and added, "Despite my seductive efforts." After a pause, she continued, "I haven't gotten letters from him since we reconnected with Renaer, and knowing him, he knows I have found him and am failing him by not having already seen the...boy...safely home. I'm not saying it's a match made in Heaven--or that I wish to have a child of my own with someone like him. It's just... Dagult is...well, so assured and assuring, charming and capable, powerful--" Her rate of speech was increasing with each word. "--and I just feel like if Renaer gets hurt, doesn't go home, or worse, Dagult will shut ME out. ME. His ward and guard since I was 14!"
"Fourteen, Atka?" Angus verified, concerned, and looked to Nomad. Nomad nodded a bit to echo the concern.
"Yes, he saved me from a life of servitude to another. And I vowed to in my youth to protect and honor his wishes to the best of my ability every chance I got. So, you see how my brother is mucking this all up with his poor 'I'm succumbing to my inner-devil' timing? He's already threatened the Neverembers personally, and admitted to me how he would put a 'stop' to their 'influence' over me. But I am happy! HAPPY! I'm doing and am capable of so much more because of Dagult especially."
Atka brought her shoulders to her ears, playing with the tail in her lap. "Well," she said, "That's my biggest secret, albeit not my biggest problem: I am pining after the deposed lord of Waterdeep..."