What would I do different?   Huh...interesting you should ask because I've been trying to find the answer to that question for a while now. Gone back and forth with it too. On one hand, I have lots of regrets. Did too many things or didn't do enough that ended up hurting someone. Even killing some. I lament all of that. But while I strive to atone for the sins I've committed, I'm struck by the realization that if I hadn't walked the exact path I did, made every choice I had, and felt every feeling along the way, I never would have ended up here.   Strange, I know. These are dangerous and dark times. Things haven't been this bad since the War of Tyranny, and one of the things I lament and wonder about is whether or not I ever should have left to fight in that damn conflict. I mean, I know I did the right thing. I couldn't stand by. Even Orianna knew that. But if I hadn't gone, I would have been there when she passed. I would have been there for Zora too. When she needed me most.   But now she's back. Zora has her mother back. What might have changed if I hadn't gone to fight? What might have been different if I never would have found Black Razor and freed Ushen from its confines? Would she be alive now, for me to have and hold once more? Would Zora and I be any better off? Would my daughter feel any less disappointment toward me?   I hope that's not the case now. Hopefully I'm beginning to rectify the wrongs of old that I've contemplated so often; those of my own volition and those I was manipulated or coerced into doing. But as I've come to find deeper meaning in this new existence I've been granted, so too have I found less and less regret in the life I have and the present I abide in.   With that in mind, what would I do different?   Well...I guess to start with, I probably would've been ready with some clothes for Orianna when she came back. Looking back on that moment, I would have thought that through a bit better. I still have a lot to learn.

Posting for Emma/Holly   Over the past four months, my mind has cycled through the last few conversations I had with my wife. One detail seems to pop up again and again: there were brief moments when Moria hinted at us taking a vacation. I liked the idea of taking some time off to relax, but never thought about it with any urgency. But after seeing her the other day, standing so tall over that battle map… Was she trying to tell me something?   I wish I'd taken her proposal more seriously. I wish I'd jumped on it right away, taken her hand and said, “Yes, my love. Let's arrange for a trip and go wherever you'd like to go! We'll ride beyond the hills of Scornubel and get some fresh air.”   But where would we have gone? What would have happened to our home and our family in our absence? Would we have run from the army of orcs, or would she have gone to them willingly?   My wife was never open about her family. She preferred to focus more on the present and the future, rather than dwell on the past. She never gave me a reason to suspect anything other than what she shared with me. I keep searching for a way I could have been able to tell that something was off. But how could I have known?? I knew Moria to be a traveling musician seeking a life of her own - not a soldier, and certainly not a leader of an army. There's no way I could have foreseen any of this happening… not after all we've been through together…the life we built…the family we created…   I don't know what I would have done differently. All I know is one morning I woke up, and the love of my life wasn't there. And all I want to do now is hold her and tell her how much I love her.   I’ve never been consistent with prayer. Perhaps I should change that. If nothing else, it'll help me get some sleep… I have a feeling I'll be needing it for whatever else awaits.