Dwin's Journal

Re: Session 11

Found in Dwin's lab book, amidst chemical formulae, mathematical equations, electronic diagrams, and more...

I don't usually write these sorts of things, especially not in my lab book, but well, I'm conflicted and don't know what to do. I can barely go two moments without crying, and I'm supposed to finish R.A.N.C.H.E.R.'s leg in the morning. These revelations about Dante and Naja are just...fuck, I don't know. I don't know what to think of them.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

Not of Dante. No, never Dante. Not of Naja either. I would have never done what they did, but... I can kind of understand what I think their motives are. But that's just the thing. We don't really know the full details because we haven't been willing to sit down and talk yet.

No, I'm scared of us, of what will become of the six of us because of these revelations.

The casual way Ackers drew his gun on Dante tore my heart out. R.A.N.C.H.E.R.'s searing rage might as well have been directed at me. I think it terrified me more than it did Dante.

I've never had a family before. Not really. I mean, I had my mom. But she was always distant. She had her duties and she expected me to just...I don't know...get by. And I did. Sort of. I love my mom, but we're not close. Not by a long shot.

I never knew my father. I don't even know who he is. Is he alive? Is he someone in the Coop? Someone in some other community? I don't know. I don't really care. My point is, I never had a father either. Never had a family.

Not until now, at any rate.

These last couple of months, I've finally felt like I belong somewhere. I've finally found a family. I love them all dearly.

And now it's all about to fall apart.

R.A.N.C.H.E.R. raged about how what Naja did was just as bad as what Darmand did, no matter what the motivations or how "bad" the victim was. And he's right, I guess. It makes logical sense. But it's not fair.

It's just not fair.

Structural diagrams for a robotic leg follow, then several equations, then...

I've been thinking things over a lot today during countless brief moments while finishing R.A.N.C.H.E.R.'s new leg. The big guy's trying to be comforting. He sees how much I'm hurting. I'm grateful for that.

But his vindictiveness at this moment needs to be toned down. He wants justice. I get that. I want justice too. But it doesn't have to be at Dante's expense, at our family's expense.

R.A.N.C.H.E.R. and Ackers are following deep-seated programming dictating their moral response. But ultimately, their actions are based on their interpretations of those directives. Ackers is acting as if we can show Dante no mercy, yet he himself has shown mercy before. He just needs to be shown the way.

We all supported leniency for Ned, Emanwell, and Chris, and Dante has done nothing worse than what they did. We should show Dante the same leniency. I'm not sure about Naja right now. I need to think about that more, not to mention get more information. But at the very least, Dante can be shown mercy. He doesn't need to be confined like he's in a cage. He doesn't need to be watched every minute of the day, his basic humanity denied. Ackers needs to understand that. And I need to develop a spine and tell him that.

And that's what I'm going to do right now.