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Inspection Day Eve

Mycelium darted between Fysh Market stalls. It couldn’t be late, not today. It dodged and wove between market patrons. The smell of freshly fried sea tators beckoned Mycelium towards the venders. In a brief moment of weakness, it stopped running.

The sea of passers by parted around it. Golden sea tators still dripping with fish oil sang to Mycelium. The market vender gestured to his wares with the showmanship of an Octus grifter. His waggling eyebrows hawked nothing but the finest sea tators, fried to perfection in only the best fish oil for a price that truly was reasonable for the product he provided. His eyebrows lied.

Mycelium shoved its sunglasses onto its face and took off past the siren song of sea tators. It didn’t have time for distractions. Its feet pounded on the flat colorful pavement as it ran. The steady drum beat carried it out of the Fysh Market. It thump-thwump’ed into Mola Mola Park.

Short stubby trees rose around it. The kind that grew in gnarled boughs and looked strange in shadows. Mycelium pouted at their barren branches. It had missed its chance to pick the sweet fruit that dotted the trees like shiny new dabloons. It raced on through the park. Soft grass tickled its ankles, but Mycelium had learned from the sea tators. It would not be late.

The Special Committee had big plans for Inspection Day. It would not be left out just because it was late. Not on its first Inspection Day with the committee. Mycelium darted off the established paths it had been running on. The Mola Mola Committee would understand some gently trampled grass. Or at least it hoped they would.

It slipped between fruit trees and people out walking their frilled sea slugs, and made its way past an excitable soft plated eel. Mycelium thought that it was a good day for the park. Inspection Day Eve, the perfect time to relax in the grass before the joyful chaos of Inspection Day. Certainly the only peace and quiet anyone would be getting in the near future.

Starting to tire, it reached the edge of the park. Mycelium burst into Loving Embrace. The temperature noticeably increased as it stepped into the town square. The heat from the geothermal vents seeped through the pavement into its soles. It imagines that the sensation was similar to feeling the warmth of the sun on its skin.

In the distance Mycelium caught a glimpse of the Dabloons Statue of Shark God. It let out a small happy cry. It was going to make it. The golden face of Shark God urged it to run faster. It pumped its arms furiously and took great heaving breaths. The Dabloon Statue grew closer. Mycelium felt the loving embrace of Shark God when it finally ground to a stop in front of the statue.

It hunched over with its hands on its knees gasping for air as it struggled to catch its breath. Dark sunglasses slid low on its nose, only to be quickly shoved back in place. It wouldn’t do to be out of uniform. It looked up to the people milling about the Dabloon Statue. The comforting sight of fish like people sharply dressed in suits soothed Mycelium. It hadn’t missed the meeting.

It straightened up with a final large gulp of air. It smiled and nodded at its fellow committee members. The air crackled around them in anticipation. The Octus Dome Inspection Committee only deigned to visit Gyllis once a year. The Special Committee needed to be ready. They only had one chance to convince the inspectors that the special brand of insanity Gyllis cultivated still ran rampant through the streets.

Mycelium was ready. It had seen many Inspection Days before this one, but this was the first time it could make its mark on Octus. Agent Chondrichthyes broke free from the crowd to stand in front of the Dabloon Statue. Their black pencil skirt immaculate as they wheeled forward.

The Special Committee quieted when their leader came to a stop. Mycelium shivered with excitement. Here it was, time for the master plan for Inspection Day. The reason why it sprinted halfway across the dome. Agent removed their dark glasses, blinking their four slitted eyes at the light. The anticipation had the entire committee in a chokehold, but Agent was always one for dramatics. They bared their teeth in a vague approximation of a smile.

“Now who’s ready to fuck with those squares from Octus?”

Comments

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Dec 12, 2023 14:36

"It couldn’t be late, not today." instills a sense of urgency in the reader and makes the reader think/assume that the character is stressed about arriving on time. Basically a white rabbit character kind of vibe. "Octus grifter" are two words that we don't know that are throwing the reader off ever so slightly. I think it's good, and it makes the reader more curious about the world, but it does throw the reader off and break the flow of the writing. "His eyebrows lied." directly followed by "Mycelium shoved its sunglasses" works really well to describe the kind of person Mycelium is, that it will just immediately judge and move on, even if it's something that it thinks it wants. I don't know what you're trying to do with the character- I mostly just get a strong sense of the character wanting something very badly, but basically has to rush to work and therefore isn't going to get food. Is the character hungry, or just wants food? And when they start to lose steam, I am confused, because I'm under the impression that this is a normal occurrence for this creature (rushing to work). So it should have the stamina to run all the way there. I am confused about the sentence "Agent Chondrichthyes broke free from the crowd to stand in front of the Dabloon Statue. Their black pencil skirt immaculate as they wheeled forward." If they're in a wheelchair, I wouldn't use words like "stand", because it immediately creates the wrong image of the person in the reader's mind. If you used something like "Agent C moves in front of the statute to address their troops" it would make more sense. But from your vingette, all we understand is that Agent C is in a black pencil skirt/fancy suit combo, and potentially in a wheelchair or on wheels? But we don't get a good picture, especially of that, because there are conflicting ideas. Overall, very good! You did a lot of world building in a 1000 word vignette, and that is very impressive. I want to read more about Agent C (I really like them, and I kind of wish the whole journey through the town/city area was shorter so we can hear more of what they had to say). Because this feels like a lead-up to a full book or novel of some kind, I expect to read more about Agent C and Mycelium in the next few chapters. :)