Afore Elder Gods Deck of Many Things

This Deck of Many Things has survived through the Quanti from before the time of the Elder Gods, and remembers Existence before current Existence.
It has randomly appeared over the millions of years since the rise of the Elder Gods, its purpose and reason unknown.
The possessor may draw a number of cards at once up to the maximum value of zis proficiency bonus with the number declared in advance. Once drawn the effect immediately comes into play and the card/s return to the Quanti to reappear again at some other time.

1. Time Bender; A green skinned giant drifting in the Time Void; the drawer must make a savings throw with hard disadvantage vs DC 21 intelligence check or be cast into the Time Void
   
   
2. Archmagi; Conjoined Mountain sized man and woman made of blazing light pulling in opposite directions; the drawer immediately gains the ability to cast a one-off random Elderday spell of 2d4+1 level, must be cast within a number of rounds equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus or be lost
   
   
3. Pearl; A savage dragon covered in a million sharpened, ablative pearls towers over other dragons beneath 3 half moons; the drawer has a number of rounds equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus to breathe (1. thunder, 2. force, 3. necrotic, 4. radiant, 5. magical bludgeoning 6. damage type of drawers choice) dragon's breathe in a straight line of 5" x 180" with damage equal to drawer's proficiency bonus x d12
   
   
4. Diamond; Jagged diamond jaws bite the head of the drawer; drawer immediately takes dragons breathe damage (1. thunder, 2. force, 3. necrotic, 4. radiant, 5. magical bludgeoning 6. damage type of drawers choice) equal to drawer's proficiency bonus x d12 (no savings throw)
   
   
5. Hahill; Gigantic red pistons covered in runes in a chamber infinitely deep beneath the surface of an iron start; Gain 2x negation spell effects as a reaction that must be used within 24 hours
   
   
6. Jahn Krysten; choose 2x creature types. For the next 24 hours the drawer is vulnerable to all damage where the source of that damage is from those creature types, and those creature types are vulnerable to all damage dealt by the drawer
   
   
7. Man in the Moon; Pale blue-grey internally lit hominid holds a lantern standing next to a dog beneath a mountain sized bush of thorn; the drawer may enter and leave the Otherwhere at will in the next 24 hours a number of times equal to its proficiency bonus
   
   
8. Lady of Arms; A giant with six arms fights a Demon Lord in the skies above a city of millions; The drawer can choose to deal 3x critical hits (damage value doubled to normal critical hit) upon a successful hit in the next 24 hours. When dealt the drawer takes 2 levels of exhaustion which cannot be diverted, magically healed or deflected
   
   
9. Lady Fortuna; A statuesque blindfolded alien leads chained creatures through the dark; Any savings throw, attack roll, ability check made within the next 24 hours will be rerolled regardless of initial result on a percentage basis equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus
   
   
10. Wyrd King; Bitter faerie folk clamber over a petrified king deep in an underground chamber; the drawer immediately takes 50hp phantom energy damage
    
    
11. Hierophant; A collection of 31 souls assembled as a single creature tumble into the darkness after falling from a halcyon precipice; if the drawer is a spell caster, immediately gain additional spell slots as follows until the next long rest - 1x 1st level, 1x random spell level between first and maximum available to drawer, 1x spell slot at the next level higher than available (and gains 1 spell of equal level to cast), if the drawer is not a spell caster ze gains the ability to cast 3x wizard cantrips until zis next long rest
    
    
12. Empress; An almost hidden empress pats a coiled, giant Smilodon; after a successful melee hit the drawer can use a bonus action to inflict the bleeding Conditions on to up to three creatures until zis next long rest
    
    
13. Emperor; sharpened insectile wings retreat into night; drawer immediately takes 5d10 magical slashing damage, and any successful attack by a creature with flying in the next 24 hours will be a critical hit
    
    
14. Jensani; Three gaunt, slimy green skinned amphibious hominids point behind you; Drawer is immediately inflicted with the Pained Conditions until zis next long rest
    
    
15. Ceigor Miloc; Ice from shattered worlds in the void of space between plants has coalesced into a existentially dangerous Ice King; drawer may add cold damage equal to zis proficiency bonus x d6 to a successful attack in the next 24 hours, drawer and target will be affected by the frosted Conditions for a number of turns equal to zis proficiency bonus afterward
    
    
16. Aranacus; black hole collision; drawer can deal force damage equal to zis proficiency bonus x 10 to a single target within 300" (line of sight) and take the same damage zimself (cannot be redirected or resisted) as an action within a number of turns equal to zis proficiency bonus, or ignore and allow Aranacus hate to wait for other victims at another time
    
    
17. Salenkar; Endless fields of broken war machines rusting under a dead red star; drawer immediately rolls for a random magic item (1-5 table A, 6-9 table B, 10-13 table C, 14-15 table D, 16 table E, 17 table F, 18 table G, 19 table H, 20 table I) and because Existence makes fun of what the mortals take seriously, the drawer's most dangerous opponent also immediately gains a magic item from the same table
    
    
18. Wotterniarnean; a broken landscape under a full moon is haunted by the dead nature spirit that formerly empowered it; for 24 hours the drawer can understand and speak all languages and be under the inebriated Conditions for the duration
    
    
19. Sarabri; A dark giant scoops its hands through a many layered megalopolis, fixing the souls of all who touch it, to its many limbs; the drawer feels nothing but divine exultation and the embrace of all existence; the drawer is resistant to all damage types for 24 hours, and is also affected by the comatose Conditions for the duration. At the end of 24 hours the drawer can cast one Legend Lore spell as a freebie after each long rest equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus
    
    
20. Neb; a pale blue square is suspended in the night sky above the lair of the universe's greatest arch villain atop an extinct alien mountain range; Drawer immediately regain all spell slots and hit points, remove all diseases and adverse conditions
    
    
21. Nemed Celesteum; Harmonious arcane circles within globes within towers with the divine spheres of existence lost; Drawer immediately gains knowledge of 4x Elder Day spells or immediately gain 2 feats or drawer's choosing
    
    
22. Pale House; Billions of closing windows rush through the Void towards the drawer; Drawer and a number of allies equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus within 360" are immediately teleported to a Far World
    
    
23. Bogardan; Burnt ashfields of the last civilisations frozen beneath dead suns; nothing good, the drawer immediately loses 2 levels of their primary class. Can only be regained through experience, no magic will cure this loss
    
    
24. Jaraqi; Endless planes at multiple angles in multiple directions turning around a concert of neutron stars; At the start of each long rest equal to the drawer's proficiency bonus, the drawer temporarily gains 2 intelligence, wisdom or charisma (as randomly chosen by the universe)
    
    
25. Amonesis of Nimaia; Pyramid of stone pierces through the atmosphere and touches a mirror pyramid piercing through the nothing of space; A shoggoth appears (CR equal to drawer's proficiency bonus x6) and attacks the drawer until it or the drawer is dead. It knows where the drawer is at all times and will unrelentingly hunt the drawer down
    
    
26. Porthos; Seventeen blood red hominids are screaming in pain as they're forcibly merge with the Void; the drawer is instantly drawn into the Void where ze instantly begins to suffocate. The drawer may make a savings throw with hard disadvantage vs DC constitution save of DC 22 at the start of zis turn to hold zis breathe otherwise suffocation starts immediately. The chance that the Void expels the drawer at the start of zis turn is equal to the CR rating of the drawer in percentage
    
    
27. Ayama; Coral covered hominid with an ichthyosaur tail straddles the elemental planes; for the next 24 hours the drawer does not need to breathe or eat, can tunnel at the rate of 50% normal speed, normal speed is increased by 50% and gains ability to normal speed
    
    
28. Daudi Femeref; A near dead hominid in chequered robes pours blood through zis hands; Drawer can cast any one divination spell (maximum level equal to drawer's proficiency bonus +2) and must do so within a number of turns equal to drawer's proficiency bonus or ability to do so is lost
    
    
29. Oghar Hai; Vaguely quadruple lupine headed monstrosity devours worlds; immediately summons drawer's proficiency bonus x7 in CR of demons (1-2), daemons (3-4) or devils (5-6) that immediately attack the drawer and zis allies, vanish after a number of turns equal to 2x drawer's proficiency bonus or if destroyed
    
    
30. Minanter Mal Adra; Vaguely calamare headed monstrosity protects worlds; immediately summons drawer's proficiency bonus x7 in CR of angels (1-3), devas (4-6) that immediately attack the drawer's opponents, vanish after a number of turns equal to 2x drawer's proficiency bonus or if destroyed
    
    
31. Maiden Des; Divine head emerging from vantablack; Drawer is immediately reduced to 0 hp. Death saves are made with disadvantage and a loss equals 2, not 1