Mom, Dad,
I will be well on my way by the time you read this. I'm sure you will be furious and upset with me, and I know you would stop me if I told you about this beforehand.
I don't deserve to be here anymore. I don't deserve the support you've given me so far when I am the reason Nahine died. I pushed for the trip, I pushed that I would be fine with just Nahine, I pushed and pushed and then when time came for me to step up, I froze. I hesitated, and he died.
You've told me a million times that it was not my fault and that there is nothing to forgive, but I know that my hesitation was the knife in his back. I can think of nothing more to do than to leave. Every moment here is another moment without him and I cannot stand it.
I'll return when I'm a warrior he would have been proud of.
I'm so sorry I killed him.
Ayeshi
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