A Note to Carin

I still think about you every single day. I thought that as time passed, my memories and feelings of you would fade and pass. 
I still can't quite believe you are dead. It seems so absurd. How can one so full of life an the wonders of every day things be dead? I miss you so much.
When I'm out walking, I think I see you sometimes. On the road, I'm sure that's your car and I'm about to try to gt your attention and then I remember.
The best I can do is try to carry at least a little bit of you with me. You made me laugh at things that made the average person feel frightened or concerned. Part of your magic was seeing through the appearance of absurdities, and spotting the humanity within.
I don't think I can ever go to the California Pizza Kitchen at the Summit or Panera at the Galleria Riverchase ever again. I haven't been able to bring myself to go walking at Aldredge Gardens either. I just can't do it yet.
My plan is to go to Railroad Park and walk the paths we took there and embrace some of the best memories I have of that place. Oh I spent so many hours and days there with so many different people but in all honesty, you are what I remember most about Railroad Park. I can't help but feel that your spirit will walk with me beside the lake, down to Rainbow Bridge, watch the trains and feel the cool wind in my face. There I will pay tribute to your friendship. I'm not sure how yet but I will find a way. Knowing you made me a better person. I am going to try to pass that on.
I still dream about you and wake up thinking you're aiive. Everytime I play Pokemon Go I think about you. My memories of playing are bittersweet. You were my first friend in the game. Everytime I open the app, I see your avatar and all I can say is that I hope someday, it will cheer me up. I'm not there yet. I find myself not opening presents from other friends because I can't bear to see them pass you on the list to my best friends.
Oh Carin, what are we to do without you?
You remain in my heart and always will. I miss you so much.

My grief over my dear friends' death is as tangible and painful to day as it was the day she died. But the invisible taboo barrier of continuing to speak of ones' grief, how they miss someone has passed now. Thank goodness for writing and for World Anvil.  Here I can continue to say how much I miss you, my friend.