Courtship, Love, and Marriage Customs of the Gaanar

For the Ganaar, the nyr of Maan Garth, openness and directness are considered good etiquette. Personal space is highly prized and valued, especially in a city as crowded as Panthil. And nyr lead an exceptionally long life compared to humans - so finding a partner that will be at one's side forever can be both a challenge and incredibly rewarding; but it also isn't necessary to find "the one" - or just one partner for life in general.

Courtship Etiquette

As mentioned above, directness is important, beating about the bush considered annoying by most Ganaar. If someone fancies another person it is considered polite to let them know as soon as possible, as it demonstrates determination, bravery, and strength of will. Similarly, the other party shouldn't take too long to decide whether they would like to accept the advances or state that they aren't interested and would prefer to remain friends or not have contact at all. If the attraction isn't instantaneous but rather developed over a longer period of time, e.g. between friends, it is common to bring the object of one's desire a personalized gift that symbolizes the friendship between each other. This could be anything from a flower taken from the place where the two friends met the first time or regularly spent time, something that is used in an activity they both enjoy doing together, and so on. It shouldn't be a physically valuable item, but rather one with emotional value - and should the gifted person decline the advances there is still the friendship between them to hold on to.

Rules of Engagement

Engagements rarely happen entirely spontaneously or unexpected. Usually the partners in an existing relationship will discuss the option of marriage beforehand extensively. This is particularly important in relationships with more than two partners, to make sure that everyone involved would actually be interested in a potentially livelong bond and commitment to each other. If one of the partners is more hesistant than the other, it is up to them in the end to actually propose to the other (or not) when they are ready and made all necessary preparations.
Despite a lot of previous talking and planning about the proposal and engagement as such, the day of the actual proposal is still an important event and usually chosen carefully. It could be the date that the couple met the first time, but important religious holidays are popular choices as well. The location of the proposal should be outside under the open sky - and when it rains on the day it is said that the marriage will be a long and happy one.
As preparation for the proposal the proposing partner will either buy or make a small goblet that is placed outside once they have decided that they want to propose to their lover(s). The goblet has to remain outside until it is filled with rainwater to the brim - until then the proposing partner still has time to rethink their decision. Once the goblet is filled and the proposal is arranged, the goblet filled with rainwater is given to the partner that they propose to as they ask for their hand in marriage. The proposed-to partner can think about their decision one more day if they need the time, and if they say "yes" the couple takes a sip each from the goblet. The remaining rain water is carried to Avon Maan and spilled into the temple's water basin.
On the usually very rare occasion where the proposed-to partner does no longer want to marry - for example when their partner hesitated too long and through that expressed insecurity about the stability of the relationship - they empty the goblet into the ocean or another natural body of water. The empty goblet is handed back on the next day to discuss the future of the relationship.
Arranged marriages are rare and not necessarily deeply rooted in the nyr's society, but they still happen now and then, especially amongst the nobility. The general steps of courtship and engagement are the same, but usually it is the partners parents that determine that an engagement is to happen between their respective children, and when it is to happen. The actual proposal is still done in the same way as it is in the case of a marriage out of love, but considered more of a formality.

Wedding and Marriage

The wedding ceremony takes place at the temple, and usually a big celebration with many attending guests is held. They are loud and colourful, maybe because they are an event experienced as more rare than on the mainland. Most nyr marry comparatively late in their lives, a lot don't marry at all. Generally it is considered a commitment for life and something to be carefully considered - during the ritual performed at the wedding the souls of the couple are bound to each other in a way that makes a separation particularly painful. In return the partners do feel stronger in each other's presence though and gain a new level of understanding for each other that is unique to the nyr. They remain two separate beings of course, but remain connected in this life and the next.
There is no fee to be paid at the temple when a wedding ceremony is performed, but guests attending should offer a small donation in the form of money or food to the temple directly or the city the couple lives in in general.
There is no official limit to how many partners can be bound to one another during a wedding ceremony, but anything above four partners is unusual. The concepts for gender and sexuality are much more loose than those of human society, as the nyr don't 100% fit a binary gender concept and there are no strict societal rules attached to specific genders; things like a same-sex-marriage therefore don't exist next to a marriage between a man and a woman, because it is not how nyr differentiate between each other. Generally everyone can marry everyone else they want to, as long as all partners are of legal age.

Primary Related Location

Avon Maan

Related Ethnicities

• Gaanar