Promotion
Hello, I'm Abby! Your guide at Krap Inc.
Your boss informed me you want to know how you can get a promotion. While is still very early in your career to get one, we always encourage our employees to work hard and strive to be more productive. Going up is possible if you devote your life to our company.
Today I'm going to give you a presentation on how to get promoted. A quick introduction to what entails, both on duties and benefits.
Your journey to success
There are several requirements you need to fulfil if you want to get a promotion:
- Loyalty: you need at least 10 years of working with us and have never filled a request for sick days in the last 5 years.
- Efficiency: your performance reviews must show consistent success in both sales and high rates of good reviews from customers, co-workers and last, but not least, your boss.
- Productivity: you need to prove your commitment to always finish all your tasks in record time and with minimum breaks. This includes fewer bathroom trips or less time around the cooler water. Our time tracking system is infallible. Don't try to lie. You know what happens to liars.
- Respect to superiors: you always demonstrated how much you admire your bosses. This could have been shown in different ways, such as you always laughing at their jokes during meetings, accepting to take on tasks that are not in your job description, agreeing with everything they say and offering to do things for them to help with their workload without never asking for a rise.
HR Tip #1
Always start your work day with a cheerful greeting to your boss.
Promotion ceremony
If you are productive, efficient and respectful enough to get a promotion, you could enjoy a celebration in your honour. This ceremony is held in your new working space, which might be a new desk or, even better, your own office.
The people obligated by contract to participate in this function are your former co-workers, now under your supervision and your new colleagues. Your immediate superior is probably too busy with important meetings to attend.
It's your duty to open and close the ceremony with two speeches. The first one is to talk about how good you are at your job and how much you deserved the promotion. The second must be dedicated to thanking the company and the Board of Directors that in their infinity business and management knowledge, promoted you to produce more profit.
HR Tip #2
It's considered a good start as a boss to give the employees in your charge snacks and beverages during your promotion ceremony. You must pay for it. Don't forget to inform them that they must compensate you for the time they spent in your office not working. You should do it too, but as a boss, you have the right to dump your hours and tasks on someone else beneath you.
Keep working hard!
After your first promotion, it's possible to keep advancing your career with us. After all, if everything goes according to our plan, you are going to be here for a long, long time. If you remain as a simple junior or more is entirely up to you.
The last and more important promotion you can get working for Krap Inc is to become part of the Board of Directors. Only a few selected each century are allowed this great honour.
Why the new members are not seen again? Because they work on classified projects. But don't worry, I can assure you they will always be a vital part of the Board of Directors. Isn't this a future to look forward? We believe it is worth it to devote your life to get that place.
Succesfull stories
I'm so happy to be a Senior now. All those years of hard work, staying late at the office, taking my work home and doing extra hours over the weekend finally paid off. In the next 10 years, I'm going to get an office and a pay rise. I'm sure I will.
Senior's Benefits: One sick day per year. Two more breaks per week. A shiny badge with their name and their position.
It feels good to be a PM. I have my own office, and my team is dedicated and efficient. I don't want to brag, but I can make them produce so much profit, you wouldn't believe it! And with my new salary now I can enjoy the second best brand of coffee every morning before I go to work.
PM's Benefits: All the senior's benefits plus a 5% salary rise, private office, their name on the door and one more day of vacation per year.
As someone with an office on floor 46, I can assure you that getting here is possible. It's not going to be easy, but if you dismiss everything in your life, family, friends, partners, hobbies, and your health, you can be as successful as me.
Supervisor's benefits: All the other benefits plus a 10% salary rise, better free coffee, and a Krap Inc diamond credit card.
Thanks. I hate it. On a more serious note, you are doing a great job with all of these. I love how you use those horrible soulless corporate clip art and pictures to really make these feel exactly like a company help document. The introductions by Abby on each article really bring them all together.
Necromancy is a Wholesome Science.
I'm glad you hate it! >:)) I was worried the bit with Abby was getting repetitive, so it's good to know it still works!
She works really well. She had a sort of... sinister cheer about her. She's rather ominous.
Necromancy is a Wholesome Science.