Manon Sinclair
Granddaughter to an "archmage" who has no powers, I'm an avid reader who has learned to cook everything with bananas. I keep watch over Grandpa Mary, he's the only family I have left. Wonder if there is more to this life?
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Children
The Grandfather Club
The nightmare that hasn’t darkened my dreams in many weeks is back. But instead of me being the one who is always a second too late…it’s me watching Laina experience the same thing, an endless ribbon of repeating moments. The look on her face is unforgettable, searing itself into the fabric of time in my body’s weave as a memory I’ll always wish to forget. But we do not have the luxury of hiding from hard things.
I can never dive into a recounting of the recent events without first this outpouring of my innermost thoughts, cryptic as they may be. But, as always, I recognize my duty to provide a truthful recounting and so I begin again.
I didn’t expect to sleep as well as I did after the tumultuous experience in the tower with Jordan, not to mention the sting of (deserved) rejection when we got back to the hot springs with Kravana. My body slowly cooled as I wrote that journal; perhaps enough of my thoughts were written that I could really finally close my fevered eyes in peace. Regardless, I woke up refreshed the next morning. Even Madlyn “slept in” until 5:02, can you believe it?? It was truly a hallmark experience for us all, and I’m glad Madlyn took that extra time to heal her body properly.
Our chatter over breakfast as we hastily tried to look half-presentable for the council we were actually invited to today was SO excited. Though it came at great personal cost to each of us (especially Kaylan), it was lovely to look forward to the fruit of our labor–Laina’s grandfather had been alerted to the Hammer’s recovery and it was time to announce that the Hammer and the Arm could be reunited. Our proposal of having an emissary to chauffeur the Hammer and to wield the arm among all the clans was met with thoughtful approval, and we had only to look forward to hearing what the council might have to say about all of it.
Little side note–it’s our new tradition in this beautiful home with the soft, downy beds to roll reluctantly out of them and get downstairs as quickly as possible for a deliciously Dwarven breakfast. Kaylan has the most wildly spectacular hair in the morning and I couldn’t be more fond of her for it; I have half mashed and half-still-deciding-what-it-wants-to-be hair. Madlyn, of course, has nary a hair out of place; Laina is brusque and businesslike with that gorgeous crown up-do. Bo typically has anything-can-happen hair that she stores things in on occasion, just for convenience; this morning, she was not feeling well again and was up in the bathroom. Can we, for just a moment, talk about how ZY HAS MODEL HAIR ALL THE TIME?? I thought maybe she was sneaking off to do her hair in the mornings at camp, but I’ve literally watched her roll out of bed here with her hair looking like dreams were chasing it. The MINUTE she is upright, it’s perfect!! How is this possible?? I’d say it was a Heckle thing, but Bo…
ANYway. Some girls have all the luck.
We bolted down breakfast. Norduc, Laina, and Kravana were going to go to the bottom part of the council amphitheater while the rest of us were relegated to the peon seats up high in the 2nd level amphitheater balcony, but we didn’t care; in was in. I couldn’t help but feel electric–how often does a plan of ours ACTUALLY work out? If you ask Madlyn, she will say always, but then she will go a shade of green if I sneeze-say “Port ‘o Call.” Dwarves filed in and took their places in the seats next to us and I beamed at each face, knowing the good news that lay ahead for all of them. I thought happily of the ways we were being better than he was, for the good of everyone. My fingers tingled and I had to take some deep breaths because waves of time were beginning to shimmer oddly around them in a parody of my excitement.
A sudden preternatural hush settled over the crowd and I realized that it was actually time!! Proudly, I watched the king shuffle out of the door in the chamber below our balcony with the council, Laina, Norduc, and Kravana in tow. Laina looked so regal, like she had been sure of this position her entire life. What a beautiful thing she had in the reunion with her grandfather and her cousin, family! She glowed in the light of their joyous relationships. Norduc looked slightly nervous but excited. Kravana was stunning, her movements sleek as she floated in behind Norduc, scanning the crowd for any potential threats to his life.
The king settled in to his place without hurrying, like he’d been doing this his whole life and knew that rushing was useless when the party simply started when he started it. They got through some trivialities (which seemed to take FOREVER but my respect for time got me through it) and FINally, he cleared his throat and dropped his voice to a deep, rolling thunder. I can’t remember everything he said exactly (though in retrospect, I really wish I could). I do remember something like the following: “Friends, guests, family *here with a quick wink at Laina and Norduc, who grinned wide in response*. We are gathered here today to celebrate a huge milestone for our people, and as such, we must dispatch with some of our more lengthy procedures. My granddaughter, Laina, and her friends have done all of dwarvenkind an irreplaceable service and we must decide what it means for us all.” Uneasily, I noticed the advisor Laina didn’t seem to love sit up a little straighter in his chair. Laina’s grandfather rumbled on: “I want to preface their discovery by reinforcing how important it is to always live as a united and humble front. We have been banished for a long time, but the time for holding grudges is long behind us and we must face into the future with our palms up in supplication to our former friends and allies. Only united can we stand against the terrible threat that will be on our doorstep before we know it.” With the flourish of a young man who had not aged rapidly in office, the King produced the Hammer and the Arm and slammed them down on the table in front of him. Amid gasps of delight and wild cheers, he raised his arms and roared victory.
What a tableau. I remember this moment in time like a snapshot. Laina and Norduc before their grandfather, fiercely triumphant. The council and the people, delighted. The King, restored in some ways like he had not been in years, arms upraised like a savior of the people.
A glow of green.
A confused silence spread rapidly outward from council members seated near the King’s advisor, rippling over the whole council before screams of horror seared their throats–for in a whiplash moment of turned tides, the advisor to the king’s clawed hand glowed an ever brighter poisonous green. His steps took on a heavy momentum, he lunged forward, and he plunged that green monstrosity of an arm through the king’s chest and ripped out his heart.
It’s the freezing of time that gets me the most, I guess. The frozen look of victory that died on his face when his soul parted from his body. The shocked silence pierced after an eon by the first scream. The look of surrealism on Laina’s crumpled face. These things were frozen, but those rules didn’t apply to that wicked advisor whose form rapidly shifted into a fully-grown green dragon. He grabbed the Arm and the Hammer and with a shriek, launched himself into the air and blasted through the amphitheater’s rocky roof. With a final turn toward the chaos below him, he hissed through a toothy grinning death mask: “The Klar line ENDS TODAY.”
Reality came crashing back hard as 3 wizards popped into existence around us and the floor became scalding lava. The council members scrambled over one another to escape the table at the front and make for an exit as fast as they could, except for one notable exception. This one council member’s physique became blurred at the edges as he grew, and grew, and…polymorphed into a t-rex! I had only read about this spell before, and here was the giant horror right in front of us! I felt overwhelmed and helpless watching everything go down around me. A different kind of blankness overtook me when I heard a little-used voice echo over the heads of the crowd–Kravana!! I watched in complete awe as she bellowed mightily and sprung into action. She sprinted to Norduc, lifting him bodily into the air, and tore the floor up to bury him temporarily out of harm’s way. “FOR THE BOOTY TREE!” She yelled ferociously, and her axe burst into flame–which she then handed off to Laina so Laina would have a weapon (I’m not crying, you’re crying). Drawing out a club, she then loped without any discernible fear in her eyes toward the t-rex, growing taller herself the entire way there. A line of Herculean prose popped into my head–”So hot, steam looked cool.” Gulp. Belly flop. Light-headed.
ANYway.
Aside from Jordan, who was a little bitch that didn’t even give me a chance to fight back, we had never been able to fight against other wizards. If I’m totally honest, a twinge of regret thrummed in my soul at the spilling of magical blood before I hardened my resolve in the knowledge that these monsters worked for that green dragon who had forever changed Laina’s ability to hold joy. Finally, as my mind caught up to the events around me, I was ready to wreak havoc.
My first order of business was to bring Laina up to us; Kravana would have felt disrespected if I tried to take her out of harm’s way, so I left her nervously to the dinosaur fight. Walls of fire had sprung up at the exits, so we had to figure out a way to get around that for the civilians wailing in panic all around us. Kaylan took Mishikal’s cool power and was able to put out the flames by the door in the upper amphitheater, and Laina and I got as many civilians out as we could before jumping back into the fray. Each of the wizards there seemed to be concentrating on something, but we had to focus on staying out of the lava, saving as many citizens as possible, watching the hottest fight I’d ever seen between a giantess and a t-rex, and defeating the wizards so I can’t say what they were each doing now. I guess my attention was too splintered.
Some of the highlights of the battle were the sight of Laina soaring through the air with her pantaloons, dress tucked in to be out of her way, absolutely sailing over the lava to strike at one of the wizards with that great axe. Madlyn knocking people around with lethal discipline and strategically organizing our troops. Kaylan hitting them all where it hurt, dropping their walls and healing people and making a weapon out of shimmering blue magic. Zy shimmying down a banner to the main level after shooting a rope down so the council could climb it (which was a great idea in theory, but the t-rex snapped it like a twig). Kravana swinging with deadly aim at the t-rex. Actually, the t-rex really did some damage to Kravana and after being fireballed myself, I popped up with only one thought in my mind–to hurt the thing trying to hurt her as much as I could. The magic glimmered at my fingertips, the words were in my throat to complete the recipe–but before I could utter a phrase, Zy caused the dino to become human again and Kravana turned him into a flat discus in one fell swoop. Cough. Okay. Nothing to see here, I guess.
For my part, I was proud of my battle performance for once. I think my time magic is finally beginning to become more second-nature; it was always a part of me, but getting that part of me to the outside world without my usual clumsy blunders is another story altogether. And after the lessons learned in the fight against Jordan, I was not about to be unprepared. I was able to counterspell two fireballs. They lowered their arms toward me and my friends and a stream of expanding fire streaked from their hands, but I used a simple time reversal strategy to freeze and double the stream back upon itself to die harmlessly. I launched my studded bananas through different shelves of a time continuum that pushed them from my spot to the future spot all over the body of my enemy in catastrophic explosions. I shoved a pulsing green sludge ball across a slipstream of time to drip onto the head of a wizard trying to fireball Madlyn, though that did accidentally set off his fireball necklace. Thankfully, after learning that they had those, Laina was able to shove one of them off a balcony and kill it from there, where the fireball necklace exploded harmlessly. The lava went away at some point, just a construct meant to distract us. The council members and several audience members were not able to be saved, despite our best efforts. My favorite new thing was watching Kaylan and Madlyn and Laina strategize how to get to the main level once our wizards up top were dispatched to join Zy and Kravana; I yelled out to Kaylan “JUMP! Trust me!” And bless her heart, she really did. I couldn’t help smiling at the look of pure bliss on her face as she floated gently through the air like a feather falling on the wind, landing gracefully down below with arms still outstretched.
Not even two minutes after it had begun, it was over.
Battle’s bloodlust quickly drained away in light of the wreckage before us. Dwarven bodies intermingled with the bodies of the slain wizards, and most horrific of all was Laina’s lifeless grandfather. Tears blurred my vision and I heard Laina choke back a sob of despair as Kravana dug up Norduc. Angrily dashing my tears away, I strode up to the King and gently covered him with a cloth from the table, closing his eyes so that he might be sleeping. Maybe she hadn’t been spared the brutality of his death, but speaking from experience–no granddaughter should have to spend precious seconds staring at the death blows taken by her beloved grandfather. I staggered back in a nightmare of deep feeling for Laina and flashbacks to how it felt to hold Grandpa Mary’s hand as I knelt in a puddle of his blood, too late for him to know he did not die unloved and alone.
As neatly as I could, I finished feeling my feels and tucked them away for a later time. I took Laina by the arm to stand by him and just be. She did not need my clumsiness or my words; she just needed me beside her as a solid, living presence in the face of howling death. I could feel her shaking with silent tears. Norduc joined us; Madlyn kept us safe with a close vigil; Kaylan added poignancy by casting a gentle repose with Mishikal’s gifts.
Eventually, Kravana’s grunting brought us back to ourselves and we began to help her clean up the wreckage. Needing something I could not explain, I positioned myself very close to her and didn’t even try to be embarrassed at the number of times my hand brushed hers as we lifted rocks “together” (despite her obvious anger and hurt at me for my careless way of speaking, she seemed to sense I needed to believe I was assisting her while she was clearly doing all of the work).
The procedure of the funeral and honoring of the dead was two-fold. First, a celebration of life; then, interment and a passing of the torch. With a start, I realized that Laina was officially the head of an entire clan of people! That had to be dizzying. I heard her teasingly talking about it with Norduc, and I knew she would make the right decision for everyone whether that was choosing to retain the throne or choosing to pass it on to her cousin. Selfishly, of course, I hoped strongly for the latter.
We returned to the house sore and bedraggled after the crazy day, but as we discussed next moves, I think Kaylan and I shocked everyone by announcing that we wished to learn to drink like the dwarves do! Anything was better than the hollow-eyed horror of the day, and what better way to wash away the troubles of the day than by immersing fully into a dwarven custom?
We gathered into a circle with our strong dwarven ales in hand and commenced a famous drinking game among the Klar clan. It was a day for shocks; both Madlyn, who I would have thought would not touch ale, and Kravana, who has not done social things with us yet, joined in with glee! At least I was partially right; Madlyn did not, in fact, drink ale. She put spicy hot peppers in her water and let that be her challenge; I don’t suppose she had the giddy feeling I eventually got to, but if Madlyn had fun I will argue absolutely nothing about it! She’s so tough!
If I were a betting woman, Journal, I would have thought that I would easily be the first one out of the drinking game! As it turns out, though, I was not; bye bye, Zy of the perfect locks! It was quite humorous to see her giggling and talking to the air, as Kravana picked her up and dumped her unceremoniously into a sitting position against the far wall so she wouldn’t drown in her own drool. I would have laughed at the circumstance a little more if I hadn’t been second to be placed by her! To be honest, I think my body rebelled against the sight of Kravana carrying anyone but me in those strong, nature-grown arms so I had to get there next. The last two standing were…um, wait a minute, let me think, I had some weird visions in addition to the real life events…Kaylan and Kravana?? For real? Nah, my mind has to be playing tricks.
I’ve just returned from consulting a group member, and yes! It’s true, it was down to Kaylan and Kravana! Kaylan’s staff zapped her with blue pigeons (that I think is inaccurate now that I write it down, but can you blame me with what the zap did to her hair?). She ended up losing, but who can be sad about losing to such a magnificent giantess? No one, that’s who. Kaylan certainly didn’t seem sad, anyway.
The rest of the night was a blur, fantasy and reality mixing in a way that makes my cheeks very hot to think about now. I understand now why one should not drink in times of high emotion, because like Grandpa Mary used to say, bottoms up and dignity down! When I remember anything, it’s just short flashes of imagery–us having to be carried to the carriage by the loveliest arms, the smell of clean sweat and some kind of crisp mountain air in my nose over and over again. Did I try to wield my magic without any reason out in the hallway back at home?? YES I DID oh my gosh Journal, I can’t handle myself…every time I ran out into the hallway, Kravana carried me back in and laid me back down and I slumped into her embrace like a drunk kitten! She must have been so annoyed, how mortifying. In fact, she took my book of magic from me for the night…EEK. The worst part is that I think I handed her my letter for her that I was still NOT SURE I was going to give her. YIKES.
I cannot say that I kept a copy lying around for me to read over and over again so that my mortification would be complete as I remembered what she was reading word for word, but it went something like this.
Dear Kravana,
Hey there! It’s me, Manon.
First and most of all, I want to tell you what an absolute fool I can be. Saying what I said to you in the way that I said it was most unintentional, but I will not insult you by trying to backtrack and explain to you what I really meant; the past is the past. I will not un-dignify you with an attempt to waste your time.
We have never really talked about this, but I am sure you’ve observed things and I want you to know something about me. I’m a time magic wielder. I don’t say that to brag or to make this about me, but I wanted you to know it because I had to make the point to you that I could have turned back the moment where I said something that insulted the very core of who you are anytime I wanted to–but I want nothing but the bare truth between us. Mistakes, poor turns of phrase, missed communication and all.
Which brings me to my next, and most important, point. I wish for you to know how I actually DO view you. As I said before, I will not unring the bell and change time’s trajectory by undoing what I did; I will simply put here in writing what you mean to me. Having a way to read this over and over will supply you with enough repetitions, I hope, that you will understand your value to me and how what I said was a terrible accident.
Kravana, the way you move in this world is incredible to me. I’m not talking physically (although I will get to that I am talking more of the quiet and sure strength you always exude. In the face of new things and new places, you do not allow yourself to be debased or to take less than what you deserve. You deserve the world. Would that I could give you anything you don’t already have! But you have it all–the stoic ability to be silent, the ability to say the right thing at the right time when called for, leadership qualities, and a heart that betrays your sternness with a soft gesture when the timing is perfect. You’re a pure note that echoes through time, which is a thing I think only I can truly appreciate fully (being a time mage and all). You could be a toad, a human, a giantess, a dwarf, an elf, or a tree; the indomitable soul encased in your being is timeless and unbounded by such things.
But you also might be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. Like, your muscles have muscles and that’s pretty…well. You know.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me for my thoughtless comment. I don’t expect anything else from you, because another thing I love about you is the wild freedom of your heart–I would never dare to try to capture such a thing. What I cannot bear is the loss of your camaraderie and warm grunts of affirmation.
Sincerely (with many scribbled out attempts at a better sign-off),
Manon
Ah time. Only you shall heal the absolute cringe of my drunken acts.
ANYway, Kaylan and I woke up looking like a windstorm had mated with a jar of mud in our hair; Zy, of course, looked like a hair dresser’s display. Typical.
Laina’s grandfather’s funeral was a grave affair (oh), dignified, honoring. Laina was a sight to behold, showing everyone that the pride of the Klar line was still strong, and giving a lovely speech on the spot. My throat was tight as pride in her swelled my heart. It is not easy to be eloquent at the best of times, and the loss of your grandfather is not the best of times. She is extraordinary. A gentle blue honorific surrounded the King in repose, and I wiped away fresh tears of joy and pride as I watched Kaylan open her eyes with the beatific smile that means she just finished talking with Mishikal. Laina passed along leadership of the clan (BIG sigh of relief) to Norduc, and he in turn gave her his house! Hot springs for life, y’all! He also gave her a pretty intense axe–the Axe of the Dwarven Klar Chief. When talking about our next moves, Norduc said that he would handle the dwarven clans getting united; I sent off word to the dragons via Nithibor that the time was now for them to show up and assist in the cause.
And now, I’ve told you all. I will be sad to leave this place, for it has become like a home among new people. I think that’s the nature of a nomad, though; we make homes wherever we go, and maybe when we are all together, home travels with us. I will have to remember that home is in our family rather than a place, because our next destination is Lemish. It will be a quick stop to free the golden dragons before heading on to Kalaman to hopefully find Bo and Zy’s mom! For now, I rest–tomorrow, we set off again. I keep one hand on my book these days to remind me that as long as Grandpa Mary’s hand touched this same spot at one point, I might still be close to the man I knew through the threads of time. Maybe I’ll teach Laina that trick and she can bring a talisman from her grandfather for the same purpose.
Word of the day: recrudescence
A Shadowy Drip of Time
Listlessness is a gift, sometimes. Apathy is a reprieve, blank paper is an invitation that you can leave for as long as you’d like before your emotions break the glass bubble around you again and force you to participate in the world. I’ve finally left the hot springs and picked up my pen to do my best to detail what happened to us when we went to retrieve the Hammer.
We woke up bright and early (though I never seem to beat Madlyn to that particular punch). I heard Norduc try to convince Laina one more time that her importance might be too high for such a dangerous and heretofore fruitless mission, but our princess stayed gently firm with him as she told him that her place was with us. Find the hammer, unite it with the arm, use it to bring the clans together, save the world. Just another day at the office, I guess! The office of Epicdom, that is. I spent just another awed moment thinking about where Kaylan and I came from…now we consort with noble Sir Madlyn Greenshield, with fierce Bo and Zy Burwitz of Heckle, with self-assured Princess Laina Klar. It may have been a lot of circumstantial stuff that brought us all together, but I know it was sweet Kaylan who busily applied the glue to keep us all a family.
Norduc (accompanied by his strong, silent companion Kravana) took us in his carriage to the place where all the former parties had gone to retrieve the Hammer. Several dwarven guards stood sentinel in a bored kind of way. After all, what could possibly be less interesting than guarding a place no one wants to go, because they’ll get disappeared? I can’t blame them for looking that way. I, of course, have not been bored in several years but it’s because there’s always another book to read or thought to think! Boredom sounds nice; perhaps I’ll try it as a thought experiment someday.
We walked deep into the cave and finally came to a large iron door with heavy-looking crossbars and hundreds of unforgiving bolts in it. Gulp. The dwarves guarding the door itself looked a little more wary of our approach, even if Norduc was leading us and he is clearly well known around here. He told them of our mission, and can you imagine? They looked at us and LAUGHED. They clearly haven’t heard of the Booty Tree and what it means. It means we get the job done!
We quickly learned that in order to get out of whatever was by the Hammer, we had to somehow communicate to the guards on the outside that it was us. Fear gnawed at a slowly-growing pit in my stomach; what kind of horror is bad enough that you need a one-way door and a signal? We came up with a knock/scratch combo that the guards kind of blew off and ignored. Humph. Madlyn made absolutely sure that they would remember us, though! And forced them to accept our signal so that we could gain safe access back to the “outside” when we were done. The guard did some fancy handwork to open the door and it groaned outward with a strange “whoosh” and a sudden blast of chill. Unceremoniously, they shoved us inside and I got just one more longing glimpse at the back of Norduc’s head and Kravana’s beautiful, defined trapezius and posterior deltoids before we were shut into the cold semi-dark.
We cautiously tied ropes around our waists so as not to lose one another in the darkness, Zy leading the way as she seems to feel most at home in deep night environs. Dark shadows curled up our calves sinuously, curiously sinister tendrils that seemed to breathe with the room itself. It was like they were tasting new, alive blood and they were as thrilled as a shadow can be to have fresh life so eagerly entering their presence. Shivers ran cold fingers up and down my spine and I had to clench my teeth to keep them from chattering–or to keep myself from screaming.
After what was probably only a few seconds but seemed like hours, we reached the center of the room and with our adjusted eyesight, came upon the skeleton of a dwarf reaching toward something with its ghastly skeletal hand. It was the Hammer! How could this have been as hard as everyone said? My relief at finding the object of our quest was short-lived as all of us seemed to come to the same conclusion at once…this couldn’t be the REAL Hammer, could it? There was only one skeleton here, and if the stories were to be believed, several tens or even hundreds of other dwarves had attempted to retrieve it. We debated hotly among our crew for a bit, but then brilliant Kaylan announced that she had a way to find out what had happened to the one lone skeleton! Mishikal had granted her the gift of speaking with the dead.
I watched apprehensively–could my sister withstand the burden of speaking with a soul whose conversations had been nothing but “beyond” for so long? Would she remain herself? Her tiny shoulders squared and that ethereal blue glow began to spread from her heart out–but instead of the trademark infinity symbols that characterize some of her magic, she opened her tightly closed eyes to reveal a mix of her own blue and a thick, swirling green. It was eerie, listening to her speak with a voice that was not her own. I was more than a little relieved when the conversation was over. It turns out, this was a VERY old dwarf and he had been on a mission to rendezvous with the Hammer when he died. I wish we had more questions, but I’m not about to risk any kind of permanence with Kaylan’s soul and the dead! She is far too precious to lose.
After a little more debate and a lot of impatience from Zy, we all grasped hands, bolstering each other with subtle squeezes of chilled hands. Barely had the final hand been clasped when Zy grabbed the Hammer…and we were weightless, air, not anywhere and everywhere at once. Unceremoniously, we landed with hard thuds (and maybe a little stumble on someone’s part, tactfully hidden by a tumble like I meant to do it all along) in another realm. Carefully taking in our surroundings, I realized it must be one of the places I had read about in nightmare books–the Shadow Realm. I’ll make a confession just to you, journal; those books containing information about this place were so scary that I had to hide them from myself after the sundial struck four; no need for nightmare fuel when Grandpa Mary was as likely to wake up screaming as I was.
Hiding the sudden longing for a midnight cup of hot milk and banana with my grandfather, I looked at my companions and we all realized that we were in the same cave we had been, and the Hammer was still there. Was it an unlimited-use transportation device? Just to check, we linked arms again and tried to grab it. We couldn’t get our hands to it; they glanced right off of an invisible force field. Odd. I guess that’s how so many bodies disappeared…they came here and never returned. Gulp. I wish I had studied the back chapter of my recipe book before coming here, I have an awful feeling that I practiced the wrong ones this morning…
Left with no other choice, we decided to leave the cave and take stock of our surroundings. Madlyn, brave and true as always, led the way out. A grim panorama met our gazes as we exited the cave. Miles and miles of dark, swirling shadows, purple clouds, ominous silence. Straining our eyes into the distance, we did see something curious–a tower? Yes, a tower! Perhaps that place could give us some answers. And perhaps it was the same place that all the other dwarves had gone to and disappeared. We looked left; we looked right. Welp, guess we are risking the tower! Journal, if you’re wondering how I haven’t died yet–well, me too.
We started a grueling two hour journey to the tower. The air was thick, but not the kind of thick that promises a heavy storm and refreshing rains. No; this air was pregnant with dread and oppression. Some of us fared better than others as we trudged onward stoically. My greatest and consistent worry during the trek was Kaylan. It made complete sense that someone so full of light, life, and color had a complete rebellion of her soul in this place. It was as if her very cells were crawling with painful memory, a haze of pain swimming in her eyes. The gaunt hollowness there put a stone of dread in my stomach. It brought me back to the days before Grandpa Mary and I were able to get her away from that evil place and that evil man, the days when she believed she wasn’t worth anything at all. Oh sweet girl, how I wish I could take those memories from you forever–because you were never not enough. There isn’t enough ash in the world to smother your little blue flame. Even as she suffered, the realm caused great and terrible beasts to burst from her small body, wreaking havoc on her shuddering frame. We could do nothing but look on in horror and dispatch the beasts as they appeared, taking her beneath the arms and dragging her onward, onward as the tower finally seemed to loom closer.
Finally arriving at the tower, Bo was able to force the door open with a mighty shove. It was none too soon; Kaylan had gone a sickly gray color. The soft, warm light of a large, well-furnished room greeted us. It was hard not to succumb to the wash of warmth over our skin as the door closed softly behind us. Trying not to let out a sob of relief, I realized that I was likely in some of the best shape of our crew for once (I’m not saying that with a little twinge of pride, that’s awful) and subsequently, it was part of my job to assess the room for immediate threats while the rest of the gang recovered as they could. So I pulled myself up by the sandal straps and stiffened my spine to meet our host.
A wanly handsome man, slight, dark-complected, stood before us with a soft smile and arms spread out halfway. He had sort of brittle beauty to him, a delicate fineness that matched his silken soft voice. “Welcome to my home! I’m Jordan.” He surveyed our group with that weird little smile still on his face. To his credit, he noticed that Kaylan and a couple of the others in our crew were not exactly looking their best. With a little “tsk,” he strode over to a side cabinet and grabbed out some…chocolate? I slid my book back up my sleeve, having shaken it out halfway when this stranger went to open an unknown cupboard. He had dark, sparkling black robes on but seemed physically unimposing (I feel reassured that Bo stood within arm’s reach of his delicate neck). If I had met him before meeting…well, *scribbles*, I guess I just don’t find his kind of physique as handsome as I once might have. He doled out chocolate to everyone that requested it; I took it for science, but tucked it away without eating it. The dread, while providing horrific effects to my beloved family members, had not affected me. Yet, anyway. Odd, that oppressive air seemed to be totally lacking in here. “Hey, how do we know this chocolate is okay?” Bo asked suspiciously. It says a LOT that Bo didn’t just tuck in to the chocolate, I think. “Trust me, it will help.” Kaylan, desperate to feel any way but this way, devoured hers in a couple of bites as Madlyn supported her. She looked instantly more like herself, some of that haunting melancholy slipping away to the recesses of her mind. It might have been placebo, though; her skin retained that ghastly pallor.
Jordan proceeded, despite our plethora of questions, to maintain a blandly genial and patient manner with us. We learned that he said he had not seen any other travelers coming through here, and that he knew of what was going on up at the surface. He explained that in regards to sustenance, this room we were in was a room of replenishment. If you thought of something you needed, it would appear here for your consumption. Bo looked like a child on the best holiday of her life as she quickly concentrated harder than I’ve ever seen her concentrate. Of all things, that furry stew she had retrieved from under the bed back in our first town adventure popped up–followed by a giant goat leg, several mountains of different kinds of potatoes, corn, pie, and a slop that was probably a begrudging nod to Zy’s cooking. Laina, Madlyn and I looked at each other and without a word of actual conversation, decided not to partake of the feast like the others, or of the chocolate. Laina silently slid me a granola bar, which I took gratefully. Madlyn feasted on her own strength and nobility in being our leader and responsibly wary guide.
Jordan seemed nonplussed by our introductions. I had held my breath and given him my name with one eye closed in preparation for the onslaught of shock when I said my name. Surely, a black-robed wizard living in the shadow realm would know of or have had a fight to the death with my grandfather. I cursed his unfortunate past under my breath (not for the first time), but to my surprise Jordan didn’t show a flicker of recognition when I said Grandpa Mary’s surname along with my own. Before I could stop myself, I repeated it, sure he just hadn’t heard me correctly. “I heard you,” he said simply before calmly moving on to the next introduction. Um…phew? Or is this a BAD sign? I’m just so glad that my grandfather lived such a quiet, uneventful life so I wouldn’t have to question EVERY SINGLE INTERACTION WITH A MAGICAL PERSON EVER. Deep breaths, roll your neck to get that kink out, settle back into the present instead of the vortex of thought cloud, let’s GO Manon. I came back around just in time to hear Jordan casually observe that he had never met a white robe and I mouthed along with him as he finished with “because they don’t usually live very long.” When are people going to realize how rude that is to say? And if I notice that it’s rude, well–that’s REALLY saying something.
Apparently bored with our conversation and with the sight of gleefully filling tummies (looking at you, Bo and Thestral), Jordan said that he had his own project to be working on and that he had to get going for now. Parting with a “mi casa, su casa” wave of his hand, he left as quietly and unassumingly as his entire conversation with us had been.
Odd. But, okay.
Those who ate, finally finished up–though Bo made the observation that she didn’t actually feel as full as that table of food should have made her. Vague dissatisfaction shone in her eyes, but she dismissed it as she threw herself onto the ground for a quick rest. After resting, everyone who had eaten the chocolate actually looked MUCH better; maybe my fears about Jordan were for naught? After all, he could have easily poisoned the eaters of the chocolate, as unquestioningly as they had accepted it!
When everyone had shaken off the dust of the quick nap, we decided it was a good idea to continue to get the lay of the land. Although Jordan had been kind enough to answer a lot of our questions, after our reprieve we realized that we really needed his help to break the barrier around the Hammer and return to our own realm. Cursing myself yet again for not studying the right spells before coming here, I trudged up the stairs behind everyone with my head hanging down as I furiously tried to plan a way out of here without this sussy wizard’s help. All thoughts of escape flew out of my head in an instant because I caught a whiff of something familiar–note to self not to walk behind Bo anymore–but after that smell dissipated, I smelled books!! Lots of them!!
Sure enough, the 2nd floor of the tower was a library!! Ladders with rolling wheels on the bottom adorned the high shelves and I fought the urge to leap upon the nearest one and float my hands along the row of stiff spines. Is there any feeling in the world better than that? I hid a quick blush as an unbidden image of Kravana floated through my mind, and I clumsily grabbed for the first book I could reach. It made a delicious crackling sound as it fell open in my palm, but before I could settle in for a good read and research sesh, Madlyn announced that we should not split the party and we needed to keep moving. I nodded dutifully and with a quiet sigh, reshelved the book I’d grabbed and followed the crew up to the next floor.
This floor was a magic of wonders for Kaylan and Bo–Kaylan had an excited blue aura when she realized it was an alchemical lab! Things oozed in jars and glowed with a weird, inner light. I looked on with an abstract, academic interest. In the corner, Bo crowed with delight to discover a large pedestal, upon which sat a glob of none other than dragon metal! A quick debate ensued over whether or not Jordan would deem it polite of us to steal a very valuable treasure after he fed and housed us safe from the dread, and a dejected Bo walked away from the glob with forlorn looks over her shoulder as we continued on to the fourth floor. Why did I get such an odd tingle of power in my fingers after writing “Fourth Floor?” *shakes hand, shakes head, puts thought away to ponder another day*. I patted Bo sympathetically on the shoulder and refrained from comparing her love of metals to my love of books.
Laina’s mind was working a million miles per second as she warned us that the tower seemed tailored to each of our specific interests. The thought was admittedly quite alarming, but thankfully, this next floor seemed to dissipate that theory. It was a simple study with a large desk and some sheaves of paper strewn about over the top. We all shifted our feet and looked guiltily at each other before Madlyn had an uncharacteristic trip over what looked like nothing (did this tower cause us to body switch??) and she accidentally shoved me right onto the papers! Picking up on her intent sluggishly as I rubbed my banged elbow, I looked at the paper and saw swirling letters and word combinations. I concentrated as hard as I could on the paper but no matter how I tried, the words eluded me. Maybe it would have been more shameful, but the chocolate eaters couldn’t even SEE the words…hadn’t Jordan said that this tower wouldn’t support any illusions? If he did, that’s the first lie we officially caught him in. HA JORDAN. Pretty faces do not a liar make!
Zy seemed inclined to loot his desk and made a quick attempt; as I was headed toward her to assist, our ever-focused leader Madlyn made the very astute observation that we should probably not besmirch the desk of our thus far generous host. What is that MATTER with us, she’s right! Grandpa Mary would be ashamed of my manners. That is, when he wasn’t reminiscing on his murder list. ANYway.
We ascended the final staircase. It was hallmarked as the final one because Jordan was up here at the top, and he said he would be in his bedroom area (which was the tippity top of the tower, like a princess! I peeked quickly at Laina to see if she was at home here, but she just looked wary and uncomfortable). Runes moved in lazy circles of light on the floor and the hair on the nape of my neck stood up. Seeing the looks of confusion on my sisters’ faces, I quickly assessed to confirm my suspicion and was able to discover that these runes were running the house–keeping the dread out, providing the room of sustenance, keeping the lights on, etc. I whispered my discovery discreetly to my crew, then turned my attention to Jordan as he prowled around a large, dark book in the center of the room. Ah, his project then? I wondered what it was with a sudden strong stab of intellectual curiosity.
We engaged Jordan in conversation again, and he laughed quietly at our adventures in his home. I bristled slightly, making it clear that we had not stolen or disturbed anything unduly. He gave a polite, slightly mocking dip of his head and met my gaze with the first emotion I’d seen from him that wasn’t polite aloofness–it was wicked mirth. A smile tugged uncertainly at the corner of my mouth. Hadn’t I seen that same grin on Grandpa Mary’s face a couple of times? Granted, it was usually right before he revealed the world’s largest secret banana hoard he’d somehow smuggled into the house. Hey, wait…Journal, do you think he was acquiring all those bananas and storing them by magic??? I feel quite foolish for only now having this thought. Oh well. Back to the present.
Madlyn tried to ask Jordan for the point of our mission here. She stated that she would like to offer the services of the Booty Tree to Jordan in his personal mission down here as able, if he would be willing to help us get rid of the force field around the transportation Hammer. He got a twisted grin on his face again but smothered it quickly–were my eyes playing tricks?--before stating that no one in the Booty Tree could assist him. No one, that is, but myself.
I felt a little jolt of electricity in my hands and feet as he suddenly pivoted his gaze to me and his eyes took on a slightly wolfish quality. Somehow, despite his avoidance of my gaze and lack of recognition of my family name, I got the impression that he’d been playing a game. Luring the fly to the web, as it were. And I was the fat, juicy fly. A buzzing started in my head as I recalled the last time I’d been the object of someone’s curiosity, and that someone had a set of horns and a bitchy personality if we are honest about it. The result of me telling Takhisis “no” when she had wanted me to come with her was that my friends nearly got killed. My heart swelled painfully when I imagined a similar scenario happening, and before I knew what I was promising I blurted “I’ll help you!” His next smile showed teeth.
Madlyn and Kaylan were very, very uneasy with the plan after he explained that he had to open up the roof to perform the necessary magic (and let the dread in), so the rest of the group would have to leave and go down a level to wait for the process to be done. They argued eloquently with him, but I could see the strands of his patience beginning to fray at the edges–not wanting to cause them to snap, I looked my sisters in the eyes and told them it would be fine–that I “trusted” him. I most certainly did not, but I couldn’t watch them nearly die because of a choice I made, not again. So, I lied to them. I’ll ask forgiveness later, if we all make it out of here in one piece.
With reluctance, everyone filed out except for me and the trap door swung shut behind them with a swiftness I was not expecting. Tearing my gaze from the floor where the edges of the trapdoor were blurring into nothing, leaving me no exit, I turned burning eyes to Jordan. “I knew it,” I hissed. Not bothering to hide his predatory curiosity any longer, he slowly began to circle the tower. I kept pace with him, eyes locked, not wanting to give an inch to this creep. “I didn’t consent to being locked up here–” he impatiently slashed an arm through the air, asking in a voice much more intense than it had been downstairs, “So, Manon Sinclair…I have to know, how do you wield Time Magic?” Words fled my head in an instant as warning bells took up all the space in there. “What do you m-mean?” I stammered woodenly, clumsily. “I told you downstairs, I’m an evocation wizard like my grandfather was!” His look became feral as he snarled “How could you think I’m such an idiot, to believe your foolish little lie?? I KNEW your grandfather, girl. I KNOW he was a time mage, and if heredity is to be credited at all, YOU are also a time mage. Now, TELL me. How do you wield it??”
My mind lurched for something, anything to talk about other than the thing that seemed so likely to get me killed, just for being born in the lineage of a time archmage. “I…well…it’s just like any other kind of magic, isn’t it? And anyway, what is your project? And WAIT…how did you know my grandfather?? He had to have been young when you met him, and he was five hundred something…” For the first time, a little bit of sheepishness entered Jordan’s gaze. He smoothed an eyebrow as he continued to pace a circular route in his tower opposite of me, like opposing magnets. “Ah, yes, well. I guess I can tell you what I need, and THEN you can tell me how you can help me, for I know your grandfather had to have told you where they left off in the process.”
“As you have probably figured out, the world is in constant flux. Evil and good, good and evil vie constantly for the upper hand. Takhisis is evil, obviously, and begins many wars that take the lives of the innocent and cause the gods and the dragons to go to war. My goal and my life’s work are to kill her.” My heart lightened ever so slightly; could Jordan actually be on our side? It seemed to good to be true–and guess what, Journal? It really was.
“If we manage to kill Takhisis,” *he waved off my feeble explanations that a god cannot be killed*, “WHEN we manage to kill her, there will be an imbalance of gods in the world, because my theory is that someone must take her place. I think that someone should be myself. I’ve clearly got the deepest knowledge of this project of anyone living, aside from potentially yourself Manon because of whatever information your grandfather passed along to you. I think I should ascend and take that spot.”
My horror returned in full force. “Jordan,” I stated calmly, like a teacher explaining to an errant child that paste is not good food, “nearly everyone working on the ‘ascension project’ died, horrifically. And Paladine was so mad about it that hundreds of thousands of other people were taken out as well. This cannot and should not be done, and what makes you think you’re a good replacement? If balance needs to happen, wouldn’t it be an evil god that needed to ascend? Do you intend to rebalance the gods with an evil presence? Why wouldn’t I try to stop that? And you didn’t answer my question about how you knew my grandfather 500 years ago…” Usually, my line of thought and questions are unintelligible and hard to follow for people. I guess it should concern me that this madman casually answered the question I was most interested in knowin the answer to, selfishly. “I knew your grandfather because I was alive then too. I use the souls of those who come down here to keep myself living. Actually, I’m looking forward to adding your friends to the mix, they seem to have a particular kind of strength to them. Should keep me going for quite awhile!”
I don’t know anything about dating, Journal. But I used to have some friends in Lemish who would talk about it–and they said there was always that one “thing” that their dating partners would say that was the deal breaker.
We found Jordan’s deal breaker. Like, the godhood thing was bad but just theoretically bad; the soul sucking thing? Actually bad. Very, very bad.
“Jordan, I believe we have reached the end of our ability to work together. I want to wish you the very best–” and then, the world exploded.
Jordan did indeed open up the roof of his home and allowed the dread in. He also, disappearing without a trace, deactivated the runes at the top of his tower in favor of some large, nasty black tentacles that immediately wrapped around my legs and torso and began to squeeze and slap at me. I howled in rage at my inadequacy in stopping this. To my dismay, the trap door then popped open and I saw a flash of blue eyes that meant my sister, as always, had come back for me…would that I could have spared them all this!
What followed afterwards was a cacophony of chaos. We battled back down to the main level, through webs and shifting doorways and more tentacles. We lost each other, then ran back past each other on the way. I got stuck in the webs (of course) and Madlyn bolstered me with a stirring war whoop; I forgot about the war whoop when I made a running jump at the next set of webs, fully expected to get stuck and wait for a stronger companion to get me out but tumbling through them with an oaf’s grace and landing on my face on the floor below. To my shock, it was myself, Laina, and Zy who made it to the ground floor first. Zy battled through the tentacles and flung the door wide open–to be met with a wall of devastatingly hot flame. We were all so battle worn, I knew we couldn’t take it on ourselves. I tried to use Bo’s borrowed boots to fly over the tentacles, but dropped like a stone back into them and had to battle out to return to the library, hoping and searching frantically for a scroll that could help us get the HELL out of here so we could take down that soul-stealing bastard!
Kaylan rushed past me into the bottom room after I yelled over my shoulder that the tentacles were down there. She and Zy and Laina were down there as I continued to frantically search when I heard Zy’s battle ululation and Kaylan and Laina’s cries of warning. After only a few more seconds, the magic in the house ceased yet again! Though the dread was now creeping into every corner of the place, the webs and the tentacles and the fire were gone. We regrouped and compared notes; I had been unfruitful in, well, anything I’d attempted in here–but thankfully, the others had much better stories to tell. Bo had retrieved a crap ton of dragon metal! Zy had grievously injured Jordan before he disappeared again. Kaylan had healed Zy enough to leap through the flames, and Laina had tanked through all the webs without a problem (those dwarven princess shoulders, though!). Madlyn had bravely bolstered me and hacked people out of the tentacles, making sure our whole unit was safe.
Returning to the 3rd floor, we saw a large black swirling mass levitating between a set of pedestal/pillars. It writhed and whispered frantically to the world around it, exuding a desperation that instantly affected me. I used my knowledge and some magical detection to figure out that it was the souls of the dead that Jordan had been using to keep himself alive. I disgustedly filled the group in on that part of our conversation. Kaylan tried to channel Mishakal’s divine powers to set the souls free, but Mishakal must intend for Kaylan to use her powers of healing on the living and stayed pretty quiet on this matter of the dead. Laina and Kaylan led the debate on what to do with the necromantic mass and ultimately decided it needed to be destroyed so the souls could be freed, and Jordan couldn’t use them any longer (wherever he ended up disappearing to). Madlyn took a firm assessment of the situation, and made the necessary decision that it was she who should destroy the mechanism to free the souls. Looking around, I had to agree, even if it was with reluctance; we were a sorry-looking group after the tentacles, except for herself and Bo.
We all took refuge (Kaylan most reluctantly) on the floor below. I saw Kaylan give a last glance at Madlyn and felt a lurch in my soul…please, we cannot lose our fearless leader. Kaylan will never forgive herself for suggesting the freeing of the souls, and Madlyn is my sister too–her loss would be devastating. I wrapped an arm around Kaylan’s shoulders like that first time we got her out from under that evil bastard and we hunkered down to wait. The first noise we heard was a loud CRACK. Maybe that was it? It seemed like everything was probably fine, she didn’t scream out or anything. Bo nodded as we all exchanged glances and began to head up the stairs, when BOOM. She was blasted backward off her feet. We rushed to our sisters, and Madlyn looked an absolute wonder, like an avenging angel who had to get her hands dirty to get the job done…I looked at the worshipful awe in Kaylan’s eyes and whispered, “freer of souls.” She spared me one quick glance of fervent agreement before sprinting to Madlyn and Bo’s sides, healing them with Mishikal’s divine grace as much as she could before we started making our way back to the cave.
We had no way of knowing if the Hammer’s force field was gone, but I had a heavy suspicion that it was Jordan who had made it in the first place. The trip back was even more grueling than the trip out had been and we barely staggered back into the cave before the memories fully engulfed us.We had to yell at Zy to wait a moment longer before grabbing the Hammer so we could all link arms; she must have still had the blood lust running through her veins at the savagery she wreaked upon Jordan (good riddance, kid). I held my breath as she reached out and touched the Hammer…and when I opened my eyes again, we were back in the original cave.
None of us hesitated even a moment, with half sobs and hands tremoring from the chill and from the trauma that had beset us over the last several hours, we sprinted for the door. It took a moment to remember our secret signal to the doorkeepers, but while Kaylan knocked and scratched it out, I told Laina to tuck the Hammer into the bag of holding out of sight, for now. No one initially responded to our signal, and I felt a welling panic threaten to make an idiot out of me as I reached for magic–but thankfully, the door cracked open and a dwarf looked in at us dubiously. “Um, did you forget something?”
We tumbled out of the door in a trembling messy heap and slammed the door shut behind us again. We had to have looked much different, but time is such a beautifully fickle bitch sometimes–Norduc and Kravana were in nearly the same place in their retreat back to the carriage as they had been when we went through the door!! How is that even possible?? Jordan, I will find you and before you die, I will learn your secrets.
Laina took Norduc aside and quietly explained what had happened. He betrayed no further surprise than a quick widening of his eyes before remembering that we were surrounded by listening ears. We hustled back to the carriage and returned to the relative safety of Norduc’s home. Everyone dispersed to recover in their own ways…I cast a concerned glance at Kaylan’s hunched retreating shoulders, but know that she will ask for me when she needs me. She has always been good at that, and I know the droop in her shoulders is going to be well met by Mishikal in private communion. I found my own footsteps wearily descending the steps to the hot springs. When I got to the bottom, Kravana half-turned, realized it was me, and went back upstairs. As if my soul could get any lower, I remembered the blunder I’d made the last time I’d spoken with Kravana and felt that I deserved the censure. Bo clapped me on the back with a thunderous smack that was meant to be comforting and I averted my gaze, embarrassed of the tears that had welled in my eyes. After all the dread and all the uncertainty brought on by yet another person wanting to either harness me or kill me, I would have loved to be able to just sit by someone strong and silent without knowing that I had insulted the very essence of who they were, by accident. I thought again of the letter under my pillow and if I’d have the bravery to deliver it to Kravana someday.
Bo made me feel better with her retelling of the tale of the food she ate, and I conjured her up some magic slop. I’ve never asked her what she makes it into as a flavor, but I suspect it’s something divine because she always looks so happy eating it. When the muscle aches and the pounding headache was soothed by half, I dragged myself up to my room to sleep away the other half, and found myself unable to drift off until I had retold the tale to you, Journal. Thank you, once again, for only reflecting the judgment I put onto your pages back onto myself; it is nice to have a quietly impartial judge of my own character to reflect upon.
Word of the day: ascendance
To Turn Back Time
I’m pacing, pacing, pacing, wearing a track into the floor of my opulently furnished private room at Norduc’s house. I try to time my steps like the ticking of a loud sundial, try to use the balm of time to bathe my hot, shamed forehead in soothing coolness. WHY can I never say the right thing to Kravana? WHY has my love of words only betrayed me when the path from brain to mouth tangles them up to topple out in the most ungainly fashion?
And WHY do I care so much? There are LOTS of other things to think about!! That’s why I’m here, journal. Let’s get the words all out and maybe I’ll make sense of them.
Let’s start with this morning. Laina got up before the rest of us; her room is near mine, so I heard stirrings but was too lazy to get out of the soft bed. When was the last time we got to sleep in beds like this? Maybe never for me! ANYway, I did see her walk by outside of my room on the way to the council meeting. “Good luck, princess,” I sleepily whispered to her, thinking of all the things she could encounter there: meeting her grandfather again for the first time in forever, spending the whole day sitting next to her cousin, the council realizing the importance of who she is, her mission to convince them to join us. She looked ready for the part and I felt a rush of warmth for another sister headed off to fight for our family of sisters and for the world. Her stride was sure and her attire was resplendent; my favorite part was the long hair she had braided, then curled up like a crown atop her high forehead. How regal and how beautiful she looked!
I went back to sleep for a while longer while the rest of the house woke up. Madlyn of course was first (probably got a few training drills in first thing) and the rest of us slowly followed. We all kind of parted ways at the breakfast table; I stuck by Kaylan as per usual, and we wandered the house looking for books and unicorns. Fortunately, Kaylan found a book about unicorns! Because unfortunately, the rest of Norduc’s collection was rather dry and, I hate to say it, boring. Even for me! Which is assuredly saying something, if the rolled eyes from the rest of my group says anything about my lectures.
Out in the town, we found that our presence was no longer as shunned as it had been before; we explored the streets and went in and out of the shops as we fancied, whiling away the long hours until Laina’s council might be done. I wondered why the dwarves seemed so much more accepting of us, but didn’t think too much about it. Bo and Zy did some more stuff at a smithing place, and actually Bo was able to convince one of the big burly smiths to tell us more about the hammer and the arm! She did great. Madlyn only had to help a little. I managed to lift a huge pair of heavy tongs from the instrument pile, and grinned widely at Bo so she could see how strong the weeks of travel had made me compared to Lemish Manon–I hope she didn’t notice that my shoulders were screaming in abject protest.
When the day had stretched long and we were still waiting for Laina, Bo and Zy began to get a little restless. They wanted to break into the council and “rescue” Laina, or at least wanted to check on her. I was glad to let Madlyn take the lead on that argument; she is our strategist, and I know she has the best plans to lead us in the battle against Takhisis. I trust her to make the best, most level-headed decisions for our group. Bo and Zy only wanted to provide Laina with protection and I know they had no nefarious intentions, but I think more bloodshed is not what we needed here.
After the elevated emotions of this encounter, I think we were all craving something healing and neutral, as an activity. We returned to Norduc’s house to eagerly approach the hot springs again! I had not been wondering where Kravana was all day long and thinking about how she might still be down there (my lies are even more convincing on paper, are they not journal?) so it was a complete shock to see that she was in there! Her skin must have different properties than mine, to stay so smooth and perfect with nary a wrinkle despite hours in the hot water. My spirits rose considerably for an unexplainable reason as we all got into the pools in our various quirky ways. I was so happy, in fact, that I thought I would treat everyone to a lecture of great interest that I’d been saving for just such an occasion when most of us were together! I popped out my mobile chalkboard and set everything up. I was happily making the 5th counterpoint to the 7 original points when I heard some splashing behind me, felt a few ripples of water lapping the middle of my suddenly very obviously, painfully naked upper back, and noticed my heart stop beating in frozen moment of time as strong hands gripped my waist and lifted me farther out of the water like I was nothing more than a soft, downy pillow. I popped my frozen time bubble only through the panic of trying to cover as much of my now-exposed body as I could until Kravana set me back down in the water, climbed up over the side of the pools, and strode away, carelessly grabbing a towel near the door before ascending.
It won’t even bother lying about how red my entire body got, how I was too shocked to avert my gaze from her retreating perfection, and how long it took for me to say an actual word again. Time is relative. I should write that down, it feels epic. Oh, I just did…still a little flustered, I guess.
ANYway.
That night, when Laina returned, she told us all about how the council had gone and how she got to make some over-mushroomed soup with her grandfather. She was so happy! It is good to see her step into her family mantel and find that the fit isn’t as tight as she might have imagined, and in fact gives her freedom of movement she didn’t anticipate. We made our plan to go retrieve the hammer from the shadow-place; how hard can retrieving a hammer be when you have muscles like our group’s does?
We had some complications to consider, though. Laina said that there was someone close to her grandfather giving advice that seemed a little less than savory, and that he seems to be aging in a very disproportional way relative to normal time. We presumed that maybe Norduc might be in danger with Laina’s return, especially if she didn’t want the throne and he was clearly the next in line for succession. If someone didn’t want the Klar royalty line to continue, its only two remaining members after Laina’s grandfather were now in the same place, at the same time…but Laina is, of course, safe with us. It’s Norduc we had to discuss the protection of.
After some more heated debate with our crew, we decided that the best case scenario was for Kravana to stay behind and guard Norduc. As much as SOME of us wanted her along on the hammer mission for her stunning assets, others didn’t feel comfortable trusting her yet and wanted to leave her in a less “adjacent to us” role. So, they left it to me to ask her to stay behind and protect him.
I tripped happily up the stairs to her room, ready and eager to have a more fully clothed and safe conversation with her. I knocked on the door and it swung open noiselessly. My breath hitched and I had to cough to cover it; she is brilliant even in repose, like a lioness who rests between hunts. “Uh, hey!!” I stammered. I explained the mission the group had come up with for her, and she gracefully listened with nary a sound–only her trademark silent stare. I finished my soliloquy and was about to awkwardly turn and flee, but she surprised me by stopping me with a question. With a raspy, grated voice like someone who has not used it well for days, she asked “How will I guard him without my weapons?” Thrilled to get interaction with her, I took an excited step forward and promised that I would try to get them sent from the airship but if I couldn’t, I would make sure she had something to defend him. I told her in a rush that she seemed pretty capable even without weaponry and I swore I saw the ghost of a smile tug at the corner of her mouth before she returned to her staring.
Making another graceful-then-awkward turn, I was about to leave when she gobsmacked me with another shocking full phrase. “They don’t like me here, because of what I am.” Instantly, a wave of emotions crashed over me, flying at me, drowning me. First, rage. How could anyone see her and in their stupid, thick heads think there was anything lacking? Could talk to her (if they could get the words from her) and not find her unendingly interesting and down to earth, like a tree whose roots go deeper than even you can imagine? She cannot change how she was born, and anyone who wanted her to was asking her to give up some of the most brilliant pieces of herself. I felt my palms grow hot and time speed up around them as the rage threatened to take over completely.
Second, a pang of pure longing. Grandpa Mary and I used to crusade hard for people like Kravana. People who carefully hide their souls behind masks or shutters designed to keep the world that has hurt them out, and for good reason–the world is so cruel, sometimes. People who have never been given the chance they deserve. People who, when you give them that chance and they open the shutters for the first time so you can see the soul behind them…well. They absolutely stun you with their brilliance. He would have known exactly what to say to her, because he knew exactly what to say to all the people we met like that. He helped me to say the right things to those people too. It’s how we got the privilege of knowing someone as perfectly magnificent as Kaylan. When I took her hand for the first time and saw the same hunger in her for “better” as I was desperate to give her, Grandpa Mary took that bastard who had stolen her to task and she got to come be with us and to grow into the incredible woman she is still becoming. I miss my teammate. How would he have liked Kravana? I guess maybe he would have deferred to me.
Third, desperation. I needed her to feel better, NOW, and for that raw hurt in her countenance to go away. This is the part I needed Grandpa Mary for, the part I blush even to repeat, Journal. I can’t beLIEVE what came out of my mouth next but I hope she knows what I meant, or what I wish I could have said. “But you’re only 50% giant, right?? So that means you’re 50% good!” Instantly, the shutters snapped back up and an unbearable look of resignation settled into Kravana’s features. Watching her features change rapidly, I was relieved to see the hurt leave but also realized how what I said was all wrong. “And, I mean, 50% good and 50% inCREDible and 100% amazing! I, um, what I mean is…” Kravana’s gaze hardened the longer I stammered. “Okay, bye then!” I whirled quickly and made for the door–CRACK–busting my nose on the doorframe. Ouch. I think I deserved it, though.
Dodging the questions of the group about my bloody nose and reporting that Kravana had agreed to the plan, I retired to my rooms to begin the pacing ritual. Some time in the night, I heard Bo visit Kravana as well; a twinge of jealousy momentarily gripped me, but she gave her a weapon. That must have taken a lot, considering how much her sister seems to still completely mistrust Kravana. Using my sending spell (because no way was I leaving my room again that night), I thanked Bo.
Tomorrow, we go for the hammer. I better try to get some sleep, or I’ll be useless. Maybe I will write Kravana a letter of apology before I go, for my fumbling words…or maybe, I’ll just try to apologize in person to her again. She just makes me so nervous! Not for the reasons she feels she makes everyone nervous, though now I’m nervous that that is what she thinks…oh dear. I’ll sleep now and think about this tomorrow.
Word of the day: mortification
Her Majesty's Court
I have woken up in a cold sweat again, Journal. As much as our cabins on the airship have begun to feel like an airborne “home,” I have also grown accustomed to this. Waking up in a place that has to settle around me like a drawing curtain before I can make out a familiar wrinkle or feature that tells me where I laid down my head at the beginning of this night. It came back to me in sluggish slips of memory that we are now in a room at a prince’s house, deep under the mountain in the city of the Klar clan: Tran. I always double check my work Journal and you know that to be fact, but I can understand that you might feel some hesitation to believe me when I say that we are with a large group of Klar; it is truth. And Laina? Well. I have, as per usual, laid the groundwork for the story to unfold. Let us begin again. There will be no going back to sleep for me until the words have flown out of my head to the page once more.
After Bo and I returned to the airship via graceful and elegant flight, she had to prise my arms from around her neck because they had grown so stiff and cold, locked in the terrifying effort of not plunging to my doom. How I wish I could think of a better way to hang on than just to dangle by my arms from her broad shoulders; surely if there were an easier way, it would be intuitive, so there must not be. Oh well. At least my legs, useless in the flight, are rested and ready for the next thing. Raas’ reappearance was a surprise to the rest of CotBT, so Bo and I sailed breezily through an explanation of his accompaniment on the next leg of our trip. She spent more time with her boots and I watched her proudly as she clicked her heels like she had been born to do it. I heard Myza muttering something about how unnecessary the heel click was to actually WORK the boots…but when you look that natural doing something, how can that activity be denied? Answer, it shall not be.
ANYway, we re-mapped back to our original intentions for the trip in the mountains, which was to find the undermountain dwarves and give them a heads up about the copper dragon wing. Is it silly to ask a group who lives UNDER something a heads UP? I guess call us silly, because that is our intention. Myza expertly navigated as we all split up to pass the days in our various occupations. The first day was vastly interesting, because it is always fascinating to watch how new members of a group can influence the whole’s habits, and what habits are unexpected from any newcomers. For example, based on her physique, I would have bet Xavier’s life on the fact that Kravana spent a good part of her days exercising, doing challenges, or going through battle forms like Madlyn and Bo. I was wrong; she likes to meditate. Like, a lot. She sits on the prow of the airship, right where the edges curve into a point; her torso is long enough that her head rises above the edge of the rail that edges the ship. I cannot help but wonder what thoughts occupy her mind as she sits at the precipice of the world like that, always on the edge of diving forward into the unknown.
On the first day of her residence in this position, Kaylan looked peculiarly at me and squared her small shoulders as she marched up to continue her meditation practice right NEXT to Kravana, bless her! I think Kaylan has such a unique perspective on second chances in this life and she knows why I fought so hard to give Kravana hers. My morality series with Kravana just moved from the black and white to the mystical and fantasical world of grays; that’s a world Kaylan and I live in constantly, for good or for ill. My sister and I believe that the sum of a person’s life is both the choices they make and the choices they are given. Plus more, but I digress again. Long story short, Kaylan’s profound love of colors does not discount the beauty of gray. Like Kravana’s skin.
Never to leave my sister on her own, I got up from my own perch on the deck where I had been making notes in my spellbook to sit my customary 10ft from Kaylan in case something should happen or she should need me. To my surprise, I looked to my left and just ahead of me was Madlyn taking firm, determined strides to also join Kravana and Kaylan. The thin line of her mouth made me pause mid-stride with a leap of my soul for Kaylan’s sake–was it jealousy, Journal? I have replayed the moment a thousand and more times in my head and I cannot say for sure what it was, and what my own wishful thinking has created. I DO know that Madlyn’s eyes drifted to Kravana’s midsection and an odd light of satisfaction livened her eyes…I’ll have to ask her about it later, find a tactful way to get this piece of information about feelings from our indomitable and discipline-driven leader.
As we settled into our positions, I made sure to face away from the group at the prow; the very last thing I needed was to have any distractions while I was making important spell notations, perfecting what I can in my casting methods. I can’t help it if they were talking so loudly that Grandpa Mary in the afterlife could probably hear them. Or if my hearing is particularly tuned for my sister’s voice. My quill paused again and again as I laughed quietly to myself, listening to Kaylan attempt to talk to the stone wall that Kravana can be. She fired question after question at her and with all attempts to draw her out, she met with a grunt from her prey. Thoughtfully and like only Kaylan can, she pivoted quickly to another method of friendship building and asked to share about her family. I covered my nose with my hand to hide my snort when Kravana’s reply drifted back to me on the wind: “Well, I can’t stop you.” Knowing that Kaylan would be nonplussed and continue cheerfully on, I allowed myself the flash of amusement. Sure enough, Kaylan began to talk in really the most embarrassingly beautiful ways about ME, of all things. I hope she didn’t hear my snort of laughter turn into sniffles as a small tear snaked down my cheek, listening to the way my sister sees me. We should never wait until the end of life or when times are tough to hold up the mirrors we build for our friends; I am the most fortunate to have Kaylan to always be showing me the person I most want to be. Oh, and I must say, I am also grateful to Madlyn for the levity of her commentary on my strength–when she had an incredulous outburst about how “strong” I am, I was able to look ruefully at my puny little bicep and have a nice laugh about how right she is. The sting of the comment did not pierce me, as I know what kind of strength Kaylan was talking about; a gray kind of strength, where Madlyn’s strength is a gorgeously defined black and white. Kaylan ended her monologue to Kravana about my attributes with a happy little veiled threat about not “hurting” me. I felt my cheeks flush; how could Kravana hurt me? What does Kaylan mean? It has to be physically, and Kravana could most certainly do that. She didn’t seem confused about what Kaylan was saying, only grunting in response. Those grunts don’t mean much to anyone, but I kind of like how simple she is; like a warm country day in Lemish, nothing in your way for the day but a trip in the sun to the market for more bananas and reading books in the soft grass in the afternoon.
Kaylan lapsed into silence for a few moments, but I could hear her breathing devolve into bored sighs; with final huff of satisfaction at her successful “meditation session,” I heard her stand up and begin to skip away to her next activity. As she passed by me, I caught her hand with a lump in my throat and squeezed it, giving her as big a smile as I could command. What a sweet light my sister is.
As for the rest of the group in our travels, Raas split time between giving flight lessons to Bo in her new boots with Thestral calling out some complicated aerial maneuvers as well (maybe the next time I hitch a ride, it will be more smooth than a plunge to the near death through the skies) and giving archery lessons to Zy. Zy seems to have a fascination with his plumage, but it could be just professional interest given their common hobby. I still find it hard to read Zy, sometimes. Laina trained with Bo and Madlyn and spent more time in quiet thought than I would have expected, given that she usually has a critter or one of us with her; I think I can understand, though. Her thoughts had to be heavy with the task we were about to do, especially considering what seems to be a tortured past with dwarven clans. I really hope that whatever we do, she finds some closure with the ancestors, peers, and progeny of her fellow dwarves. I found excuses not to train with Madlyn (YES OKAY I am finally admitting to some good old-fashioned avoidance) and continued to mark my spellbook with updates, and in between my own studies I found topics that might interest Kravana in ongoing lecture series. The others seem to think it is a punishment for her, but I swear every once in a while I can see a sign of life in those depthless eyes. The eloquence of her grunting never ceases.
A ways into our journey, we were all on deck in our various pursuits when I saw Kaylan march determinedly up to Madlyn. I was upwind and Kaylan’s back was to me, but I saw the hands behind that back twisting and gripping tightly in the way they only do when she has mischief afoot. Madlyn’s face was an almost comical tableau of expressions–for all her training, she sure does have an expressive face. From polite interest, to confusion and incredulity, to the savage light of competition (Kaylan…challenged her to something? What on earth?) I watched her face change. Curiosity got the best of me and I began to meander slowly toward them just in time to hear Madlyn say, “Yes, yes. It’s a date, today is indeed a date, and tonight will be the time.” Kaylan’s clenched fingers trembled, then shot straight into a small clap behind her back and I felt a grin tug the corners of my mouth. YES, finally!! Kaylan turned to me and practically floated away from the conversation with a beautiful, blooming expression on her face. She had to whip around and make a hilarious series of silent miming motions at Bo NOT to accept Madlyn’s invitation to learn a new form of “fighting” (really, Kaylan? I guess she knows how to capture Madlyn’s interest, well done and I hope you’ve truly thought about how to maintain her interest). Bo, to her credit, took the hint and muttered something about needing to feed Steve, which prompted an interesting conversation with her and Raas about the purpose of a horse.
Not wanting to interrupt but wanting desperately to assist Kaylan in making a magical evening, I hatched a scheme with Bo to float underneath the side of the airship with her flying boots so we could make some extra magic not already supplied by moonlight. I cast the most colorful dancing lights I could muster, and Bo and I warbled out a lovely tune we made up on the spot with great cleverness, I would like to believe. We could not see what happened, but we took the cue that we could rejoin the deck crew when we heard a creak from the front of the ship indicating that Kravana (forgot she was up there) was making her way down to her berth on the ship. A look at Kaylan’s glowing eyes told me that the night was at least something of a success, and my happiness swelled with hers. Again, I promised the gods a portion of my soul should they wise up and grant Kaylan a happy ending in this life. Is that something people do? Offer up a portion of their soul in exchange for something? Who knows, but I’d do it for her.
The very next day brought us to our first dwarven destination, the undercity known as Tran! It had the kind of entrance that we only knew how to find because we…knew how to find it. I’m so glad I’m not in charge of navigation because I confess that all of these rocks and crags look the same to me. We parked the airship high above, set Raas on scouting patrol and left Myza at the helm, and descended to find guards who were giving no quarter at all. They were quite stubborn, but I felt confident as Madlyn stepped forward that we were going to be alright. She argued brilliantly, making all of us proud yet again that she was our leader and could be so persuasive. However, the dwarves had faces as though made of stone. They could not be persuaded and eyed our admittedly odd party with obvious suspicion. Madlyn’s arguments became increasingly more frustrated with their clear lack of reason, until finally she demanded that leadership be brought to us if we could not gain access to their city–but then, to our collective shock, Laina stepped forward.
She pulled out her necklace with the odd dwarven markings signifying her clan, I believe? The dwarves' faces registered surprise when they saw that the markings matched their own. I felt my own surprise dawn on me then–were they all Klar, here? This was good, right? Well, it was good until they asked her who she had stolen the emblem from. Laina, with more authority in her voice than I have ever heard before, named her parents…and the guards looked unsure for the first time in this entire conversation. How could two names mean more in this conversation than Madlyn’s entire well-spoken argument? What was going ON? Our awe reached its pinnacle when the guards finished a quick hushed conference and straightened up, stepped aside, and BOWED us in. HEH?? I stared at the side of Laina’s slowly reddening face before I couldn’t take it any longer and blurted out, “Hey, uhhh…how important are you exactly, in the Klar clan?”
She heaved a dramatic sigh and finally, FINally, gave us some insight. Apparently, she is not only royalty (like a duchess or something), but a PRINcess. A princess of the Klar! We have been traveling with her all this time and she never put on airs or acted any differently than our own Laina. I cannot help but admire that kind of behavior fiercely, and am so proud of her–proud enough that I cannot stop giving her back this title I now believe she so richly deserves, Princess. She is presumably uncomfortable, but if I let signs of discomfort stop me from interacting with people, I would never have another conversation again. It’s just a curse I was born with to cause that emotion in people. Probably hereditary. Oh, speaking of hereditary, Laina is not just a princess, but THE princess, the next in line of the succession in the dwarf clan. When her grandfather passes on, all the sons and daughters he once had are gone; she is the oldest grandchild. All of that said, Laina said she didn’t even know this place existed, an entire faction of the exiled Klar clan. Wow, it’s a lot to take in. Madlyn not only takes it all in stride, but actually manages to soak up some of the glory like it’s the water she drinks as we follow Laina through the bowing guard line and deep into the mountain. I’m so happy we have Madlyn to confidently show us how to behave in these different scenarios! I learn from her all the time.
We descend deeper and deeper into the mountain and my awe does not diminish; it starts with Laina’s admission and flows seamlessly into awe for the structure of the place we are entering. What a truly marvelous feat to have carved anything at all into the unyielding innards of a mountain, but to do this? The dwarves have always had my respect thanks to Laina and the way she conducts herself, but a newfound respect for the dwarves for their own sakes is taking over as well. Any group able to make something so lasting and beautiful has to be a group who invests heavily into their passions. I sneak a quick glance to Kravana to see how she is taking this in after our lessons; her face is still a mask, hiding any potential reactions to the world around her.
We were led to the Hall of Ancestors, where guards aplenty blocked the way stoically and could not be persuaded to let us pass to talk to the leadership. Thankfully, there was plenty to look at as the crew tried to talk through the next steps in our strategy. A large hall with intricate, very life-like statues lining its walls was adjacent to the room with the closed doors. In the center of the room was a statue of the current leader, which I remembered with a jolt was Laina’s grandfather. I studied him closely, looking for the family resemblance. Maybe a little bit of the stylish mustache?
I walked around with my hands behind my back so I would avoid my nasty habit of wanting to touch things. I read somewhere that a memory of a place is solidified further by the use of many senses–touch, taste, smell, sound, etc. My mind drifts wantonly as this thought crosses my mind…but I wrench myself back with an effort and heard the final words of the conversation with the guard. Laina was passing along a message to be given to her grandfather in stead of being able to actually SEE him right now. I eyed the guard, completely unconvinced that he would actually be passing along the information, and remembered my Magic Mouth spell! Hooray, what a great idea–I could probably configure it to trigger the same message to anyone who passes the statue, and you know what they say about a rumor–the more people know the further it’ll go! I nudged Kaylan to step in front of me, which she adroitly did, but as I began the complex wiggle of my hand, I caught Laina’s panicked eyes and she mouthed very clearly “NO.” My first command from a known princess, I guess I’d better heed it! I quickly hiked my spellbook back into my sleeve and turned around casually, tripped over my gown, and realized how many guards were also beHIND me. Oops. Good call, Princess.
We got some information on a local inn called the Forged Fires and headed toward the place. All of us had our heads on a swivel as we traipsed through our first dwarven town. There were smithies and the sounds of forging everywhere! I guess common hobbies aren’t a problem around here. Bo’s countenance radiated pure joy, her stride getting more strut-like with every sound of hammer on anvil. The smell of melting ore filled the air and cheerful shouts were heard from all quarters…except when it came to people looking at us, that is. Travelers must not be common, because it was like everyone saw us but nobody saw us. We were noticed, given the once-over, and then promptly ignored. I glanced at Laina to see if this wounded her, but her face was unreadable as we trekked through this group of people that she belonged in, in another life with different circumstances.
When we got to the tavern, Madlyn did her thing and secured us some rooms and some food. She glanced around our group as she prepared to order one or two goats, with Bo wildly gesticulating that two was definitely better and then pointing to Thestral as though HE were going to be the one to eat the majority. Madlyn agreed and let the bartender know; he raised his eyebrows to his hairline, but gave the order anyway with a clap of his hands. Too late, we remembered that the animals of the mountains were definitely a different size than where we came from; they pushed 8 tables together and still the wood creaked and groaned as it accepted the weight of two gigantic goats. I swear I heard Kravana snort a little bit. On the bright side, we gave Thestral and Bo one of the goats and were able to feed the rest of the tavern with the other one! And the bartender clearly believes us about Laina being a princess, he swept into a courtly bow. Finally, someone around here appreciates her! The meal was full of the merriment that only ale and free food to most of the room can bring. I wandered lazily with a full stomach and an ale clutched in my hand through the crowd, dreamily imagining the library that might be in a town like this. I drifted through the crowd, letting my hand skim past tunics and skin like a child running down a fence line and delighting in the “thwack” sound her hand made as it high the posts. At one point, I panicked when I couldn’t find Thestral–but I should have known when I saw the side of one of the goats move on its own. Peering into the carcass, I saw Thestral with the biggest belly I’d even seen him have, happily snoring. I gave his belly a little pat and continued my rounds. A giggle bloomed into a full-bellied laugh when I heard Madlyn give someone her titles, but added “daddy” at the end of it. Since when? My left ear felt like it was burning as my laughter finally subsided, and I turned to catch Kravana watching me. Quickly, I looked away. The room really was becoming too warm for comfort, wasn’t it? Maybe I should open a window.
Eventually, the door opened and a sort of hush fell over the crowd. Due to ale and high spirits, the noise quickly filled back in, but the crowd deferentially parted for the newcomer that had accompanied that opening door. He scanned the group, eyes lighting first on the tallest of us–Kravana–and quickly moving to Laina thereafter. His face took on a soft smile of recognition and he (along with the rest of our crew when we noticed) began making his way toward her.
He was her cousin! Norduc was his name. Laina happily greeted him and told him of our plans. He very generously eschewed our current plan for sleeping quarters and invited us to his personal quarters. We accepted and trudged again through the town; he had a carriage, but we decided to walk off some of the ale and the goat. For two hours. I think my calf muscles are finally coming in! What a nice surprise.
Norduc had the most beautiful home I’d ever seen for one person (well, and I guess his array of house staff). He offered us everything from his bedrooms to his cellars of alcohol to the pantry of food to the basement, where he had hot springs. A quick glance among us had us nearly immediately choosing the hot springs! Of course. What better place to have a relaxing and still vaguely tipsy discussion about the fate of the world as we knew it? And Norduc might be our best resource for reaching Laina’s grandfather (and his too, I guess). I found myself being very glad that neither he nor Laina seemed greedy for the throne, since after Laina, he is in line for succession. Her presence here had to be somewhat complicating for him, but if it was, he did not show it. Maybe I need to take some lessons from him about a good poker face, though I have Kravana for that. She never changes expression.
As we descended to the hot springs cave, a confusion of decisions slowed my step. To the left, a set of screens was present for discretion in changing into…what? Are we to dip into the springs in our undergarments, or fully clothed like some of the other pools we have found? What’s the protocol here? I began hesitantly walking for the screens, looking over my shoulder to see what the rest of the group was doing–and felt my jaw drop. Madlyn and Kravana had basically walked out of their armor and clothing and were wearing absolutely nothing. Stifling the half-hysteric giggle bubbling up my throat at the look on Kaylan’s face as she wildly averted her gaze from Madlyn striding toward the suds sans anything on her body, I studiously avoided looking everywhere but at the rippling muscles and leonine, unbroken stride that was Kravana also heading for the suds. Breathing in as deeply as I could through my nose to clear my still ale-ridden thoughts, I quietly ducked behind the screen and shyly stripped down to nothing, donning a towel before stepping back out from behind the screen. I squeezed my knobbly knees together as I quickly headed for the edge of the pool, hoping no one was looking at my abject lack of muscles. Not looking at anyone, I sat on the edge of the pool still in my towel and felt a small groan escape me at the sheer pleasure of the heated water lapping at my legs. Less caring what anyone else thought anymore at the need to put my whole body into this pool, I leaned my torso back and slithered out of the towel and into the pure bliss of the hot water. With the layer of pool foam now covering anything I would hope to keep unseen, I relaxed fully and let the immersion soothe my aching body, stripping away weeks of travel pains. This was WONderful.
The other wonderful thing about being here was that Laina and Madlyn could handle many of the diplomatic chats. They were the ones who knew most about this culture and being good at talking, so I could speak when spoken to. I listened carefully to the first part of the conversation, which was fascinating because we learned that in our Arm and Hammer quest, at least the Arm was kept by the Klar here. Less fascinating and more terrifying was learning that the Klar were exiled in the first place over these very items and not sharing them. This clearly complicates relations with the other clans if they were to speak up and say they had found the Arm; they would be accused of doing the same thing their ancestors did. With a fierce flash of protectiveness toward our princess, I absorbed the information that Norduc’s parents and Laina’s mom were killed in the “skirmish” over this exact thing. How tragic, and so very sad. The Hammer, per Norduc, is unreachable right now. He stated that they had found its location and had sent ever larger scouting/retrieval parties to get it back, but that all parties had met with doom and demise. The remaining survivors had managed to communicate that it was “shadow” that had killed the ones bold enough to attempt its removal. Curioser and curioser, but maybe this is our “in” with the other clans! Retrieving the Hammer and reuniting the Arm and Hammer’s power once more, drawing up a contract for its equal sharing among all the clans…I stopped listening as the sweet heat’s flush over my whole body soothed me into a somewhat soporific state. I floated dreamily, letting the pleasant bubbles from the bottom of the rock float up underneath me, carrying me where they would, Zy’s voice in the background asking for a slab of rock…drifting, eyes closed, feeling the scrape of hard rock underneath me periodically as I settled into the most comfortable spot I’d found yet in the pools…
“Hey, you look like you’re book smart!” Norduc’s louder voice brought me immediately to attention from my half-sleeping state and I sat up with a startled splash. As I shoved upward from the edge of the pool with my elbow, I heard a mildly pained grunt–and whipped my head around to discover that I was literally in the most mortifying position of my life to date–and that’s SAYing something. I was in. Kravana’s. LAP. How could I have mistaken her physique for the rocky side of the pool? In a confused tangle of limbs, I extricated myself and mumbled some sort of answer to the question he posed, I honestly can’t even remember what it was. Journal, it is definitely safe to say that I avoided ALL eye contact for a good long while after that. And stayed very, very alert.
ANYway. We finished up the conversation down in the hot springs with the disappointing knowledge that Grandpa Klar knew about the Takhisis threat, and had know about it for some time. He was unwilling to put more Klar lives on the line, though; I guess, who could blame him? From his stance, he would be putting his beloved people at risk for what reward? Ongoing exile from the other clans and potential friendly fire, the actual enemy, and loss of resources and the comfort this town obviously enjoys. Where is the upside for someone like him? I guess that is what Laina will have to help him decide tomorrow, at the council she will attend.
We all hop out of the hot springs in our predictable ways and head off in different directions for our next few hours. Kaylan wanted to find some apothecary’s, and though I would happily have accompanied her as I always do, Madlyn volunteered before anyone else could and I thought maybe some time to themselves would be nice in this relatively safe town. Especially after the airship night and the springs. Bo and Zy when to a forge, so Bo could be in her happy place and Zy could keep an eye on her–I am about as useful in a forge situation as a wet candle. So I accompanied Laina and her cousin to dinner, and Thestral joined us as well because–well–food. Kravana stayed in the hot springs, I think. I don’t know. I don’t keep track of her every move, okay? I have enough in my OWN life and of my OWN problems to keep track of. Am I thinking too loudly? ANYway.
I got the chance to ask Norduc a little about magic wielding in this place, and he said that dwarves less wield magic than wield runes, in the common folk. They use them to perfect their craftsmanship. It sounded absolutely fascinating, but he told me flatly that it was not open to outsiders to see and that I would not likely find it actually as fascinating as I thought–and there was no library. So, truly, my trip here is runed. HAHA just kidding Journal, I’m having a great time! Had to get the rune joke in there, did you see it? Who says intellectuals can’t be funny? The magic wielders are all in the actual council that Laina will be attending tomorrow. I tried to bluster my way into an invitation to this council because I’m very worried for our princess, but met with iron resistance. Sigh. I’ll just have to help her braid her hair perfectly and dress well before she goes. She looks nervous, but I know she is more than equal to this task. She and Norduc chat away happily about old times and good times, how the council will go, etc. I watch as Thestral continues to live his best life in this place and fills his belly on the delicious stew we were served right away; it pays to be with the prince and princess of this place. We brought a whole cauldron back for the rest of the crew, to Bo’s delight; she worked up a sweat in that forge! I can’t wait to get a minute alone with Kaylan to see what she learned in the apothecary shop as well.
Sleep is finally dancing around at the corners of my consciousness, and time is beginning to do that sloppy thing where I can’t decide if I’ve been writing for hours or for minutes. Time to subside for now…best to be rested for tomorrow so we can be ready to aid Laina if she ends up needing us!
Word of the night: pernicious
Only Copper...Dragons, that Is
Well, and how can so many things happen to one group of people? And how does a group grow, and how can we exponentially enhance that growth to swell up an army? For journal, that is now our task I think; at least, that’s what our new dragon friend said.
Oh, haven’t I written about our dragon friend? Well, friend to everyone else, when it comes to me–eh. I’ll let your non-judgmental pages decide, and only have to spill the ink over the pages in the right configuration to bring clarity to the situation. I have so much to tell, for a lot has happened over just another few days.
First of all, I’m writing from an airship that has 2 new occupants upon it; I suppose if you had told me that these two new occupants would be aboard our airship by the time I was writing this, I might have laughed in your face (your page? You’re just a book, journal. “Just” a book, listen to how I devalue you, I’m so sorry; I’m just flustered by all the recent interactions I’ve been forced to have and have frankly kind of botched in the ways only I can).
Ahead ahead ahead I charge, without even telling you what happened in that magical, warm, beautiful cave…an event that brought a surprising prickle of tears to my eyes. Let’s go back.
Bedraggled and sorely wounded, we staggered into the cave. It was so beautiful, with soaring ceilings and stalagmite and stalactite “rooms” that housed no less than 20 copper dragons. Light flickered through dust motes swirling through the air, buffeted by the softly snoring breaths of the magnificent creatures around us. They snoozed atop piles of gold coins and artifacts, undoubtedly the spoils of previous conquests. At the end of a slightly winding pathway through the thick of these unreal beings was a one-armed dwarf, fishing in a lake/pond that oddly showed no ripples of a line; I thought maybe it was just where I was standing, but now I’m not so sure. It doesn’t really matter, honestly.
We talked quietly among ourselves to decide our next move, speaking in whispers so no errant bounce of our voices could reverberate from the cave walls into cranky sleeping dragon ears and accidentally awaken them. Zy entered some sort of portal thing to get some rest, but the rest of us were too keyed up to rest and we decided to quietly make our way down to the fishing dwarf. I’ve never met someone with only one arm before, and I wanted to make a good first impression so I brainstormed wildly on how to introduce ourselves and how to make it clear that we were there to help him. I sifted through several opening lines and settled on the one that felt clearly correct before opening my mouth as we reached him to say, “Hey there! Looks like you’re fishing, did you need a hand with that?”
My words left my mouth, hit the empty space where his arm should have been, and boomeranged back to me with all the force of my accidental idiocy; he startled at being disturbed, but recovered quickly as he simply stared at me. A flush crept slowly up my neck into my face and bloomed brilliantly, I could FEEL it.
Thank Majere, yet again, for Madlyn. She quickly rushed to jump in and explain who we were, and what our purpose was for being in the cave; he seemed very impressed with her titles, as we always are when she has an opportunity to repeat them. It is honestly one of my favorite parts about meeting new people, I’m so proud of her! I do not know why it seems like their eyes are glazing over by the fourth title, but the ones that stick with it til the end assuredly never regret the investment of time.
“Hey hey hey, let’s just take it easy here and have a seat! No need to rush through any interrogations, let’s have some pleasant chatter before we get right into things.” Incorrigible as always, our group attempted to play polite for about 10 seconds before hopping right back into our questions. He eventually fired back with a question directed at Laina regarding what clan she was a part of; it was actually crazy, because they were of the same clan, the Klar! The red hair they had matched each other. Laina looked instantly uncomfortable, because we quickly learned that Kraz (our new one-armed friend) had been in the cave for something like 350 years. He had no knowledge of the tragedy that he befallen their clan, and she looked as though she were debating if she should tell him about it or not.
ANYway, he gave a little sigh and a little remark about how the pleasantries were clearly over, then launched into the explanation we were craving so badly. He had been chosen as one of five beings to be the guardians of the sleeping dragons in their lairs. He knew not the names of the other five guardians, or where the other lairs might be located; it appears that Paladine was putting in failsafes to ensure that not one player in the game had all the information, in case of compromise. Clever, clever…So Kraz had volunteered and had been a member of the royal family of Klar. He said he considered it an honor, but I imagined that it would have been quite lonely with nothing but sleeping dragons for company. Imagine this, he actually said that there weren’t even fish in the pond! He just liked pretending to fish, but he hasn’t actually eaten in the 350 years he has been here because he “didn’t need to.” When he mentioned that, I finally started paying more attention to the way this cave felt; those tingly sensations must not have been all due to the awe of the dragons’ presence, but because of magic.
The most disturbing part of his story was the calm way he talked about a visit from Takhisis. When we had first started talking, he kind of said something vaguely about how we could go ahead and “just finish the job.” When we asked more about that, he decided we WEREN’T with Takhisis (what was his first clue? You think it was Zy biting off the head of anyone who even remotely shows signs of being impressed by Takhisis’ power?) and that he could tell us the whole story. Takhisis had come by the cave about 5 years earlier and demanded half of the copper dragon eggs. Understandably, since his entire job was one thing and that thing was to protect the dragons, Kraz declined to acquiesce to his request and Takhisis proceeded to rip his arm off and use it as a club to beat him over the head with it. What a sicko, and poor Kraz! Then, she gained access to the dragon eggs and because of his “impudence,” she took 75% of the eggs. Thanks to Grandpa Mary’s journal, we know that she was probably stealing those eggs to bolster her army with those terrible, created creatures…my heart broke as Kraz spoke, knowing what terrible fate the beloved eggs of these incredible dragons had met.
Clearing my throat past the sudden lump forming in there, I told him that the time to awaken the dragons was most definitely right now. Please. Thank you. Bo was very shrewd, asking if he had any advice for us regarding how to treat the newly awakened dragons; we read off our list and he seemed a little taken aback that we even HAD a list of dragon etiquette. I felt a small flash of pride in Grandpa Mary’s meticulousness in recording what he knew about them. Kraz had no further advice to offer us, but he DID say that he had some stuff for us based on what we all looked like we were good at! He rushed away to another place to fetch said things, and we were left to our own devices for a little while.
The barest second after he was out of sight, Bo dunked her head with complete abandon into the pool, slaking her apparently rabid level of thirst. She came back up looking not only satiated, but completely new; her cuts and bruises and dirt melted away, leaving her looking strong and untouched. She brightened up immediately, flexing her hands and saying “I feel great! Manon, get over here.” Before I was ready, she was dunking my head gleefully and thoroughly under the water too. Spluttering, I swallowed half correctly and half with my lungs–but I have to admit, she was (brutally) right! I came up feeling like my completely healthy and vigorated self again. THIS must have been how Kraz kept healthy all those long years without food! I smiled to myself as this piece of information dropped neatly into the corner of my mind.
Since it seemed like we still had some time before Kraz came back AND it sounded like he was the only guardian of the dragons who could awaken the herd here…herd? Pod? Flamboyance? Murder? What is a group of dragons called? Ohhh I got it I got it, I’ll call them a WING of dragons. ANYway, since it seemed like Kraz is the only one who can awaken this WING of dragons, I decided to swallow my fear (truthfully, it was much smaller than my abject curiosity) and get a little closer to these magnificent creatures.
Quietly (but not subtly, Madlyn immediately followed me), I crept up to the nearest sleeping giant. It sniffed the air seemingly by sheer instinct, because its eyelids remained firmly shut. I felt my jaw hanging loosely from my face, but I didn’t even care–I was circling an actual, living, breathing, HOPEfully good-natured DRAGon. WOW! I slowly made my way down its length and came back around the other side. The flickering light caught the scales of this coppery beauty and made it shine so brightly, and I felt my arm drift up almost of its own accord to reach out and touch the–CLAP. Madlyn’s hand shot out and grasped my puny forearm, pulling it back from the scales with ease. I gasped, having almost forgotten she was there! “You can’t risk waking them up without Kraz here, I have a feeling that would go very badly,” she said. I felt the madness that had overcome my wayward hand ebb away from me. “Okay, you’re right…but what if they can’t be awoken by any but him?” CLAP. Madlyn’s hand closed around my again drifting hand/wrist and this time, she intelligently pulled me away from the sleeping Wing and led me firmly back to the group. She is so good at looking out for this team!
At some point, Zy rejoined our group and Kraz trundled back up to us, awkwardly dragging a large sack that clanked and strained against the flimsy fabric. Without a trace of shame despite his lame approach, he straightened up and began handing out gifts to all of us! What a hand-some (oh) man he suddenly became in our eyes, equipping us in the best way he knew how for whatever might be ahead. Swords, bows, gloves–beautiful gifts came out left and right to us all. My gift was a gorgeous new whip!! I’m so excited, journal. It feels like you don’t have to be very strong to wield something like this, and it seems to have some special properties that I’ll have to explore when I have the time! But first, I’ll master the flair, ole! I ran it through my hands several times to get the feel of it, supple leather sliding through my hands. This is the beginning of something great, I just know it.
The handing out ceremony dispensed with, Kraz then caused a hush to settle over our little group as he raised his remaining arm. It felt like we were collectively holding our breath as nothing happened at first…but then, a ripple streaked out from the center of the magical pond and water gushed everywhere but got nothing wet–and suddenly, the creatures were all stirring.
Unable to help myself, I began to walk down the path again in abject worship of the process that was happening around us for the first time in who knows how long?? I couldn’t believe we got to be the ones to see this happen! I could feel the group silently following behind me, taking in all the magnificence around us. Suddenly, deafeningly, a roar shook the ground beneath us and the very air around us and we whipped around to see a tall, yawning–yawning, for real??--dragon rearing up on its hind legs and stretching like it had never had a good stretch in its entire life. It roared again, but the roar seemed more like it was shaking down the pipes than being threatening in any way to us. We immediately all sank into a bow, per the instructions from Grandpa Mary’s book and on our little manuals regarding Dragon Etiquette. A low, rumbling voice echoed in the cavern after a few moments–”Rise, we no longer require anyone to bow to us.”
Startled, the group looked up to see a dwarf. Just a dwarf. Right where the dragon had been standing only seconds before.
Heh??
Okay, so apparently they can shift into human form. Cool cool cool, I don’t know why I didn’t know that from my extensive research, but I guess the moral of the story is that now I DO know. K k k k k k.
He called himself Nithabor, and he seemed to be the leader. His first act as a returned to the waking world dragon was to ply us with riddles! I was eager to prove my intelligence, but after all I fell flat in the attempt. It was Kaylan and Madlyn who answered first, then Bo, then Laina. Maybe next time, Manon. We all introduced ourselves and Nithabor delivered the message of the eggs and what the guardianship term had looked like from his perspective. My blood turned to ice when he returned back to me and asked for clarity. “Sinclair, you said?” I slowly nodded my head and squeaked out “Yes, Manon Sinclair!” He narrowed his gaze and said that my family name was rare. I told him I thought I might be the only Sinclair left, since my grandfather who raised me had died. He pointedly asked what my grandfather’s name had been, and I lost all the sensation to my entire face when I told him and he said “Well. Your grandfather killed my wife.”
My heart broke for the ancient pain I could read in his eyes even as my hands got clammy from the implications of what he had just said. How must it feel to be such a powerful being and to fear less for your loved one…only to lose them in the end to a human? How viciously cruel. I was a mess of emotions as I pictured my beloved grandfather doing anything so heinous and stoically, I reminded myself that he must have had a good reason for his actions and that even if he didn’t, he raised me differently. Told me to be better than he was–this must just be a specific example of what he meant when he said that to me.
I didn’t, as per usual, realize that I had said any of this out loud until Nithabor thoughtfully seemed to withdraw the frostiness of his gaze toward me. “The sins of the father–or grandfather–should not be given to the children. You’ve said the right things and I believe you would not do me or my kin harm now.” Relief flooded me as I gushed out apologies for my grandfather and half-sobbed promises that he was correct in his assessment of me.
Our group quickly moved on from there to parley with him about the next tasks. Unbeknownst to us, Laina had slipped away during this time with Krazz; we only found out because we looked for Krazz to give us some information, and he was gone. Puzzled, we contemplated searching for him, but Laina informed us that he was gone. He had fulfilled the mission he had been given 350 years ago, and had begged for her company as he stepped outside the cave to join his family in death. A tear glistened unshed in her eye as she spoke of this; she bravely lifted her chin and it did not fall.
We ultimately decided that we needed to go to the dwarves under the mountain and recruit more allies. The dragons would stay in the cave so as not to become very vulnerable once Takhisis knew they were awake. We would alert them when we had secured the help of the dwarves, and then we would move on to another location to attempt to awaken another set of dragons. On our way out, I paused and hesitantly asked Nithabor if he would be willing to share the story of what my grandfather had done to his wife. I figured that if I could collect and hold the stories of his mistakes, maybe I could make something good of them someday. Nithabor, however, coldly declined and we moved on.
We traipsed back through the snow for a few hours toward the airship. My mind churned restlessly the entire time, turning over the accomplishment we had just had. We actually did it! We woke up the copper dragons! But Grandpa Mary and poor Krazz, the entwined histories we all seem to suffer beneath. It’s all so much to absorb. I’m even left to wonder if a name can be redeemed. Who else has the Sinclair name given nothing but pain and fear to? How can I turn this all around for the better?
Lost in these thoughts, I almost didn’t realize that we were approaching the massive carcass of the animal Kravana had hunted and killed until were nearly on top of it. Every muscle in my body tensed as I saw Zy, who had unerringly led us back to this very spot, string an arrow in her bow. We had talked about how to handle things with Kravana if we met with her again back in the cave…and we had decided on temporary mercy unless she attacked us. Zy seems to have forgotten this in her flare of temper seeing Kravana sitting calmly in the snow, cooking her meal with her back to us. A furious whisper to stand down rose to my lips but it was too late. Zy loosed her arrow, but to my surprise it landed harmlessly in the snow right next to Kravana. A warning shot, then. My heart bloomed in happiness at Zy’s growth, not just taking a life that had once wronged hers. I settled back where I was to watch how things would play out.
Bo and Zy were aggressive toward Kravana, and she didn’t seem to expect anything different. Madlyn was clinical in her assessment of the situation, and Kaylan was of course hopeful for the good. Laina was somewhere in the middle of hoping for good and believing that the worst could have happened. I watched the talk go on regarding what should be done with Kravana for some time, then watched her slowly hang her head and state that she would receive her punishment for what she had done. She told us that about 6 months ago, Takhisis had taken all the family she had had in the mountains with her and she didn’t know where to find them or how to save them. So she did Takhisis’ bidding in the hopes that someday, her family would be returned to her. We asked her if her brother was Kravlan, the cook from RTS; she seemed oddly reluctant to admit that yes, he was, and that she loved him very much.
I argued hard with the group, and ultimately the victory was won: Kravana would join us. I feel personally responsible for her in some ways, protective. Maybe I’m thinking about Grandpa Mary and his complete 180 from stone cold killer of beautiful copper dragons to the gently insane man who raised me. Maybe I just think she’s too sadly beautiful to go through something like this alone, without anyone to help her. Maybe I look at her chiseled physique and think she could be a real asset to this team, even though we already have the strongest fighters in Madlyn and Bo and the best precision strikers in Laina and Zy and the best healer and friend in Kaylan. I don’t know journal and I can’t explain it, but when we agreed to take her on the airship and she offered to help me up the ladder, I lost every thought clear out of my head when she scooped me up and climbed up the ladder with one arm. I clung to her shyly but with real fear about how this was going to end–but my fears were for naught, because once on deck she lowered me quite gently down. I looked up at her in complete shock, tried to say thank you but felt the words stuck like sand in my throat and came out like a strangled and maniacal giggle instead. I turned abruptly away as I could feel my face melt the snowflakes that came within a foot of it. Oooookay then.
ANYway. We notified Myza of the plan to go to the dwarves under the mountain and try to recruit them to our cause. She agreed more readily than I anticipated, and off we soared. I took the opportunities by day to provide stern and thorough lectures to Kravana about the history of morality and why good triumphing over evil is not only necessary, but historically the best path. I paced up and down in my element, providing fact after solid fact about good morality that could never be refuted. I also used the time to become more familiar with my whip, and Kravana wearily told me to stop apologizing every time I accidentally let it slip out of my control and maybe got her with a light sting here and there. Oops.
A day into our trip, something insane happened.
We were flying along at a good clip, Myza expertly navigating us to the spot where we could access the Dwarven stronghold. My morality lessons were really hitting the most interesting point in history and Kravana’s liquid gaze was straying less and less during the talks when suddenly, a large and bulky shape loomed in the distance. Massive wings concussed the air as it flapped closer and closer. Alarm filled me and, I could see, my comrades as we huddled together on the deck. Madlyn had wisely taken Kravana’s weaponry and Myza had stored it with an elaborate set of locks for which she swallowed the key, but I still wouldn’t have wanted to get on her bad side as she crouched in readiness for whatever was incoming.
The large creature–I heard Myza mutter something about a “damned roc?”--came to a sudden halt before our ship and 9 creatures flapped off its back and hovered around the edges of our ship, surrounding us. A 10th one landing straight on the deck of the airship, straightening up formally. He had the head of an eagle, can you imagine?? And before we could register if he was friend or foe, he dropped 5 large, glittering diamonds to the deck floor. They bounced and rolled toward us, sucking in and reflecting shards of light. “These are yours if you can help us. Our leader has been turned to stone. Please follow.”
With no further fanfare, he shot straight back into the air along with his 9 companions and they re-boarded the roc, taking off in a northern direction. Our crew quickly huddled up and Kaylan snatched up the diamonds–she needs them for a particular type of spell, I think. She is definitely not at all greedy or selfish, so I know the diamonds she grabbed must have a special purpose that only she can know about. We agreed to follow the roc; the alternative was likely to fight them, and a bird that size was not in the cards for our small band. Myza sighed and adjusted course.
We headed higher, higher, higher into the mountains. Smarter people went belowdecks, but Kravana remained on board. I remained with her. The cold was not agreeable to me like it apparently was to her, but I wasn’t about to abandon our newest crew member to the elements or what might be waiting when the roc brought us to our ultimate destination.
After what seemed like eons because the snow was causing a lot of extra sleepiness and fatigue in me, we broke through the clouds and saw a vast place. I can only call it a city, I guess; it had “roosts” that dotted the side of a mountain, chiseled as entryways but with nowhere big enough for an airship to land. They seemed to burrow deep into the side of the mountain, and I could only assume that a city of some sort lay at the end of all these tunnel networks.
Right on cue, as we were gawping at the newest oddity in our lives, the eagle headed leader landed back on the airship. He explained to us that his people had been delving into the side of the mountain further and further to make a new home and expand their territory when they had run into a large nest of snake-like creatures. Ri, their leader, had tried to slay the one who savagely turned its gaze on him–but had turned to stone almost immediately when meeting the creature’s eye. Raas–this eagle-headed aarakroca, as we learned–was the leader of the military portion of their people, and the anguish in his eyes as he spoke of his leader being turned to stone on his watch was touching. Though we had never heard of this people, it seems that love is universal and Raas loved his leader.
He explained that he had chosen us because he had watched us fight the giants and win. Bo and Zy muttered something under their breaths about “thanks for the help” at the same time as Madlyn did from my other side and I hid a snort. He had watched us use magic, and felt strongly that we might be able to help his leader.
I felt my stomach sink; this felt like advanced magic, and I wasn’t sure I would be able to help. Bo’s gift from Krazz had been a pair of boots that granted the ability to fly, and I could see the adventure light up in her eyes when Raas offered us the opportunity to see Ri and see if there was anything we could do. I resignedly climbed onto her back and she clicked her heels together (I wonder if that’s something the boots require or if that’s just her way of getting herself ready for flight?) and we floated up and away! Journal, I thought I was used to flying after being on the airship but there’s something about dangling from the shoulders of your friend as you plunge downward after your new eagle-headed friend Raas to what might be a trap and your death. Like a strong cup of morning banana juice.
Raas led us past a group of what looked like clergy, and we were surprised to note that not all of them had eagle heads but were rather shaped differently. We came to an open hall with a large statue in the middle, which Raas explained was Ri. My worst fears were confirmed; Ri was petrified, and though I had heard of the spell needed to undo petrification, I was by no means able to perform something so complex yet.
We tried desperately to explain to Raas that magic isn’t all equal and all deployable, all the time. He had a very hard time understanding it; I tried to liken it to a cup of water freezing into ice. You cannot have ice unless you have water, and not everyone has water, or magic. He wanted us to teach his daughter “magic,” but how could I explain to him that maybe she didn’t have magic in her like I did as an inheritance from Grandpa Mary? Bo really came through though, and was able to liken it to his wings. You can’t teach someone to fly if they don’t have wings. Raas seemed to struggle with the concept of magic mightily before finally admitting defeat on the possibility of understanding. He made a deal with us to come with us so we could find someone who was able to perform the necessary spell to un-stone his leader. New hope and determination filled his eyes…but he also is a shrewd leader of the military (I guess you don’t get to be a leader unless you are shrewd). He demanded collateral of us, so we would have a true reason to return. Bo gave up her mother’s clothes…and I gave up Grandpa Mary’s dragon journal.
I extended my hands with the book, watching them tremble slightly as the worn pages of the book slipped gently out of my grasp into his. It doesn’t matter that I’ve memorized every page, every letter with an inked curl in my grandfather’s flowing script. I still feel as though I’ve cut off my own limb, giving that familiar book away. I breathe a silent apology to the good memories of Grandpa Mary as I turn firmly away from the loss and square my shoulders resolutely. We WILL be back for it, as soon as we find someone who can heal this leader OR I learn how to do it myself. I make a half-hearted attempt at recruiting Raas to our side of the war, remembering Madlyn’s whispered urge when we left that we need allies, but I think the topic is tabled for now until we have proven ourselves even more to this winged new friend. He took off for the ship, and I climbed back onto Bo as she clicked her heels and we slowly but surely made the climb back up the side of the mountain in mid-air.
And that’s all that’s happened since I last wrote, journal. I’m writing now from the warmth of my cabin in the airship. It’s a good thing Myza chose to repair such a roomy ship! For now we have 2 new companions. I have my door cracked open just a little bit, and I can see candlelight flickering from Kravana’s cracked door just across from me. I will give her privacy and not continue to stare at that door. I guess. Raas is down the hall close to Bo and Zy’s rooms. What a unique crew we now have! I hope all of this is leading somewhere purposeful, journal. We need to make a difference in this world, I cannot believe that all the things we have done and all the things that have been done to us are for nothing.
I will turn in now, for I am all poured out on the words. Time to practice my more complex magic recipes, so I can continue to get better and more useful for battles…I really took a beating in that last one. Ouch. Maybe I should have asked to be a dragon rider, but what dragon would even want me? I’m so puny. They’ll want Madlyn for her precision fighting or Bo or Kravana with their brute and impressive strength, Zy with her great aim and Laina with her quick intelligence and Kaylan with her divine healing power. Raas can fly on his own. I am but the magic-wielding granddaughter of a confusingly cruel, kind man. But self-pity is selfish, journal. I will waste no further time on it, and simply work to be better. Better than the me of today, and better than he was.
Phrase of the day: Wing of Dragons
Soaring, Flying, Nearly Dying
It happened again. We found another place in this world that steals my breath so completely from my lungs that I don’t know if I’m compatible with life anymore. It is here that we have paused to take stock, to spend some time thinking about our next steps in the presence of…well, I don’t want to spoil the surprise, journal. Let’s begin at the beginning.
Wow, I’m so proud! Only a small paragraph of getting ahead of myself. Let’s call that progress!
We settled into the airship routine very quickly, Myza at the helm and the rest of us just trying not to get in her way. We had some post-battle discussions, most intensely with Zy I think. She has always been wary about my magic, and who could blame her? Magic has not exactly been kind to her or to Bo. Bo seems more willing to accept the world at face value; Zy is more adherent to her core idealisms, like a vine wrapping stubbornly around a fence post. I guess I just have to keep trying to be a fence post she can believe in; I’ll definitely keep working on it, and I think the discussion went okay. The discussion between her and Bo about Steve? That was a different story, and Thestral went through quite a few rations as he played both peacekeeper and devil’s advocate. He’s uniquely qualified to do that and it’s a little infuriating, despite everyone’s deep love for him–but sometimes I do find myself missing the days when we didn’t know he was a boy and he languished all day in his lady corner with the food he pilfered from our little kitchen in Lemish. Madlyn helped Kaylan and I learn more about meditation, and Madlyn appropriately warned me about the lack of discipline I’d shown in my up-casting of that spell…I can’t be upset with the correction, because journal I think I almost died.
ANYway. We made our way through the skies day in and day out, each of us having the opportunity to make our little cabins our own. Mine has nothing but books and sketches, ink bottles and scrolls, warm yellows and creams. Pretty boring when you compare it to the vibrancy of Kaylan’s quarters, but I could never be jealous of her uniqueness. She had to live so many years with nothing but grays, blacks, and whites around her. The explosions of color and what they mean to her make her decorating aesthetic both practical AND eclectically beautiful. I will admit to some curiosity about everyone else’s quarters, but only caught quick peeks. I’ll let you decide whose was whose, journal: I saw one with a large mirror, a neatly made bed, and spare personal belongings; one sloppy one with plants everywhere and a locket chain dangling out from under the pillow; one with bits of food tucked away everywhere and what looked like a sack-of-potato dummy used as a punching bag; and one with mining tools and different sized animal beds, a few recipe sheets shuffled together with annotations in the margins. Myza keeps her room under lock and key. We are definitely the untrustworthy ones *the writing slants slightly awkwardly on the page, as though someone rolled their eyes while writing.*
Each day brought new vistas as we sailed through the mountain ranges. After studying Grandpa Mary’s book ever more thoroughly, I made sure to let everyone know that we were searching for copper dragon lairs. I told them that the lairs were often disguised at the entrance, but also often had prized momentos of their battle victories or best loot around the entrance too, as if they couldn’t help themselves. Copper dragons prefer gifts of stone, ceramics, or statues; they eat scorpions. We reviewed how to be as polite as possible to dragons, in case we find one right inside the lair; we discussed how when we got close to the lair, everything in a 6-mile radius would have more intelligence so we would notice talking animals! Of all things, can you imagine? Thankfully, Steve had won out the battle of “is he coming with us or not,” and he was aboard for us to test the talking animal theory every so often. Kaylan called it “Steve-dar,” and I thought it was very clever. We all adopted it and were eager to use Steve as our triangulator!
I wasn’t there for it, but there was apparently quite a touching meeting of the minds and hearts between Steve and Bo when he was able to talk. Of course my natural curiosity would have LOVED to observe the loving relationship between steed and jockey, but I also think it’s lovely that only a few were there to witness this raw discussion.
We eagerly formulated our triangulation and Steve-dar plan, running up to Myza to deliver our brilliance. Myza listened for a half second longer than I might have expected her too, but ultimately interrupted to say, “Okay okay okay, all of that is well and fine. But why don’t we just go toward that column of smoke?” Those of us on deck whipped around and sure enough! There was a plume of what looked like campfire smoke wafting skyward. Well isn’t that convenient. I could see that Kaylan, like myself, still had an interest in using Steve-dar to triangulate the position of the lair, but we had to give in. This was definitely more efficient. FINE.
I guess I had some curiosity (weird, right?) about what our mysterious campfire friend must have though as we sailed ever closer. We weren’t exactly subtle or trying to hide our presence. Not a whole lot of places to hide on an airship, anyway. Myza threw a rope ladder over the edge of the ship for use to clamber down; there was a hot debate about who would go down there at first. We ultimately decided, as per usual, that we would just all go. Why not? Myza would park until otherwise signaled (we hoped) and we could go down there to ask whoever it was about what to do and climb back up if the flight were going to be long.
One by one, we shimmied down the ladder (well, I clumsily clung to each rung for dear life while Madlyn expertly marched down with a firm step, but who’s keeping score? Don’t answer that). Bo seemed satisfied that the ladder didn’t go sideways like the one at the library. Did I mention before now that all the animals we were seeing were not only able to talk, but they were giGANTic, like seriously huge. A goat was the size of Steve and the lions were the size of an elephant, I would imagine! At first, I didn’t even look at the stranger kneeling by the fire roasting meat. A huge mound of dead carcass rose out of the snow behind her, only a relatively “small” (the size of my–no, Bo’s–bicep!) chunk of meat ripped from it to cook. Realizing I was gawking and not wanting to make *another* bad first impression, I ripped my gaze from carcass to female–and started, against my will, to gawk again.
She was tall, very tall. Her skin was gray, like the male we had met down at the camp with Galnu and the crew! She was easily as tall as he was too, but much more curvy. While her thighs and shoulders were easily as thick and broad as his, her waist was tapered with each rectus muscle outlined as though chiseled. Red tattoos crawled over her arms and pulsed with a life of their own unless she was entirely still. “H-hello!” I stammered out, realizing that we were all just in the middle of a big awkward stare-off. Unfortunately, I said the first thing I had thought to myself. “Our group is in search of a dragon’s lair…I have to ask, do you have anyone else–”I faltered, embarrassed and not wanting to stereotype or profile her–”around here…like yourself? Or maybe, do you know a male named Kravlan? We met someone who looks…er…I mean do you know him?” My question trailed off with all the grace of a giant bird turd falling to douse her campfire. Thankfully, my crew jumped in to save me and though we didn’t get her name right away, eventually we learned it to be Kravlana and she told us she could take us to the dragon’s lair! What good fortune, FINally. Maybe our tides are turning. Bo decided to tempt fate and snatch the food she had cooking as we trundled past; oh well. I imagine those muscles can’t be fed on the clouds and rations diet we’ve been on since being on the airship. It’s not like Kravlana will starve on what she has left, anyway.
Speaking of muscles, journal…if I don’t start training with Madlyn soon, PLEASE swallow the ink on the page with any new words?? It was embarrassing how difficult it was to keep up with Kravlana’s easy-looking pace through the snow. We asked her several questions as we went, but whether she was choosing to ignore us or just couldn’t hear us or couldn’t decipher “gasp-speak,” we didn’t get many answers about anything. She did say something about how our many, many questions were likely the product of “toxic lowlander air,” whatever the hells that means.
ANYway, we soldiered on through the snow (I kept quite warm really, undoubtedly my heart shuffling my ever increasingly hot blood past my skin to feed my burning muscles). About 20 minutes into our trip, we happened upon a small clearing with a couple of statues that clearly marked what we were looking for. My bounding heart leapt with joy upon seeing a fierce-looking copper dragon statue and a statue of the god Paladine flanking a large boulder, which was undoubtedly the entrance. Hardly heeding Kravlana’s stop at the mouth of the pass she had brought us up from, we hurried forward to examine the boulder for traps, chattering excitedly the whole time about how it wasn’t so bad finding this lair. Remembering my manners at long last, I whirled to thank Kravlana. My mouth opened to say the words, but no sound came out.
Kravlana was showing the first sign of emotion I had seen from her this entire trip–and it was sadness. Guilt, even. In a quiet voice that nonetheless carried across the small clearing, she said “I’m sorry,” and melted away down the path.
A rumble shook the ground. No, that’s not correct; allow me to amend. FOUR rumbles shook the ground under our feet…and four enormous, hulking figures burst out of the rocky spires around us into the clearing, grinning hideously. They spaced themselves out in front of us, four across and so, so much bigger the longer we looked at them. I felt a burst of cool blue heat zip over my skin and felt Kaylan’s small hand drop from my elbow as we instinctively sank into our fighting stances–apparently, giants are still working with Takhisis and she told them about us. AWEsome.
Zy immediately loaded up her special acid arrows and with her ability to aim true, sank her first shot deep into the shoulder of the first giant. Whipping out a second arrow, she nocked and let her next shot fly–only for the giant to pluck it straight from the air, leering at her as he crushed it in his bare hand. The dust remnants flew inconsequentially through the air and I felt my mouth go dry as Zy’s panicked eyes found Bo. That’s…not good!
Kaylan’s skin glowed with a blue-tinged radiance that heralded her bolstering strength distribution, and I felt my courage renew as a measure of her gifts flowed into me, Bo, Madlyn, and Zy. She had given a potion to Laina–she was making them on the ship in preparation for just such a time as this. Kaylan then crouched down and from the end of her hand burst the thuggish version of Gerbil Thestral, who immediately went up to the giant Zy had shot and (I believe this is the correct terminology) bitch-slapped him. Laina and Thestral had other plans, clever plans; Laina almost immediately worked to get by the statue, and then the boulder to provoke the giants to aim their rocks at her and break open the boulder! A bold, but very risky move. She is so brave.
The giants swung hard and low for Madlyn, who definitely showed off how much her discipline and practice paid off as she dodged their blows without breaking her focus at all. After trying to smash her with a rock, the nearest giant to her makes a swiping grab but Madlyn deftly dodges that too. I, their next target, was not as lucky. I took a hit from a boulder that would have folded me in half but I felt some of the pain immediately leave my body for Kaylan’s. NO. I hate that she has to do this for me, and I hear a taunting voice in my head that sounds like HERS saying “SEE?? You’re WEAK and you’ll NEVER be able to help them unless you learn my ways of becoming stronger…” I shake my head to rid myself of her voice and somehow manage to dodge the large palm that tried to grab me up too. In shock that I managed it, I look over at Madlyn and give a surprised victory whoop. She also blocked some of the massive blow I took with her shield, putting herself in a momentarily vulnerable position but recovering quickly.
I knew I couldn’t stay in one spot for my friends to be distracted as they tried to protect me, so I slid through the folds of time to exist in another place entirely, 30 feet away from the thick of the battle. I knew I’d be able to wield my spells better out here anyway, and I began the complex movements needed for the slow, crawling tubes of time to engulf the three giants nearest to me. They languidly left my hands and all time slowed as I guided them toward those three monsters nearest me…but to my utter astonishment, they simply batted the tubes away and I couldn’t sustain them anymore. They…dropped. Holy. Hells. My eyes frantically seek Kaylan’s, trying to communicate that my normally very powerful time spell had drastically failed. She nods swiftly, understanding flashing across her blue eyes, when we are both distracted by the war cry from Madlyn. She had taken her sword through a complicated set of maneuvers and with blinding light emanating from both the sword and her very pores, it seemed, she had done some serious damage to the giant closest to her. He staggered, roaring and dazed. Not allowing herself any quarter, she decided to forego her own celebrations and yelled out to rally all of us and my panic ebbed from my bones in wild support of her claims that we were going to be fine!
While I’d been watching Madlyn, another giant had made his way up to me and I looked up just in time to see him raise the largest rock I’d seen yet, heading STRAIGHT for me. I knew the blow would have killed me outright if not for the warding bond, and my heart went straight back to utter despair as I felt half the pain leave me for my sister. NO NO NO I can’t let her be weakened because I can’t defend myself properly, this isn’t right! The ugliest voice floats through my head again: “WEAKLING. She’ll die because of you, your ‘Champion.’ How does that feel?” I screamed, desperate to get her voice out of my head. It was the wrong thing to do, because now Kaylan knew I needed her.
Kaylan desperately tried to wade through the battle to be at my side and although I knew no spell had been cast, I was forced to helplessly watch as time slowed to a barely-there heartbeat’s pace and Kaylan took two more heavy hits on her path to me. With the pain she’d already taken from my shoulders and these fresh blows, she was driven to her knees and I felt another scream gathering in my lungs, ripping holes in my chest in its attempt to get out. NO! Madlyn sees it too and is able to bring Kaylan back to her feet, and as she does Kaylan uses her blue infinity symbols to exude pure healing light to us both. We are back to okay. But I cannot let her be a target, I think they’re targeting me and I need to get as far away from everyone as possible, I have to get out of the way! Zy got thrown by one of the giants and I know I’ll never survive something like that, I hope Kaylan’s prayers to Mishikal saved Zy because we need her. Bo lets out a savage growl when it happens and lands a few heavy blows, decimating a giant to within an inch of its life before finally taking that life. YES BO!
I used the folds of time again to slip another 30 feet away, toward a path through the rocks that leads away from the thick of the battle. Before I disappear down the path though, I manage to strum the vibrating strings of time and set them to a large enough amplitude that the air around 2 of the giants near my friends shatters and does them some harm. GOOD. I turn and run.
The giant who would have killed me without Kaylan’s warding bond sees me at the mouth of the pass I was fleeing toward and chucks another huge rock at me…it catches me and sends me sprawling, gravel and sharp rocks biting into my hands as I absorb (half) of the blow. I snarl and get up, refusing to stop my sprint to relative safety. I hear Laina in the background taunting one of the giants, something about throwing like her cousin. Didn’t she say her cousin won the dwarf-tossing competition of the undermountain? Oops. Nobody tosses a dwarf, indeed.
Like the toll of a death knell, I hear the heavy thud of footsteps that aren’t as fast as mine, but several times the length and I know I’m not going to be able to avoid it. I have a white-hot second to take in a huge gulp of air before a massive hand palms my entire body easily and before I could pick a favorite memory of anyone to focus on, I was weightless and nothing was around my body. My neck whipped to the side from the impact of being thrown–THROWN–by that horrible giant, and a strangled sob escaped me at the knowledge that I probably wouldn’t survive the impact of my landing. I felt the bond with Kaylan strain, then SNAP and I winced flying further, further…closing my eyes, I managed to put the faces of those I love the most in my head, Grandpa Mary front and center as I am likely going to find him, wherever he ended up…THUD. I reach an unexpectedly quick stop and smack into something much more soft and…fleshy? Than I was expecting? And did it also make a grunting sound? What kind of death-y, body-splattering rock was this??
To my complete shock, I rolled over, my mouth moving like a fish to try to grab some air (the impact still took the wind out of me) and saw Zy in a very similar condition to my own. She…she caught me? She saved my life! Try though I might, I couldn’t speak both from the air I didn’t have and the sudden thick feeling in my throat. I inched my hand to her arm and grasped it as firmly as I could in thanks. I now know that our talk on the airship was a good one. She twitched her arm in annoyance, and I realized she thought my strongest grip was a fly or something…yikes, Manon. Yikes. Lift some rocks sometime.
I finally regained my footing and downed two of Kaylan’s delicious strawberry cotton candy potions to bring some vigor back to my broken body. It’s not enough, but it’s a start and I viciously begin to hack away at myself in the air, jumping forward and backward and between the versions of myself that exist now, in the future, in the past–and I create 3 more images of myself that move as I move, just in separate time continuums. Funny story, journal; the giants couldn’t tell the difference between me and the duplicates. I heard Zy laugh maniacally as she took two of the giants out with her acid arrows; I bet they probably regret throwing her this far, she is in her element at a distance. One of my duplicates gets taken out, and I watch Bo finally take down the one that threw me. Madlyn’s blinding flashes of light heralded her mighty blows as well, and I marvel at her unselfishness in battle as she carves deeply into the damage reservoirs of these enemies but does not hoard the killing blow for herself. Deep sounds of cracking rock resonated through the air by Laina; she had managed to get the cavern entrance cleared of the rock and rubble! Kaylan skidded into sight as I finished my last duplicates and hopped off the rock to avoid being a target, looking more relieved than I’ve ever seen her. My heart swelled, and I whispered “not today, Sister. Today is not the day we have to leave each other.”
Green mist enveloped me, and horrified, I looked to Zy but couldn’t see her through the cloud she had made. Suddenly glad I hadn’t indulged in more of that secret recipe stew of hers, I stepped forward quickly out of the fog and aimed one of my studded bananas at the only remaining giant’s hindquarters. Feeling a burst of healing from Kaylan as I faded back into the still-green mist, I clucked in dismay as he crushed my banana like a…well, like a soft banana. But I think it all worked out in the end because then Zy was able to hit him hard, Kaylan’s black-scary-but-powerful energy beam hit him, and Thestral finished him off with a mighty roar and a burst of golden fire.
After our checking-on-each-other-post-battle ritual, and the thanks I can’t communicate with words to Kaylan, we take some deep breaths. Everyone looks around for Kravlana, but no matter how confused our feelings about her might be, the fact that she has disappeared isn’t debatable. More defensively, more warily now, we walk toward what looks like another barrier. We walk straight into it, because it is as solid as the rock around us–but this is why we have Thestral, and it is quick work to join hands and pass through the barrier with him.
As our steps begin to echo in the increasingly hollow cavern, I can feel my blood start to positively hum with excitement. We are going to see a DRAGon, and maybe–
This is the surprise, Journal. This is it. Are you ready?
Where I am writing to you from? It isn’t the lair of a copper dragon.
It’s the lair of TWENTY copper dragons.
The pathway suddenly both dropped off and opened up to a very large space filled with heat and, oddly, feelings of peace and tranquility. In many different shapes and sizes, tails curled around them and heads tucked, opaque eyelids sealed shut and breathing slow, are twenty copper dragons. Did you see what I wrote?? I wrote twenty! Tears sting my eyes and my world goes completely quiet and slow. The awe I feel cannot be belittled by the attempt to put it into words, and for me to say that words aren’t adequate is a VERY big deal. My hands tremble and I clasp them together to stop the shaking, not wanting my body’s betrayal of my deep emotions to ruin the serenity and sanctity of this place. What utter privilege, and I suddenly am so grateful that the people I love the most in this world are here too, experiencing this once-in-a-lifetime thing right alongside me. Because I would have desperately wished for them to know that this feels like–I want everyone in this life to feel as I feel right now at least once. Wow.
As if there weren’t enough to focus upon, there is a male over by a small body of water…fishing? We will address that as well when we know more. We have taken this time to write and to gather ourselves before the next step in the game, which is to waken these sleeping miracles. I hope we survive, but if we don’t? I don’t feel after these moments and emotions that I’ve missed out on a single thing worth having.
Word of the day: pinnacle
The Closest of Calls
If grooves could be worn into a brain from a consistently paced path, my brain would be cut in half at this point. My thoughts are so repetitive, cyclic. The worst part of it is that I can’t come up with an actual answer–why? Why does a GOD deign to continue to follow the activities of our small band, and why does she specifically think that targeting me is even remotely worth her time? If anyone knows how precious time is, it is me. And I don’t think she is spending hers wisely. Not at all. I thought gods were supposed to be smarter than that…honestly, I’d take Madlyn in a battle of strategy over her at this point. Our gods are what we make them, right? If gods are smart, cunning, wise, strong…well, there’s a few people I would take over her at this point. None of whom are actual gods.
YEAH YEAH, shocker, I’m ahead of myself. Let’s backtrack.
With Bo’s stomach officially on the mend and her voracious appetite returned, we gave her a quick rundown of what had occurred while she was out of commission. She checked into Steve’s well-being and it was quite touching to see her bump foreheads with him, safe and secure in their reunion once more. Bo isn’t easy to get to know in some ways, but when you’re in with her, you’ve got a lasting and loyal friendship. I’m so glad she is on our side. Myza seemed a little weird; I saw her talk with Laina on their own, both of them very stiff-shouldered and tense. I was ready to intervene if needed, but nothing seemed to come of it so we all just moved along. Myza better continue to watch herself, Laina has made good friends.
We decided that it was time to head to the air strip that Myza had located. She said that it was way out in the desert under what appeared to be an enormous mountain. We were all pretty skeptical, so I asked for some empirical data supporting our journey out there (so that we weren’t just making the trek for nothing) and Myza said she got the information from a book! My fears were instantly assuaged. Zy took a little more convincing, but eventually we all got on board and mounted our horses for the trip out there.
Before we left, Kaylan made some very financially wise investments under Madlyn’s supervision. I think she is learning so much from Madlyn! I continue to watch their bond deepen with a lot of intentionality on Kaylan’s part, inevitability on Madlyn’s. I mean, maybe I am biased, but my best friend is one of the most secretly strong and beautiful souls I’ve ever known; I know that Madlyn won’t be able to be blind to it forever. I can’t wait! I grow bold in my journaled hopes for those two, but thankfully it’s for my eyes only. ANYway, Kaylan came out of the deal with new studded leather armor and a huge diamond. The armor is because she isn’t QUITE as ready for that heavy plate armor as Madlyn had hoped, and the diamond is because when she casts that spell to breathe life back into someone, it costs dearly. Isn’t that fascinating? Magic costs us not only energy sometimes, but actual physical components. Bananas.
Bo and Zy took to Steve and the rest of us mounted up our own horses to trot off into the desert. I felt pretty guilty keeping the hat that Kaylan had yoinked off of the dead body we found near the terraforming device, but she insists that she got the use she wanted out of it and that it will serve me better now. When I think no one is looking, I use Madlyn’s plate armor to try to make a big muscle with my arm after all this traveling we have done–sadly, my arm continues to just barely respond. Perhaps I should start taking the well-meaning, not-so-subtle hints from the rest of the party about toughening up a little more seriously. Madlyn does continue to offer to train me, and leaving the training sessions private between her and Kaylan doesn’t seem to be getting things any further along with them so…I guess I can join. Someday soon.
Sweat snakes down my back underneath my robes, following the valley of my spinal column and pooling uncomfortably at its base. I shift in the saddle and try to breathe in the hot, acrid air more fully but it just makes my throat more parched. My cheeks have left behind “flushed” for a nice shade of robust red if Madlyn’s plate armor reflection is reliable. Quick peeks at everyone else in the party reveal that no one else is any better off; Bo and Zy’s tongues loll out to match Steve’s, Laina is fanning herself with her non-riding hand, Kaylan is whistling cheerily but missing every 3rd note through her chapped lips, and Madlyn is stoic with perfect posture as per usual, but her hair is damp at the nape of her neck. The only unfazed one is Myza out there in front; does she have a little device to keep her cool?? I think that without this hat I might be dead in a few hours, another notch in the tally of how Kaylan has saved my life.
After what feels like a million years, we approach the bottom of the mountain and something incredible happens. Just like Myza said it would (because she found the information in a book), the mountain sort of shimmers before completely fading away, leaving behind the yawning mouth of a descent into blackness. Peering over the side, I can see about 50ft down but no further. Our little crew theorized a few things to try to penetrate that darkness as Myza, gods damn her, said something along the lines of “Toodles!” and used a little flying device to get swallowed up by that darkness. No amount of yelling after her provoked a response; it may have been because she was too far down and couldn’t hear us, or it may have been because Myza is the inside of a used banana hammock sometimes. Who can say?
ANYway, I cast light on a rock and threw it down to see if we could illuminate what kind of distance we were dealing with to climb down into the hole; the rock was immediately swallowed up by that impenetrable darkness. Drat. While I was busy doing that, Bo was frantically trying to figure out a way that Steve could join the group as we followed Myza…but all ideas were, again, coming up short. Zy decided to try to talk to Steve and see what his wishes were, because she felt that he should return to Tarsis while he still could with the other horses. I couldn’t understand whatever was being said, but the gist of the conversation seems to have been that Steve likes apples, and that Steve loves Bo and wants to stay with her if he can. Bo was ecstatic to find that the devotion was mutual, it was adorable. Finishing up the conversation, Zy got a mildly confused look on her face–abandoning the whickers and the neigh snorts, she turned to the rest of our group and announced that Steve expressed the desire for a horn.
“Oh, awesome!” I exclaimed enthusiastically. In the library of Tarsis, I had performed a little side search for Kaylan in the neverending quest to find a real unicorn. I had read of a foolish little man who had strapped a unicorn horn onto his regular horse and proudly trotted him through town. He had ignored all the laughter of his fellow townsfolk as the jaunty angle of his horse’s tail told him how proud the horse was to wield such an honorable adornment. The story didn’t have much to say after that, only that the man and his horse had an unparalleled bond until they both passed away together in a cataclysmic lightning storm, by which point the little man had actually made a horn for himself as well (seeing how much his horse had enjoyed the experience). Eager to help Steve reach this goal for himself, I happily said, “We can get Steve a strap-on!”
Welp. Journal, first one giggle-snort escaped Kaylan. Then, a nervous chuckle slipped out of Laina. Bo and Zy’s faces turned even more red if that was possible in this desert heat, and as my own words hit me like a blow to the chest, I cleared my throat uncomfortably. “OH, I mean, that is to say, like a HORN, that you can strap to his HEAD…” Howling laughter erupted from everyone in our small band, their undignified hoots ringing across the open desert sand to get swallowed up by the scorching heat. My face burning with clearly more than heat, I took a leaf out of that little man’s book and held my head high, refusing to be more embarrassed than I already couldn’t help. They didn’t even give me a CHANCE to explain that the horn could be multi-functional, penetrating enemy lines and moving in and out of combat like…okay, maybe it’s best that I suffered in proud silence.
ANYway, after that it was a matter of strategy. We quickly decided to tie ropes to the horses and lower ourselves down, climbing as best we could the whole way. Madlyn gripped my intelligence-laced arm and grimaced. Her eyes shifting to a faraway look for a moment, she appeared to be concentrating when I felt the rush of something…strong? Was I strong? I’d never felt this way before, so it HAD to be that she had imbued me with some kind of strength. “Thanks!” I gasped. “Don’t thank me for making sure our weakest link is a little stronger,” she replied. “Really, join us for training, okay?” I dipped my head humbly. She’s right, as per usual. I saw Kaylan whispering something quietly with her small palm extended toward me and I feel our connection hum stronger again. I hope when she does this, it isn’t depleting her. I need her alive and well.
Turning away from the heartbreaking scene that was Bo ultimately realizing she couldn’t bring Steve with her, we allowed her a moment with him. I heard her tell him to go back to town if we didn’t return, and a shiver ran down my spine. I guess that’s a possibility, isn’t it? As always. We tied together all the horses but Steve for leverage. I grinned with the new bliss of strong, unwavering muscles. It was fanTASTic; almost as good as a great book find! We only had one section of the descent that was a little awkward, when we tried to swing from one ledge to another; it wasn’t pretty, but then again, neither is our namesake. Booty tree, we salute you. The important thing was that we made it down all in one piece. With one more wistful look back up toward Steve, I watched Bo resolutely square her shoulders; I nodded to her, hoping to share some of the strength Madlyn gave me in solidarity. We turned as a group to what lay before us.
The darkness had completely disintegrated as we went through it, clearly just another mirage intended to throw off any interested pursuing parties. It has to have been old vestiges of magic, though; looking across the field now, it’s clear that no one has been here in ages. There are 10’s of hundreds of what look like smashed airships littering the field after the clearing right in front of us. It looks as though they were suspended in midair, then dropped like a child drops an acorn into the bathwater (minus the soft landing). They had all shattered on the ground into unusable smithereens, excepting one at the clear other end of the field. There, about 300ft away, a tower rose up and on some scaffolding sat a ship that had clearly been mid-construction when its builders were forced to abandon it (or died, gulp). Some metallic clinks and wooden thunks echoing very softly across the field told us that we had, for better or worse, probably located Myza. I sneaked a glance over at Laina, whose disgust that Myza’s paraglider hadn’t malfunctioned enough to cause an “accident” was nearly comical. Nearly. Suppressing a smile, I joined the rest of the crew as we chattered about making our way toward where Myza was. My heart sank at the sight of all those steps; I hoped Madlyn’s spell would still be intact when we got across the field.
We took our first couple steps…and time did that thing. The thing where all of it seems to snag on something, to catch or to stutter–because something was very, very wrong. The magic in my blood began to swim, my fingertips prickling with an ache for release–but where? Why? I felt Kaylan react to the same energy almost unconsciously, felt her hand on my shoulder and felt that sisterly bond between us grow strong and unbreakable again.
There.
There she was. Just like that. Takhisis.
Shadows curled in the air around her, roiling and folding inward on themselves almost like folds of time as she took up all the space and all the air around us. “Well well well!” She purred.
Before anyone else even had a chance to react to her presence, Zy nocked and loosed an acid arrow with the aim we have come to know only as true. My heart jumped to my throat as it winged silently toward Takhisis with impossible speed and deadly accuracy–only to pass straight through her. She was a shadow, nothing more. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised that a literal god didn’t have the time to come in person to…to what? Talk with us? Try to recruit…me? Why? I’m ahead of myself, but my thoughts from this point on were very confused. You’ll see, journal.
Panic flooded my veins when Zy screamed her frustration and tried to nock another arrow–I flung my arms out as the group seemed to collectively hunch into fighting stances, following her and now Bo’s menacing leads. “WAIT,” I breathe. “We canNOT fight her, we aren’t strong enough yet. We have to try to talk our way out of this first.” Zy and Bo look at me incredulously, but slowly lower their weapons along with everyone else; maybe they understood in that moment the futility of fighting a shadow, I don’t know.
I cleared my dry throat once, twice. “Hello,” I called out, in what I hoped was a confident and bored voice but was probably more like a panicked squeak. “What is it that you want from us? We are doing you no harm, intending only to pass through this field. Let us through.” To my dismay and unsettlement, her eyes flared wide at the sound of my voice and darkened as she honed in on…me. “Oh yes, finally. Miss Sinclair, is it? Or do you prefer to go by Manon?” My fear was instantly replaced by seething rage, hearing the names both carried by my family and given by my parents on this abomination’s lips. “Miss, you can call me,” I ground out. “Miss Sinclair, or Manon?” She asked again with a little more bite. I didn’t back down. “MISS.”
She sneered at me. “Miss Sinclair, then. I want to pass on my condolences to you for your grandfather’s death–” at this, my rage caused some hissing and sputtering words to spew out of my mouth but she simply spoke louder over them– “BUT most importantly, I wanted to make you an offer I’m sure you’ll be very interested in. I want you to come with me. I know you’ve been gathering power but you have so much more potential, Manon; won’t you come and work with me? Continue the work of your grandfather, as it were?”
Before I could even compose a reply to this disgusting offer through my white-hot anger, my entire group rallied and began yelling about how I could NEVer go with someone who had caused such pain and destruction in this world because I was GOOD. She, clearly, had no idea who I was, they said. My heart swelled with a surge of familiar love for these bravely stupid fools I found myself alongside; we are all so very, very courageously dead meat. I couldn’t have been happier to stand where I stood in that moment, despite the clear peril and idiocy of challenging someone so much more powerful than we are.
I watched Takhisis closely, and her nostrils widened ever so slightly with what looked like impatience before her honeyed voice won out and she said “But ladies, ladies! I’ve never done anything like what the gods you claim to love and follow have done…I’ve never, say, killed masses of people on nothing more than a whim. I’ve never (and this is just an off-handed example) thrown an entire mountain at a group of people, killing hundreds of tens of thousands of people all at once and ripping the fabric of the world in two…have you ever actually even SEEN me kill anyone?” She addressed the questions of the group around me, but her hot gaze never left my face.
Indignation rose like an out of control tide within me as I thought on her words carefully. What a manipulation of facts, but I guess she wasn’t wrong in some ways…how could I make her understand what we understood so fundamentally about her? Kaylan’s earnest eyes saw my brain whirring, and when she saw that Takhisis was clearly targeting me, she began to whisper to me that I couldn’t let her win, that Grandpa Mary had left me with one important message only and that was to be better than he was. Everyone else began to murmur their support as well and my bravery was suddenly at its full capacity as I took strength from their earnest gazes, straightened, pulled in a deep breath, and said, “What you are saying is TECHnically true. But. What about the influence you wield? If the people who worship you and follow your teachings, the people who allow themselves to be swayed by you and your candied poison words, are killing for you and your cause…have you not indirectly caused the suffering and pain of far more than anyone else in this world? The other gods would not have imprisoned you for a thousand years had there not been a good reason.”
The energy in the air shifted and her impatience with our lack of compliance sharpened her next words. “But I’ve never just destroyed at will, without cause, on nothing more than a WHIM like Paladine.” The charm of her earlier argument was, thankfully, a little soured by the whiny tone of comparing herself to her clearly more popular brother. Outraged and unable to hold it in anymore, Bo and Zy yelled out in unison “WHAT ABOUT HECKLE?” Takhisis didn’t even flick a glance their way, keeping her eyes on me. “Well,” she said reluctantly, “you might have me there a little bit, I guess.” Triumphant at her admission, I barked “YES, and furthermore, we are quite young and must go off of our lived experiences, Takhisis. And frankly,--”
Ah time, you beautiful savage.
One second, we were making what felt like headway in our argument with Takhisis. The next, she had grown what felt like 10 times her original apparition’s size and took up all the air in the world as she screamed “ENOUGH! I came here with a VERY generous offer, to teach Manon how to be the most powerful wizard of her time and to enhance her gifts so that she could be known as the most powerful archmage of her time, JUST like her grandfather!!! If you choose, MISS Sinclair, to refuse my very kind offer?” A smile of purest evil stretched her blood red lips across her sharp white teeth. “Let’s see how you all…hold up, against just a little taste of what’s coming your way, shall we?”
She laughed and waved a hand in the air, pointing into the distance at some fast-growing specks that seemed to be flying rapidly toward us…we squinted, but didn’t have to wait long to see that it was 4 small dragon-like creatures (dragonelles, according to the book Grandpa Mary gave me), with 4 riders clad in plate mail atop them. Molten steel settled into my blood, anchoring me even as it buzzed for sweet unleashing upon my enemies. I tasted what I now know was bloodlust, maybe for the first time as I whipped my furious gaze back to Takhisis’ face as she sing-songed at me, “You may stop this at any time, dear!” and settled back comfortably on her perch to watch the festivities.
We quickly fanned out to give each other space. I watched Zy anchor her back foot in the dirt and grin; she and her bow were made for battles such as these, in the air. Bo gripped her axe desperately swinging her great head around, looking for any way to get into the air to attack this new threat; Madlyn coolly assessed the battleground for any strategic weaknesses, Kaylan began to channel her blue energy and position herself to the best advantage to help me and the rest of our squad, I shook my little book out of my sleeve and raised my other arm as my fingertips wove between the fabrics of time in front of me and Laina…Laina roared as they leveled their first attacks upon her.
They were absolutely vicious as they leveled their swings at her repeatedly both from dragon claw and from rider. She held her own the best she could, but dragonelles and their riders hit hard and she looked an absolute wreck after a few passes from the bastards as they targeted her, one by one. Takhisis cackled as each new attack left another bloody furrow in Laina’s body, yelling to me “Remember, you can end this ANY time Miss Sinclair!” I gritted my teeth as we focused on the battle at hand. I loosed a tube of slow time to snake around 2 dragonelles and their riders, capturing one of each as my magic snaked around their bodies and dragged them into the previous 3 seconds repeatedly. I flipped Takhisis the bird as I did this, running 30ft away from Laina to try to distract the squad but they just. Kept. Going. For. Her.
I despaired for a moment for her on the last blow as she dropped to one knee. Bo had tried to knock the rider from the dragon’s back and maybe even take his place, as had Madlyn? I’m so proud of these brave warriors I fight with, they’re incredible. Zy had made some devastating shots and one of the dragons’ blood was streaming behind it in a ribbon of success for us, but it wasn’t enough, Laina was still so hurt–and then, from the corner of my eye, I felt a blue flash of purpose. It was too bright and I had to close my eyes as the impression of a hundred blazing blue infinity symbols burned their impression on my eyelids, but I felt what I can only describe as healing LIGHT slip through the air and bolster Laina back to her feet. With a wild whoop, I watched Kaylan drift back to the ground, still pulsing with her blue light with her staff. Thestral, who had taken wing to attack one of the riders, roared his delight and support of Kaylan and resumed his attacks on the rider he was targeting.
Daring a glance over at Takhisis, my stomach sank as I saw that she was unperturbed by our battle successes as she signaled to the riders and they appeared to change tack. She stared me straight down as she said softly “Let’s see how my champions do against another…will you really let them die for you, Manon? Come with me, and this is all over.” I watched Kaylan shield herself during the attacks and leveled a stare back at Takhisis, saying the words embedded into my heart, the words I’d never been more sure of–”Let’s see how you do against MY champion. She’s MY champion.” And I turned back and in my fury that she was going after my best friend, I felt my magic push against the boundaries of my skin, stretching it tight, begging to be used used used. Recalling the information I’d come across in the Library of Tarsis, I pulled out the special banana artillery I’d been working on for the past few weeks and pulled into my reserves of magic to slip them through the pockets of time to slam into the nearest dragons as hard as they could, surrounding and crushing it. I pulled on my own reserves…then pushed beyond them in my rage as Kaylan took a hit.
It felt right, it felt like my rage finally had no boundaries, like my body was finally reaching its fullest potential as I released my fury–until it didn’t.
I couldn’t let go of the threads.
I couldn’t release the magic.
Time began to pull at my middle, push me forward in an accelerated–accelerated death?? Is that what’s happening? I looked down in astonishment to see small pieces of my ACTUAL body beginning to splinter off and float away from me, magic weaving between me and these pieces I was losing as though it were separating the very molecules holding me together with an immense burning pressure. The heat and the speed increased to an almost unbearable level when, suddenly, I found the thread and managed to sever it. I pulled in a massive breath I’d been holding and watched the pieces of myself I’d almost lost slam back into me. Maybe…battle ISN’T the best place to try new things first. ANYway. Distantly, I heard Takhisis…laughing?? And egging me on…definitely not a good move.
Kaylan was down, down on her knees now and looking terrible. The dragonelle riot was turning on Zy now, probably because of the insane amounts of damage she was doing. The ringing in my ears since trying that escalated spell rang louder and louder and my panic began to flood me, tides rising as thoughts and contingency plans chased themselves around and around in my head. Takhisis…might have a point?? If I can’t even use the one thing in the Library of Tarsis that promised to make me more powerful, what chance do we even stand against the massive tides of this order threatening to pin us down and put us to their will? What secrets could she share with me to make it so that I can protect more, protect us all? Tears fill my eyes as I watch Madlyn hold a fading Kaylan, her friendship bracelet peeking out of the end of her armor. She mouthed something about not being able to lose her first friend and I choked on a sob, knowing that losing Kaylan was something none of us could stand but maybe me least of all, holding her full story as I do close to my heart. Madlyn wielded her sword on the now earthbound soldiers (we brought down 2 dragonelles) and wielded her considerable healing powers on Kaylan, to my feverish relief. I guess their training sessions are working both ways; Madlyn has some really good healing powers too. Zy takes a few hits, but her anger carries her through and Kaylan’s new strength from Madlyn allows her to provide even more healing. What a champion. As the dragons wheel around for yet another attack, I find myself considering Takhisis’ offer more and more, unable to watch my friends die, unable to watch them hurt for what seems to be only my sake anymore–for when Zy yelled out that one of her arrows was for Heckle, Takhisis said “I don’t even know your name.” She isn’t here for them, this isn’t their fault, I can’t let them die for me or sacrifice for me, I’m going to give myself to her–
Just as I take a ragged step forward to stop this…Takhisis seems to grow bored. She signals one final time to her remaining two dragonelles and riders (who, satisfactorily, look pretty wounded) and they all…disappear.
Shaking, I close my eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Let time resettle back to its original form, let everything stop being so imminent, no one is dead and no one is dying thanks to Kaylan and Madlyn. You don’t have to go with her, you don’t have to give in…yet. You don’t get to learn the secrets of greater power to protect them all more effectively. Maybe, you failed; maybe, you’re doing better than he did. You just. Don’t. Know Manon. You don’t.
I open my eyes to the normal post-battle tableau, the sisters of my heart all checking on one another and embracing to feel the life we still get to live in our blood after nearly dying.
Now, to make a long story much shorter, I’m sitting here on the edge of a now-working airship. Myza, for all her flaws in the not-showing-up-to-fight-with-us-ever department, DID manage to get this airship going and we are all safely aboard. I sure hope Steve got back safely, but I think the rest of our horses are probably cactus food. Good thing we didn’t name the poor dears. I probably should be sleeping, but I can’t. Sitting here with my legs recklessly dangling over the side of this ship, watching the world drift by underneath us in starlit quiet…I need this. To reflect on how closely I almost ended up in a very different place, to how closely I almost lost my friends again, to what kind of person I need to be in this world that has changed so drastically and continues to change, to what kind of friend can’t even protect her people the way they do her. The futures I see for them that sometimes come true. The futures I see for them that I hope will never come to pass, that I trap in my time balls.
Grandpa Mary, in one of his brief moments of lucidity, said something to me as I was in the middle of what then was a “really bad day.” I’d been having a problem with a local girl and was talking about how much I wished I could live in isolation where no one could hurt or be hurt by me, how much easier that would be. It feels important, now. He said with actual grandfatherly gravity that contrary to what I currently felt, isolation could never be the answer…he said that the only thing that makes life worth living is the people for whom you live that life. The people who shape your life, add its color, pull the threads of time for you so that it all makes sense. The people who have opened all of it up to you, even their flaws, and have seen all of yours–and still choose to hold your hand and believe in your value. “There is nothing more transcendent, sweet Manon, than that.” He smiled warmly at my startled wide eyes and thumbed a tear off my stunned cheek. I wonderingly put both of my hands on his scruffy cheeks. “Grandpa Mary?” I asked cautiously…and just like that, shutters pulled swiftly down over his eyes again and he blew a raspberry into my left palm, cackling as he began to sing “The weather is like a feather and whether you like it or not, it’s going to POT” as he put his foot into my best cooking pot and began to dance a conga in our living room.
I smile and give a watery chuckle to the night, brushing away my own tear as it sneaks down my face.
So, resolutely, I re-devote myself to this sisterhood. To Kaylan, my best friend and sister of my heart, Mishikal’s chosen of whom I am the most proud, a champion in her own right. To Madlyn, a hero in flesh among us, for whom I’ve got a special spot reserved at the table when all of this is over–right next to Kaylan. To Laina, with her confusing past and ready steady laughter and strength we’ve learned to lean on–and her critters; my very favorite dwarf. To Zy, wielder of arrows and holder of grief as she pursues one-minded vengeance in a way it seems like maybe her mom would be proud of. And to Bo, the ever more thoughtful horsemaster axe general who is even making room in her heart for bacon stealers, champion of the red rage and the secret heartfelt moments. I whisper their names to the deepening dark and thank all the gods we believe in that I did not have to leave them, and that we all remain protected.
Oh. I guess Myza, too. But she wouldn’t want it.
Word of the day: rumination.
Terratastic Transformations
I’m writing from the protection of a very strange place. It’s what I kind of love about our lives now; our days begin very differently than they end, and we just never know where we are going to be from one nightfall to the next. It’s the kind of excitement that I used to dream about back in Lemish in our tower full of bananas and shenanigans. It DOES look just a little bit different in real life than it does in those daydreams, of course…I’m a lot less suave than I believed myself to be, or told myself I was. In fact, I’ve made a muddle of things even here and got propositioned to join a 3-some by some of our hosts because of some questions that were purely scientific in nature, but must have come across another way. Apparently I’m giving off an aura I really just don’t intend, sometimes. Or maybe, I’m just too nosy and people try to shock me out of requiring an answer? Yeah, that’s got to be it. Because otherwise the option is to be less enticing and I don’t think I could possibly manage that, my natural personality has always been enough to shut down romantic inquiries in the past. I mean, the only reason I know about what a 3-some might be is that I was misdirected in the library to a plush red room…nope, journal, I can’t even go there with you. Sorry. You can’t unring the knowledge bell, but that doesn’t mean you have to signal others with it.
ANYway.
We got back from our adventure in the Library of Tarsis (fingers tremble as I even write that out) and found ourselves back in a very dry, arid Tarsis. I don’t know why we assumed things would look different when we returned, but naively I think we did. I know for myself that my entire brain feels brand new. I have acquired knowledge I did not even know I yearned for, seen things I never dreamed I would have the privilege of being part of. I keep looking over at Kaylan and grinning, happier than I have been in a long time. She shares my happiness like she shares all the things we experience together. It makes the experience all the richer, knowing that she is also feeling this way. Bo looks a little green, though. Laina, Madlyn, and Zy seem all the more determined to press on to our next mission as per usual and Myza? Well, Myza is her normal, busybody, inventively flippant self.
Through the glow of happiness, though, I do see that Kaylan has a grain of trouble in her heart and in her demeanor. Something is bothering her. I begin to come down from my “book high” and tune in to what she is watching and become aware of our surroundings. Everywhere, people are walking more slowly, shuffling their feet over the dust-covered streets. Things look almost brittle, and the sun is unrelenting as it beats down on us from overhead. The night was warm, but this is nigh on unbearable in its intensity and it feels like there’s an ambient sound that is just missing. Curiously, I look back over at Kaylan, who is gazing at a family who is wandering around with empty bowls and pitchers…and suddenly it hits me like the most obvious clap of thunder. These people don’t have a basic need at the ready–they don’t have WATer.
Everyone seems to become aware of the situation all at once, and Myza reluctantly agrees to uphold her promise to help us with terraforming the landscape. Gruff as she is, I think the sight of the people around us with cracked lips and dusty throats softened her. I’ll never tell anyone that though, least of all Laina, who is still shooting dagger eyes at her for the way she has been behaving when the bananas hit the fan.
With Madlyn leading the discussion and subsequently parley-ing with the innkeeper to figure out where we need to go to find a lead for the famed terraforming device, we were able to hit the road again with good speed. Well, almost all of us; Bo’s aversion to books appears to be more than psychological and after a whispered discussion with my healing friend, it seems that the only thing that will assist her iron stomach is to turn it inside out today for purification. Close to the outhouse, she shall remain! I remember hoping that we wouldn’t run into any danger out there without her.
She graciously allows us to take Steve, Madlyn has her horse, and we rustle up a few other trusty steeds to get out to where the group known as RTS resides. They’re the ones with the most knowledge about how we can maybe figure out the terraforming device.
We have never known heat like this before, and it shows. Bright red, flushed cheeks characterize us all as we slump further and further down in our saddles, except for Madlyn of course. She maintains a ramrod posture, because of all her discipline. I peek worriedly at Kaylan now and again; that heavy plate armor has to be hotter than anything. She seems to be hanging on to consciousness for now, though.
We arrive after what feels like a trip through purgatory itself and find ourselves in a makeshift camp of sorts, in an abandoned-type building. It was fascinating upon first arrival, so many different kinds of people here with a common goal who were obviously used to bunking up and making camp together after their various missions. We just kind of sat on our horses in the midst of the whirl for a moment, watching them busily going about their business. As my eyes swept across the scene, I took in another dwarf (pardon my French but oh, shit), a tall and broad-shouldered gray boulderish man, a hobgoblin, a red-robed wizard (OH MY GOSH) and…and a vastly expansive, tall blue woman with–no. I rubbed my eyes, sure that the hallucinatory effects of the hot desert were setting in and I was experiencing the mirages that appear just aft to death. Stealing a glance at my companions, though, I saw that everyone was looking a little slack-jawed at the authoritative presence with…with her hair a literal living flame.
Oh dear, and she’s stripping. I can actually FEEL Kaylan’s jaw drop next to me and feel a pang of amusement when Madlyn elbows her to pull herself together.
Almost unable to decide where to turn first, I screeched out to the red-robed wizard first! We had the most delightful conversation and I think I’m getting so much better at small talk, it’s a real relief. She didn’t seem to think I was strange at all! She left pretty suddenly at the end of our discussion, but that’s probably normal for desert culture and it wasn’t before we had exchanged some magical knowledge. She mentioned something about my white robes indicating that perhaps I’m not long for this world, but I’m definitely going to ignore that because my nightmares are vivid enough considering losing my friends–I don’t want them to have to watch me die, either. Especially Kaylan, I can’t ask her to lose someone else.
Then, we got to meet Galnu, the leader of the gang. Journal, this is where my thoughtlessness again got the best of me and I couldn’t HELP my scientific curiosity, I HAD to ask to smell her hair and wouldn’t you just know it–it smelled like actual SOOT I tell you! How crazy is that?? I was blown away and came away from smelling it with a big smile on my face. I then had to know what kind of accommodations they had made for her gigantic frame, wondering if she had a special bed she slept in and special chairs and…but as before stated, it got weird. She offered to allow me into the bed she shared with the Boulder Man, with him AND herself. I blushed wildly and lost all the words in my head except for the very flattering “uuuuhhhh” vocalization. She lost patience waiting for my answer and asked us to go on a mission down a drain, I think. I’m going to push this memory into the deepest, darkest corners of my body and shut the door with the label “most embarrassing moments” affixed.
We dutifully took on the job to garner trust and support from the crew, and down the pipe we went. Laina led the way, and I actually didn’t even see Zy after awhile…Kaylan and I exchanged worried glances until suddenly, she popped back up again!! It was amazing! Apparently she learned some shadow mommy voodoo in the library (that’s what she called it when I asked her about it, anyway).
Laina peeked into a little side pipe, which turned out to be a very good thing because it led to this crazy control room!!! Myza immediately began turning knobs and dials with layers of dust inches thick upon them. Knowing our luck, it’s a self-destruct button or a booby trap. Did I forget to mention that she called the dwarf up there a “goat fucker?” apparently, they have a history.
A body was the next thing that was clearly a problem in this room…it was dead and had been so for a long time, I guess. I looked over to check on Kaylan before examining it more closely. She had a fanatical, fantastical gleam in her eyes that I couldn’t understand the origin of until I realized she was salivating after the hat she adroitly plucked off the body and help up triumphantly. It must have been a powerful fantasy for her to forget the body for a moment, but I’m happy something was able to transport her so fully.
Looking more closely at the body, I saw that the likely cause of death were green-tinged holes that appear to be punched through some vital portions of it. Swallowing hard and touching my neck reflexively for a moment, I dismissed my shudder of trepidation as we further examined the room. Myza let out an impatient noise at our fellow inspection of the room (I believe we were in her Highness’s way), which gave way to a triumphant “HA!” She pushed a button that revealed a doorway leading out of the room.
We decided to investigate this room; Myza, to no one’s surprise, decided to remain behind to tinker with the apparatus.
We cautiously made our way down the hallway into a darkened room. Zy shot Bo a sly smile and slipped into the shadows to disappear, maybe because she could; I felt a small burst of blue heat in my body and turned to look quizzically at Kaylan, who shrugged ruefully. I love her protection magic, she is invaluable for more than that but I always feel so honored to be paired with her in this way.
No sooner did the thoughts in my head about this “empty” room start to become bored, when a shudder rippled through it. Hissing, clicking, awakening–our nightmare, reimagined and displaced to this small room with, as it turns out, lots of eggs around us. A few massive scorpions and their horde of babies turned ominously to face us and began to scuttle their way towards us.
I don’t want to say that this time, things were “easy,” BUT I WILL say that I think we were far better prepared and not being yeeted into a whirlpool of quicksand. That makes a difference, as it turns out. Zy, Madlyn, Kaylan, Laina and I made quick work of the squad. I tried out a new thing from the scrolls I had squirreled away into my book, a mote of fire that blossomed into an inferno and engulfed everything within it. COOL!!! Time magic isn’t the only thing that makes my blood simmer, as it turns out.
This area seems like it could remain dangerous, so at the end of the battle as everyone was doing the normal check-ins, I shook out my little book and let the magic tingle at my fingertips as I planted a warning at the entrance, to be triggered when anyone entered the room, regarding the possibility that scorpionic death may await the unwary and untrained. It will live there for as long as necessary to protect people.
Returning to the room with all the gadgets, we came upon a one-eyed Myza and a frog–what happened here?? The frog reconciled back into a VERY disgruntled Laina. Oh, dear. A part of my heart warmed to know that at least Laina had gotten SOME of her aggression out, if Myza’s rapidly swelling and already purple eye was to tell an honest tale.
I tried to help, but my knowledge is not of the mechanical type like Myza’s is, so the credit belongs totally to her as she got the machine working–and suddenly, water filled the pipes we had come down in?? We thought we were trapped until it became clear that some sort of small avalanche/mudslide had occurred in the scorpion room, leaving a hole to the bare sky open. We all eagerly rushed that way, Myza using a little flying contraption to float herself easily out of there. Everyone else climbed doggedly out as well…I gulped, looking at the slippery hand and footholds and looking forlornly at my tiny biceps yet again (I really MUST start training with Madlyn, I’m quite the liability). To buy myself time, I ran back to the control room to tinker with the gadgets and tweak them one last time, as it was pretty cold out there in addition to rainy; we wouldn’t want to shock the climate of Tarsis too badly right off the bat! For it turns out that Myza had somehow gotten the terraforming machine to work and the city was saved.
After my undoubtedly monumental and most helpful adjustments to the control panel, I marched proudly down the hallway and looked up out of the circle at the ring of my friends’ heads peering over the edge to see if I was coming–and promptly got nailed on the forehead with a large piece of hail. Perfect, there went my memories of Grandpa Mary from last October. It’s fine, that was a crappy month anyway.
I climbed out with grace and aplomb…okay I can’t lie, it was a real mess but Madlyn helped coach me through it, and we slogged back through the rain to the building where the RTS group was. They were somewhat grateful for the help, but Galnu was very skeptical about the help we had provided and forced us to stay until the rain was to stop. Thankfully, according to Myza, that was a mere 24 hours away so we hunkered down–me as far away from Galnu initially as possible, to avoid any “misunderstandings,” so to speak. A few of us did get to meet the large boulder man, who goes by Kravlan. He was so nice, even though he called us something I am not sure was entirely complimentary–lowlanders? I didn’t take offense to it, his gruffness actually reminded me a little of Grandpa Mary and I found myself endeared warmly to him. His food was absolutely delicious as well, and I was proud to see Laina able to hold her own in a conversation with him about their shared cooking passion.
Kaylan and I decided to have some more discussions with Galnu as well. Kaylan was so kind to her and asked so many insightful questions. I always think I’ve reached the peak of how proud I am of her, but then she surprises me and grows even more. Mishikal, as I have stated many times, could not have chosen better. After Kaylan drifted away, I stayed behind to try to talk with her about changing the world. She has chosen a very neutral stance, which surprises me for as fiery as someone of her character seems to be…her and Madlyn, who is nothing but decisive and of course has chosen a very clear side in this war, butted heads a little intensely during some of our debating, but Galnu ultimately maintained her stance. She did not wish to fight against her kin, and she felt that her highest calling in this world was the protection and support of Tarsis. I didn’t say this to her because the sting of disappointment–maybe a little rejection?--was too sharp and fresh, but I think Tarsis is quite fortunate to have someone like her looking out for them, watching their backs.
Journal, I grow weary. The rain has ceased as promised, and we are taking our leave of our new friends soon–I will rest now, and let the bickering between Myza and her (as it turns out) relation lull me to a short rest. Then, we leave to find Bo; I would be lying if I said it didn’t feel a little like a misstep not having her with us, like a vital piece of us was gone and our orchestra was mildly out of sync. It will be good to have her and her new stomach back with us.
Word of the day: deluge
The Upgraded Standard
I was wrong to ever wish to be that bland, boring, normal girl. Tonight, I’m still vibrating with an inward hum of LIFE, time, whatever you want to call it. I’ve drunk deeply from the cup and nothing will ever be the same, ever again. When I think I’ve seen the most wondrous thing in the world, I quickly learn that my naivete is showing and that I couldn’t be more wrong! That’s been a point of reflection lately; I always thought, back in Lemish, that I had absorbed all possible knowledge because I read every book in that library, some of them twice! I thought, “What else could there possibly be to know? I have all the answers.” But now, well. Now. I know a brand new truth. I know that the more I learn, the more I realize I can NEVER have all the answers. All we can ever hope to have is the ingenuity to see the new truths with clarity. Like time, truth seems to be malleable, shapeable in some things and absolutely ironclad, permanent in others.
Why can’t I ever just settle into a story from the beginning? What kind of philosophy whittles away all the useful space in my brain? It’s a good thing this journal is only for my eyes, and not for my future biographer or something crazy like that. In fact, I’ve learned that maybe I don’t want my name recorded in any of my beloved books…I don’t want my future children or grandchildren to see my name coldly like that, without motivational story backgrounds or the human conflict that mars every “clear” choice. Fact is different from hearsay, which is different from anecdote, which can make all the difference to the context of a fact.
Okay okay okay, ANYway. Let me go back and, with my traitorous heart, tell you about the best day of my life. Grandpa Mary, Thersha–as always, I beg your pardon for having days such as these without you, but I honor you with the living of my life.
Not to confuse matters, but the day did begin very poorly. Very poorly, indeed. We quickly found out where to go in Tarsis to potentially “dig” for the ruins of the Great Library (I will never not capitalize and respect this place, knowing what I know now). We napped all day so that we could go at night; deserts are hot and dry, sand blowing everywhere! Not to be indelicate, journal, but since this is for my eyes only–I will add that sand does NOT belong in some of the places it lodged with gritty resilience. Ick. That’s one of those ironclad truths. ANYway, Myza had a really good inclination on where to dig. Not everyone was happy about following her lead, but unfortunately I think she has the best information about this potential area so we fell in line behind her and trekked out to the open desert, just a bit outside of where the town seemed to stop.
For one reason or another, my training sessions with Madlyn seem to keep getting pushed out to another day; I think it’s more important that she trains Kaylan and Thestral, and she and Laina seem to have gotten into a friendly/competitive groove during the long trip here. I think I’ve been very respectful of their budding relationships by not encroaching upon their time for my own selfish needs. In addition and unrelated, training looks hard, and maybe my mind exercises are enough for now. All of this to say that when we got to the digging site, my ability to wield a shovel was deemed more nuisance than help so I was given the task of casting “light” so everyone could see what they were doing. You know what Grandpa Mary used to say, any task worth doing is worth doing from underneath a layer of water.
Bo and Madlyn quickly got into a shoveling competition, Laina quietly doubling their output next to them. Zy, Myza, and Kaylan were steadily digging (well, between poor Kaylan’s attempts at shifting around to make digging in her armor more comfortable. Madlyn’s heroism can be a heavy burden to her trainees; I hope Kaylan doesn’t lose her own spectacular brand of heroism). I held the light and mentally went through some of my more complicated spells, trying to push and pull at some different time threads to make the work they were doing perceived as “faster.” With all of us lost in our tasks, the first subtle shudder of the earth beneath the sand was *almost* imperceptible. The grunts and “piffing” sound of sand hitting sand went uninterrupted as I slowly turned around, squinting into the darkness with dread. “Um…guys? I think I felt something.”
Bless them for the trust; everyone stopped immediately to see if they could sense anything too. Bo paused for a brave 4.5 seconds before loosing a whooping taunt at Madlyn and digging back in with renewed vigor. Kaylan shrugged at me as she and everyone else turned back to digging as well. I braided my hair slowly, trying to feel the pleats running through my fingers as a tactile soother to the prickle on the back of my neck warning me of danger…DANGER!
As always with a shocking moment, I remember everything for exactly one moment and then nothing for a while. One moment, the sound of everyone’s heavy breathing and the metallic slide of shovel on sand was the only noise; the next, an explosion of sound rocked the world as a massive armored scorpion segmentally erupted from the sand just behind me. A scream died in my throat as I noticed the absurd sound of a thousand tiny grains of sand showering through the chinks in its natural armor, shifting and glittering back to the desert ground until time caught back up in a flash and I was IN the scorpion’s PINCER! It bludgeoned me brutally with its tail and tried to sting me before tossing me like a rag doll high into the air, up and over my digging, open-mouthed sisters and into a swirling whirlpool of newly-present quicksand. Dazed, I only had the presence of mind to twist while in the air so I didn’t land headfirst on the hard-packed sand before realizing that the slithering hiss I was hearing was quicksand–and maybe the other massive scorpion and all their horrid scorpion babies scuttling up onto the sand had something to do with the sound too.
The battle was absolute chaos. We were hampered by what I guess might be normal-sized scorpions underfoot while the BIG mamas and papas wreaked havoc on us, tossing us around like it was nothing. I think maybe I’m getting better at getting hit, because it sure did happen a lot more often in this battle. After landing in the quicksand, I stepped through some time folds to get clear of it while I regathered my wits and furiously gathered a tube of slowness–I remember thinking that the speed of these creatures was one of the most terrifying things about them, and if I could only slow them down, it would all be okay. Everything around me ground to a near halt as a tube of slow time crawled out of my hands and lazily wove through the enemies to target the bastard who threw me in the beginning, and I watched in fascination as the tube expanded with tantalizing patience over his whole body and engulfed him. Snapping back to reality, I watched Bo and Madlyn take him down with EASE while he remained in that time molasses. HA, I thought! Only ONE MOR—
I wonder what happens to all the carcasses of the words that die in my throat, never to make it out of there.
More giant scorpions burst maniacally out of the desert ground, coming from nowhere and everywhere around us. Zy, Kaylan, and Laina had been handling the far scorpion but Zy was very bloody, she must have gotten hurt while I was taking vengeance on that first piece of scorpion disaster. I saw Bo turn to pull her out of the quicksand, but Bo was more needed next to Madlyn and to protect Kaylan so I yelled “I’ve got her, Bo!” Her gaze shot to me, blazing bright blue and fire-glazed red as she nodded once and hefted her axe with gritted teeth to take another mighty swing. Inspired, I reversed my slow spell and my hands crackled with barely contained energy as I lasered a beam of energy toward Bo to make her swift enough to land an extra blow to her enemies. Aha, it landed!! I twanged on the thread between us to make sure it was solid and sustainable, then turned to cast a spell on Zy to get her out of that mire of sand as promised. My plans, very suddenly, were forced to change.
First, a LARGE beast that I’ve only ever seen pictures of crawled out of the sand with a snorting roar and made its way over to Laina, swallowing scorpions like he hadn’t eaten in years along the way. I’ve never been so thankful to see one of the members of her cavalry make an appearance! And what a mighty beast he was, thank the gods. As he crawled up to her, she cried out "Maybe we should be jumping into the quicksand??" Second, I noted for the first time that Myza was nowhere to be seen, but a series of overlapping metal slats was propped in a teepee shape over her disembodied voice; huh? What kind of fighting strategy is that? Fourth, I saw desperation in Kaylan’s eyes as she fought to come closer to me, healing people with her brilliant blue staff along the way; she is probably the only reason Zy is still with us! Fifth, and finally, as I hesitated ever so slightly to remove Zy from the quicksand in light of Laina’s idea, the ground shifted yet again under my feet and a great nasty brute of a scorpion broke through the sand RIGHT behind me. I barely had time to whirl and change my spell to a shield of hard time around myself before the creature had whipped its tail high and crushed me into the desert sand. With a cry, I felt the thread of pure sped-up time between Bo and I shred and break, pulling energy from us both but mainly from her as she was scooped up by another scorpion. Guilt riddled me for my failure to maintain the connection and I snarled through bloody teeth at my attacking scorpion before a severe, white-hot pain ripped through my neck, blinding me to the field as I began to drift…I heard Madlyn’s panicked voice, harsh in a healing spell but it was too late…
Journal, I don’t know if the things I experienced in the next moments (hours? eternities?) are things I should ever talk about. I don’t even know that I can try; can you constrain such an experience with words? All I can say is that I went somewhere that was everywhere and nowhere. Time…didn’t matter? How can that even be? Time is life, life is time. I can only assume that I was entering a place without life because I don’t think time existed there. I had only my consciousness, but even that was a fluid thing. I could still feel the outlines of my friends, fighting on for their lives, but those outlines were sluggish and blurred, like when I pull them through time. Only this time, they weren’t re-materializing and I was becoming more and more of an ethereal concept.
I don’t know how long I was there, and I won’t be talking about the things I thought about. Suffice it to say, in summary, that the richness of my life and the friends I still have will never be something I take for granted, ever. And I think Grandpa Mary and Thersha are not entirely gone, or at least that seems more possible now.
ANYway, the next thing I was consciously aware of was sensation returning to my body. For a moment, I felt a very unpleasant throb of intense pain–in my body, my neck, every place a scorpion had thrashed me. I wildly tried to pull back into the numb drift again, but a small tattooed blue hand grasped my wrist and suddenly, it felt like I was being floated upward on a warm blue tide, raising up from the ground only far enough to sink back into the soothing, scented water when it was high enough to cover me fully. Whatever this blue liquid/mist was, it felt like light and yellow sunshine, turning my black wounds into vibrant red and healthy flowing blood again. It felt like green grass was caressing my cheeks, indigo leaves were wrapping softly around my feet, and purple flowers tickled my belly. Orange, citrus-y flavor enveloped my mouth and throat in a refreshing cascade. I half-smiled and noticed that I had lips to smile again, a form that was coming back into being with all these lovely sensations–and I made the attempt to crack one eye open to see the face of my beloved sister peering anxiously at me, her visage illuminated blue by that pubescent staff. Air whooshed out of me in a gulped sob as her dear and familiar image blurred through my tears and I hugged her fiercely. Watching her bring healing and food and water to all those people on the way here, I already knew how special she was as both a healer and a person but I imagined myself biased by our best friendship. Now, I had experienced it firsthand and I knew my bias had nothing to do with it. She doesn’t know that I know this and Thestral and I will never tell her that we know…but I will be saying a prayer to Majere and Mishakal every night to unite the two greatest heroes in my life. One of them, at least, knows how powerful that would be. The other has been training since she was 6 and needs more time to figure it out, I think. Time. Maybe a gift I can grant them?
Rubbing at the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks and clearing my throat, I turned to the rest of the group and surveyed them. Everyone looked a little haunted and was doing the same, taking stock of each other like little mother hens making sure the chicks were all in order. Nodding at everyone and giving Laina’s creature a wide berth, we all turned as one to the elephantine presence we had been ignoring in favor of ensuring each other’s health…and I felt my jaw go slack at the behemoth, soaring structure. Awe and shock stilled my limbs as I tried and failed to take it all in at once. If the Library of Solanthus was huge, this was on a scale not yet given any language that I knew of. “Wow…” I heard Kaylan whisper beside me.
A series of metallic bangs and clicks jolted us out of our slack-jawed reveries as Myza FIN-ally emerged from her cocoon of safety. Annoyance flickered in my heart, and mine was one of the lighter responses; Laina and her creature took similarly menacing postures as they looked at her in disgust. “And just WHERE do you think you belonged during that fight?” Laina asked acidly. Myza simply scoffed at her, swept toward the building like she had seen a hundred just like it, and ignored the off-white robed man we had overlooked at the base of one of the pillars as she marched into the library like she owned the place. We heard her muttering something about “at least I was safe that whole time, talk about a strategy that works” as she disappeared into the building’s depths.
Rolling our shoulders and necks against our irritation, we cautiously approached the bemused-looking older man at the front of the building. As we neared, I could feel the building’s magnetism; it was pulling, pulling, pulling on my heart–and I think my soul a little bit too? It was like being near those smooth pillars in Solanthus, resonant in a way only magic was. I tingled from head to foot with the delicious energy and felt it pooling in my joints, my stomach, my throat, my head until I was full up on the stuff. With a massive effort, I wrenched my gaze from the doors yet again and looked into the worldwise old eyes of the man near the doors.
“H-hello,” I said, my throat needing a second to warm back up to speech. “I’m Manon.” Everyone echoed a chorus of introductions, and he smiled benignly in return, saying “Hello to you! I am Gilean. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” His voice was deep and scholarly, measured and unhurried. His positive response gave me the courage to ask, “Um…I’m sorry if this seems a little obtuse, but–where are we? What is this building? How did we get here, and what are you doing here?” As per usual, I could feel the group wince a little bit at the questions I couldn’t stop from pouring out of me, but unlike SOME people *cough, Xavier,* this gentleman seemed pleased with all of my questions. “You are below the sands of Tarsis, and you’ve passed the first trial! Congratulations, you’re at the very doors of the Library of Tarsis.” In the same moment that my heart swelled up, Bo decided to let out some of the tension she’d clearly been experiencing for awhile in a plaintive wail: “UUUGGGHHHH what is WITH these magik’ers and their TRIALS and all the BOOKS and the BIG BUILDINGS and the WORDS.” Each word she emphasized by a cute little stomp with her mighty foot and an eye roll/head toss expressing only the deepest of chagrin. I chuckled a little under my breath, then winced and glanced quickly at our new friend but he simply looked amused as he watched her small tantrum. “As to how you got here, I suppose you just showed up on the doorstep and after getting past the scorpions, you were worthy to come to the door itself. I have only recently woken up from a 350-year slumber, give or take a few years. As to why I am here, we don’t really talk about motivations. I am simply here because I am here, and I will now be shepherding you through another trial before answering any more questions.” Kaylan, unable to contain herself, squeaked out “350 YEARS?? Wait…are you a god?” Gilean smiled in fatherly confirmation.
With that, he turned on his heel adroitly and followed Myza’s path through the doors and into the heart of the library. I’m a little ashamed; I didn’t look at anyone to see if we wanted to do this or not, I simply allowed the pull of this place to float me in behind him. Thankfully, everyone followed–even dear, pouting Bo.
We entered an atrium of sorts with a high, vaulted ceiling. What looked like little motes of light chased each other in lazy whorls in the flickering lantern light, and the sound of rock/metal feet treading the ground brought my gaze down to a series of animated guards at the base of the atrium where we were coming in, our footsteps making a pleasant echo through the whispering space. It was all dark woods and warmth and the sound of pages being turned, the heavy smell of knowledge and loose-leafed pages wafting into my nose. What had felt outside like energy pooling in my body suddenly shifted mediums to become molten gold, alive and flowing sweetly through my body, driving me near insane with its heat and smoothness.
Slightly breathless, I asked “What is the trial?” Gilean’s smiled included his eyes at my obvious reverence for this place; maybe when new people visit, he gets to see a fervor he has forgotten, since he gets to be here every day. “Your trial is now individual, since I have already seen how you can work as a team. I need each of you to spend time in research, and learn something new.” Journal, at risk of alienating our new friend, I avoided saying “don’t tempt me with a good time” out loud and I was proud of myself; maybe I’m finally growing? We all exchanged looks, and Madlyn immediately squared her shoulders, ever ready to meet a new challenge. “Manon,” she said sternly, “please point out where you think I could find information about the Knights of the Rose.” Gilean chuckled behind us and stepped back outside as one of the guards approached Madlyn as soon as the question’s echo bounced off of it. The smell of books and, well, lore? Maybe? (please let someone learn how to bottle this scent) got stronger as Madlyn froze, her eyes glazing over temporarily as she gazed, unfocused, at the statue. Mere seconds later, she came back to her normal self and eagerly looked at the rest of us, saying “If you just tell them where you want to go, you’ll get a map in your head! I’ve got important things to find, so if you’ll excuse me. We should definitely have a plan, so I declare we will meet back here in one hour.” She headed off purposefully.
Kaylan’s slightly wistful look after Madlyn’s receding steps was replaced by bright blue excitement as she turned to me, eagerly saying “There HAS to be a book about unicorns here!!! I know we have information we need to find and useful things to track down, so I’ll do gods and unicorns!” We all put our heads together and divvied up the rest of the research tasks we had been debating during our long trip to Tarsis for answers. Kaylan bounded up to a statue and a look of earnest concentration shifted her features temporarily. “Oh my gosh, it can sense what I’m thinking!! I asked for the wrong room though, Laina I think I got the room you wanted because Thestral was probably interfering with my thought patterns. Here, take this map!” She looked at Laina and screwed up her face with mighty focus, turning a choked red as she grunted out, “is…it…working??” Laina slid her eyes from the statue she had turned to consult and reassured Kaylan “Oh yeah, I got it all up here!” She tapped her head with a wink and headed down a corridor opposite of where Madlyn had disappeared. Kaylan twirled happily on the spot, arms outstretched, and looked at me with such unsuppressed joy that my heart ached for more of these moments for her. “Go on, then! You’ve learned so much about the maths and the reading, you’ve got this trial in the bag Kaylan!” I grinned widely back at her. She didn’t need telling twice as she skipped away merrily. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Bo encouraging Zy to consult a statue first; it felt like she waited until Zy wasn’t paying any attention, and then she smuggled something underneath her clothing? Odd. But not my business, I don’t think. Zy looked pointedly at Bo as she began to walk down one of the aisles with some plant life; Bo waved her on cheerily. “We’ll meet back up here, sis! This is as safe a place as any we’ve been, I suppose.” Noticing my gaze on her, Bo ducked her head, consulted a statue, and lumbered away as well.
Left alone, I took a deep breath and tried to sift through my many questions, to settle my mind against the lava flow in my veins and gather my wits. A considerable task, given how my body was coming alive in ways I’d never felt in this place. I approached a large statue ahead of me and cleared my throat awkwardly. “Um, you. Yes, first of all, if you don’t mind…” Curiosity, as usual, got the best of me and I rapped my knuckles smarty on the statue’s chest–and got bruised knuckles for my trouble. “Oh, um, solid then, right. Good, good.” Blushing, I closed my eyes to focus on what I wanted to know–first, dragons. I gasped as the statue’s consciousness invaded my own, plunging into my mind and spreading to the corners to reveal a map that became indelibly clear. Opening my eyes in startlement and stepping back a few paces, I could have sworn that the statue..smiled?? But it had no visible mouth, so. Whatever. “Th-thank you!” I waved at it as I stumbled further back and began my slow, neck-craning walk into the fathomless depths of this incredible place.
I walked for what felt like a long time before descending into a vast chamber. Torches instead of lanterns lined this bold space, flickering with many-colored flames. I tried to focus on the flame for as long as my eyes could stand it and I saw tongues of gold, snakes of green, darts of black, ribbons of blue, flakes of bronze–it just kept shifting. My first impression was that it was only the torches doing this, but then I realized that the walls were shimmering, sliding–no, BREATHing slightly as well. Stepping further into the room, it was like I was morphing into whatever creature was flipping the scales on the wall at the time. As the scales shimmered into a silver-white, I could feel my core temperature dropping and my claws–no, hands, I have hands, right?--elongating to end in tips of frost. I could see my own breath and felt a cold, icy fire growing in my belly, expanding and expanding and expanding until I couldn’t TAKE it anymo–but wait, the scales were flipping now to a coppery hue and I felt a strong urge to find the highest hilltop from which to soar through the warm sky, acidic warmth lapping at my insides and burning to erupt from me. My wings–wait, I don’t HAVE wings. I closed my eyes to get control of myself again. Opening them, I realized that these primal feelings were going to keep roiling through me, but I was still the master of my limbs and my own mind. Determinedly ignoring the fire now licking at my belly as the scaled room flickered into a brilliant gold/red color, I strode for the podium and grabbed the first book I could see.
I had never had a reading experience quite like that before, journal! It, like everything else in this place, was unique. I would ask a question, and the book itself seemed to whisper back a sentient “did you mean…this?” I suppose that my thoughts were a little addled by the lightning strikes in my very veins as the room shifted blue now, so I appreciated the books’ suggestions. Oh, the things I learned, journal! Please allow me to summarize here, so I don’t forget anything. Apparently, by my calculations, this will be the 3rd, no, the 4th Dragon War in history. Dragons have partnered with the bipeds of this land to ensure that balance and peace can be struck again at some point, and have gone to war on very clearly opposite sides from each other when it comes to the chromatic versus the metallic dragons. You cannot subdue a dragon; it must only be killed, unless the gods are involved I think. Oddly, there was no mention of draconians anywhere in the research; I guess Grandpa Mary coined that term when he noticed them. ANYway, the first dragon war was in 3900 PC and lasted for 450 years; the metallic dragons sided with the elves and the chromatic dragons sided with the giants. I think, from what I can tell by context, that PC means “pre-cataclysm,” whatever the hell that is. The elves came out victorious in that skirmish. The second dragon war started in 2692 PC and lasted only 47 years; it seems to me that there was a special weapon forged for that war, called a “dragonlance” (for some reason, I got a chill down my spine no matter what color the room was whenever I read that word). Again, the metallic dragons sided with the elves and the chromatic dragons with the giants; this was the first time that I noticed the prominence of Takhisis’ name in the text. Apparently, she was VERY close to wiping out the elves altogether, but dwarves and humans bolstered their ranks and Takhisis was defeated again. The third dragon war began in 1029 PC and only lasted for 9 years; it was the most multiracial of the three, with several races joining up on BOTH sides of the skirmish but Takhisis focusing more on humans and non-giants along with her usual giant retinue. Another Takhisis defeat, thank goodness. Hopefully her series of defeats has not primed her now for her first Dragon War victory.
My work done, I experimentally let a few more waves of the room crash through me; it was such a delicate tango with the extremes, but never actually tipped over the edge of unbearable, or unendurable–but a not-so-small part of me WANTED to experience the full effect, WANTED to know what that would feel like. It was then that I realized–I should probably get out of this room. Right, journal? Take that room in short bursts, in future.
The statue appeared at the ready once more. I yanked hard at my threads of focus and thought next about Fizban–and received the next map. With only a few glances back over my shoulder, I left the dragon chamber and headed for the gods chamber–where I could still sense Kaylan! This room was entirely different, with the 3 moons rotating around what looked like an open sky at the top of the room; books lined the walls. A statue in the middle was characteristic for the fact that when you moved your position in the room, the statue shifted seamlessly into…another god?? Chills shivered down my spine, and the molten gold in my blood slowed its pace ever so slightly, as though following an order that was more respectful to the tides of the strongest being in the room. I slowly ran my fingers over the spines of the books, and the weather above me changed to a storm-filled night; then, a star-filled canopy. I looked for the F’s and had only to think it when the right book warmed under my hand.
I learned…well, not a lot of useful stuff about Fizban, to be honest. I did learn names, and because we might encounter some of them, I’ll repeat them here. Fizban also goes, as we know from Grandpa Mary’s book, by Paladine; however, I also learned that he can be called Bahamut, Draco Paladine, Dragon Lord, Dragon Father, E’li, Emperor of Dragons, Mirror Snake, Platinum Skyblade, Tack the Hammer, Platinum Father. He is the god of law, justice and good with his true focus being justice above all. His most famous recorded hero from history was a gentleman by the name of Lauren Soth. He…well, let’s just say his story is very strange. He was the right-hand man of the King Priest of Istar, and he (long story very short) murdered two women he was involved with, and two of his own kids. This was all after he had been sent to stop the cataclysm (whatever that is), and when he couldn’t, he was cursed to live a life for every death that occurred DURING the cataclysm. I’ve always known something terrible happened…but what??
ANYway, this room was easier for me to move on from and I quickly summoned a statue after reading the super creepy story about the super creepy man. What a terrible person.
My next room was to see if there was anything for me to discover about magic, anything else I could possibly learn–especially with the insecurities I was feeling not having gone through formal training like other wizards–and to try to write down more recipes for my little book, if I had the time. This room was…both the best and worst thing, I think journal. I kind of lost my mind as I headed towards it. It was like…it was like I was so thirsty, even while water was pouring down my throat. It was like that molten gold in my blood was bursting under my skin and coating me, inside and out. I’ve never experienced this yet journal, but I would imagine its like knowing the touch of a lover and then being subdued in a glass box, never to have the freedom to feel their skin against yours again. I went a little mad, turning circles and scribbling feverishly to try to take in as much as I could learn from the books and scrolls studded with black, white, and red gems. I learned about the 3 types of casting methods, those being arcane, divine, and primal. My brand of magic is likely arcane…and you can make it more powerful?? The risk is high, but honestly so is the reward! I put that thought away to think on later, when my mind was less convoluted and consumed by that place. My body was wracked with tremors, leaving me feeling both weaker and stronger than I’ve ever felt before…journal, ask me how I was ever able to have the strength to leave that place? You ask an impossible question. The only thing that I know is that I found nothing about time magic there, and the cold dump of disappointment down my back at this returned me to my senses JUST long enough that I was able to back out of–or flee–this room. Every step away was torture, as I wanted to go back…but I pictured Kaylan. Then Madlyn, Laina, Bo, and Zy–and heard once again the chant of Grandpa Mary’s voice, “Be better than I was.” I ground my teeth together and forced my lead-filled limbs away.
My thoughts of Grandpa Mary inspired a statue to approach and give me another map…for Grandpa Mary? Bright curiosity sparked in me again, the molten gold in me manageable but still alive. A chance to learn more about Marwort Sinclair?? I think that’s a big YES! I hurried around the corner to another large room and almost smacked right into Bo! “Oh, gosh!” I said. “So sorry, Bo! Can you believe this place?? Wait…are you okay? You look like your mind is full fit to burst. How can I help you?”
Bo shuffled nervously. “Um, well…you CAN’T tell Zy yet, okay? I promise I’m gonna tell her, when it’s the right time. But I need to tell SOMEone about this so I can get thoughts out of my hurting brain.” She slowly pulled a beautiful set of clothing out, looking like they were made for a good-sized woman. “These were my ma’s clothes…I found them when we stopped in Heckle. I have thought and thought as hard as I could, but I couldn’t figure out how she could have gotten these or where they could be from. So I asked the statue man. HE directed me to another chamber where I learned that my ma got these clothes from Kalaman. KALAman. What was she even doing there? Why keep these clothes? I’m full of questions and I want to be full of answers, and maybe some pie.” I chewed my bottom lip, thoughtfully. “I don’t know, Bo. I guess I have more questions than answers too; did she ever leave you guys for any length of time? Get any mail that you guys were suspicious of? Have any special skills, or reasons that someone might want her?” Bo shrugged, looking miserable. “I don’t know, I don’t know! I wish I knew. I wish the book place had better answers for me. We will just keep looking for the answers, I think.” I nodded sympathetically and gave her arm a quick squeeze. “I’ll help when I can, Bo. I know that unanswered questions are quite miserable.”
With that, I turned and focused on the room for the first time. It was maybe the kind of room that I might have expected in a library like this, if I had been picturing it; the walls were covered with austere portraits of grave-looking people. “If being a hero looks like this, I’m not sure I want to be this fussy. Do you agree?” Bo looked up and wrinkled her nose in agreement. Snorting at the expression on her face, I began to search for Marwort Sinclair; Bo even agreed to help, looking for the Snake (S) or the Arrow (M). As with the other rooms, the book I needed seemed to appear and heat up under my hands. I opened the book…to a likeness so near my grandfather’s that I almost dropped the book. Clearing my suddenly husky throat, I read out loud to Bo, “Marwort Sinclair was the Archmage at the Tower of High Sorcery in…in Istar…” my voice trailed off as my heart began to pound wildly. What???? Istar?? The same place that Lauren Soth had lived such a terrible life, just before the cataclysm?? The place where Soth had been SENT to stop the actions of those living there? WHAT? My eyes skidded across the page as my mind when into hyperdrive. Words became bold on the page and my mouth became progressively more dry as I read about his “black robes,” his “hometown of Lemish,” his designation as an “evocation” wizard, and the King Priest he had been serving just before the cataclysm, “Beldinas Pilofiro,” the last of the king priests. Bo put a hand on my shoulder as I tried to slow my quickened breath, tried not to let the weight of all these discoveries and my beliefs about my grandfather crash and burn my heart to ashes. “Let’s go,” I said abruptly, slamming the book shut on my grandfather’s dear face and striding toward the door without checking to see if she was following. Of course, that was silly; my little chicken legs were no match in stride distance for her corn-fed gait. She wisely said nothing though, and in smooth understanding silence for the whirling thoughts of the other person at our side, we returned to the atrium to find the rest of our group already waiting, bursting with new information.
Gilean smiled in a very pleased kind of way; he had appeared by turns to each of us throughout our research and we had given faithful reports of our findings. He watched us exchange information in our little group in that fire-brightened atrium, and then gently led us back outside. “Um, Gilean…I know this is a place of knowledge, and not of motivations. But, I think we still have some questions for you.” So that he would know where we were coming from, I spent some time explaining what was going on in the world while he was sleeping. I told him about Lemish, Grandpa Mary, the theory we had going about how to find dragons and how we all carry as much information on them as we can in our armbands so we are never caught unawares and uneducated again. I told him all of this and Bo told him of her mother (I caught Zylah looking at her with complete shock; betcha that’s going to be a sister conversation later). We talked until we had no more stories to tell, and Gilean looked at us all with vague concern. Then, he spoke.
“It seems to me that it is very important that you all understand what happened at The Cataclysm, all those years ago.” His voice took on a deep, rumbling quality and it felt as though we traveled on the winds of time back to that era, watching as from above as he told us the tale. “The King Priest of Istar was attempting to ascend to godhood. All of us were created, made together; no human has ever tried and been successful when it comes to ascending to be like us. It is an aberrational attempt, something that no one should ever even think to take on…but this king priest was no ordinary man. Despite the 13 warnings that were sent to him by Paladine, he remained determined to perform this ritual and ascend. Paladine…well, let’s just say that the rest of us cannot stand in his way when a holy fury takes him. He became nonsensically irate and he,” here, Gilean looked uncomfortable for the first time, “he threw a mountain at Istar. That’s why the area around Istar is a red smear on any map now; he killed uncounted souls that day, punishing the deeds of one man and his companions.” I tried to hide the trembling of my hands, knowing my Grandpa Mary, my sweet and sassy banana-loving Grandpa Mary, was in on this. It made me feel like I’d missed a step going down a steep, steep flight of stairs. Shoving all thoughts of him aside, I forged on. “But, the dragons…how do we find them now? Did they all die in the Cataclysm as well?” Gilean chuckled. “Oh child, no! Paladine decided after he had come to grips with what he did (and with our input) that we were not needed any longer, and the other races were better without us. He sealed the dragons away, with the only access granted being a scale of divine power possessed by him and, honestly, by Takhisis. We counseled him against this; Takhisis would assuredly figure out a way out of her bondage, and be able to access the dragon chambers before any of us gods would even be aware. But he could not be dissuaded.”
We all looked at each other in dismay. “So…how would we get a scale of divine power?” Kaylan asked, absent-mindedly fiddling with her staff and petting a full-stomached Thestral with the other hand. Gilean smiled yet again and said “Well, of course, you have one right now!” A shudder of power rippled outward from him toward–toward Thestral?? WHAT?? The air around Thestral warmed first slowly, then with light as he–well, he unfurled! His limbs elongated, his neck arched up and away from his furry–no, his scaly–golden body. Baby wings sprouted from his back and fell gracefully to either side of his suddenly serpentine body…Thestral was a small GOLDEN DRAGON.
I’m sure Gilean had never seen such an attractive group of slack-jawed women in his entire existence before that day.
He let out a belly laugh then, taking advantage of our momentary stunned silence to say gleefully, “Paladine had 5 ‘canaries,’ if you will. Small dragons to travel about and do his smaller errands. They, of course, possess such scales. You’ve had them with you all along!”
“Yeah you have!” We all jumped again, whipping our heads back to Thestral. “WHAT??” Spluttered Kaylan. “Thestral, you can TALK??” He rolled his eyes with impatience. “Of COURSE I can talk, bros! I told you I could!” Therein followed a lot of questions from us that Thestral did his very best to answer, but I still am not satisfied with his explanation of his lady corner to be totally frank, Journal. I’m going to wait awhile and then ask him again. He fielded all of our questions with what looked like both relief and impatience, like he was happy to be able to talk but he hadn’t been looking forward to this day because he knew he’d have to answer all these questions from us, his traveling companions. At the end of it all, he crawled over to Laina and blinked at her slowly. “Can I hang wit you then?” She happily consented, and a new partnership was made–with Kaylan’s consent of course. I think she will be sad to lose her gerbil confidante in some ways, but she has also grown so much in her relationships with our entire party…I will make sure she knows that we are all here for her, now more than ever.
Journal, I have spent all of my words for the day. As you can see, we had quite the adventure and I think I’ll never have another quite like it; it was perfect in the most flawed kind of ways. I’m still processing the magnificence of that library; I was wrong, the Library of Solanthus will always have a dear place in my heart, but THIS is the place you’ll find the pieces of my soul when my body is gone from this world. In my other hand, I hold the pieces of information about Grandpa Mary, unsure yet what to do with them…as I think I stated before, stories in history mean nothing without context. I guess I have to believe that my grandfather had something else going on, something I didn’t know about to have made the choices that he did. I mean, they clearly got his school of magic wrong, he was a time wizard like me!...right? Oh, Journal!! Speaking of which, I have one more thought and then I leave you to find my bed. Gilean also mentioned something about 1.) having his own champion already, I hope we meet them and 2.) about how Grandpa Mary being over 500 years old is not really something he can explain…he asked me if Grandpa Mary was a lich? But that cannot have been, he just looked like my grandfather. He said something about “forbidden magic” being another reason he could have been that old…is our form of magic something I should be hiding? He obviously did, if he called himself an evocation wizard.
All thoughts for my weary mind to continue to ponder, journal. Goodnight for now.
OH!! Damn, Journal!! I forgot what happened after we took our leave of Gilean!
Myza made her way toward us like an empress, prattling on about finding that damned airship. Zy, as she tried to bid us farewell, piped up "I know how to fly an airship now!" Myza put a squat hand on her hip, rolled her eyes, and grilled Zy--concluding that Zy didn't add any value to her plans. She made to turn away again, but we forced her to stop and told her our plans; we promised to help her find elementals to power her ships if she would stick with us now (I'm still not sure how I feel about enslaving living creatures). Like a quick draw cowboy nightmare, her hand twitched over her weapons--but something about our charm won her over. So that's our next plan, to both a.) Terraform the land so the people of this area no longer have to suffer this difficult terrain, and b.) Find an airship so we can locate a dragon's lair and WAKE IT UP. I must say...I might even believe that our greatest adventures lie ahead of us, if we get to wake up a real DRAgon.
Okay, for real, I think that's it.
Word of the day: enlightenment
Time is life, life is Time
There lives a yellow-haired girl with a yellow-striped dress, in a yellow house with yellow flowers and a yellow door. She lives an ordinary life with her mom, her dad, her annoying but adorable kid sister, and her protective older brother. She loves to read and dream, and she cooks and she takes walks and she never has any desire for anything else to happen to her other than the things that occur as part of a normal, uncurious life. She has a best friend from whom to hear all the gossip in their small local town, but she stays outside the fray.
Oh, journal–how I sometimes wish I could be that yellow girl. That I could know the love of a linear family and not feel these rampant desires that I feel for more, for adventure, for the thrills I know shouldn’t drive me because I’ve experienced their stark consequences when they go wrong–death. I wish that time didn’t have me inwardly writhing in such constant exquisite throes of passion, for good or for ill. I wish that my days now weren’t filled with the expectation of one thing…and the reality of another. I wish that I didn’t have to consistently fear for the lives of those I love.
It comes as a shock, I am sure; I’ve gotten ahead of myself. Let’s backtrack to this morning, when the Circle and I approached the Sage Academy.
It was a cool, clear morning with overcast skies. The dull color of the clouds only served to make the grass look MORE green, if it were possible. I shivered a little bit as we trudged up the dewy hillside to the top, where the hill crested to a flat-looking expanse
ahead of us. On the far side of the open area was a large slab of grey cement, reflecting the sky above; beyond that a ways, a smallish cabin. A weather-worn, unimpressive sign announced this to be the location we had been eagerly approaching. “Welcome to the Sage Academy” was written in looping, faded cursive. I’d be lying if said a small shiver of trepidation didn’t run down my spine looking at this quiet glen in the overcast mid-morning. I would also be lying if I said I hadn’t been a little hopeful for something more impressive in appearance, like the Library of Solanthus!
We warily looked at each other and began to fan out silently to explore the area. Bo and Zy were less concerned with silence; I think they are at home in the wilds, and this place sort of seemed to fit that bill rather than the austere college I’d been expecting. We had started to investigate the cement slab and I was considering casting some sort of spell to detect if anything was going on here, when a familiar voice echoed over the empty field toward us. “OHMYGOSH OHMYGOSH it’s YOU!!” Brightly bounding across the grass in billowing red robes was none other than Xavier’s sister! The one who had watched my original trial that fateful Night of the Eye, which felt like ages ago. You could have knocked me over with a banana, journal! She crushed me into a bear hug joyfully, and some of her enthusiasm seeped into my chilled bones despite myself. I pulled away, grinning, and greeted this openly smiling woman who was so different from her brother. “Hey……you!” I said. Oops, I still didn’t know her name I guess.
“Hello to you, and look at all your friends! I’m Xander, to all of you, and welcome to the Sage Academy!” She proudly swept her arms out wide and gestured to the empty field and cabin. Unnoticed by us, a half a dozen to a dozen grey-robed figures had been shyly creeping up toward us as we were being welcomed. One of them nudged her companion and whispered something to her, and both of them looked at me with curious light shining in their eyes. What had Xander said to them about me?? Doubt began to build in my mind about this place and why we had come.
Cautiously but hopefully, we started to talk about anything and everything. We talked about my…erm…less than impressive history with her stupid brother (yes, I said it) and we talked about her work with the academy. Just when I was feeling comfortable enough to start asking her about the real things I wanted to know, she cheerfully interrupted me: “Oh, there’s plenty of time for stuff like that, but really quick…I DO have a quick request, only if you’re interested though of course! Would you be okay with giving our class a little demonstration of your incredible magic? I mean, just LOOK at your white robes! You’ve come so far, even since the time that I saw you sail through that trial so long ago! I think the class could really learn something from you…”
My heart sank a little bit; I guessed I was not to learn much of anything new in regards to magic from Xander, if she was asking me for a demonstration! But, like Grandpa Mary always says, there’s no use crying over spilled thumbtacks. With only a little bit of hesitation and actually, puffing up a little bit with the flattery of the question, I said “Okay, sure! What can I show you, then?” I shook my sleeve, preparing to let loose my little spellbook for a dazzling demonstration of the spell Grandpa Mary had labeled “firebolt, for enemies.” Before I had gotten that far though, Xander gleefully clapped her hands together and floated away to the cement platform, where a small dais we hadn’t noticed before had appeared. “Don’t worry!!” she cried. “No one has EVER died from this before, it’s just a simulation! If you and your friends wouldn’t mind standing in the middle of the platform, please and thank you! Come along dearies, trust me when I say you’ll want to get far back away from them just in case…”
Looking at my friends and shrugging bemusedly, I walked up onto the platform and behind a set of bushes, looking for any surprises around the corner. Bo, Zy, Madlyn, Kaylan, Laina, and Laina’s red bird all did the same, crouching and darting around the edges of the boulders and shrubs that had suddenly appeared in a maze-like configuration around us. Were we just to figure out how to find our way out, then? Didn’t seem like much of a demonstration, after all!
I straightened up impatiently, looking over my shoulder toward where Xander and that dais and her students were last seen, but my words died in my throat. A preternatural silence had fallen over the field, and time did that weird thing where all sound was stolen from the air and it was so heavy on my chest that I couldn’t force any air in and out of my lungs.
A green dragon let out a roar, soaring down from above and landing with an earth-shuddering, bone-rattling thud.
Grandpa Mary would sometimes talk about how bad memories could make time freeze up around you like ice, and that’s certainly what it felt like around me. With a whipping snap, time sped back up to normal tempo as I recognized that Xander, wild and crazy Xander, actually believed we could fight a dragon and win?!? My friends were counting on me, and I on them though–we had to snap out of our memories and face the imminence of this threat, like NOW.
As with all battles, I try to forget the moment by moment plays and just focus on the moments of glory. Zylah aimed true with her bow from a distance, penetrating the scales of the dragon like it was nothing! Madlyn, too, was resplendent in her savagery as she hacked away at the legs of the dragon from the ground, calling on some holy power from her tattoo to render the dragon temporarily reeling. Some moments of tragedy occurred as well; Bo took some mighty swings and had some bad luck, and poor Laina’s glorious bird was disintegrated by the dragon’s foul breath.
You know how Grandpa Mary always used to say, “Don’t shoot ‘em, you’ll only be kicking a hornet in the stinger?” Well, the dragon was good and riled up…and took a mighty vengeance for Madlyn’s brilliant fury not on Madlyn herself–but on Kaylan.
My pulse was the only thing I could hear in my head, like my heart had relocated to that space and was beating against my skull to try to wake up my sluggish brain. Kaylan went down, lying so horrifically still, and something blue flared brightly from her fierce little frame…and started to gather like mist around her mouth, becoming a small, poorly outlined ball that began to float up and away from her, separate from her pale body…NO. No no no no no no.
I don’t even really know what happened after that, except that I took swipes and hits from this dragon in front of me hardly feeling a thing–so focused was I on reversing time to make that little blue soul go back into the body of my friend, never to leave her again. I gathered up the terrible memories from my dreams that weren’t actually memories, realities I could not allow to pass, and molded them into something hard and forceful between my palms as I inwardly screamed NO against the idea of losing her, losing my best friend. My fury erupted into 4-5 balls of hateful unreality, slamming into all the tender parts of this dragon abomination that I could see. With a puff of smoke and a final roar of realistic pain, it evaporated…the grey morning, the boring cement platform, everything returned to the way it had been before that horrible trial. I sprinted to Kaylan, who was suddenly fine!!
Gulping down a sob of relief and absolute terror-driven rage, I whirled on Xander to give her a piece of my mind about bringing people’s worst nightmares to life–only to find her grinning from ear to ear, clapping and leading the other kids in a round of applause. Madlyn, after ensuring that everything was okay with everyone, took a deep and graceful bow and began signing autographs immediately. I, however, found myself rather speechless with the impact that comes from such a violent swing in circumstance. “Okay, then! Class, let’s go over some of the mistakes that this crew made. First, Manon…”
Journal. My ears began ringing so loudly that I didn’t hear a word she said after that. I think I stuttered something out about how she shouldn’t have done what she did, because of our traumatic histories and–and–well, I think I tried, anyway. Xander just cheerfully waved away my concerns and brought is into the cabin.
The cabin was clearly magical; we stepped into a space that, from the outside, was not actually quite possible. There were books, desks, models, things floating in jars, colors everywhere! Xander, despite her absolutely unhinged tendencies when welcoming guests she professes to enjoy the company of, is clearly in her element here, teaching young wizards to become fully vested in their craft. We sat down with her and actually had some productive conversation. I learned that she was likely supposed to be white-robed, and Xavier was supposed to be black-robed. Their ceremonies got mingled and they both ended up red because of the balance between their personalities.
Honestly, it explains a lot. Like, a LOT. “Allergic to dairy” indeed.
We also learned that Tarsis was definitely the next stop for us to make for, as the library there appears to have a lot more of the information that we will need. After fighting that simulation, I think we are shaken enough to want to make something new happen in this world. We HAVE to learn more about the dragons to make that happen. The time spent on the trip might just be a necessity we have to be able to afford. Am I wrong for being a little eager for this trip? There will be things I’ve never seen before, peoples I’ve never born witness to, entire civilizations and cultures to study and to learn more about as we go!! I simply cannot wait. Even as a part of my soul feels like it is being stretched tight the further away I get from the events of the last few months, from Lemish and all things familiar. An image of a fat green slob of a nasty dragon roosting in my former home roils in my blood, hardening my resolve…we must make this trip. Xander even offered to have us travel with a new companion, a gnome! She is a peculiar thing, I hear. More on that tomorrow.
Everyone passed the evening agreeably, doing activities that suited their free time. I like that we are settling into a rhythm with each other, not needing constant to be with each other anymore and not constantly pressed for the next task; I think we are actually getting to know one another and to respect each other’s space and need for different activities! So cool. Anyway. Tomorrow starts our journey and the day promised to be a long one, so goodnight for now!
Word of the day: gobsmack
We woke up from a solid night of sleep to find Xander, for once not brightly chattering away–she was rather cornered by a faster chattering gnome. Our new companion! Of all things, our new companion is on the hunt for an airship. She has a captured fire and air elemental. I’m a little concerned with the fact that she has trapped them in containers that cannot be opened and she plans to enslave them for her greater gain, but I don’t think it’s best for me to alienate our new companion so quickly with an ethics argument so I suppose I will cross that bridge when we come to it.
We ate some of the slop that tastes like whatever you want (mine tastes like warm banana bread, don’t tell Madlyn–she will say it is not calorie dense enough, but joke is on us all, I learned how to make this slop!).
We are getting ready to leave now. I have such mixed emotions as I part with Xander; on the one hand, I want to be polite but she is crazier than Grandpa Mary on no sleep in some of her choices. On the other, she is a warm and kind person and I think I would really like her, once I knew her well enough to accept the unpredictability of her occasional ruthlessness. So, I squeeze her as hard as she squeezes me in a goodbye hug, surprised by the tears that prickle the back of my eyes. However briefly, we were introduced to the idea of a routine; and maybe, just maybe, I am wistful about the fact that I never got to be in school like these lucky kids. I am just the descendant of an archmage gone mad, who never actually got to pass anything on to me but the words I still hold dear in my heart from that one lucid night before he died. “Be better than I was.” “Your parents would be so proud of you.”
One little interaction that we are going to have to be aware of, journal–this gnome is going to join us, but she already managed to get under Laina’s skin. Laina has seemed so relatively peaceful and companion-oriented, it actually shocked me a little bit to see such venom come from her. I have to believe that whatever the gnome said, it was deserved; I’ve come to really trust and love our new friend, Laina.
I think one of the keys to life is actually way more simple than we think it is. Maybe it's because of the simplicity of it that it is also flawless as a truth, even more perfect than a curling seashell or the roundest, most poppable bubble. Time IS life. Life IS time. See, simple! I think I'll treat each stop on our trip like a time capsule that I've frozen in my mind. Like a piece of space that nothing else can occupy, full of the starkest memory I can call up about each new place and fill the space with. What did I see, smell, hear, taste, and feel? These are the simple complexities that will fill my travel time bubbles. Time is life, life is time. Oops, everyone is packed and ready to go! Adventures, here we come!
Word of the day: emergence
Bracelets, Kender, Cooking, Cake
The path ahead of me is winding, dark. It twists right, left, left, right, plunges deeper into darkness, left, right again. I’m running as fast as I can but my legs feel like they’re pulling through mud. I can’t move them fast enough to catch up or to escape the realities that meet my eyes at each new turn. Zylah, getting cleaved in two by the dragon-creature’s axe. Bo, her own weapon raised high and a savage snarl on her face, getting run through the gut with a broadsword. Madlyn, an arrow singing through the air to hit its mark past her fastest shields, right in the space between armor plates. Laina getting crushed under the clawed feet of a rampaging dragon. Kaylan choking on green mist as a green dragon swallows up all the air around her. Last, always last, I finally come to clearing where on one end I see Grandpa Mary with his hands up (a half-peeled banana clutched in his fist) with 6 knives piercing him; on the other, I see Thersha slowly, stiffly turning toward me with her grimacing death mask…I scream but no sound comes out, so I try again but–
I sit straight up in bed, chest heaving, heart pounding. The sound of soft breathing and snoring, grunting as someone turns over, washes over me. Feeling like I’ll throw up, I swing my legs over the edge of the bed to ground my feet on the cool floor. I bury my head, drenched with sweat, in my shaking hands. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe. Make a list of something that doesn’t matter to bring your heart back to a steady beat instead of this wild, staccato thing trying to batter its way out of your chest.
Things I know about making a fire:
The wood can’t be wet
Having a flint stone is very helpful
Madlyn makes the best log shapes to get them going
Kaylan can make the flames blue
Laina can cook well over a fire
Zy would enjoy a fire-tipped arrow
Bo’s soul feels like it’s on fire when she’s mad
I’m thankful for journaling, because the later I stay up pouring the words from myself, the more exhausted I can make myself, the less the dreams come. I wonder if any of the others have noticed that the time balls I make in battle are trapped memories from the things I’ve seen when time allowed me to reach into its folds and reverse it? It feels powerful to throw an outcome that the enemy couldn’t actually achieve back at it, crushing it. It’s therapeutic and distracts me from the idea that maybe there will be a day when I won’t be able to make time reverse, and my friends will die because of it. I’ve clearly already missed a few of those opportunities, and people are dead now.
Deciding I didn’t need to make a trip to the bathroom for vomiting, I reached for the pitcher of water by the bed but my clammy hands met a piece of paper and something…beaded? first. It turned out to be a note from Kaylan! She’s gone somewhere into the city to help the poor?? I know she wouldn’t do anything that was reckless in her own mind, because she knows what it would do to me if I lost her and she would never hurt me like that…but I’m afraid that maybe with her deep need to help others, she will put herself in harm’s way accidentally! I have to wake Madlyn up and go find her!
I’m back, journal–and just realized what a cliffhanger I left you with, I’m so sorry! Allow me to explain first and foremost that we did find Kaylan, she’s okay and she’s lovely and good and has the kind of magic that our group will probably eXACTly need. But let me tell the whole story properly, as is my specific duty in our little group. I’m laying here with Kaylan and Laina now; we actually decided to split up rooms tonight. I pretended to be okay with it, but part of me really misses everyone being in here all at once. Not that Kaylan and Laina aren’t enough! I just like including the whole family in everything we do.
ANYway.
Madlyn and I decided to go find Kaylan out in the city, because we were both concerned. Madlyn was actually beside herself a little bit, and dictated a note for me to write to Kaylan so that if she came back to the hotel, she would know we were looking for her. I signed it with a heart, which was a mistake I think because Kaylan thought it was from Madlyn. I do think that Kaylan’s mission to make Madlyn feel like our friend and sister is a noble one, though…I also want Madlyn to understand that she is one of us, but I’ve got the barrier of also being a little awed by her. They say to never meet your heroes, but we are traveling with one of mine! I think Kaylan sees Madlyn a little more clearly and still chooses to love her, which makes her uniquely qualified to bring her closer to our circle’s core light. Plus, Kaylan is a rainbow of inclusion and healing given the fact that she overcame a background of the-man-we-won’t-mention’s tyranny. Anyway, want to know how I know Madlyn was concerned enough to be out of character? She skipped asking the kitchen crew (where Kaylan got her supplies) where Kaylan might have gone and decided we were going straight to the Dirty Unicorn! Can you imagine? Great Madlyn walking underneath Stick Head Unicorn into that low-life bar…wow! It was a sight to behold.
The bartender was a lamb of a man, sweet but I believe a bit simple. He didn’t say much about where we could find our beloved friend, despite Madlyn’s superior questioning skills. I complimented him after a string or two of full sentences; he was so overwhelmed with being praised I think that he didn’t reply! I hope I made his day better.
Luckless, we returned to the Enchanted Harp and were able to meet up with Kaylan after all! And I almost forgot my favorite part of the story. Kaylan had spent time somewhere, somehow making me the most beautiful bracelet I’ve ever had…she wove it together seamlessly with the colors of our hearts, linked together permanently. I thought it was such an honor that she would even ask me to accept such a representative relic of the sisterhood we chose in each other. I accepted instinctually and without a hint of hesitation or list-making. I hope she knows that as I tie it around my wrist every morning, I’m going to re-dedicate myself to the simplicity of loving my sister and choosing to protect her name, her goals, and her life. These bonds are so rich and flow over the cracks in my soul, fortifying it. Once, I read that tears of happiness are composed of different stuff than tears of sadness. I wonder if that’s true? *Ink is slightly smeared where a tear was clearly hastily wiped away.*
Kaylan had had such an adventure! She told us all about it in true Kaylan fashion, with wild gesticulating and a description first of the colors she noticed as she saved a little boy’s life. She actually SAW the soul leaving his body and was a funnel for the power of Mishakal to return it to him before it moved on to the “beyond” forever! I can’t believe it. We started out so differently than we are now, and I have to say that the joy shining blue from Kaylan’s eyes is making me thankful for at least SOME of the changes. That originally dim inner light in her is becoming more pronounced all the time. Which is all well and good, but Madlyn in her practicality was not exactly pleased that she had spent all her gold on helping the poor and the sick…she will be hanging on to Kaylan’s money from here on. Probably for the best. I’m secretly-not-so-secretly still really proud of my sister, though.
I parted ways from the rest of the group as they headed out to an apothecary’s shop for the afternoon; their adventure sounded like great fun and I still feel a desperate desire not to part ways from a single one of them, but I had to at least try to make up with Xavier from the previous day. I mean, I think we maybe ended on okay terms? But never hurts to be too careful. Like Grandpa Mary used to say, you catch more flies with expired bananas. I grabbed a “make-up” cake from the kitchens thanks to Laina’s “connections” with the staff and headed off back to the library. FINE journal, fine–YES I also wanted to go back to that magnificent place! I couldn’t help myself, the pull of all that knowledge gathered in one place is heady to me, like a perfume whose aroma I cannot help but be aware of at all times. I rounded the corner and sighed contentedly as the building came into view.
My happy smile at sight of Xavier was not exactly mirrored on his own face. He looked as though he had swallowed a mouthful of frog slime, and it was sour. My smile faltered, but I squared my shoulders and marched up to him anyway, thrusting the cake forward awkwardly as I blurted “I wanted to say I was sorry again for all my questions yesterday, and I have a new search topic today.” He just looked at me for a long moment, hand twitching a bit before finally giving up and moving to rub his temple. My arms were getting a little achy from holding the cake out, so I said “Um, this is for you.” He started, like he had been imagining the ways he would kill me if he could and I had pulled him out of the reverie. “I can’t have dairy,” he said flatly.
Hadn’t he had a cup of coffee yesterday?? And hadn’t that coffee been light in color, as though he had added…cream? Is that dairy? Who on earth can’t have DAIRy?
It was only when I looked back at his face that I realized I’d said some of this out loud. Oops.
Miserably, I asked him where I could find any information about an ancient weapon, describing a bit about Madlyn’s sword and how we couldn’t figure out the materials on it despite making the acquaintance of an area blacksmith. Xavier quickly directed me to the part of the library concerned with blacksmithery. The return of his efficiency gave me a quick spark of hope and I decided to try for a little joke: “No chance you’ll tell me that sister of yours’ name today, will ya?” Surprise surprise, another mistake; he disappeared. Crestfallen that my efforts had yet again hit a brick wall, I trudged over to the section he had indicated and sifted through the titles on the shelf, cheering a bit at the feel of the leathery book bindings under my hand. The smell of the tomes as they slid in and out of their spots on the shelves, the sound of them sliding past one another, the feel of them filling my hands; it was soothing to my very soul. I didn’t find what I was looking for, but I found what I was looking for, you know what I mean journal? I froze time around these memories and sensations for a rainy day.
Not wanting to miss the meal by Laina promised for that evening, I hurried back to the Enchanted Harp and spent some time making some notes in the margins of the unicorn story that Kaylan had been keeping under her pillow. She loves them so much! I also dove back into Grandpa Mary’s dragon book, ever making more notes to ensure that I know as much as I can about them.
The crew came back in together in a whirlwind with a lot of tales about a Kender woman Bo thought was Fizban (my, what a start that gave me for a moment), Kaylan passing some sort of test, Madlyn knowing what was going on the whole time, Zy getting upset when someone touched that mysterious locket she carries around, and Laina just trying to get back in time for her special night of cooking and learning. My favorite part of their tale was that the woman had infiltrated someone else’s home for her caper? People sure do live differently here in Solanthus than they did in Lemish. I’m learning so much, trying to absorb it all like a sponge. A Kender woman; I’m a little jealous that I didn’t get to meet her, I’ve read all about the Kender! Bo is now a master craftswoman too! She held up the list of things she had learned how to make with such pride that I couldn’t help but feel it too, and I felt even more pride when I saw the red and blue band at her wrist, beautifully rendered like the one I wore on mine. Way to go, Kaylan.
The meal Laina and her “friend” made was divine. She is a fast learner. I am proud of myself for not asking if there was kitchen equipment her size, if she had to use a stool in there, or if she just rode around on Robert’s shoulders? My curiosity is not always meant to be sated, I think. I’m learning! And Laina is a lovely soul, I don’t want to make her mad like I make Xavier mad. My heart grew another size when I saw that she had a dusky gray and purple bracelet intertwined with brightest blue; Kaylan is bringing us together.
And that pretty much brings us back to tonight! I think we are getting close to wrapping up our time here, and the crew seems pretty committed to traveling to Tarsis next. Tomorrow, we will go to the Sage Academy at last to learn what we can learn from other Magic wielders; I will admit to some intense curiosity about other kinds of magic and the schooling involved with learning it, as I feel I was just thrown into my magic, and now I’m Manon the White Sinclair. It feels unearned somehow and I want to talk to more wizards. Maybe it would be nice to run into a few who didn’t look like they wanted to vomit or punch youths as I approached.
The last adventure of the night was just a little while ago. Laina and I didn’t bother to pretend that we didn’t want to listen in when Kaylan crept out of the room (she tripped over Thestral, who made enough noise that we were alerted to her plan). Looking at each other mutely, we hustled for the door and left it open a crack so we could observe Kaylan bravely striding toward Madlyn’s door…the conversation was heartfelt on one end, stunted but somehow raw and tentatively curious on the other end. Laina and I silently looked at each other and, as one, backed away from the door in unspoken agreement to let the rest of the conversation play out as it would without our interference. It was nice to share that moment with her, suppressing giggles at the detective work we abandoned halfway through. I did make a mental note to check Madlyn’s wrist for a green and blue bracelet tomorrow, though.
Journal, I know we have only been here a short time, but I admit to not wanting to leave. No one is dying here, and there are enough people around that I’m pleasantly distracted from the ache that begins to throb in my chest when it gets quiet and I’m reaching the end of my journaling for the night. Will time play tricks on me tonight? Will she pull me alluringly closer with promises I make to myself for others? Will I see them again in slumber, the ones I have to keep trying to save and the ones I couldn’t save? I will be brave. I will be brave. I will be brave. I will picture Xavier actually eating frog slime. I will be brave.
Word of the day: sorority
White, the Solinari Approaches
A few more days have passed, and we find ourselves able to stop; breathe; write. My feet are sore and my mind feels waterlogged after all the new sights, sounds, and smells we took in today. I know I’ve felt sluggish over the past week, but this feels completely different–instead of feeling the drag of sadness and that “drowning” sensation, I feel like a fat robin after feasting on a particularly juicy worm. So much happened today! Almost against my will, I can feel time speeding up within me again, can feel myself and Kaylan being tugged relentlessly onward and back into the flow of things around us. Am I being disloyal? Or am I just doing what they would have wanted us to do, continuing on with life? I guess I will do what I always do to decide these things: I will write and let the inked pages be my judge and jury.
Things are rather cozy at the moment; Thestral winked at me to stay silent while everyone else volunteered to sleep on the floor, so he and I are up here snuggling on this lovely bed. My quill on paper is not by any means the only sound; everyone else is writing furiously too. What a lovely way to spend time with each other, silent and engaged in our own thoughts and experiences, shared mutually but perceived very differently. I know the rooms were pricey, but I am secretly glad that we only ventured to purchase one; it’s so very comforting to be in this room with these people. It feels as though being sheltered in this candle-lit room is protective against the dangerous outside world, just for a minute.
ANYway, I digress. Rather, I never got started. Let’s do this.
We left Fangoth and all the refugees Madlyn had saved behind and traveled onward to Solanthus. One of our days led us to a beautiful, open meadow; the expanse was wide and grassy. A gentle wind blew the blades slantwise in whispering companionship and we noticed several horses grazing in wild freedom, dotting the landscape with picturesque grace. Up front in the wagon, Bo and Zy straightened up at sight of these creatures; I saw Zy begin to shake her head and Bo stubbornly set her shoulders, handing Zy the reins as she leapt (more gracefully than the last time I’d seen her do it by far) to the ground. The rest of us watched in sun-drunk, amused silence as Bo crept up to a chestnut brown horse and managed to swing herself onto his back with a victorious whoop. The glossy horse reared once, but Bo whispered sweet nothings into his laid-back ears and soothed him with gentle strokes down the side of his neck.
Trotting back with him to our crew, she formally announced “This is Steve.” She then turned and continued on our journey; no further explanation offered or requested.
Otherwise, the travel days were uneventful; gods, I never thought that simple sentence would be such music to my ears. Tedium used to plague me; how interesting that now, I crave the boredom as a way to process my thoughts and feelings. As we approached Solanthus, we quickly realized that we were no longer in our city of Lemish, or Fangoth, or anything similar at all to what we had seen before. The walls were MASSive, towering over us like ancient, cold guardians of the forbidden. Organized troops patrolled the outskirts and the inner defenses, and several ballistae were mounted on the top. Weirdly, they all pointed skyward? Madlyn had the wherewithal to eventually ask the general why they were pointed that way, but all the pinhead had to say about it was that they had “always been that way.” Aren’t people thirsty for answers in the big city? I guess not. Or maybe Aydan is all brawn. There’s not many people that I can’t find some good in, but you’ll see shortly why this “general” has provoked my ire. ANYway, the other features of the town that drew our gawking eyes were two large spires in the smack-dabbed middle of the town, piercing the clouds above in a neverending quest for more height; oddly, from here they look to be perfectly smooth. That’s not possible, though. There are also large dirt mounds on the outskirts of town. Please, please let there not be mass burial grounds. My mind flashed gratefully to Thersha’s beautiful resting place as I pushed the mass grave images provided by my morbid brain away.
Madlyn took charge at the entrance to the city and got us in with her usual professional gusto. Notably, Mot let out some distressed grunts at the sight of the city, quickly made eye contact with Laina, and waddled off to the forest without a backward glance. Surprised, I warily check on Laina; her gaze remained serene. I guess this is a regular occurrence? I wish I had known, I would have pressed to find out more about Mot from Mot before he disappeared.
Madlyn’s priority once in the city proper was to find the only truly solid lead we had by locating General Aydan Redsteele. I had spent some of my non-researching time on our trip wracking my brain for the name of the person I was supposed to bring my scroll to, but it was like trying to catch a shadow. Every time it was within reach and the outline was nearly solid, the sun came out and it disappeared. I wonder if this is how Grandpa Mary felt all the time, trying to live a normal life? ANYway, we were directed quickly to what looked like the biggest training grounds I’d ever seen in my life. My stomach turned over with a little flop, watching all of those soldiers and trainees battering each other with their swords and clubs and flails. I really am wimpy when it comes to being hit. Madlyn and Bo, on the other hand, had matching feral gleams in their eyes as they took in the scene thirstily. Zy and Laina simply looked comfortable and almost indifferent to the melee before us. Sharing a nervous glance with Kaylan, we followed Madlyn’s confident stride toward the area.
A swaggering youth (likely older than me, but my soul feels ancient and unbound by time these days) stopped us at the entrance to the paddock. He demanded to know what our business was and who we needed to see. Madlyn smoothly handled the exchange and was granted access to the general; she speaks their language in a way the rest of us can only admire. Even her body language shifted to match and overpower his; he would never have admitted it, but denial to her was not an option. The rest of us tried to mimic her bravado the best we could, but the moon is pale when placed next to the sun and we were forced to wait at the gate while she loped across the grounds toward the general without us.
Anxious, shifting from foot to foot, trying to distract ourselves from the nervous chatter bubbling out of someone’s (ahem, oops) mouth, we waited. But we did not have to wait long.
One moment, Madlyn appeared to be talking to the broad-shouldered, hardened general; the next, everyone was surging around her in a large circle, banging on their shields and generally making a lot of fuss. The only perk to our startled bewilderment was that they had left the gate unguarded and we were able to slip through, adding to the number of the throng surrounding Madlyn and the smirking General. He waved an airy, almost sarcastic hand in the air–and I felt time bunch up around me with my fear as a leering soldier separated from the crowd and prowled toward her, snaggle teeth bared in an ugly snarl. Madlyn had a frozen look on her face for the merest half a second before she, too, twirled her weapon in front of her with bloodlust on her countenance. My anxiety eased, just only slightly. Not another person, we can’t lose another person–especially not Madlyn.
I’m not sure why I was worried, though; on the way in, Madlyn said she had never been somewhere as big as Solanthus. But I guess that doesn’t matter when you’ve been training since you were 6 years old to be the best of all time.
In a stunning flurry of blows, Madlyn dispatched first one, then two of the soldiers! It was absolutely thrilling. We pushed through the crowd to be at the front as she kept landing attack after attack on these men who didn’t know what kind of controlled fury lay in that true warrior’s heart. I was awed, watching our own personal hero; my itchy palms formed a time ball, just in case it was needed, but in the fascination of the fight I actually dropped it on the ground. When I had the presence of mind to drag my eyes away from the fighting, I could see weird flashes of blue on Kaylan’s palms and the muted molten glow of her tattoo…apparently, the General could sense them too, because he shouted that none of us were to provide her with “any more aide.” I whispered furiously about coming up with a plan with Kaylan, but our attention was dragged back to the grounds, and we tensed together as Madlyn hoarsely cried “COWARD…come and face me YOURSELF, why are you sending others to fight your battles??”
Slowly, oh so slowly and savoring every morsel of the moment, the general locked eyes with Madlyn and dismissed her bruised and bleeding opponents with another wave of his strong hand. An eerie hush fell over the crowd and the sound of scraping steel was absurdly loud as he used a lover’s caress to draw his sword. Madlyn, panting slightly, drew herself to her full height and defiantly stared back. They took a simultaneous step in the dance together, angling toward one another–and CRACK. He landed a hard blow on her, hard enough to make my teeth rattle with the impact. Her knees shuddered but did not buckle as she blocked two more swift blows, and then WAM! She returned a thump like a snake strike from behind her shield. If I hadn’t known better, I would have thought a small, surprised chuckle escaped his lips. He advanced on her menacingly and before I knew what had happened, it was like time jumped forward and Madlyn’s had fallen to her knees on the packed dirt, but she was absolutely not beaten–my heart tripled its rhythm as he raised his sword high above his head for what looked sure to be a killing blow. Kaylan could no longer keep herself restrained and with a strangled cry, leapt forward with blue energy barely contained–when he triumphantly swung his sword down in the pantomime of a blow, stepping back so it would not land and allowed Madlyn to stand.
Thank the gods; I wasn’t sure what happened, but Madlyn assured us later that it was a clear tie.
I guess I’ll never understand the life of a true soldier and warrior; Madlyn and Aydan seemed like tentative colleagues after the skirmish. I find myself being a little annoyed; how many years of my life were taken off by the anxiety of watching that brawl? As much as I hate getting hit, I think being IN a fight is preferable to watching someone you’ve grown to love as your hero and sister be in one alone. Time marches on, though, and we got what we needed from him–Madlyn got a lockbox with the shattered remnants of an ancient sword in it from him, along with directions to some different places to stay in the city. We immediately discarded the prospect of the fanciest hotel, because our budget needs to stretch for some time I imagine. I’m not sure where our money came from with Grandpa Mary, but I have never known lack of it before; I guess that makes me pretty spoiled in some ways. Anyway, he told us about a “middle” type hotel, and about the Dirty Unicorn. Kaylan’s eyes immediately lit up like a beacon when he mentioned “unicorn,” but Madlyn fixated on the word “dirty” and attempted to put a stop to that idea quickly. Bo and Zy seemed intrigued by that kind of place, so we all split up to check things out for our stay in Solanthus. Bo and Zy rode Steve to the Dirty Unicorn; the rest of us took the wagon to The Enchanted Harp. Bo had to teach me how to drive the horses, but she was a very adept teacher and my mind is always hungry for new information.
The trip to the Enchanted Harp was overwhelming, to say the least. Though it was only a short distance, I couldn’t stop craning my neck to look around the next corner and see the next shop, the next vendor; the sound of hundreds of peoples’ voices is such a curious thing, twisting and braiding together until you hear a rather pleasantly dull roar punctuated by shouting vendors or scolding mothers. Smells were a Russian roulette; at one corner, vomit and piss. At the next, flowers; still the next, fragrant savory aromas from a street vendor selling meat pies and potatoes. After learning how loudly quiet can scream at you when you have a full mind, this chaos was a novelty that my senses delighted in losing themselves in. The air was crisp and dense around us, hinting at a change coming soon.
Too quickly for my liking, we arrived at the Enchanted Harp’s entrance. I pulled back on the reins in some relief and noted the deep grooves in my hands from the nervously tight grip I had kept on the reins; easy peasy, nothing to it! (I like channeling my inner Madlyn, sometimes). A young lad offered quickly to park the horses for us; I was unsure if we wanted them out of sight, but Madlyn knows a thing or two about city life and easily dismissed him with a copper. It was so nice of her to give him something; I decided to follow suit and reached into Grandpa Mary’s bag, thinking about what makes people happy; a banana leapt into my hand and I tossed it toward him. Maybe that was confusion gleaming in his eye, but he shrugged and pocketed the copper AND the banana and trudged off with the horses. Success!
Stepping into the Enchanted Harp from the street was like going from a bar brawl to a concert hall. It was all glass and plants and harp music and tinkling silverware from the restaurant in the next room; breakfast was on and it smelled absolutely divine! I listened to the sound of liquid being poured into a fancy glass when a well-dressed gentleman approached us. He and Madlyn began to discuss lodging, but I will confess that my mind drifted; I watched a beautifully designed fountain in the center of the lobby, water spilling over the edges just to be sucked back up and start again. End, beginning, end, beginning, end—”OK, everyone! Let’s go eat,” Madlyn announced as she marched us toward the dining room. I guess Bo and Zy’s mission was doomed from the start, Madlyn is right; she is an important person and she needs to stay in an important place.
Laina’s gentle eyes seemed to take on a new shimmer of delight upon entering the well-polished dining room. She looked at the heaping piles of delicious food on everyone’s plates; was that a flash of longing in her eye? Either way, Madlyn ordered us our food and it came and gods…I forgot what a good, hot meal tasted like. Actually, when was the last time I had a meal I didn’t have to cook? And without a banana? I immediately felt guilty for the flash of gratitude I felt for the treat that this truly was. Bo and Zy arrived about halfway through our meal, looking only slightly trapped; it’s so wonderful of them to try to be part of this city stuff for the sake of our missions. I hope they find something they are looking for here, too.
Laina nonchalantly got up and decided to use the bathroom. Kaylan wrinkled her nose immediately into a face that I’ve dubbed her “thinking, mistrustful” face, but she let it go. Bo dug into the meal with absolute fervor–muscles like that aren’t built on dew drops, which is coincidentally the solitary food preference for one of the dragons. Brass? Bronze? I’ll have to be better, Grandpa Mary would expect me to remember what I’ve read. Just like he would have expected me to be better with remembering the scroll master’s name. I’m sorry, grandpa; your loss is still a disruptive pattern to my thoughts and I can’t grasp this slippery one. Laina returned from the bathroom, bacon in hand. My, what a fancy place; even the bathrooms supply you with delicious, crispy bacon. On a side note, Laina said the bacon was NOT from the bathroom and that she met one of the chefs. Did I imagine the flush in her cheeks when she mentioned coming back to learn “his tricks of the trade” that evening? Probably. Thestral is reading on my lap (going back and forth between Kaylan and I) and let out a sleepy squeak cackle just now, coincidental I’m sure. Like when he bit my hand and looked at me meaningfully when I mentioned Kaylan trying to help Madlyn. He’s a gerbil of mystery, our Thestral.
Madlyn, looking troubled for once, took the opportunity at breakfast as we discussed our game plan for the day to tell us about another vision/dream/connection she had had with her god, Mejere. Mejere chose a good champion in Madlyn, but I thought our crew was going to have its first good rift when she mentioned what the god had told her–that Takhisis can’t be killed outright, but must be dealt with in some other way. Captured? Subdued? Banished? More questions come from these god encounters my friends have than answers. I can sympathize, honestly. Bo and Zy looked silently murderous at the idea that killing the beast who murdered their town and their father was not possible…I hope that we can all eventually come to an agreement about how best to handle this. If a god said we shouldn’t…it feels like they might know things we don’t. We are humble Lemish residents, unexposed and naive in a lot of ways. Can we trust these gods? I know I trust Madlyn, because I know Kaylan trusts Madlyn and I trust my chosen sister Kaylan with every tick of my inner clock. And Kaylan’s god hasn’t led us astray yet, either; she’s given Kaylan some pretty amazing magic.
We ultimately decided to take the room we are preparing for sleep in now from the proprietor, who is polite but aloof. Madlyn’s suggestion that the price should be a little cheaper for a hero such as herself was perfectly reasonable, but he seemed unimpressed with the likes of us. Maybe we should invite him to those proving grounds with the other soldiers again tomorrow and let Madlyn show him what she can do. In the meantime, we decided to spend the rest of our day inspecting those towers in the middle of town on the way to the library. The LIBRARY. I can’t believe it, I’m actually…excited?? Can you imagine, though? All those books!! Our library was pretty incredible at the keep, but after years I feel like I read all the ones I wanted to read. THIS place is bound to have a few more, right? RIGHT? Oh I’m so excited. I never thought I would be again. Guilt snakes through my delight, but I’m able to ignore it for now. I know I should be searching for the scroll keeper, but maybe I can find some pertinent information about where I should even be looking if we go to the library. The hotel proprietor said something about a wizard college around here too?? That’s WONderful news! We have things that finally feel like LEADS, like a path forward from the devastation and death behind us.
We took the wagon and Steve toward the center of town, following the turning path toward those towers in the middle of town. We are also hopeful to find a map at the library; we have annoyed both the General and the hotel proprietor with our directional disconnects, but I can’t imagine we are the first people in this place to get lost. LOOK at it.
Those towers were as odd upon approach as they looked from a distance. The hotel proprietor said that no one really knows or remembers back far enough to have the origin story on these towers, but the rumor is that the gods made them for their own purposes and have left them here ever since. It’s so very odd to not see where a physical structure like these even ends, since the tips are beyond the clouds. We passed right down the center of them, and it was the most foreign sensation. It’s like I sometimes feel when time is snatched in one direction or the other and I’m just along for the ride, or I’m bending time to my will; sound got swallowed up as the sacrifice in this space. A deep, resonant “ringing” sound filled not my ears, but seemed to squish itself between the very fibers of my being, becoming part of what I was fundamentally made of. I looked at the others and saw that it was the same for them; Bo and Zy worked their jaws as though they could pop their ears out of the feeling. On the other side of the towers, the city sounds slammed back into us like it had been a psychedelic dream and nothing more. Once, I drank one of Grandpa Mary’s potions as a young girl. I think this moment happened before for me, and when I drank that potion I saw all of us having this experience from a floaty chair above it all.
ANYway.
The group was kind enough to let me practice my magic and see if I could discover anything about the towers. I first tried in the middle with that bone separating ringing/vibration; I looked and looked and looked at my little book, but no matter how hard I tried to get the recipe right, something would flip in front of my very eyes and I could never quite complete it. Frustrated, I stalked out of the middle and re-attempted from the outside. FINally, I was able to learn that these towers were definitely magical. It was like hearing the sounds of a massive choir or orchestra; everything was harmonious and made a strange, beautiful chord when heard all together. My magic was clearly in there, though. I could feel it tugging familiarly to me, trying to pull me into the dance to play along.. It ducked and weaved between the strands of all the other magics, which were alien to me. I withdrew and reported my findings to the group, who seemed politely disinterested. Madlyn asked me to grab the sword shards from Grandpa Mary’s bag and see if these were magical; I obliged, holding a shard and feeling like some magic had been a living flow over this weapon at some point long ago in its history. The magic now felt “crusty,” dry, thin–like butter scraped over too much bread, dried out, and thrown in the fire.
We left with–surprise, surprise–more questions than answers.
But where better to go for answers than what can only be described as one of the best places in the realm? The Solanthus Library.
Oh, journal, how can I ever find the words to describe how magnificent, how erudite, how stunning was this place?? I cannot, I simply cannot. We entered the hall and books, books, books as far as the eye could see; I didn’t know this many EXISted. They covered the walls and stretched onward, inward, around the room in tidy, but not meager, stacks. Kaylan let out a soft “woooaaah” behind me, and I felt a little tug on my sleeve as she whispered a request that we try to find her a unicorn book in this magical place. I smiled widely and agreed that if anyplace had that kind of story, it would be this library. People milled between the stacks, a few of them riding wheeled ladders back and forth against the shelving, looking for just the right story to tickle their minds. A group of people gathered in cozy poufs appeared to be in heated diatribe, each of them clutching a copy of the same book. I drank it all in so greedily, and saw that there were still more steps leading up and away to another floor–another whole FLOOR. How many lifetimes do I get? I vow here and now that in all of mine, I will find this place again. Maybe I can find the places that Thersha and Grandpa Mary vowed to always be found, and see them in a different form someday. This, this is one of the places you’ll find me when I’ve left one plane of existence for another, or found a reincarnated life to live.
Spotlighted in the center of the room was a round desk with a single clerk, dressed all in a red suit. He was paying attention to no one in particular, sorting through a large stack of books in front of him. I remembered to breathe and turned to see all the others gaping at our surroundings like I had been, all except for Madlyn–who looked slightly bored. “I will patrol the borders and make sure we are safe here.” She disappeared instantly. “Okay,” I said, “I think we need someone to make some maps.” Zy and Laina volunteered immediately; now, only to find where the maps ARE in this large place. I resolutely strode up to the clerk at the middle desk, almost tripping over my gray robes in the process as I couldn’t help turning my head this way and that to see if I sniffed out any interesting titles along my journey. Kaylan and Bo came with me; Zy and Laina hung back, waiting for instructions.
“Excuse me,” I said timidly. “If we were looking for an area for maps, where would we go?” The clerk, without an upward glance, asked if we wanted to buy or remake; after hearing his description of each of these options, we opted quickly to definitely remake. I trudged back to Laina and Zy, delivered the information about the maps being upstairs, and returned to the desk in time to hear Kaylan finish up saying “...oh the children’s section! Okay, perfect.” He did look up at this point, giving her a sizing up kind of look. Dismissively, he turned penetrating eyes back on me. “Anything else?” he asked haughtily. I stammered, feeling the intensity of his gaze sharpen on me. “I w-would like to know if you have any information about dragons, h-here. And maybe, if you don’t mind a little bonus search, some information about an archmage named Marwort Sinclair.” To my shock, a look of vague disgust clouded his features. “Why are you interested in these things?” he asked. “And, pray tell, where did you get those robes?” Panicking, frazzled, I looked to Kaylan with a pleading glance for her advice; she is better with people than I am. She looked as confounded as I felt as she marked his intense interest in my response; I noticed a subtle gesture from her to maybe hedge our information provision.
Taking a deep breath, I told a half-truth…”I got these robes from my grandfather, he had them laying around in a trunk in our home in Lemish. And I just wanted to know more about dragons and Marwort Sinclair because I’m interested in these things; you must get people in here all the time interested in random things.”
I knew very quickly that this was NOT the right thing to say.
The disgust on his features hardened into something icy, disappointed. “You lie,” he said simply. “I knew who you were the moment you walked in this door. You want to try again and tell me the truth this time? My sister was definitely wrong to be excited about you.” My mind raced, time doing that weird thing it does with me where it feels like one thousand seconds are passing for me to everyone else’s one second. My palms began to sweat; how did he know?? Am I that bad at lying?? This was my first crack at it, but we’ve been in such danger lately, I HAD to lie. Right?? I glanced back at my friend, who seemed to be re-evaluating the situation. Our gazes met and we seemed to come to the same conclusion simultaneously. I had to tell the truth, because this man clearly knew more than he should about us and I had to find out why.
“Okay,” I slowly began again. “I’m sorry. We have been in a lot of danger lately–” he interrupted with an impatient gesture. “I don’t CARE. Tell me the truth.” I gulped and the words poured out of me like a flood, rushing and spilling everywhere. I told him that Marwort Sinclair was my grandfather, about the trial with the red wizard at the end and how I’d won out against all the others, and received a scroll. How Grandpa Mary was dead and we were on the run and the hunt for more information. Instead of being satiated by the information, he seemed to only become more and more incensed by my jumbled explanations and interrupted AGAIN to demand, “and WHO, exactly, are you supposed to find?” Sheepishly, I shrugged. I pulled out the scroll to see if a magical answer would appear there to save the day, and he snatched it away, holding it disdainfully for a moment as he stared me down. “You were SUPPOSED to find a man named Xavier. How could you NOT remember my name? Fool, fool, NOT the brilliant prodigy my sister promised AT ALL.”
If I hadn’t been so shaky and sweaty, I would have been mortified enough to try to cast Misty Step and get the hell out of this situation.
Instead, I had to stand there, ramrod straight, while he closely scrutinized the scroll. Incredulous once more, he snarled, “Let’s go.” Snapping fingers to this man is apparently like blinking is to me and Grandpa Mary; suddenly, we were in a hollow-feeling, windowless cavern. On his feet, the man was tall and somehow managed to look menacing and tower over me in his sharp red suit. I tried to look meek and penitent, but ultimately I know I failed miserably as the questions began to spill out of me unbidden and uncontrolled. “How did you know who I was? Why am I supposed to find you? What do you know about my grandfather? Are you going to train me or is there a program I need to go through, at the wizard school?” At this, he closed the mouth that had fallen open in what appeared to be dumbstruck anger at my cluelessness and hissed “you mean, the Sage Academy? Don’t answer that.” He held up a weary, defeated hand. “I need you to stop asking questions and in fact, don’t speak unless I ask you a direct question.” He steepled his fingers together and appeared to spend a great amount of effort becoming more neutral and gathered before asking, “Why do you use magic? What motivates you to use it, and what do you want to accomplish in its use?”
I scrabbled through the pebbly disarray of my still-shocked mind and felt an answer settle firmly into place. With suddenly more calm than I’d felt this entire exchange, I replied clearly “I use magic because there are people in this world who cannot and there are people who can. I don’t know why I was gifted this way and my family was gifted this way, but we were and we have a responsibility to use it for the betterment of those around us.” A quick glint of something I couldn’t read flashed through his eyes, and it was with a milder tone that he asked the next question. “How do you use magic?” I replied quickly, “I bend time. I can see time in a way that others can’t, and I think it’s hereditary because my grandfather had this–” “STOP,” he snapped. “I’ve only been a part of your acquaintance for 5 minutes and I’m already sick of you talking about all these stupid irrelevancies, your grandpa doesn’t mean shit to me.” My first flash of anger reared its head then, words snapping off my tongue before I could stop them, “Well you CLEARLY should, because at some point you said there weren’t any archmages left and HE WAS ONE. So I guess you don’t know about ALL of the things.”
I could have swallowed my own tongue.
Acidly, he replied, “That may be so. But you said he was dead. Which makes my statement nothing but true; there are no. Archmages. Left.” Each of his words struck me like a physical slap, marking my soul like no shield would ever possibly block the impact. “The fact remains that you have to decide what YOU are going to do. You need your OWN convictions, your OWN motivations if you’re going to go down this path. Legacy isn’t enough, it has to be YOU. What if I were to take your magic right now? What would you even do?” Fuming, I seethed between my teeth “You can’t take my magic.” Fiery challenge dominated his eyes as he snapped those damned fingers again and said “Great. Try to cast something, then.” I immediately shook my book out of my sleeve and picked sapping sting to cast on this sniveling monster of a man…but the magic wouldn’t flow from me, wouldn’t leave the cage of my body. Smugly, he said “You were accidentally right. I can’t take your magic from you. But you need to be careful what kind of provocation you put out in the world, and you NEED. To have. Your OWN. Convictions and motivations. What are you interested in right now, WHAT?” My mind went blank but for the one thing I’d been obsessing over lately and I blurted “Dragons!” He smiled like a cat who found the cream. “Yes. Good. We don’t have any information here. There was a legendary cache of information in a place called Tarsis, but it is said to be decimated. I care not. At least, though, you have a conviction, a goal.” He sharpened his gaze on me again. “You must focus on your goals. We all have our own tasks in the Mages of High Sorcery, and no one is going to help you.” He snapped his fingers again and I gasped, feeling a tingling warmth spread from the apex of my head to the tips of my fingers and toes. I looked down to see my robes had changed to a brilliant white, seeming to flow and shimmer like living starlight. He grimaced. “I guess the kind of mage you’ll be is relatively rare. You’re a follower of the Solinari moon, aligned with wanting to help others and do good.” He added, almost but not quite under his breath, “I still think my sister was wrong about you, though.”
More questions exploded through my mind and when I opened my mouth, they could not do anything but spill out of me. He rubbed his temples like I’d brought on a terrible migraine and snapped his fingers to bring us back to the library once more. Kaylan and Bo looked at me with mouths agape, watching me half scold, half furiously demand answers of this man. He wearily provided a few more answers, but when I asked his sister’s name, he threw up his hands in defeat and disappeared.
I would be lying if I said that the rest of the day passed in anything but a blur; my mind was whirring, buzzing, alive with the questions both answered and new. A few images from the rest of the evening danced before my eyes; Bo going upstairs to the beautifully curved room on the second floor, climbing the magical ladder and seeming quite confused when her body didn’t swing from it as expected. Walking back through town. Bo’s quiet happiness after she found a lovely, gruff smithy to take her in for training in new smithing skills. Zy’s ongoing dejected quiet. Kaylan’s shining eyes as she listened to my tale, then her quiet contemplation as I could see that she was thinking about her purpose too. Laina disappearing for…well, kind of a long time and the other waiters/waitresses filing out of the kitchen, elbowing each other and wiggling their eyebrows back toward the door that swung shut behind them. Her quiet happiness as she described the meal she learned how to make, and her intention to make it for us all the following evening. Madlyn’s nursing herself back to health with pushups and exercise and layers of discipline.
I guess the pendulum I found myself swinging back and forth on has officially settled in the best case scenario that I hoped for. I’m neither totally bad, nor totally innocent; I’m something new, a hybrid who is challenged with making the best possible decisions in a world where “best possible” might mean a bad outcome for some people. Maybe I will have the power and responsibility to make those choices. It feels like new shoes, needing to be walked in for a few miles, experienced. I guess maybe I’m Manon The White Sinclair, now.
I’ve written past all the others, my words spilling out of me as per usual, and the candle burns low. Even Thestral has taken the big spoon position in readiness for me turning in, snoring delicately. Am I doing it? Am I being the “better than you” that you wished for me, Grandpa Mary? Would everyone in our family still be proud of who I’m becoming?
Word of the day: genesis
Reading Between the Lines
I would call the way that I am living right now a waking nightmare, if it were only more interesting. Instead, it feels like I’m in the world–watching it move around me in speed-of-light-streaks–while I’m standing perfectly still, not able to step through the glass box walls back into normal time. Time feels like ripped velvet right now. I feel like I reach toward it with detached curiosity, running my fingers across its texture only to find these huge holes where something important used to live. If I screamed for help through one of those holes, would it be so slow that the outside world would only hear a squeak? My time is different than their time, now. Except for Kaylan. Sometimes I’m able to lift my head and look over to see her, blue colors fighting black, moving at my pace while everyone else is at hyperspeed.
I guess my last journal was not a decade ago. It was only a few days. Maybe a few days is too many to go without writing, and the madness has taken me. I’ll let you decide, journal, with a faithful recording of what has happened. Per usual.
I think we left off in the wagon. The wagon, right? Yes, the wagon.
As Bo and Zy drove us ever further from the Lemish disaster, we didn’t waste a lot of our remaining dregs of energy in communication. I stared at nothing while layer after layer of cold apathy wrapped around my heart, protection from the driving spikes of pain that were trying to rip it to bitter shreds. When my hands needed something to do, I flipped through the book in my lap.
In no time at all and also in a million years, Bo and Zy were yelling that there was a fight up ahead. Madlyn stirred to life immediately, peering out of the window and muttering something about “one versus 6, just the kind of place I’m needed to save the day.” She’s probably right, I would want her on my side in a fight like that.
I next dragged my slow gaze to Kaylan. What I had thought was a blue shroud was actually a beautiful chartreuse one for Thersha; she is so thoughtful. Idly, disconnectedly, I wondered for the hundredth time how someone plagued by being raised in a cult could have turned out so compassionate. She’s just got that x-factor strength, I guess. Maybe that’s why it was so alarming to see the mention of the fight turn her blue vibe straight into black. Pain and loss must do different things to different people; I made a sluggish mental reminder to make sure I checked in with her, if we all lived through this next catastrophe.
I felt the small ripple in time of Bo turning into that hard, red presence; Zy driving us ever closer to the skirmish; Madlyn starting to prepare for battle; Kaylan and her dark power creating a massive construct looking oddly like a feral, muscular Thestral. I half-heartedly shook my precious book partially out of my sleeve and cast armor on myself–no more pain, or I’ll go to pieces.
The battle was a blur with only a few highlights swimming through my dense, foggy memory. Time makes a mockery of the grieving, causing what normally would have been starkly detailed to be only trickles running quickly through the cracks in my cupped hands. The short woman Madlyn saved was a fearsome fighter in her own rights with a mushroom companion; someday soon, I’ll be very interested to investigate him–Mot–more. He went on a rampage, so to speak, and caused poison clouds to envelop the enemies while she–her name is Laina–wreaked havoc with her fighting skills. Bo made fantastic attempts at leaping into the air from the cart to make some more of her characteristically lethal swings, but maybe the travel has gotten to her because she seemed to spend a lot of time on the ground. Zy pulled her bow and arrow out to do some serious damage as per usual, hunting style, but seemed worried about Bo. Madlyn was her usual disciplined self in the fight, except that she finally tapped into her strange tattoo and used it to make one of the soldiers get down on their knees, primed for my catapulted artillery banana. She also used it to light up some of those warriors. Kaylan seemed to pour her energy into sustaining the MegaThestral, and to good effect as it ripped the throat out of a soldier without blinking a beady little eye. I continued to pull on the folds of time, reaching into its drawers for the false base. My relish of the use of time is so conflicted now. On the one hand, I’m so angry with time; it feels like a thief. Is this what a toxic relationship is like? Because on the other hand, I can’t stop coming back for more, more, more. Maybe, if I can master time, I’ll never have to deal with its dark side again.
Anyway, I settled back into the wagon by Chartreuse Thersha again while the crew figured out that Laina was helping to resettle 50 refugees she had found. They emerged from close by with large, fearful eyes. Maybe, just maybe? They also had some downright awe for the battle they had just witnessed. I guess if you think about it, my friends are pretty impressive. So was Thersha, though–it didn’t save her.
I heard them agree to accompany Laina to the next town to help them get the refugees settled in; Madlyn really took charge, and I’m grateful that she could. I think maybe some people cope with loss by doing something, anything, to stave it off. I wish I were that way. Instead, I just sat in the bottom of the wagon as it bumped along down the road, sitting an unbroken vigil for my friend.
We made camp that night. Everyone left the wagons by the road and went a little deeper into the woods; I could not leave Thersha behind. Who was to say how long I would have been willing to spend time even with just her shell? It was horrifying to look at her, the shade of a person with a grimacing, dried-out death mask. Yet…Kaylan had done incredible work, making her look almost peaceful and full of a light she could never have shown in life. When the sounds of the camp grew quiet and distant, I began to speak to her.
My voice began as a rasp in the dark and sounded absolutely stupid. It felt like the words left my mouth and fell straight into a tangled heap at my feet, ineffective and lame. But I kept working patiently at it, allowing time to weave a balm between the pauses while I thought of the next thing to say to her. I started by talking about inconsequential things, like people who have nothing but heaps of time ahead of them and are ignorant of the luxury that it is to talk like that. Like there’s no pressure to say the important things, because you have the rest of your lives to say those things; living now means living with the arrogance of unreality. Maybe I imagined it, but I think her chartreuse shroud pulsed a little when I repeated a filthy joke I’d overheard from someone on the road.
Then, when the sound of my unimportant words had laid a soft, downy blanket for us–I moved on to the things my heart had been keening with since the light left her eyes. I asked her questions she would never answer and I answered questions I thought she might have had for me. I told her the story of her death and how it made me feel. I got mad at her for the people she had left behind, the people she had made love her. I told her how empty and hopeless her absence made me feel, how raw. And mostly, I told her about the future I had imagined with her in it; a future where she never had to feel like an orphan again because she fully understood the depth of our love for her, a future of sunny days and cleansing stormy nights. The birthdays we would celebrate and the bananas we would eat and the chairs she should have always filled, the cup she should always have been holding. I told her how it felt that those imagined futures were now forever warped on the edges, jaggedly discordant in a way that only time’s relentless march could blunt/blur the edges of. I let salty tears drip off the edge of my nose onto her shroud. I closed my eyes and tried to freeze time over the scent of her, the feel of her, the sound of her as she had been and not as she now was. I blinked to reverse time, to no avail.
At some point, Bo poked her head in and awkwardly offered me some chocolate because that’s what she gives Zylah when she is in her “moods.” I accepted and slipped some into Thersha’s pocket too, for the afterlife. I’ll need to thank Bo for the warmth that seeped into my bones at her kindness and yes–with the chocolate.
When I awoke, Thersha’s body was gone!!
I was frantic until I saw Kaylan and her beatific smile. Something good, something right had fallen into place for her overnight…I made a mental note to erase my former mental note to check in on her, she seems to be doing as fine as she can be right now. I know she is still sad because the time around her still matches mine, but she is starting to hum with life again and she said she had an experience with her not-so-imaginary friend, whose name is (apparently) Mishikal. Kaylan wordlessly led me to one of the most beautiful places I had ever seen…and I knew that Thersha was finally at peace.
“Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean, tears from the depths of some divine despair rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes, in looking on the happy autumn fields, and thinking of the days that are no more. Dear as remembered kisses after death, and sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned on lips that are for others; deep as love, deep as first love, and wild with all regret; o death in life, the days that are no more.” –Grandpa Mary
Madlyn said some beautiful words over Thersha, but I had said everything to her the previous night and the words were only slowly refilling in my heart. I had no more to say. Quietly as everyone began to drift away and onward in our journey, I knelt in the dirt and pressed my hand over where I imagined her still heart to be and froze the time memory for myself. “Goodbye,” I whispered one more time. I looked up to Kaylan and found her sharing this, coping in her own lovely ways. I feel so strongly connected to my other sister. My heart finally twitched with something other than howling pain–a sliver of the remembrance of the love we were still able to share between ourselves…and perhaps more lost sisters of this world.
I feel as though I am sitting atop a long, pillared pedestal. With a loud “tick,” the pedestal dips in one direction that is full of nothing but red, roiling, teeming darkness and what I can only assume is hate. If I were but to let go, I could fall into that powerful pit promising to satiate the darkness I feel, but change me forever. Then, the pedestal swings back to the other side with another loud “tick” and I’m careening into blues and greens and yellows; maybe a more familiar setting, but somehow dissatisfying in some ways now. As with the darkness, I have only to let go and I’ll slide safely to the known ground beneath my feet, into “innocent Manon” again. It feels like a trap. Back and forth, back and forth my thoughts sway and tick until I know the madness will take me before I can choose a side. Maybe if I wait long enough, a side will be chosen for me. Or I will find a new dimension to slide through. Despite everything, I am still pursuing mastery of time; may it guide me to a medium place.
We took the refugees to a small town called Fangoth and basically tripled their population, it seems. Their leader seemed clueless and terrified of the idea of a green dragon; I didn’t have the heart to warn her that the green dragon actually doesn’t seem to be the worst of the threat. I’m spending all of my spare time feverishly pursuing as much knowledge about dragons as I can; I’m giving my time obsession a little break so the ache in my heart can get smaller (ignore it, ignore it) and focusing all my research power on information that could save us, information that Grandpa Mary (a pang in my heart even to write his very name) obviously thought was important. I followed Kaylan to a church, and while she determinedly started something that is very important to her, I continued to sit in the pew and doggedly pursue more knowledge about what is coming. I’m finding that I don’t want to miss a moment of time with her, if I can help it. Each of those moments is precious and irretrievable. I’m making my crew armbands to have quick knowledge at our fingertips if we need it suddenly; I know I’ve found the information I stash in my sleeves to be quite useful.
The consensus of our crew after some resting and talking was to head to Solanthus. I’m very pleased that this is our group’s decision, as the scroll I got the night before we lost Grandpa Mary (ouch) needs to be brought to someone there. I’ll muster up the energy to think about that another day; for now, I will caress the words on the page and imagine my grandfather’s hand writing them out for my eyes, trying to save us all with something I just seem to keep missing. Help us, Grandpa Mary. What am I missing?
Word of the day: memorialization
Time's Cruel Side
Breathe in. Breathe out.
The scratch of my quill is the only thing separating me from madness. While I can still keep records, I still have purpose. My life is not meaningless because of this one remaining thing I can still do. I can also still make lists, and I think the making of lists–even terrible ones–is the bridge to my new reality even as the scratching of this quill is the tether to my current misery.
My favorite things about Grandpa Mary: 1.) the moments I didn’t know he was watching me, and I turned to catch bright blue eyes taking me in. 2.) When he had fallen asleep and I could smooth the hair from his forehead and whisper the questions of my heart with no judgment to him. 3.) The feel of his hand patting mine while I mixed his banana bread, dry leathery skin. 4.) When he would leave me a new book he had loved. 5.) Knowing I belonged to him, even as he belonged to me. Even if my time with him was a small ratio to his full time on earth, his time with me was my whole life. I’ve known nothing else.
How could I ever have wanted anything more than him? What is this love and infatuation I have with time, without him? If I’m not shifting my life around his orbit, does my life even mean anything? Does it mean nothing that I would have stood sentinel at the gates of Hell for him? How can the most powerful emotion I’ve ever felt be worthless?
My favorite things about Thersha: 1.) She never let the loss of her fingers keep her from anything she needed to do. 2.) If she woke up before me, she would mimic bird sounds to wake me up before Grandpa Mary could wreak havoc. 3.) She could have been cold because her life was cruel, but her smile (though rare) dumped warmth from your head to your toes. 4.) She never turned anyone in need away. 5.) She was keeper of my secrets, guardian of my innocence, one of the first people (with Kaylan) I ever wanted to say anything worth telling to.
“I need you to be better than I was.”
Faithfully, I scratch out a recording of what has happened in–can it be?--in one day. I write it like molasses crawling down the edge of a cool jar, inevitably, inexorably.
Grandpa Mary is dead. Thersha is dead.
Things I know about Grandpa Mary’s death: 1.) He was stabbed 6 times. 2.) His blood was still warm as I knelt in it and held him to my chest. 3.) If Thestral wasn’t with him, he died alone without anyone he loved to look into his eyes and hold his hand. 4.) The memory of his face in utter stillness is one I wish I didn’t have. 5.) The absence of motion is the most terrifying aspect of death; time can slip by whether it’s minutes or it’s hours, weeks, years–and his body undisturbed will not stir. It’s a beginning with no end, and the first time that I am seeing time as a rapaciously cruel mistress. I guess something as powerful as time has an unavoidable dichotomy to it; moments are fleeting, and fleeting moments go on for eternity. We never want something to end; we can’t stand for something not to end.
I’m sorry for the rambling of my thoughts, I cannot seem to focus. I hear his words and the whisper of her stealthy steps through our home. It interrupts my thought patterns like the ticking of a sundial in a silent garden.
I will start again. As many times as it takes.
“Your parents would have been so proud of you.”
As we returned to the keep, a tremendous BOOM shook the very air around us. Hearing nothing but ringing in my own ears and what seemed like rushing water trying to pull me under, I sprinted toward our home and found Grandpa Mary in the middle of the burning inferno of our home. He was dead, as described in a list I think I already wrote, I can’t revisit it again right now. Absurdly, I believed with all my heart that blinking would change an outcome that could never change, could shut the jaw of the roaring void before me. I blinked furiously, even as tears began to roll down my face and a strangled sob escaped my throat. A minute could have passed or a lifetime; next thing I was aware of at all, a soldier was pulling me away from Grandpa Mary’s body and Thersha, Kaylan, Bo, Zy, and Madlyn were telling me to trust them, to go with the soldiers because it was going to be alright. The Mayor was there and looked cruelly at us all. Bo tried to take Grandpa Mary’s body with us, a move I was numb to but that I think I will someday (when I can feel anything again) feel fierce love toward her for.
When the soldiers wouldn’t allow us to take his body, I think madness claimed me. I begged and begged and begged for a chance to be able to touch him one more time, to whisper one more thing into his hairy, long-lobed ear, to leave one last imprint of time on the destroyed frame that used to house his soul, but they allowed me not even that. I think I will always hate them for that, when I feel it all again.
Things I worry about: 1.) That the last touch on his body won’t be mine. 2.) That I didn’t witness his last breath, hear the last words he said. 3.) That maybe he reached for me when he knew his heart would stop beating and still hoped I could return in time to save him. 4.) That he believed even for a second I didn’t love him as much as I did, because of my new obsession with time and the powers I’ve been using. 5.) That whoever gets to take care of him in the afterlife won’t know how to make banana bread.
“We don’t have much time. I can’t explain more.”
I don’t remember how we got there because time began to slip out of my grasp, and I let it. Next thing I knew, we were in a small stone jail cell with a pitifully small window. They took all of our stuff from us, but at least we all got to be in the same place. I couldn’t look at anyone because I knew what I would see: mirrors and doors. Mirrors of my own quietly horrific grief, and doors to the next steps we would have to take. Steps that would take me further from the last time he was alive. I started to become irrationally panicked at the idea that I would be asked to move on, even while I recognized its necessity; as the rushing in my ears threatened to completely overwhelm me, I felt sudden warmth. Warmth where moments before I had been convinced I was joining Grandpa Mary in the land of the wraiths. I looked down in a detached kind of way. Madlyn’s hands surrounded my own right hand, and Thersha’s hands surrounded my left, carefully cleaning off Grandpa Mary’s blood. Cleansing me from the weight of it. I hope the look I gave them was enough, that Thersha especially could feel my gratitude for her steadfast friendship and stoic support in that blink of time.
“You’re not alone. You’ll never be alone.”
Bo and Zy are not getting a good impression of city life, and this was the first time that it was apparent. They paced the cell like caged animals. Bo seemed particularly obsessed with the window, which turned out to be a really wonderful thing because Thestral came back to us through that window. Relief punched a temporary hole in the thick gloom of numbness around my heart, especially as I got to absorb the happiness on Kaylan’s face at their reunion. Thestral knew about Grandpa Mary and spent the last days of his life with him. I let Kaylan pass her (oops, him) to me so I could cradle him close. I felt a wild hope that by proxy, I was also impressing love and caring and longing into Grandpa Mary’s consciousness by nuzzling Thestral. Vaguely, I was aware that Bo and Zy were not impressed with Thestral; that will come with time, as they get to know her (oops, him).
Kaylan found out that her new powers were not connected to her stick, even though the stick sure is pretty. Her powers are channeled through that tattoo. Madlyn was too nervous to try hers out; I’m not surprised, as control seems to be something pretty central to her aura.
Just as she reached out to the door to try something to unlock it, we heard the sound of soldiers falling and the door opened. Bo was ready to knock heads together, but our beloved Thersha recognized the knocker’s voice and had a rushed conversation in whispers. I dully continued to sit in the corner, arms wrapped around my knees, not really caring about what happened next. The stranger had arranged for us to get out, though. I guess that is a good thing.
A spark of life lit my mind when we went to retrieve our things. Grandpa Mary’s bag! They had brought it with our weapons and personal belongings. I didn’t care to worry about the reason they did it, just grabbed it and held it like my life depended on it. When no one else was looking, I lifted the scratched, soft worn leather up to my face and breathed him in, the memory of his hands on this bag materializing easily. If time is a construct, then we are holding this bag together, just in different spaces in the time continuum. I’m comforted by that. For the first time, a kernel of hope blooms in my chest; maybe, I can find a gap in the wall separating “where I can go” and “where I can’t follow him.” I tucked the thought away for then, as everyone was ready to get going.
Madlyn and Thersha knew the way out. We hurried out toward the exit when we encountered 3 soldiers. I saw Madlyn pause confusedly. I guess that the guards are not normally stationed this way? She didn’t have time to question anything or to get to the bottom of the situation before a giant, dragon-like creature dropped from the sky with a large THUD before us. He said something in a language I’ve never heard before, and they charged.
Bo took the lead after I used Grandpa Mary’s book to give her faster reaction time to an attack than anyone on the battlefield. She valiantly took a chunk out of the big guy to lead us off. From there, we all pitched in; Zy had a really great shot and fearlessly marked enemies for slaughter, Kaylan bravely used the magic that causes her eyes to go dark and unrecognizable, Thersha danced cleverly in and out of the battle with her double daggers, Madlyn continued to harness her considerable powers of controlled fury, and I came to life long enough to allow the pounding of blood in my ears to mimic the pounding of rock against skull as I manipulated time around me to take down as many of these evil, grandparent-killing wretches as possible. Oddly, the pain of his death was no less afterwards. The adrenaline of success, though? Assuaged my aching heart for just a fleeting moment.
I heard Bo yell to Zy that the Dark Horny lady was present during the battle. I have no feelings about this right now, but I know eventually I will have plenty. Bo seemed afraid; Zy was enraged.
“Early to bed, early to rise makes a man want to take a nap, I think.”
We left the prison to be confronted with an abysmal scene. A bright green, terribly beautiful dragon was sweeping over the open thoroughfares of Lemish, spewing bright green, heavy-looking clouds of mist over whatever it could reach. A dragon should clearly be causing me more excitement than this report indicates. I never thought it could happen, but my excitement is simply drowned in the well of my sorrows. More reacting will undoubtedly occur later.
We all looked at each other and saw two possible streets to sprint down until we reached the rendezvous point that Thersha’s friend had arranged further escape for us on. We looked at one another, nodded without speaking, and began the dastardly run for our lives. In this type of contest, I certainly did not expect to be anywhere near the front of the finishing pack, but I think I just got lucky. Madlyn was plagued by boulders and soldiers. Bo likely would have gotten out sooner, but at the last moment she recognized that Kaylan was in grave danger and got her out at high personal risk. I owe her so much, as Kaylan and Thestral are now the only links of deep loving connection from my “Before” life. Zylah had some bad luck on the rooftops, but ultimately was able to get out. Kaylan and her larger-than-this-world, colorful heart would not abandon the people she knew she could save and so got out last. Thersha shoved me forward every chance she got, making sure I got out before she did. As always. As formerly always.
“Good friends are like a box of chocolates. Hold them in your hand so they melt and become part of your wrinkles.”
We saw what the dragon could have done to us, and I’m grateful no one suffered that fate.
The carriage was waiting for us as promised, and Bo and Zy looked relieved to have an animal to handle. They got up front to start a frenzied retreat to the relative safety we…well, most of we, are currently in. In the carriage, Madlyn, Thersha, Kaylan, and me were looking at each other with shock, a hysteric laugh bubbling to our lips when we heard a disembodied voice yell out. “This is for our QUEEN!!”
For the second time in the space of a few hours, my world’s time stopped.
One moment, Thersha was everything. She was light and breath and sweat and noise and motion and perfection. The next moment, it was all gone. The wild euphoria animating her face at our triumph transfigured into a grimacing death mask as her life was sucked from her body.
Time played tricks on all the rest of us in that moment, I think. For the space of exactly one heartbeat, I think we actually banished its existence. As the second heartbeat dropped, Kaylan and I sprung into fear-driven motion. She tried every spell she could think of and examined Thersha frantically; I feverishly flipped through my spellbook and opened Grandpa Mary’s infernally useless bag and tried to actually dive into it. I looked finally at Madlyn, whose eyes stopped me cold. They were open wide, and yet shuttered with the veil that only shock can produce. An entire sea of unsaid words swam there, because cruelty was never in her blood. Strangely, discordantly, I thought to myself that it was likely that she had seen a lot of death (maybe even of friends) as a soldier and knew better than to give it a name in front of people who could not yet face the truth. I turned away and saw that Kaylan was limply casting a shimmering blue shroud over Thersha’s desiccated body…and I knew it was over.
My eyes bright with unshed tears and my entire body going numb with the shock all over again, I sank to my knees under the weight of crushing grief. Right on the bottom of that carriage that was still carrying us away to a destination I could not give two shits about right now. Wraith-like again, I looked at the only other object on the bottom of the carriage with me aside from feet and saw Grandpa Mary’s bag, discarded where I had left it after trying for a mad leap into it. In yet another disconnected jolt from my brain, I had a sudden memory of Grandpa Mary turning it inside out. Lit by a flame that was guttering to extinction more each moment, I slowly (so slowly) performed that same motion. A note and a book dropped inanely out of the bag, bouncing off the carriage floor. My sluggish heart beat just a little faster despite myself as I recognized Grandpa Mary’s handwriting.
“I need you to be better than I was.”
Thinking it could be linked to something that might bring them BOTH back to a place where I could see, hear, touch, smell them, I immediately set to translating the paper from a cipher I flipped right open to in the book.
There was nothing to help them. I closed the book on the note, to put away to think about at another time, any other time than this when I can hardly stop the shaking of my hands or the creeping allure of apathy stealing over my soul.
What I wish: 1.) That I were anyone but me right now. 2.) That I had never left Grandpa Mary or let anything happen to Thersha. 3.) That I could believe I will be enough to Kaylan, who has now lost 2 of the only people she loved after leaving the cult. 4.) That their words were more than echoes in my head. 5.) That love was enough to keep your people with you in a more tangible way than the gossamer threads of memory, which fade instead of getting richer over time.
Word of the day: devastation
The Folds of Time
We have finally settled in for the night; my, what a breakneck pace we had to set with Madlyn! She not only a very commanding and confident presence, but (as it turns out) quite physically rigorous as well. I’m exhausted, but I can hear the sounds of her STILL exercising…I think in my nervous blabber I offered to join her? My, what situations I get myself into. Kaylan is joining her and I do think that’s wonderful, as Kaylan is clearly missing Thestral as grievously as I’m missing Grandpa Mary and she needs an outlet. Thersha and I are content to let them do their thing; we even left to gather up some twigs for the fire so they could exercise in relative peace. Did I mention the part where I let Madlyn lead us for 4 hours in the wrong direction because I was so flustered at her sense of command when I am just…me? Oh, well. What is, time, anyway? Just a construct.
Journal, I have a confession before I start my detailed reporting on the events as is my duty. I have a significant, steady thrum of stress about being away from Grandpa Mary, sure. But, also? I cannot deny this part of me that is just THRILLED with all of these changes. It seems that the question I’ve always asked myself between rounds of banana bread making–is there more to this life?--is being answered with a very strong affirmative. I guess I am having some guilt about the fascination and the almost addictive feeling I’m getting about these little microthrills of newness, the different possibilities yawning before us all. It’ll be quite the adventure to pack up Grandpa Mary and find the person with this scroll for more training in the magic. Because I’m magic, now. Remember?
Anyway. I’m going to get some rest now, we will have to push a lot if we are going to make up for our lost ground tomorrow. I’m pretty sleepy. Maybe my muscles have muscles; the whole gang seems to be throbbing in protest.
Word of the day: contrition
WOW!!!! Wow wow wow, my blood is absolutely whizzing through my body, like I could never catch up to its speed in time. TIME. I mean, I always knew that I had different moral viewpoints on time than anyone I knew, but did I know before today that the vastness of time was something that might be at my fingertips to manipulate and control? NOPE. It’s both terrifying and exhilarating, a high I’m never going to match anywhere else.
But journal, I’m ahead of myself. As the faithful recorder, I will go back to last night; I have a lot to cover!
We arrived at the grove as per usual with its weird circle of trees and the butt tree I always giggled about on my own; nice to have Kaylan and Thersha along to giggle with me this time. I even think I saw a twinkle in Madlyn’s eye; maybe she is warming up to our style. She did ask a question that has me plunging into the depths of my memory for the answer–how do I actually know about this grove and why are these the ingredients for his night night juice? I’ve always just DONE this, like Grandpa Mary taught me to from a young age, and I guess it has become so automatic that I never questioned it before now. Why these mushrooms? I did plumb the recesses of my mind to locate some information: the purple mushroom is actually very poisonous, so Grandpa Mary told me NEVER to eat it. He had a wild look in his eyes when he said it, which back then must have been unusual because I marked it to remember now as I sift carefully through the hazy memories. The silver one was an antidote. Both of them grow here and only here, as far as I know.
Anyway, BORing compared to what happened next! We were apparently being watched by two of the most aggressively different people I’ve ever met, compared to us. Their names, as we eventually came to learn, are Bo and Zy, short for Boudica and Zylah. They’re sisters who have lived a curiously different life than us, which was recently shattered into pieces. The poor lambs, their father was murdered along with their entire village. Their mother was taken by the same woman that we found by Grandpa Mary! Isn’t that the most strange coincidence? I’m becoming quite worried about him, left behind while she is clearly out there wreaking havoc on the wider world with zero signs of remorse. I squelched down my rising panic while getting to know our visitors and their stories, but turned to hurriedly gather up more mushrooms when BAM! These very strange-looking creatures came from between the trees!
Then followed the most crazy and harried minutes of my entire life to date, and that’s saying something given the last week. Everyone was rather spectacular during the battle–BATtle, I said–for our lives. I’ll go down the roster, one by one. Zylah seems to be earthy, and I hope that’s not a mean thing to say with her background; she is a very good shot with a bow. Boulder Bo was immovable, and I mean that in the best possible way; her weapon does not appear to hear the word “no” very often as it sliced through time itself before spraying the goop from our enemies everywhere. She seemed to slip into another “modus operandi,” (I wish there was a shorter word for that) as she felled enemy after enemy. Madlyn was as she is in life, disciplined and lethal with a protective flair throughout the battle. She saved multiple people, including myself (I write in awe) as her shield appeared in seemingly impossible spaces. That wasn’t it, though; she also landed lethal hits against our enemies. Thersha is always terrifying when it comes down to a fight (I have actually seen her in a brawl before) and today was no different, except that she seemed more susceptible to that weird goop?? She actually TURNED TO STONE, it was the most heartstopping moment of the whole battle for me. Imagine if we had lost her! But Kaylan, who I will get to in a moment for more, was able to save her. Thersha returned to battle and had my flank while I bumbled through trying to figure out what to do with the book Grandpa Mary made me with ZERO explanations. Yeah Marwort, I’m looking at you. ANYwho, Kaylan was the most surprising during this battle. She is always color-based (which I am obsessed with), but the desires of her heart during battle seemed to meld with and without her permission to a deep and true blue. I could FEEL her somehow supporting me during battle with a link unlike anything we have shared before; it was like I was in an unseeable box of her making, shielded from the crazed environment. I saw her throw threads of connection to our entire group, in fact! It was miraculous! I can’t WAIT to ask her more about what went on during that battle, from an intellectual standpoint. She was down in spirits after the battle. I was sleeping but I think she was able to talk to someone last night that made her feel better; she has never killed anyone before. What am I even saying, none of us have except for maybe Bo and Zy! Oh, and of course, Thersha. And definitely Madlyn. Okay, so me and Kaylan are the only ones.
Journal, I have to tell you what happened to me during that battle now too. For record keeping, and because my very fingers are full of tingling warmth and light even as I write this. I could drink this feeling every night and still not feel full; I could jump into a pool of time and feel at home. Is this madness? Is this a family trait that I’m destined for? Why have I never felt this alive and yet this leashed before? It’s an exquisite torture.
Firstly, I’ve learned that I don’t like to get hit. Period. End of story.
Secondly, I tried out a bunch of the spells that Grandpa Mary gave me. SPELLS. Magic. Everything is a manipulation of the threads of reality, of time itself; it’s like I can see folds in time that no one else can see, and if I shake out those folds, reality warps in a naturally unnatural way. I watched Bo get sliced in half, but as I stepped forward and frantically yanked on one of the threads of time, she was suddenly whole and hale and dealing damage to the thing that got her instead. Grandpa Mary labeled a spell called “magic missile,” and it was like I was pulling the folds of time over and over on themselves until I had a ball that was slow in my hands, but sped up rapidly to “normal” with a flinging force when it hit my enemy.
Thirdly, I really like the sleeves of these robes. Lots of hidden pockets and utility during battle when I needed to bring out and retract my little book.
Fourthly, I’m so glad that everyone is alright. I felt Boulder Bo after the battle to see if she actually was made of some weird material other than normal, but her other “modus operandi” seems to have faded away like it never was. Kaylan whispered frenetically into the night as we all fell asleep, telling the story of the battle to Thestral in her heart (and somewhat, as I said, out loud). It’s truly amazing how we can all experience the same event so differently; where I saw whorls and loops of time, she saw nothing but colors colors colors. I love that. I wonder what Thersha and Madlyn saw? I will have to make a mental note to ask them. Bo and Zy, too.
I watch the stars now. I’m reminded of how Grandpa Mary’s robe looked on his Lucid Night–living, dancing, breathing constellations like the ones I can see now. I wonder if this is how he experienced magic, too? I have so many questions for him. I know the Dark Horny Lady said his mind was junk, but I have to be honest…I have the smallest bit of hope that if he could come back once, maybe it’s true that he will come back again. If he does, I’m not going to waste the time on tears again; I’ve got a list of questions I’ve been working on for him in my pocket, so we can make as much of the time we have together as possible. And NO BLINKING; I hope it wasn’t my excitement and raw emotion that was making me blink new times into existence, but either way I’m also now carrying a pair of clothespins to keep them open if the need arises. I am prepared, baby!
Time chases me even now, into sleep. We hustle back to Grandpa Mary tomorrow. Despite this adventure, I do feel the weave of who I am struggling to return to him and find him intact. I think I would feel it if something was wrong, wouldn’t I? Can you share a connection like this with someone and not know that disaster has befallen them? I have to assume that he is alright, as he always has been. It’s just everything else that seems to be different. I feel strongly connected to Kaylan and Thersha like this, like it would be impossible for me not to know if time whisked them away to a place I couldn’t follow. I will not tell her this until I am confident that she won’t scoff when she hears it, but I’m growing fond of Madlyn too. Bo and Zy are yet fascinations, but seem lovely.
Goodnight.
Word of the day: transmogrify
We are back! We made it back to the city in one piece, hustling all the way. I’m ever more antsy as we approach the Keep, but I will admit that it’s pretty fun to watch Bo and Zy take in what seems completely familiar and unremarkable to me in our home city. I only have time to scratch a quick note now because Madlyn is checking in with her mentor, and then we make all haste to the Keep to make sure Grandpa Mary and Thestral are in one piece. I can feel Kaylan’s happiness beside me, unconsciously weaving bright blue color around the edged eddies of our space in time as she anticipates her reunion with Thestral. I think she is excited about introducing our new companions to Thestral. Even Thersha, with her carefully disinterested expression, seems a bit happier to be back.
Here comes Madlyn! Don’t worry, Grandpa Mary–we are almost home!
Word of the day: elation!
The Longest Night
The rhythm of my days is not something that I've ever had to spend a lot of time thinking about, except to admire the beauty of its simplicity. Wake up, make banana bread, feed Grandpa Mary. Keep him busy til lunch (bananas with smashed peanuts and honey between two chunks of bread) and spend time with Kaylan and Thersha. Read, think, dream until dinner--when I usually try to make something NOT yellow while Grandpa Mary sneaks bites of banana under the table. Clean up, sweeping my broom across the floor while my mind sweeps a dance across the constellations, the rainy jungle, the depths of fathomless waters I just read about in the library. My amusement is watching Thestral haul a banana into the greenhouse to her lady corner for her own dinner, I suppose. I press the night night juice into Grandpa Mary's hand and make sure he downs every last drop; sometimes, I watch him fall asleep. In repose, I can't see the crazy old man who drives me up a banana tree with his antics...I strain instead to see the man he claims he once was. The man whose features I lightly mirror, the man who holds pearls of truth about my parents somewhere in the labrynth of his mind. The man whose love I hold like a fledgling creature in my hands, shielding it and counting it as the most precious thing I possess.
And then, I pick up all the peels from the bananas that the voracious bastard snuck in throughout the day. Sigh.
Most people would kill for a life this serene and safe, surrounded by the love of family and the best friends and color and cute whiskered creatures--with access to the kind of library not found this side of the continent. Which is why I feel slightly guilty for the bounding of my heart whenever I think about the events of last night...I've never felt curiosity, life, THIRST like this for more information.
But I'm getting ahead of myself; if I let my bounding heart smother my meticulous brain, let's face it--no one is going to help me correct it. I love my Kaylan and Thersha, but accurate record keeping is a strength only Thestral and I possess. They bring other talents to the table.
So, a faithful synopsis of what happened last night.
I awoke in the dark, knowing as I always do that something was amiss with Grandpa Mary. Doing my best not to disrupt my daintily snoring friend Thursha, I tiptoed out to check on him--only to stop dead in my tracks. The familiarity of the room was discordant, a sour note hanging in the air--what was it? The soft sound of Kaylan "whispering" with Thestral drifted in from the other room, but that wasn't it...I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and scanned the room--OH, there??? Grandpa Mary's dragon had metamorphosed into the fireplace itself, shimmering like true gold in sunlight that wasn't there. The entire fireplace--the ENTIRE fireplace--was shifted to the side?? I strode up to the dragon and stretched out my hand, expecting cool metal under my fingertips, but finding instead a wooden texture. I'm pretty sure this is where I began talking to myself, but I'll skip that part.
A quick check in Grandpa Mary's room confirmed my worst fears; the bed was empty. Squaring my shoulders and sucking in a deep breath, I hurried through the fireplace (yes, I realize how crazy that sounds).
What I found in the chamber beyond is still surreal to me.
The "ceiling," if you can even call it that, was a living thing. Stars twinkled as constellations in a night-black sky; the moons were there, too. Another fireplace (the redundancy, I tell you) burned at the other end of the room. I realized, with a sudden jolt, that additionally I was NOT alone in this wondrous secret room. A dark robed, well-dress older man smiled strangely...no, wait, so familiarly at me...it was GRANDPA MARY. He had his long beard tied neatly in front of him and his robes breathed as the ceiling did, moving with the constellations!!
Long story short, he was lucid. He was L-U-C-I-D. I had so many things to ask him, so many things I wanted to say to him and discuss with him but I got almost nothing. He handed me a book of spells, I blinked, and he had deposited (by the way, MAGICALLY deposited) me outdoors with a bunch of other, less confused people my age. We had to go through a trial?? A woman in red robes ran the whole thing. To be honest, I'm still reeling from everything and don't even remember her name. Just that she follows the red moon, so she works to restore balance to the world when one force or another is ready to tip it. I can't quite tell because ALL the emotions are in me, but I think I'm a little mad at Lucid Grandpa Mary for not preparing me like the others were evidently prepared.
My trial wasn't so bad; thankfully, reading is my favorite so I read the runes on the wall to give myself a spell to get out. A SPELL. I'm magic now. Right? That's how you say it? "Hello, my name is Manon and I'm magic." Yep, sounds about right I think. I'll try to find a book on the phraseology associated with the proper ways to refer to yourself when you have the magic in you. Maybe, just maybe, they'll also tell me what to do with my hands when I cast a spell because apparently, you don't have to keep them up the whole time--at least, when using Detect Magic you don't. Fascinating. Glad Kaylan didn't catch me doing that, friend or not she'd never let me live it down.
Anyway, I got out of the room first!! Even though everyone else seemed WAY more prepared. I guess at least Grandpa Mary gave me that spellbook, huh? Seems like the least he could do. The red robed lady handed me a scroll, told me NOT to open it *note to self, hide it forever from Grandpa Mary*, and told me to find Xavier in Solanthus for more training. Guess I'll have to pack Grandpa Mary up and head that way. I walked back outside, blinked, and was back in that room through the fireplace at home with Grandpa Mary.
I looked down, noticing for the first time that I was wearing gray robes. Stuffing the scroll in my pocket hastily, I warily looked at Grandpa Mary...he said lovely things, clear things. Told me my parents would be proud of me, and that I needed to be better than he was. I hope he couldn't see that I wasted the little time I've ever had with him letting a film of tears slip into my eyes, blurring him like I was seeing him through a rainy window. Until I die, I will not ever forget what his face looked like before I lost it in my swimming vision--eyes so deeply comforting with a twinkle of mirth and a gleam of pride, smile warm and gentle. Looking into them, I felt as though I were 3 years old and 300 years old all at once. I BELIEVED for that space of time, believed in his history as a great archmage and was filled with hope and pride. Filled with ideas for more discussions that every fiber of my singing body hungered for regarding my parents, how to learn what I need to know to survive whatever may come, and how to keep him safe and with me like this.
But alas, it was not to be.
I blinked again (if anything like this ever happens to me again, I'm NOT blinking) and it was morning. I was back in my room.
I whipped off the blankets and dashed into the dining room--the fireplace was back in its rightful place! But the dragon still looked like molten gold. I sounded the alarm as I made to turn and run to Grandpa Mary's room, and a peculiar number of things happened all at once.
A slightly disheveled Kaylan appeared, yelling "I've got my fancy stick," with Thestral in tow; Thersha blinked sleepily and yawned as she dragged herself out of our room, and an authoritative knock came at the door.
I'm so very good with multiple things happening at once.
Frazzled, I answered the door and ushered in a General of the Guard who started talking about needing to see my Grandpa Mary. It was pretty hard to concentrate when the low buzz of urgency in my brain was telling me I needed to check on him, so I just agreed quickly and babbled a little bit to the others about what happened the night before as I walked over and opened Grandpa's Mary's bedroom door...and found myself freezing for what felt like the billionth time in absolute shock.
A terrifying tableau was laid before us...Grandpa Mary, sound asleep, with a horrifyingly sinister woman stroking his head. She was as beautiful as an ancient queen with the odd contrast of a perpetually youthful face. Her eyes were anything but young as she looked up at our arrival, though.
It felt like we all held our breath as she mercifully walked away from Grandpa Mary, saying something about his wasted brain that made my heart jump to my throat in choked disappointment. Then, she dumped the LAST of his night night juice--like bitch, come on now--and seemed to take a weird interest in Kaylan and Madlyn's tattoos. She said something about two being "awoken?" Frankly, she was on my list the minute she touched Grandpa Mary, let alone dumping his very rare ingredient night night juice. Clearly, everyone else felt the same way as they readied themselves for a blistering attack--and she vanished.
I'm still trying to catch up from the outpouring of information that followed her disappearance. Kaylan had dreams, Madlyn is suspicious and bossy, and Thersha is quiet as per usual. When I've processed what they said, I'll write more, dear journal.
For now, we have left the Keep and, against my WAY better judgment, Grandpa Mary...he is so stubborn, sometimes. Would NOT come with us to get the ingredients for his night night juice. We asked him to barricade the door though, and he managed it somehow--and we left Thestral with him! She is a resourceful little creature, thankfully.
Now, for a quick trip and some mental processing. Until next time.
Word of the day: psychopathology
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