T wo massive Obsidian doors stood between Trygg and the Eternal Halls: the final resting place for the Kings and Queens of old. The occupants had faded from memory, and relatives no longer remembered the deeds of their forebearers. This once beloved tomb of remembrance and honor had been left to dust and ruin. Trygg placed his shoulder into the black doors, and after a few shoves, managed to thrust the door open. As he did, a rush of stale air escaped from the crypt and slapped him in the face.
Smells like answers, Trygg thought to himself as he stared into the corridor below.
The stairs descended into the abyss, and as they disappeared into the maw of darkness below, Trygg could feel his heart as it pounded violently in his chest.
Lub Dub ... Lub Dub... Lub Dub
As he fought the adrenaline into submission, Trygg shoved his face into his hands and rubbed vigorously. After he composed himself, he reached down and unsnapped a small buckle on his belt that freed a crystal on a curved handle. The crystal was known as a
light shard, and it emanated a beautiful blue light from its center. He grabbed the handle and thrust the crystal into the hallway before him as its light illuminated two Dwarven statues carved of obsidian, that guarded the entrance.
"
Queen Dunri and King Titus, it is nice to see you again."
Trygg stood upon the edge of the first step and stared into the darkness as a furry head poked into his field of vision. Two lavender eyes stared up at him anxiously, as the rather large and
Badger awaited her next command. His eyes locked with hers as he said "Are you ready to get down there Elina?"
Her eager eyes widened as she turned her head back towards the crypt opening.
Trygg turned towards the corridor one last time as a small snowflake hit him in the nose. The flake melted against his flushed face then flowed down his face.
"First snow of the winter Elina,
Irial is with us this day."
Trygg started his descent, and his first step would be his last as Elina eagerly pushed her way past the dwarf. She managed to buckle his knee on the step below and Trygg was sent down the stairs on his back.
"EEELLL...IIII.....NNNAAAA,"
He slid into the main chamber of the crypt thirty hard steps later, greeted by Elina with warm eyes after he slammed into the large stone pedestal in the middle of the room. As he crushed his bag into the stone, a small wooden chest was launched out onto the dirty marble floor. Slowly he stood back up on his two feet then turned to Elina and with a crooked smile, he asked, "You couldn't wait, huh?"
The only light provided in the darkroom was from the glowing crystal still clutched in Trygg's hand. He lifted his arm high into the air and allowed the light to fill the room, which revealed eight massive stone caskets surrounding them. Each coffin was detailed in beautiful carvings and the house sigils from the occupants inside.
Elina walked over to grab the old chest that got launched in the collision and walked it over to Trygg as he set his polearm against the wall with his other possessions. Trygg turned around to Elina, who had sat down before him with the chest in her mouth.
"Oh, now you can wait?" Trygg said with a smile on his face. He reached down and patted Elina on the head, then grabbed the chest out of her mouth with his other hand. He walked to the center of the room where the pedestal stood tall and placed the old chest down.
"We died near five times on the trip to
Fel-Frost Island to kill that ghost of a bear all to stumble on this little wooden chest, let us hope the crystal inside is still in one piece," Trygg said as he opened the lid.
A single large snowflake with beautiful designs connecting the arms had been etched into the lid of the chest. The detail around the artwork gave the snowflake life as if it had fallen from the sky. Inside the chest was a beautiful crystal with a deep purple center and the letters
APUNI etched into its side, all in one piece.
Trygg picked up the crystal and examined its surface as he said "I've seen the snowflake symbol before in this room, but I have no idea what these letters mean on the side of this crystal,
APUNI has no meaning, at least not in any known languages," Trygg said as he began to pace around the room.
"I remember when I was a wee lad, my father had brought
Voghar and I into this crypt on one of his many lessons," Trygg said at Elina, who was now sitting in the center of the room watching the Dwarf pace. "He would talk about the ancient kings and queens of
Culvingarrd and how they had forged our future by shedding blood and tears for the nation that they so loved. What was it that he said? Something along the lines of,
Don't forget the ancient kings and queens of old, as they will never forget you."
Trygg turned around to look at Elina. "My father's favorite story was that of the first king Titus who pushed back the dwarf eating giants of the east and forged Culvingarrd for future generations. King Titus lost two sons that day and without their blood sacrifice, our kingdom may never have existed. He always told us the blood of the first kings runs within our veins and one day, we may need to spill some for our kingdom. To this day I can still picture the snowflakes etched on the King's coffin.
Trygg moved to the large stone casket nearest him.
"This casket is from the Onyxborn clan as it bears the Golden Wolf of their house. This is the tomb of Bulzad Onyxborn the 8th ruler of Culvingarrd revered for befriending an ancient predator from the north, called an
Akin.." Trygg said while moving towards the next tomb.
"This casket bears the same mark as the last tomb but the only difference is the fiery background behind the Golden Wolf. This must be Ruvana Onyxborn, mother of Bulzad and the 7th ruler. Her tale was fraught with war as her tomb suggested, covered in etchings of skulls and fire from the deadly war between the
Slag Elves to the south. These three here in the middle must be the Coldblood triplets Juro, Jiko, and Jedu with the White Yeti sigil. The lone casket here with the face of a mammoth upon it is for Hamdo Groundcarver who forged the mountains of the south into of on our nation's greatest strongholds."
Trygg stopped in front of the last two caskets and stared for a moment, overcome with a feeling of joy and respect.
"These last two caskets belong to King Titus and Queen Dunri Snowcloak, the parents of Culvingarrd and my blood."
He walked closer to the two caskets and noticed the same etchings of snowflakes covering both tombs. In between the snowflakes lied scenes of accomplishments, King Titus had the head of the giant king etched into his while Dunri had the head of a sabertooth she tamed etched into her own. On the side of the king's tomb, Trygg noticed what seemed to be a locking mechanism that held the lid firmly shut. Above that lock was the same symbol from the chest, a single snowflake.
"Seems to be a lock, but this doesn't take any normal key, it actually looks like a hexa-" Trygg was interrupted by Elina who nudged his leg, with a mouth full of purple stone.
"The Crystal!"
The gemstone was a perfect match, but nothing had happened and the casket remained locked. He twisted the crystal, shoved the lid, and pushed the crystal up and down, all to no avail.
Frustration got the better of him and as he reached out to hit the gemstone he was welcomed with a sharp bite of pain. A deep gouge now ran across his palm and spilled blood all over the gemstone and floor. Trygg plopped down on his rear while he applied pressure to his new wound and admitted defeat. Elina slid under Trygg's arm, and stared up at him with those loving purple eyes.
"What am I missing, Elina? All the clues have led me here, the chest, our family sigil, the stories my father told me, everything, but why?"
Click
He whipped around to see what had created the noise, and it was then that Trygg noticed the gemstone fully plunged into the locking mechanism and it had begun to glow with a bright purple light. The side of the gemstone with the etched letters remained visible as the letters glowed with astounding intensity.
The lid of the casket slid off its base and revealed the occupant inside; King Titus Snowcloak. The first king of Culvingarrd was buried with two items, his battle ax known as "Desolator, Slayer of Giants," and a strange metal book still clutched in the arms of the king. Trygg reached for the book, and carefully placed the deceased king's hand back down upon himself. The book was unlike any other Trygg had seen. The pages were not of paper, parchment, or wood but actually of thin metal. Etched into each page were various symbols and pictures all labeled and outlined in a foreign language Trygg was unable to decipher. Flipping through the pages, he was faced with a familiar picture; Crystal Shards.
"This page is etched with blazing flames covering the background, and it looks like this stone has the word
Iyos upon it. This next one is etched with what seems to be lightning bolts and another word
Fenhen. How many other stones exist like this on Magmoia?"
Flipping to the next page, Trygg is faced with a very similar Symbol, The White Raven on a white snowflake, the Snowcloak banner. Below were the same words from the gemstone "
APUNI." The page this time was covered in etched snowflakes and had an exact replica of the gemstone now firmly locked into the kings casket.
He closed the book and removed the gemstone from the locking mechanism.
"Well, now what? I have found the crystal and now this old book, but what does it all mean?"
Trygg walked back to the center of the room, and placed the gemstone back into the chest on the pedestal in the middle of the room. He fell down to the floor, and fell onto his back, staring at the ceiling of the crypt. Each ruler who was buried in here had their likeness painted onto the ceiling. Each of them stood tall and looked up to the sky above. Trygg noticed that the ceiling in the center seemed to shoot up as if it had an opening. Long covered in dirt and debris from the years, the hole above had likely closed over the years of neglect. Trygg reached for his polearm and poked the blade up into the ceiling until the metal broke the earth above. One quick turn of the blade was all it took as Trygg was able to free up the hole in the roof.
After Trygg cleaned the mess from the pedestal, he could see that a small stream of snow had begun to drop through the hole above. He stood back as to admire the beautiful stream of snow as it flowed into the opened chest below.
As the chest filled with snow, the crystal inside began to glow again. The glow was strange though, as the light was extremely bright and almost blinded Trygg.
The room began to swirl with the wind as the snow whipped around the room in a strong funnel of wind that shoved the dwarf and his companion into the ground below King Titus' Coffin. Wind and snow tightened into a strong funnel, centered in on the glowing gemstone.
The gemstone in the center of the room snapped like a bolt of lightning, and a powerful wave of energy blasted through the room that sent Trygg and Elina back near five more feet, followed by a disorientating flash of light.
When Trygg and Elina are finally able to regain their sight, they are greeted by a figure who now stood on the other side of the room, unmoving and still as ice.
Elina growled through her front teeth as she stared at the figure in front of them.
It was a dwarf, or at least an apparition of one as this figure in front of Trygg was Blue and White like a winter storm and wreathed in a light glowing purple aura. Trygg stood up on his two feet and stared at the elemental apparition in front of him for a moment.
"Hello?" Trygg said across the room. "I am Trygg Snowcloak, and I have questions that need answering."
The frozen apparition reached out towards Elina, and a flash of blue shot out from its frozen hand.
Elina let out a cry of pain as an icicle punctured her in the leg and ripped through her flesh.
Trygg ran down to his injured companion, picked her up and cradled her body in his arms, he looked back at the frozen dwarf with cold eyes "Why would you do this?"
The icy dwarven apparition reached behind its back slowly. It's cold hands clasped upon an object behind its back and as it raised its hand back up, a sizeable frozen blade followed. The frozen spirit then locked its purple eyes with Trygg and took a step forward, its frozen weapon in hand. Then an eerie and cold voice spoke out.
"Pe notche pal"
Link to The Dictionary of
The Hidden Language of The Guardians Later Created by
Alquin Geir five years after Trygg discovered the metal book of the guardians in the Eternal Halls.
First of all, for a long prose article, the font is a little hard on the eyes in the bright theme, especially on my computer. I would suggest that, only in the dark mode, you change the font. The color in the dark mode is also a little strange. You can go ahead and send me a PM through Discord if you need help altering the fonts or such.
The semi-colon could probably be a colon as it is describing the aforementioned element. There does appear to be a lack of structure in the second sentence, meaning it's not worthy of a full semi-colon. You should probably put "after a few shoves" in commas. Making it an appositive would flow smoother This isn't a bad thing at all, but thoughts are generally not put in quotes as that signifies a verbal connection. You could try putting apostrophes around it instead of using some other tool like bold or italics to make it work, but if there is any other dialogue this may rise as a problem. Additionally, there should probably be some transition between "himself" and "staring". This sentence could work two ways. Remove the comma before "pounding" or add one between "heart" and "behind". It just flows a bit better that way. Interesting choice of onomatopoeia. Not what first comes to mind when you say "pounding heart". This feels a bit disjointed. "Trygg's crystal, called a light shard, had been fashioned into a lantern." This is a little weird based on the previous sentence. You never overly specify that he clenches his fist around the lantern, so it could be assumed he set the lantern down and simply stuck his fist forwards. I don't think that's what you're going for. This seems slightly off for some reason. A reordering may solve this "the Dwarven Statues, carved of stone, guarding the entrance" Not sure if obsidian is classified of stone, but I certainly don't think obsidian when you say stone. Perhaps working this in the first sentence and switching to black stone if obsidian is even a stone. This was weird. Semi-colors are really only meant to conjoin two independent clauses. This was a statement, specifically a name, and then a description when this could probably be more grammatically right in the case where you alter the sentence to be an actual sentence. A fair few things happen here. I can see from your writing you don't shy short of breaking the lines apart, but this paragraph in specific has so many ideas introduced that I can't help but feel the subject has to have changed somewhere where you should have broken your paragraph. I would also suggest looking into other forms of dialogue tags beyond a said followed by a colon. Doesn't really specify how she took him with her. What happened here? You suddenly switched tenses from past to present. That's a bit weird. It's happening constantly. "Slowly standing on two feet while holding his hips" is past and "he collects himself and stands upright" is present. You also mention he stands twice. Are you trying for past or present tense? I'm not going to point out all of these, but any time you use the suffix "ing" you need to be careful of helping verbs referring to past tense and "s" is present. A weird coalition that I'll ignore the rest of the article. I suggest extending this out a little bit, as the first sentence slightly runs on and you could easily fill it in with a few other adjectives. You need an apostrophe on chest's Etched doesn't need to be capitalized. Apostrophe on I've Don't capitalize "the" This "the" should be capitalized You say "this time" twice. You could try and change one to "Strangly, the light was far brighter than before." -- Sorry that these comments are up to my usual standard due to a lack of being able to really pull apart the grammar with the tense shifting throughout. However, I did find that the story was interesting and had a unique pull to it, though the ending was very curious as it really left without much information or other elements to the story. Beyond those things, nice work.I appreciate the thorough critique of the article, every bit will help me grow! You have given me alot to think about and this will surely help me as I edit and fix mistakes!
Sure. If you need any help learning to understand the tense work I'm usually around for a little every day around this time.