Bandages and Bills

Her foot still hurt from when she dropped a hammer on it. Since it clearly needed something to help it heal, Solana hopped on her good foot to the ER. It was a makeshift place, a collection of tents put up to treat the people hurt in the recent goblin attacks. She heard the people groaning before she even got into the tent. Solana paused as she entered. There were so many injured. The smell of medicine and sickness filled the tent. Quickly realizing she was one of the least injured here, Solana fetched her own bandage and wrapped her foot, so as to not waste any of the nurses time. Nurses ran past her as she wrapped her foot. A quick glance around told Solana that there was not enough of them. She hated seeing people suffer. It always made her chest feel tight and it made her want to cry. Seeing this many was a little overwhelming. “Excuse me?” Solana poked a nurse as she was running by.   “What? Can’t you see I’m busy?” The nurse snapped   “I’d like to help. Is there anything I can do while sitting?” Solana asked.   “If you could organize the medicine, that would be great. All the hurry has led to it being disorganized and the disorganization makes it take longer to find what we need.” The nurse pointed to a nearby shelf. Solana nodded and started working. Several other nurses noticed and began asking her to do other tasks, hold this patient still, fetch me fresh water, anything some untrained hands could do. She also tried to make the patents as comfortable as possible. As she passed some of the patients, they began thanking her. It seemed as though they knew this was not the kind of work she was accustomed to.   Some guards hurried someone in, yelling that she needed help now. Even from a distance, Solana could tell that this person was in danger of losing their life. They were completely mauled. She recognized this person. It was Aravae Valsatra. A neighbor of hers. Solana momentarily freaked out at the concept of someone she knew dying and rushed over. Everything that followed was a bit blurry in Solana’s memory. She could remember doing a lot of things that the nurses told her, but the panic she felt and facts about this person was the strongest thing she could recall. She was a craftsperson, like Solana. She worked on glass though. She had siblings. She was the oldest of them. She took care of her siblings. They would have no one if she died because their parents died right before moving here. Aravae had to live, it would hurt Solana if she died. They did end up stabilizing her. Though it was clear she would need more treatment if she was going to stay that way.   Solana had to sit down for a moment afterwards. How many people did she intend to watch over once she was successful? Was it possible to take care of so many people? Ever since she started on her self project off caring for the people around her, life seemed to get worse. She did not live with her brother anymore, her parents did not speak to her much since she was always busy, none of her friends had reached out to her. Worst of all was that she could not figure out how to make that wire she needed to. It was the most important part of her plan and she could not do it right. There was extra injury due to the fact that it was her own craft getting in the way. Solana was supposed to be good at making things. What was her plan supposed to be if she could not make the thing that would make her rich? How would she ever be able to take care of herself, let alone other people?   The nurses noticed that she was wiped out and told her to go home. Solana obeyed. Her foot was hurting from all the time she spent moving on it. It caused her to walk at a shamble, making it take awhile to get home. The sound of goblins in the distance made her shake as she walked. She could end up like Aravae if they somehow got past the walls. Something clearly needs to be done for security. Ever since she came to this town she has felt in danger. Whether it was because the people hated her for living in the reverie, or because guards were abandoning their post due to low morale, and now goblin attacks almost killing people she could put a name to. This was not the kind of town her parents promised her, she was not thriving at all here. Solana could see her home in the distance. If she could get there, she would feel so much safer.   Then she saw the lights in the sky, streaking towards her home. Her heart sank as they hit the roof. It burst into flames. Not even in her own home was she safe from the vendetta this town had against her. Solana rushed to the nearest source of freshwater. She was able to put it out fairly quickly, maybe there was not much damage? A quick look later and it was not as bad as it could have been. It would still be costly to fix, but manageable. Solana entered her home, her foot and spirit hurting still. As she tucked herself into bed she began to wonder if her goal of becoming wealthy enough to provide for everyone she cared about was too far fetched. Perhaps if she focused on smaller goals first. Just get herself back on her own two feet. It was a much smaller goal. But it felt more manageable. First thing tomorrow she would get someone to fix the roof. Then she would take some time to heal and get the money from fixing the roof back.

Comments

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Oct 20, 2020 18:17

I feel as though this piece is very cramped. I think each part (hospital/journey home) would benefit if they were in separate vignettes and expanded upon on their own. I think there is too much here that we are being told what's going through Solana's head rather than shown. That isn't a bad thing when it comes to actual thoughts the character has, of course.   As an example, if the point is to convey that Solana deeply cares for other people and wants to help in any way she can, but always seems to come up short, this could be expanded upon in the hospital area scene. We already see she's helping out, and then she sees Aravae, which throws her mind in a downward spiral. I just wish there was more done with these things to show that Solana is being deeply affected by these events, her will shaken upon seeing Aravae, etc. I feel like these struggles would greatly enhance Solana as a character, and we are more told about them than shown them, only for the vignette to move on very quickly to another thing. I think more time should be spent detailing Solana's actions and reactions, and her emotions, than trying to rapidly convey everything that is happening.

Nov 15, 2020 18:07

It definitely feels a bit short in this piece, for one thing to keep in mind is that you should try emphasizing what the character's motives are. For Solana's case, we understand that she wants to help people, and generally has goals of being a caretaker of sorts. But why would the people supposedly despise her? Considering the heavy contrast between the interactions and her personality, it would be interesting to see how this tension/conflict can play out for this character, perhaps either emphasizing her frustrations, or maybe in fact she's actually delusional?   In the case of her just simply wanting to help, perhaps she has regrets? What's keeping her going despite everything?