Emily's First Big Step

Forest smiled reading his students’ most recent papers. Every time he did any grading, especially when it came to papers, he got lost in his emotions. It was always incredibly telling by people’s responses to questions he asked how they felt about the topics at hand. They’re papers often reflected this, and it wasn’t hard to deduce those that cared from those that simply spat the facts back. It was always disappointing to see those papers with very little effort put into them, but Forest understood anyways. History was not always everyone’s strong suit, some people were more analytical than reflective, and some people simply didn’t care. But occasionally Forest would get a paper that reminded him of what got him into teaching in the first place. A writer will reflect on their excitement in the topic, show off the wonder that they have in the world and how it all came to be, and Forest shared in this feeling. It felt euphoric to know that some of his students felt exactly the same way did about the world and were potential explorers themselves. Behind him, the front door opened, and in stepped his wife Sylvia. Forest turned and gave a loving smile and greeted her with a small heartwarming kiss. “Good day at work?” he asked, returning to his seat. “Of course,” she replied, before sitting at the table across from her husband. “Hey, I thought about something today, and I wanted to run it by you.” “Yeah of course, what’s up?” “Well,” Sylvia pondered for a second, “have you heard of Mythrite?” “The up and coming town by the mountains? Yeah, I’ve heard a lot about it actually,” Forest responded. He was fascinated by the town, only a couple months old, yet thriving like none other he had heard of. As a former explorer, he was incredibly intrigued to visit it someday, but he was still focused on his daughter Emily first. She was still 12 years old, and not quite ready for exploration yet. Sylvia smirked at Forest’s reaction. “I can tell you’re intrigued.” “Am I that easy to read?” he laughed. “Don’t worry, I am too. And it got me thinking about something. We’ve both been waiting to get back outside into the world again as soon as possible, but we also both agree that we should wait until Emily’s ready and prepared.” “Of course, we don’t want to rush into things,” Forest agreed. He loved exploring the world, but he loved his daughter more. “But obviously Emily’s interested in exploration herself, and while she’s been working hard to prepare herself, studying the outdoors and staying physically active, I’ve been wondering about her next step toward her dreams.” Forest nodded along slowly. He too had wondered if Emily was ready for a challenge. She may have been 12 years old, but she was also incredibly talented. She was doing everything she could to explore the world, just like her parents used to, and she refused to give up on this dream. She would incessantly whine about her parents not letting her leave town alone, or go into the forest to explore alone, or just not travel anywhere at all. She had lived in her birthtown her entire life, and it was clear she wanted to move around more. “So, I was thinking… what if we moved to Mythrite?” Sylvia asked. Forest blinked in surprise. “M-move?” “Hold on, let me explain,” She said with a laugh at her husband’s confusion. “I think it would be a fantastic first step for Emily and an important one. One of the hardest parts of being an explorer is the constant moving around and leaving certain places behind. I think for her, she needs to get that experience in the most basic form. So instead of starting our grand adventure early, we get sort of a head start by moving towns? She’ll have to learn about leaving behind her friends to pursue her dreams anyways if she’s truly serious about becoming an adventurer. So, she gets out of her comfort zone somewhat by changing environments for the first time. If she takes the move well, it’ll be a big first step for her!” Moving to Mythrite… Forest’s heart was beating fast. He wasn’t sure if it was excitement or nervousness propelling it so. If this were years ago, before Forest had Emily, he would have been incredibly excited to see Mythrite, especially because of how new it was. He was sure Sylvia felt the same way, so moving for the two of them would be incredibly exciting. The question was how Emily would feel about it. Emily had always had the drive and the motivation to become an explorer, but she lacked experience in the real world. No matter how many camping trips or walks through the forest the family would take together as practice, it never could be the same feeling until you deserted your home for good. Knowing that after an overnight stay away, a trip to what seemed like miles away, or any adventure far away, the thought of going back to a home that was familiar, that was safe, was always going to linger in the back of your mind. Forest remembered the first time he left home knowing that he wasn’t going to return. It was stressful, feeling that at any moment, something could happen, and you wouldn’t have a safe place to go back to. Forest had gone through numerous panic attacks worrying that he had nowhere safe to return if something went awry. Forest was an adult around this time. Emily was 12. And yet… moving towns. That was always an option that Forest had considered. It was a normal thing to do, usually for work or for opportunity. Emily had been begging to explore outside her hometown for while now, and this would be her opportunity. It was a challenge, at least, since she would have to say goodbye to her friends and leave the only home she had ever known. But that was the point. If she was truly serious about being an adventurer… she would have to go through this. Forest thought back to all of the times that he told Emily his and Sylvia’s stories of adventure, the many things they’d discover over the years. The wonder in her eyes whenever she heard them… it was the same exact feeling Forest had when he was a kid. She shared his passion and his drive for adventure and exploration. If she was anything like Forest… this would be no question. “Let’s do it,” Forest replied, happy more than ever to be a father.

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Sep 28, 2020 03:26

The very first thing that stood about this Vignette is the formatting. Having all the text in a large block makes it rather difficult to read. Not only is it more difficult to keep one's place, but without paragraphs you lose two big things. One: distinction between new speakers. There are a couple of times where Forest and Sylvia speak back to back, and it becomes a game of hunt for the quotation marks in order to keep their dialogue straight. Two: it allows for a more organized placement and emphasis of ideas.   In relation to the content, I do like the overall theme here. The relation between parents who are former adventurers to their daughter who they hope will following their footsteps is certainly something interesting. However, I did notice a few things that might warrant a second look.   First, there are a few word errors, such as wrong their/they're/there instances. That is very minor though, most likely fixed in the edit (and I'll admit too that I didn't go over my Vignette as closely as I should have). Second, there is an instance of idea repetition that occurs towards the top of the piece. Specifically where you first establish in internal thought that Emily is not ready for the adventurous life, and then immediately follow it up with Sylvia asserting the both of them know that Emily is not ready for the adventurous life. In order to establish the idea, you only really need one of these, and having both kind of makes it seem heavy handed. If you were to take another pass over this, I'd suggest focusing on that trend.