Evenings in Yartar

Holder plopped down on the bed and sighed. The bed gave out a sigh of its own, and the rats under it pattered around squealing in fear of being crushed by its weight. At this point, he wasn’t sure there was a single hovel-inn he and his mother hadn’t lived out of in all of Faerun. And this one was by far the worst.
He flipped through the guidebook of Yartar that his mother had left him. “What’s the point of a guidebook if I can’t go out?” He had used to love the guides she brought him, but the disappointment of not celebrating his eighteenth birthday weighed on him like heavy bags of manure. They had been traveling from Longsaddle, as always a sudden affair due to his mother’s mercenary work. Holder had felt especially resistant because he had to give up a comfortable job as a farmhand, and the added fact that his mother apparently forgot his birthday tipped him over into an unprecedentedly foul mood.
“I hate movin' around like this. Next time I’m not gonna have it. I’m eighteen.” A rumbling in his stomach, sending more creaks through the bed, interrupted his griping. He resolved to go downstairs and eat something.
The common area of the inn featured a tavern which, while dirty, served wonderfully cheap seafood. Holder found the shalass stew the most appealing, but settled for a simple meal of unspiced eel and a mug of gulletfire, paying with the patinated copper pieces he had earned building barges that day. He didn’t dwell on the complicated look the innkeep gave when bringing his plate-- as gnomes were uncommon in most towns, it was nothing new. After his meal, he bathed in the public bathhouse, staring longingly at the soap that cost an exorbitant fee to use. His mother had still not returned, but this wasn’t anything unusual; he had long since gotten used to spending most days alone. He went to sleep with only the rats for company.
The next day, his mother was gone again-- either having already left or never returned at all. Holder’s eyes stopped on her side of the room. It looked like the latter. After forcing down a breakfast of stale bread, Holder headed across town for yet another day of work at the docks. Today he took a detour through the Fishyard, admiring all the jeweled accessories and fresh-caught shalass he couldn’t possibly afford. Despite the cold, the market was bustling, and he came dangerously close to being trampled a few times, but the little bit of sightseeing cleared some of the dark clouds in his mind. He arrived at the docks refreshed and ready, and jumped right into cutting wood to the delight of his employer.
Absorbed in his work, he found himself listening to a conversation between two fishermen, walking down the dock:
“Ya heard about Mythrite? Iss down Southeast I think it was, by the Greypeaks. They callin’ it a boomtown.”
“You don’t say? What, they found gold or somethin down there?”
“Mithral. Whole load of it. Heard iss not too late ta strike it big. I’da go myself but I got m’wife an boy, see.”
“I know what you mean. I think I’m more suited to these here waters. Dangerous ’s Yartar may be, it’s my home.” The men boarded a boat and sailed off, leaving Holder once more among the regular chatter of the dock workers.
“Mythrite, huh.”

*

That evening, Holder decided to stay up and wait for his mother. While waiting, he read the inns section of his Yartar guidebook, imagining what it would be like to live in one of the three or four star ones. Or even better, to have a real home, and enough money that he could throw some away on knick-knacks at the Fishyard. That fantasy had been growing stronger with each successive move, harder and harder to ignore. He would suggest to his mother that they travel to Mythrite.
Drowsiness had begun to tug on his eyelids when the door flew open. He saw the face of his mother, a face covered by a cloth mask and hood, eyes wild. The whole room shook with the force, despite her diminutive stature, squeaks echoing back. “Get your stuff.” Then, under her breath, “that bastard inkeep…”
Thrown off a bit by her panic, Holder regained his composure.
“Why, ma? Can’t we just stay in one place for once?”
“You don’t get it. We need to GO.” She started throwing Holder’s books and rusty knife from the table into a satchel.
“Not ‘til you explain. I’m sick of this. All of this.”
His mother paused for a second. “I know, honey. I’m sorry--” A throwing knife flew by, cutting her off. Blood trickled from her shoulder.
“Dawna Callough. Thief. Surrender the stolen goods.” Two women appeared in the doorway, fully clad in black. Humans.
“Shit. They’re here.” She tossed Holder the satchel and pushed him towards the window, drawing a dagger of her own. But as he stumbled out the window, Holder watched another throwing knife fly through her index, middle, and ring fingers, removing them from her right hand with perfect accuracy. Holder felt himself falling at the same speed as his mother’s dagger, and landed with a thud, the impact broken by a pile of rotting eels. His mother landed catlike next to him as he scrambled to his feet. He finally grasped the gravity of the situation.
The two of them fled through the midnight city. The stamina Holder had gained laboring helped him keep up with his mother, though at some points he was afraid he might lose her. No doubt the pain of her lost fingers was also slowing her down, but they somehow managed to cross the River Dessarin and reach the hills to its south, where they stopped to rest. It was nearly daybreak when they spoke again.
“I heard about a town called Mythrite,” said Holder. “I think I wanna go there and start a life.” There were many other things he wanted to say, but his thoughts were too jumbled and his body too tired. The stench of eel still plagued his nose.
“Okay,” sighed his mother.
They resolved to take the caravan together, surviving off a bulging pouch of silver that Holder didn’t have the heart to ask about.

Comments

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Mar 8, 2021 03:36

I like the premise behind this character (I assume Holder is the PC, and his mother is just an NPC along for the ride). To me, it feels like he doesn’t really have much of a grasp on what his mom does...which I think is fun. I feel like, if that is the case, he could’ve been more shocked when the people coming after her broke in to their house...I doubt you want to get him hurt too badly before he comes to Mythrite, but maybe if he got nicked by a knife and that was what got him to move after being sort-of frozen in place.   I wish we got to see him moaning about his life with someone else; the piece is expositional, which is fine, but if perhaps he was complaining to someone as he worked on building the barges about how his mom keeps uprooting things every month or so.   The line at the beginning about the bed sighing was very fun, but there wasn’t much else like it. I also liked the end line, where Holder didn’t want to ask his mother where she got the silver...maybe more references to how she’s clearly doing illegal things, but he doesn’t ask, but this really was the final straw, could be fun.   Overall, this is a solid start, but I think condensing the first part into a single scene where Holder is complaining about these things to someone he’s working next to (not even someone who cares, just anyone who’ll listen).

Mar 8, 2021 04:47

I really like how sonically descriptive the opening is. The twin sighs of the bed and the squealing of rats really appeals to the senses and helps to set the scene. The information about Holder’s age is good, but you present the conflict of his missed birthday and never really follow up on it. Even a snarky line about it at the end once they’re safe would help, otherwise it feels like something that could be trimmed. Holder says he can’t leave, though he is an adult and does in fact leave his room to go eat downstairs. He then leaves again to work. I like the tie in of the manure bags and his sort of country speak, referencing his old farmhand job and telling us about the personality and upbringing of this character. His mother seems to go for his Mythrite idea way too easily, especially knowing nothing about it.

Mar 11, 2021 01:34

This was a fun read. There is action, a "hero's" calling to adventure, and mystery. I liked the loose ends that reveal a little, but not much, about Holden's backstory. I like the motivation for going to Mythrite, although I feel like maybe Holden should have a few more questions for his mother than he lets on. Also, if he is over 18, why is he still sticking with his mother. Holden implies he thinks his mom doesn't care for him so why no questions asked?   Overall, there is some really solid character development here. I personally think that the first scene where Holden is complaining could be condensed down a bit, and more could be focused on why he wants to go to Mythrite. There are some punctuation and spelling errors, but nothing major that distracts too much from the read. I think this could be a great piece with a bit of polishing. I do wonder though if Holden could have had some kind of injury or lasting impression of the events of that night. Obviously not starting coming to Mythrite with an injured PC, but he got out of the scrape with the ... guards? with no significant damage, while his mom got 3 of her fingers cut off. A fall from a second-story window didn't even wind him. Also, what about the pursuers. Were they followed? I think there is a lot that can be built on if this is to be continued for the final draft. Best of luck.