Goodbye Gifts
Lilith out a long and sigh as she finished storing away the last of her books. She looked around her room one last time to make sure everything was packed inside the cheap oak chests her parents bought her. For the first time in ten years, Lilith’s bedroom was clean. The floor was not littered with books, her bed was not covered in her fur clothes, and her walls were not wallpapered over with random maps. Tomorrow morning, Lilith would begin her journey to Mythrite on a mission to create a new Adventuring Guild and, in order to do that, she needed everything at her disposal, including…
“Dice? Dice! Ugh, please tell me I didn’t pack my cat!”
Lilith cried out for her cat, opening back up her chests to make sure he didn’t sneak inside while she was cleaning and packing. There were two things Lilith refused to leave home without: the ushanka (a type of fur hat) her mother made her from the fur of a barghest her father had slain and her pet cat, Dice. As she began to pull out books, Lilith heard a soft meow come from her doorway. She pulled her head out of the chest to find her mother standing at the door and Dice comfortably sitting on her head.
“Did you really have to teach this cat that heads are his perch?” Lilith’s mother complained.
“Yes! How else would I sneak him into the Guild under my hat? Dice needs to know that our heads are safe places,” Lilith responded, matter of factly. She got up and walked over to her mother, bowing her head and awaiting for Dice to hop off of her mother’s head and onto her’s. “Besides, it’ll make traveling to Mythrite with him much easier. It’s one less piece of luggage to tote around town.”
Lilith’s mother flicked the girl’s forehead. “In all my years of teaching, I have never had a student be so smart and so stupid at the same time.”
“Hey! It’s not nice to call your own daughter stupid! Besides, who knows when I’ll get to see you again Mama. Don’t you wanna send me off with showers of compliments and wishes of good luck? Who knows what kind of dangers I’ll face! The rumors of unknown beasts in the woods, so many undocumented monsters just waiting to be discovered! And so many goblins are in that area too, it’s the perfect chance to study their ecology and-”
“Stop right there. Do you remember the real reason why you’re going to Mythrite?"
Lilith let out a long, deep sigh. “Yes, Mama… I’m being sent to create an Adventuring Guild in Mythrite to help those in need of adventurers and adventurers in need of jobs.”
“Don’t sound so disappointed, you begged to have this job.”
“I know, I know. There’s just so much I want to do there, I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, as long as you stop getting distracted by every little thing. Now go see your father outside, he has a few things he’d like to give you.”
Lilith’s mother softly laughed as she watched her daughter’s eyes light up and the girl ran past her and down the hall to the front door, Dice doing his best to hold onto her hair so he wouldn’t be flung off.
“Papa!” Lilith cried out as she ran over to her father, chopping firewood in the front yard. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight, letting go a moment later to cover her nose. “Ick! You reek of sweat!”
“Me? Stinking of sweat after chopping firewood and hunting for the past three hours?” Lilith’s father jokingly made a shocked face. “I guess since you can’t handle how bad I smell, you won’t be able to stick around long enough to get your goodbye gifts.”
“No, no you don’t smell bad at all, Papa! I can stick around long enough for you to give me my goodbye gifts!”
Lilith’s father smirked and let out a hearty laugh as he reached into his leather satchel and began to pull out a small cloth sack and a gargantuan, leather bound book.
“First, here’s some money I’ve been saving up since you told me about this trip. Those cheapskates at the Guild will only cover the necessities and knowing you there’ll be plenty of books you’ll want to buy. Which brings me onto my next gift… I had this journal custom made for you. It’s the biggest one I could get and I want you to fill it up from cover to cover with everything you learn and discover on your journey to Mythrite and in your time living there.”
As Lilith’s father outstretched his arms to hand her the gifts, she instead took the opportunity to give her father another hug. “Thank you, Papa… I’m going to miss you and Mama so much…” Lilith quietly wept into her father’s chest, not caring about how badly he smelled anymore.
This was the first time she was going to be on her own. The first time she was going to leave her hometown of Secomber. The first time she was the one on a quest instead of giving it out. She felt excited, yet overwhelmed. The list of things Lilith needed to do in Mythrite to achieve all her goals was an ever expanding one. Nevertheless, it was one she was going to see to completion.
“I promise I’ll make you and Mama proud…” Lilith whispered. Suddenly, she felt herself being squeezed by the strong arms of her father.
“Lilith, you’ve already made both of us very proud.”
“Dice? Dice! Ugh, please tell me I didn’t pack my cat!”
Lilith cried out for her cat, opening back up her chests to make sure he didn’t sneak inside while she was cleaning and packing. There were two things Lilith refused to leave home without: the ushanka (a type of fur hat) her mother made her from the fur of a barghest her father had slain and her pet cat, Dice. As she began to pull out books, Lilith heard a soft meow come from her doorway. She pulled her head out of the chest to find her mother standing at the door and Dice comfortably sitting on her head.
“Did you really have to teach this cat that heads are his perch?” Lilith’s mother complained.
“Yes! How else would I sneak him into the Guild under my hat? Dice needs to know that our heads are safe places,” Lilith responded, matter of factly. She got up and walked over to her mother, bowing her head and awaiting for Dice to hop off of her mother’s head and onto her’s. “Besides, it’ll make traveling to Mythrite with him much easier. It’s one less piece of luggage to tote around town.”
Lilith’s mother flicked the girl’s forehead. “In all my years of teaching, I have never had a student be so smart and so stupid at the same time.”
“Hey! It’s not nice to call your own daughter stupid! Besides, who knows when I’ll get to see you again Mama. Don’t you wanna send me off with showers of compliments and wishes of good luck? Who knows what kind of dangers I’ll face! The rumors of unknown beasts in the woods, so many undocumented monsters just waiting to be discovered! And so many goblins are in that area too, it’s the perfect chance to study their ecology and-”
“Stop right there. Do you remember the real reason why you’re going to Mythrite?"
Lilith let out a long, deep sigh. “Yes, Mama… I’m being sent to create an Adventuring Guild in Mythrite to help those in need of adventurers and adventurers in need of jobs.”
“Don’t sound so disappointed, you begged to have this job.”
“I know, I know. There’s just so much I want to do there, I’m a bit overwhelmed.”
“I’m sure you’ll figure it out, as long as you stop getting distracted by every little thing. Now go see your father outside, he has a few things he’d like to give you.”
Lilith’s mother softly laughed as she watched her daughter’s eyes light up and the girl ran past her and down the hall to the front door, Dice doing his best to hold onto her hair so he wouldn’t be flung off.
“Papa!” Lilith cried out as she ran over to her father, chopping firewood in the front yard. She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed him tight, letting go a moment later to cover her nose. “Ick! You reek of sweat!”
“Me? Stinking of sweat after chopping firewood and hunting for the past three hours?” Lilith’s father jokingly made a shocked face. “I guess since you can’t handle how bad I smell, you won’t be able to stick around long enough to get your goodbye gifts.”
“No, no you don’t smell bad at all, Papa! I can stick around long enough for you to give me my goodbye gifts!”
Lilith’s father smirked and let out a hearty laugh as he reached into his leather satchel and began to pull out a small cloth sack and a gargantuan, leather bound book.
“First, here’s some money I’ve been saving up since you told me about this trip. Those cheapskates at the Guild will only cover the necessities and knowing you there’ll be plenty of books you’ll want to buy. Which brings me onto my next gift… I had this journal custom made for you. It’s the biggest one I could get and I want you to fill it up from cover to cover with everything you learn and discover on your journey to Mythrite and in your time living there.”
As Lilith’s father outstretched his arms to hand her the gifts, she instead took the opportunity to give her father another hug. “Thank you, Papa… I’m going to miss you and Mama so much…” Lilith quietly wept into her father’s chest, not caring about how badly he smelled anymore.
This was the first time she was going to be on her own. The first time she was going to leave her hometown of Secomber. The first time she was the one on a quest instead of giving it out. She felt excited, yet overwhelmed. The list of things Lilith needed to do in Mythrite to achieve all her goals was an ever expanding one. Nevertheless, it was one she was going to see to completion.
“I promise I’ll make you and Mama proud…” Lilith whispered. Suddenly, she felt herself being squeezed by the strong arms of her father.
“Lilith, you’ve already made both of us very proud.”
Nice story! I think you have a good scene here which establishes your character's background and a little bit of her family life. You have a good, specific detail at the start when you mention "the cheap oak chests" which reveals a bit of setting as well as your character's socioeconomic standing. However, following that sentence I think you create a lot more opportunities for specific detail that could be expanded to reach their full potential: what books were on the floor? This could reveal more about your character. What clothes specifically are on the bed? We want to be able to visualize the room. What "random" maps are on the wall and why? There's no way they're truly random-- if they're places she doesn't know, where did she get them? You don't need the sentence, "Lilith cried out for her cat"-- we've already seen this through dialogue, and in this space you can instead focus on her manner. For example, if she panics this tells us both that she's anxious and that she cares a lot about her cat without explicitly saying so. Meanwhile if she's responsible but nervous, she might be doing something like going over the list of things she needs in her head over and over, and this would show that she's trying her best to stay on top of everything. Little habits like this can go a long way in expressing personality. When Lilith cries and you mention that she's never acted on her own before, I found myself a bit surprised. To be honest, given everything I had seen of your character up to that point, I wasn't really expecting her to cry. If you show more of her anxiety earlier on I think this would be a smoother transition, as right now she seems to be handling it in stride up until that point. Maybe part of it is the amount of exposition we get through dialogue, which might be better expressed through prose, allowing dialogue to reveal more of her current mental state. Or alternatively a more mature interaction with her father would paint her as more confident and capable. You know better than I do what kind of character you want to write, and my main advice would just be to establish it more with specific details.