Not the Last Time
Hyde stood next to the crudely drawn diagram of a peryton. While his knowledge of the beasts was certainly not the deepest, he needed to share what he knew for the safety of the town. Hyde proceeds to draw arrows pointing to the front of the neck, the shoulder joint of the wing, and the lupine nose.
“These are the spots to aim for. While big, these are still big birds at the core. Taking out a wing will bring it down, and prevent it from dragging any o’ y’all away. If you find yourself alone with a peryton, avoid the antlers. While this may be obvious, the obvious needs to be drilled in or it’s the first thing you’ll forget. Stay low, try and get a quick strike to the nose if ya can. Sniffers are one of the most sensitive parts o’ any animal. Damaging it will scare them off. With the time you get from this fast thinking, get inside. These things are big and awkwardly shaped. Couldn’t get in a door even if it wanted to land. Any questions?”
Hyde turned to the small crowd he’s managed to stuff into this public area. Fear. Anxiety. Determination. Shock. Their faces said it all. The town was under siege. They showed bravery even stepping outside to come here.
“If not, we’ll move onto the demonstration portion. This will just be basic form work for now, but with practice it can have a lot of force behind it. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart…”
The class went well. While Hyde knew none of them could take one of these things down on their own, the best of them could hold one off while another went to find town guards. It definitely isn’t enough, but it’s a start.
Sitting alone in the space, Hyde couldn’t shake a feeling of nausea.
It’s just like before. I hope I didn’t get their hopes up. They wouldn’t be crazy enough to go looking for a fight, right? Putting on his helmet, Hyde got up to go patrol.
If they went and died after I did all that, what kind of protector would I be?
The streets were cold and dark. The spring night breeze sliced into Hyde’s armor, the hair on his arms pricking up as he weaved through the streets to the guard barracks. Tension filled the air, like Hyde was back in that forest again. Distant torchlight behind him, legs burning, begging to stop.
A scream echoed through Hyde’s flashback and broke him out.
That was down the street.
Moving faster than his exhausted body wanted him to, Hyde sprinted to the sound. A pair of teens were holding onto the legs of their friend, who was close to getting pulled off the ground. No time for thought. Hyde lunged up the street, leaping to the teen, latching on and pulling hard to the ground. Plummeting to the paving stones, the frightened teen watched in terror as the beast banked around for another chance at finding food.
“Inside, now!” Hyde pointed to a nearby building. He slammed the door open, a shocked family staring at the group of strangers.
“No time! You, brace the door with me!” Pointing to the father who seemed to have not cleaned up after returning from the mines came and did as commanded. The teens and other family members sheltered under the sturdy table.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three.
Hyde motioned the miner back and slowly slid his steel encased skull out to see. The street and sky were clear for now. He turned to the frightened faces in the room.
“Thank you for allowing us to wait that out. I’ll escort those who need help getting home.” He was almost smiling from the adrenaline. The three teens cautiously crept out from under the table and slinked out into the street.
One of the teens lived just down the road. The second was a few blocks away from there. The last teen was the one who was almost peryton prey.
“Thank you sir. My friends would’ve blamed themselves for the rest of their days if I got taken like that.”
“Think nothing of it. This is my job. What any guard would’ve done.”
The teen stopped in her tracks in front of Hyde. She turned to look him in the eyes.
“Is the job enough? That’s enough reason for you?”
Hyde met her gaze straight on.
“No one dies if I can help it. That’s my vow to you. Whether I’m a guard, a butcher or a basket weaver when I wake up tomorrow.”
“Pfft-” She started snickering. “You said that with such a serious face. What’s a basket weaver gonna have on them to stop a bird monster? Straw?”
Hyde couldn’t not crack a smile.
“Alright alright. Let’s get you home then, we’ll be snacks otherwise.”
Hyde waved goodbye to the last teen through the window as he made the townwide trek back to the barracks.
To think this is how my day would end. Getting a group of friends back home safely. First time for everything, but it won’t be the last.
“These are the spots to aim for. While big, these are still big birds at the core. Taking out a wing will bring it down, and prevent it from dragging any o’ y’all away. If you find yourself alone with a peryton, avoid the antlers. While this may be obvious, the obvious needs to be drilled in or it’s the first thing you’ll forget. Stay low, try and get a quick strike to the nose if ya can. Sniffers are one of the most sensitive parts o’ any animal. Damaging it will scare them off. With the time you get from this fast thinking, get inside. These things are big and awkwardly shaped. Couldn’t get in a door even if it wanted to land. Any questions?”
Hyde turned to the small crowd he’s managed to stuff into this public area. Fear. Anxiety. Determination. Shock. Their faces said it all. The town was under siege. They showed bravery even stepping outside to come here.
“If not, we’ll move onto the demonstration portion. This will just be basic form work for now, but with practice it can have a lot of force behind it. Stand with your feet shoulder width apart…”
The class went well. While Hyde knew none of them could take one of these things down on their own, the best of them could hold one off while another went to find town guards. It definitely isn’t enough, but it’s a start.
Sitting alone in the space, Hyde couldn’t shake a feeling of nausea.
It’s just like before. I hope I didn’t get their hopes up. They wouldn’t be crazy enough to go looking for a fight, right? Putting on his helmet, Hyde got up to go patrol.
If they went and died after I did all that, what kind of protector would I be?
The streets were cold and dark. The spring night breeze sliced into Hyde’s armor, the hair on his arms pricking up as he weaved through the streets to the guard barracks. Tension filled the air, like Hyde was back in that forest again. Distant torchlight behind him, legs burning, begging to stop.
A scream echoed through Hyde’s flashback and broke him out.
That was down the street.
Moving faster than his exhausted body wanted him to, Hyde sprinted to the sound. A pair of teens were holding onto the legs of their friend, who was close to getting pulled off the ground. No time for thought. Hyde lunged up the street, leaping to the teen, latching on and pulling hard to the ground. Plummeting to the paving stones, the frightened teen watched in terror as the beast banked around for another chance at finding food.
“Inside, now!” Hyde pointed to a nearby building. He slammed the door open, a shocked family staring at the group of strangers.
“No time! You, brace the door with me!” Pointing to the father who seemed to have not cleaned up after returning from the mines came and did as commanded. The teens and other family members sheltered under the sturdy table.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three.
Hyde motioned the miner back and slowly slid his steel encased skull out to see. The street and sky were clear for now. He turned to the frightened faces in the room.
“Thank you for allowing us to wait that out. I’ll escort those who need help getting home.” He was almost smiling from the adrenaline. The three teens cautiously crept out from under the table and slinked out into the street.
One of the teens lived just down the road. The second was a few blocks away from there. The last teen was the one who was almost peryton prey.
“Thank you sir. My friends would’ve blamed themselves for the rest of their days if I got taken like that.”
“Think nothing of it. This is my job. What any guard would’ve done.”
The teen stopped in her tracks in front of Hyde. She turned to look him in the eyes.
“Is the job enough? That’s enough reason for you?”
Hyde met her gaze straight on.
“No one dies if I can help it. That’s my vow to you. Whether I’m a guard, a butcher or a basket weaver when I wake up tomorrow.”
“Pfft-” She started snickering. “You said that with such a serious face. What’s a basket weaver gonna have on them to stop a bird monster? Straw?”
Hyde couldn’t not crack a smile.
“Alright alright. Let’s get you home then, we’ll be snacks otherwise.”
Hyde waved goodbye to the last teen through the window as he made the townwide trek back to the barracks.
To think this is how my day would end. Getting a group of friends back home safely. First time for everything, but it won’t be the last.
You had really good action in this piece. I also liked being able to see Hyde's thoughts. It was generally well written and I just have a few minor critiques:
Hyde's manner of speech seems a bit inconsistent. Even in his first dialogue, the o' specifically contrasts his diction in the other sentences. I think you could solve this by peppering these 'quirks' in more frequently, changing up his word choice, or simply taking them out.
There's one shift in tense, in "the small crowd he’s managed to stuff" which I think should be past tense to match the rest of the piece.
You have a few redundancies or unnecessary phrases; the main ones that stood out to me were "“Pfft-” She started snickering." (we can see that she's laughing) and "A scream echoed through Hyde’s flashback and broke him out." (I don't think you need the 'and broke him out' there).
Lastly, I had a few questions with phrasing. "Lunged up the street" doesn't seem like the right choice of words, or the movement could at least be described in a bit more detail. "Slowly slid his steel encased skull out" is a bit misleading as it makes it sound like an item he owns rather than his own head. "Pointing to the father who seemed to have not cleaned up after returning from the mines came and did as commanded" is simply ungrammatical. In general I think your action could benefit from more descriptive language: what does Hyde latch on to the kid with? Where are the friends when he does this?