Paid For in Silver Tongues

From the moment Blaine put on his borrowed suit and walked into the foreign atmosphere of Charlemaine Hill, he could feel the sweat at his sides. Lutegarde's home was difficult to miss. On a scale from 1 to 10 on lavishness, her estate sat at roughly a 11, though it was much more modest than the 15s that Blaine wouldn't dare walk near. He skirted around the fountain, walked past the stone busts, and approached the grandiose entryway, staring at second door knocker he's ever seen in his entire life. The two guards glanced at the newcomer as some halfling servants opened the doors.   "...You're quite early." Lutegarde sternly looked down from the mezzanine at her guest. After seeing the lyre in his possession, her face softened. "Much more than expected."   "H-hello, Ms. Whitfoot." Blaine silently cursed his housemates, jeering that he would be late. They must've changed the time on his clock. "I was simply so... eager to be here and perform."   A hint of a smile escaped Lutegarde's stoic expression. "Now now, no need to be so formal with me. You may feel free to call me Lutegarde, alright Blaine? Virian, be a dear and help him freshen up before the performance. Perhaps you'll have time to bathe."   Blaine nodded before the servant led him away as Lutegarde retreated back to her quarters. Virian showed him to a bathroom, handed him a towel, and shut the door.   ...This is the largest bathroom I've ever seen in my life.   Figuring that the best thing to do would be listening to Lutegarde (and realizing that perhaps he wasn't up to upper-class standards,) Blaine decided to take a bath. As he slipped into the heated water, Blaine felt the past weeks of grime and sweat properly release off of every square inch of his body. This was the first time he's ever been able to take a private bath that wasn't in a shared bathhouse, and it was magnitudes more effective than any bathing he could've done anywhere else he had access to.   As he bathed, Blaine's mind ran rampant. He was optimistic, but he wasn't stupid. He's heard the rumors about the origin of Lutegarde's success, along with the disappearances of the people that spoke against her. Why did she go to such lengths for a commoner play? Was he simply that good of a musician? What were her ulterior motives?   After exiting the bath, Blaine felt unbelievably clean and fresher than he's ever been. He gave off a pleasant floral aroma that he would've never been found outside of Charlemaine Hill. After cleaning up, he left the bathroom to be greeted by Virian, holding a brush. He motioned toward a chair, which Blaine then promptly sat in. Virian proceeded to tidy Blaine's hair before escorting him back to Lutegarde.   "Much better," Lutegarde noted with a nod of approval. "Feels quite different, being completely clean, does it not?"   "It... does," Blaine replied sheepishly. "I'm sorry I wasn't as presentable before. I..."   "No no, not a worry! Living outside of Charlemaine Hill must be quite the burden, but, I understand." Lutegarde smiled slyly. "Now... right this way. You have guests to entertain."   -----   Posh applause filled the room as Blaine finished his final performance. He had a night filled with singing, lyre-playing, and piano-playing. Some of the upper-class audience walked up and shook Blaine's hand, asking him various questions. After divulging his life in Daggerford and answering "possibly" to more performance offers, Blaine took to the food table in anticipation.   All kinds of shrimp, bite-sized servings of steak, exotic sauces, and delectable foods of the like filled the table. As he tried each one, Blaine had to restrain himself from gobbling up everything at the table. Sweet, salty, and savory flavors of all different kinds entered his palate and put his taste buds into euphoria.   "You remind me of my younger self, you know," Lutegarde remarked, appearing next to him.   Blaine nearly choked as he swallowed his food in surprise. "Sorry! Sorry. I do?"   "I was poor once myself. And, just like you, I left my old home to make a name and fortune for myself," Lutegarde spoke, twirling her wine glass. "It took an odd amount of years, but... here I am now, at Mythrite, living the dream I've always hoped for. I only wish my master were here to see it." She paused briefly. "You're a talented boy. I think you could be well on the same path and reach for wealth quicker than I did."   "Oh, thank you! Though, I'd be amazed if I ended up as successful as you in my lifetime. I think finance trading might end up with a bit more coin than the arts," Blaine replied. He could've sworn he could hear silver laced into her words. He might be better off financially after this particular performance, but he couldn't help but feel that he intertwined with a world beyond his comfort.   "Nonsense, you'll surely reach the same success in time." Lutegarde grinned. "Blaine, you are like none other, and you've already made quite the name for yourself. Do consider playing at Charlemaine Hill from now on, will you? You could easily land yourself as a personal musician. You'd be quite welcome at my estate as one. Now, here's your payment."   "Well, I believe-" Blaine nearly choked again as Lutegarde handed him 5 gold pieces. The equivalent of a year's worth of farmwork savings in Daggerford had been placed in his hands, and it would certainly pay off the debts he had been accruing. "Th-thank you kindly, Lutegarde!"   "Not a problem, dear. Keep moving up in the world, and I'll be watching from the front. Of course... I'll help along the way."   As Lutegarde left Blaine to his new food and new experiences for the rest of the night, he realized that the door of opportunity he opened wasn't one he could close, and there was something lurking that he couldn't comprehend. But for now: dessert.

Comments

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Oct 25, 2020 19:03

You did a really good job paint the pictures of Blaine and Lutegarde as characters. Blaine has plenty of dialogue and internal thoughts that portray him as somebody out of his depth coming from a lower-class background. Meanwhile, his observations toward Lutegarde and her own dialogue do a good job at portraying her exceeding wealth and sort of stuffy attitude one might expect from a rich person looking at everything from above. By the end of the story, I hated her as a person but loved her as a character.   The key thing I think this vignette is lacking is a central point of tension. As I read the story, I didn’t spot anything that rose any questions until the eighth paragraph when Blaine was thinking about Lutegarde’s motivations for summoning him. My immediate thought after reading that was “Is this woman going to kidnap Blaine or something?” This sets up the main tension to be something like “Will he survive the night?"   The rest of the story, however, doesn’t really touch on this. Yes, he survives the night, but most of it focuses on his success and his potential to rise even bigger. This seems to answer a different question along the lines of “Will Blaine perform well tonight?” The answer is that he performed well enough that his future looks incredibly bright.   Any story should have the main tension established from the get-go and carried out to the end. I think if you started the story a little later, maybe when he’s prepping himself in the bathroom, it would have made a big difference.

Oct 29, 2020 17:18

You do a good job of maintaining a flow throughout the story, and your descriptiveness is pretty on point as well. I really like the way you walk us through Blaine's thoughts as he goes through Lutegarde's mansion, we get a sense of his pure awe at her wealth and nervousness about making a bad impression.   Having said that, this piece feels a bit short, and there's not much that happens in it. There's not really a moment of crisis and climax, while we can see that Blaine is nervous, it doesn't stay around for long as he experiences Lutegarde's hospitality and even gets compliments from her after his performance. I feel like you could have had another part to this in where Blaine has an extended inner monologue about his anxiety and his dreams to achieve this much wealth someday, or maybe lead up to the arrival at Lutegarde's home and provide an amount of backstory and tension building for Blaine where he gets increasingly nervous about going there.   In the end, we do get to see Blaine have a moment of inspiration from Lutegarde and leaves that night more confident and motivated, but it doesn't really feel earned since we haven't seen enough of Blaine's musical ability, and you kind of skipped over that moment in this piece. I think if you had kept that in, the payoff would be more impactful when Lutegarde compliments him.

Nov 1, 2020 00:05

Throughout your vignette, we can really get a sense of who Blaine is and how exactly he’s feeling. You also both quickly and efficiently set up the environment we’re in. You’ve effectively established Blaine’s position as being a fish out of water, and his internal dialogue tells us that he’s really anxious from being out of place. You also have very strong details! We know we’re in luxury-ville, but not Luxuryville™; we’re in a nice mansion, but it’s not the richest and wealthiest mansion. Regardless, this is the likes of wealth in which Blaine’s never seen before.   While you’ve done a really good job establishing Blaine as a character and painting the environment we’re in, there’s not really much of a plot here (or at least, there sure isn’t the plot that we’re expecting here from the title). Sure, Blaine’s anxious and a bit suspicious of Lutegarde’s motives, but nothing’s really done with that plot point. She only ever compliments him and she pays him for a job well done. There’s no lying here or manipulating like your title suggests, and from the readers point of view, Lutegarde’s been nothing but nice to Blaine. Sure, there’s a hint of suspicion tossed into the fray, but by the end of the vignette, it’s not really addressed passed “I wonder if she’s up to something”. Because there wasn’t really quite much of a conflict or plot in the vignette, your ending just kind of… ends? Sure, the show’s over and concluded, but no internal or external values have changed within neither Blaine nor Lutegarde. The vignette ends with just “Blaine got paid, and then he ate.”

Nov 15, 2020 17:38

It was great learning more about Blaine's character and backstory as it affected the perspective of the main character, with a bit of an arc and developing relationship going on between him and Lutegarde. From his thoughts to his interactions, we begin to develop a connection with him as the readers.   Saying this, I feel like one way to make this even better would be to use the environment and world to your advantage. While I do understand that in this case there's a lot of focus on the interaction that occurs between the two characters, it would be nice to also help set the mood and actions of the character by focusing on less telling the story through the words of the characters, and more so on what a viewer would "see" the interaction. Like, I love how at the end, our character's priorities is trying the desserts. I think you could definitely keep stuff like that in the vignette. Dialogue even, as well. But the addition of how the scene around the character to help with setting the mood, or even tension or such, like the bathroom scene to even more contrast the character's background, and emphasize the small fears of Lutegarde's potential deeds within that scene, and likewise in the second half to do the same with the environment and their actions.