Unexpected Detour

It started out as just another plain old, average, ordinary day. I woke up from my slumber with a smile on my face and a key determination to make the most of it.     Today though was very special to me, and after so much suffering was very well earned. After many months of constantly working, cutting deals, and assisting in the defense of the town from the Goblin Attacks, the long-held debt that had been forced upon me was nearly paid off. All the hard work I had put into paying it off may not have always held the high ground, but it certainly proved effective in paying it off. Just a few more odd jobs would officially pay off the debt and I would be finally free to leave Mythrite.   At the same time, I wouldn’t have to worry about money, as I had been secretly saving away a substantial nest egg that would help provide for me as soon as I left. I would eventually have to settle down somewhere else and start working again, but at least this nest egg meant that I could enjoy myself for a while after I left.   Though that was another major issue that I was facing from those who knew me. I had gotten to know a substantial number of people all over the town and very few of them wanted me to leave. They had gotten to like me as a hard worker and model citizen that they wanted to keep around forever as an example to future generations. Some of the upper class citizens had even offered me high paying jobs to help assist with the town’s new government. The offers were tempting, but I just couldn’t stay here any longer than I had too. There were just too many painful memories here that I couldn’t ignore. As soon as I paid off the debt, I would be out by the next day, and it felt so great that that day was fast approaching.   My bliss was broken by my father’s yelling for help getting out of bed. All it ever took was for him to open his mouth to ruin my day. I went into my father’s room and helped him out of bed and dressed him as I always did. I then went to the kitchen to start making breakfast for the two of us.   A few minutes later my father wheeled out of his bedroom to the table and I placed a plate full of food in front of him as I always did. The day for the most part had gone through its routine just like any other. That is, until my father suddenly broke routine by speaking to me as he started eating.   “I want to go outside” he said.   I was a bit taken back by his sudden lack of silence and turned around to make sure I wasn’t hearing things.   “I’m sorry, did you say something?” I asked.   “I said I want to go outside boy” he replied, “And you’re gonna do it for me today”.   Once again I was just completely taken back. My father hated going outside since he disliked having people see him with his disability, and as a result he had stayed indoors where no one would see him but me. I wondered why he would want to go out, but I wasn’t prepared to be seen with him without a fight.   “I’m not taking you out old man” I replied, “We both know you cause nothing but trouble when you leave this house”   “Don’t you talk back to me boy” my father spat at me, “Suud invited me to a guys day out and I have every full intent on going, and you’re coming along too”.   “I already told you, no way” I replied. “I’ve earned this day off and I’m not going to waste it by babysitting you and that greedy friend of yours”.   My father chuckled for a few seconds.   “Okay then, would you rather I go out myself?” he replied. “I meant you know I’m fully capable of doing so. Out there, alone, with a bunch of open bars where I can drown my pain away for a tab you have to pay for later”.   I clenched my hands to my sides in anger, as he had me in his grip. There was no way I could risk him piling up my tab again, not when I was this close to paying it off.   “Check and mate” I answered. “I’ll take you outside to meet Suud”.   After we finished our breakfast, I wheeled my father out of the house and helped him slowly down the front steps outside our house. As we started to head through the town, I noticed him looking at all the changes that had taken place in the town since the Goblin Attack. I suppose I had been so occupied with all of my jobs that I hadn’t noticed.   I also noticed him staring extensively at the many bars and alcohol depositories on the streets, wanting to go in for a simple drink, or two, or twelves. But I wasn’t going to let him pile up the tab again, so every time he looked too long at one of those places I steered him in a different direction.   Suddenly, he pointed in one direction and indicated that Suud was there. He suddenly began to try and wheel himself in the direction he was pointing causing me to lose my balance and fall flat on my face. When I looked up, my father was nowhere to be found.   “Lousy old bastard” I thought to myself. “This was his plan all along: Have me get him out of the house so he could ditch me and pile up the tab again all while making me suffer by forcing me to look for him”.   I looked around and realized that he couldn’t have gotten too far, so I just needed to start checking nearby bars and hopefully stop him from ruining both our lives and further.

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Nov 21, 2020 21:01

As I read through this piece, one thing that particularly stuck with me was with the style of writing. Like as if though the main character sat us down to tell us his thoughts as he went about his day and experiences, it works pretty well due to their commentary adding to the story, giving us insight to how they feel and the reasoning behind those feelings, like how his father is associated with more or less ruining his time here in Mythrite, while in the intro it began with him daydreaming about leaving the town, despite otherwise slightly somber feelings of leaving soon.   However, one thing that's also been sticking through my mind is the world around the character. While it is great to receive insight of what the character is specifically focused on, and understand what is going on through their head (and if the focus of your story is more on your character's interactions and relationships, than this works really well!), at the same time I want to "see" and visualize. Especially in a world like Mythrite, which we are unfamiliar in, if descriptions of the environments were added throughout this piece, like how the dad is observing the various bars, it helps immerse the reader, and displaying more actions on what's going on within the scene while letting the reader interpret the feelings and thoughts of characters through context clues would add to the experience.