Was Moving to Mythrite a Mistake?
Forest stumbled weakly through his front door. While shutting the door behind him, which itself proved a rough task, Sylvia emerged from the living room.
“Oh my goodness- Forest!” she gasped, quickly running up to his side.
He weakly smiled. “Hey sweetheart, I’m home.”
“Your leg! What in the world happened!?” she exclaimed, helping him limp over to the dining table. She sat him down on a chair and brought another one over to prop his leg up. Thankfully, it had already been wrapped up and properly treated in town, so the bleeding had been minimized. Even then, the bandages couldn’t hide just how deep the gashes went.
“I got attacked by a hooded figure in the marketplace…” Forest explained through a strained voice, displaying the pain he felt in full to his deeply concerned wife. “Wanted coin. I had no choice but to resist.”
“And he had a knife?”
“Aye. And I had no weapon of my own. I attempted to escape, but he caught my leg before I could get far. Thankfully, the commotion caused some nearby townsfolk to come to my rescue and the bastard retreated.”
“Oh poor baby…” Sylvia whispered, staring Forest in his eyes.
Forest seemed to dismiss the sympathy with a wave of his hand. “Really, it’s fine. Could’ve been a lot worse after all, we didn’t lose any coin!”
“I worried that this might happen…” Sylvia sighed. “You knew how dangerous the town has been recently with the guard in chaos as it is, and yet you went anyways!”
“I know…” Forest agreed. “But I needed to prepare myself. The real world’s worse, so if I couldn’t handle going to the marketpla-“
“Daddy?” A voice came from a nearby bedroom. Forest and Sylvia glanced to see their twelve-year-old daughter staring in horror at the sight of her father’s leg bandaged and bloody.
Up to this point, Forest had been somewhat proud of his encounter with the attempted thief. Instead of giving up and handing away valuable wealth that the family desperately needed, he stuck his ground and escaped with only an injury, one that didn’t even come close to his worst in his life. Forest felt confident in his ability to re-learn the ways of combat and training and prepare himself for his return to adventuring across the world. All this confidence came crashing down when he caught sight of his daughter. Emily had never been a witness to any kind of malicious attack, and rarely got injured. In truth, Forest believed that even through all her training to become an adventurer, Emily still had never seen the harsh reality that the world truly hid. And after today’s attack, which had happened in the early morning completely unprovoked, Forest was truly worried for Emily.
“Hey sweetie!” he said through fake enthusiasm.
“Wh-wh-what happened?” she asked, shivering.
“Ah, I fell and hurt my leg on some sharp rocks,” Forest lied confidently. “Wasn’t paying attention is all.”
Sylvia shot a look back at her husband in surprise and saw right through his fake confidence. Almost like a book, she understood his fear and shared it. Emily, meanwhile, looked somewhat relieved. “Is it bad?” she asked.
“I’ll live,” Forest joked.
Emily rubbed her arm and tapped her foot nervously. “S-so you weren’t attacked?”
Forest stayed silent. He didn’t enjoy lying to his daughter and didn’t want to do it twice. He looked over at his wife for help. She sighed and turned to Emily. “Why don’t you go to your room and read up on some wilderness survival guides?”
“B-but-“ Emily stammered, looking between her parents. When they both gave her a concerned look, she conceded. “O-ok…”
Before she fully turned around and walked back to her room however, Forest cleared his throat. “Um, Emily, can you come here real quick?”
Sylvia shot Forest a stare of confusion as Emily rushed up to her father’s side. “What is it daddy?” she asked.
Forest took a deep breath. “Emily, I want you to understand that the world out there is dangerous, and things can take a turn for the worse at any moment. If you truly want to be an explorer, you need to absolutely understand that and be prepared for it.”
“Yes daddy,” Emily said, entranced.
“Good,” Forest smiled, patting her on the head prompting a giggle. “Now it’s a bit crazy outside, so I’d advise staying inside for a while.”
Emily nodded, before turning and returning to her room.
Forest and Sylvia both stared in the direction of Emily’s room for a while after she left. It took a minute before Forest eventually broke the silence. “I don’t like this.”
Sylvia turned back to him, equally deep in thought as he continued. “Mythrite is turning out to be more dangerous than either of us initially anticipated.”
“Are you thinking we were too hasty jumping on the Mythrite bandwagon?” Sylvia asked concerned.
“It might have been a mistake choosing Mythrite for Emily’s new home,” Forest agreed. “She’s not safe here. If I can get jumped on some arbitrary morning, who’s to say what could happen to her if she wanders the town alone?”
“So what should we do?” Sylvia asked.
Forest pondered for a moment. “I don’t know. We’re already planning on leaving Mythrite by Emily’s birthday, but… staying here might be too stressful after all… we can’t risk her safety.”
“You think we should leave sooner then?”
That would have us leaving in the middle of the cold winter… Forest thought. This alone presented a multitude of challenges on its own. On top of that, the primary concern would be that it would further accelerate Emily’s first adventure, whether she was ready or not. “I think… for now we should double our efforts to make absolutely sure we can make our trip come springtime. Things like getting more combat and survival training for ourselves and getting the resources we need for long-term survival.”
“Combat training? After this injury?” Sylvia laughed weakly.
“We don’t really have the time to wait,” Forest admitted. “I’ll be ok in a few weeks.”
“I hope so…” Sylvia said, as the two embraced for a hug, both equally nervous about their family’s future.
I appreciate that your vignette starts off with introducing your character and setting up an immediate source of tension with Forest being injured. You also quickly and effectively establish the location being his house, and both who Sylvia is and that the two are in a relationship, all within 50 words; that’s good economy! You also do a good job establishing each of the characters, and I knew exactly who was speaking when. Overall, I feel that there’s not much happening in this vignette. While there's a lot of talking going on, there's little valuable information being said. You establish each of the characters effectively enough, but I feel that I only learned two meaningful things by the end of the story; that the town’s dangerous (only because this was stated), and in order to protect his daughter, Forest wants out. One of the most important things I don't know about this vignette is that I don’t know both the time period the vignette is happening in nor its setting. Are we in a post-apocalyptic modern day? Or maybe a cyber-punk future? I know from being in the class that this is fantasy, but there’s little to tell me that in the vignette. I also don't really know how the town's dangerous. Yeah, Forest got mugged, but is there a problem with crimes? Sylvia says that there's "chaos" in the town, but what directly is it? Is a band of thieves running amok? Or is there a war going on? Remember to try and write vignettes as if you're writing to someone who's 100000% unfamiliar with this world. Continuing on, after Forest stumbles through the door in the intro, there’s almost no action in the vignette after that. Everyone's just standing about and talking. The only other two points of action past Forest walking through the door are when Emily enters the room for 3 lines of dialogue, then leaves. When I say action, I don’t mean sword fights and fisticuffs, but a character moving about and doing something. You could’ve had Sylvia trying to tend to Forest’s wounds while the two are trying to hide how bad the injury is from Emily, or perhaps Forest could’ve jumped about on his injured leg, fighting through the pain in order to fool his daughter into thinking that things are okay. This way you could've made use of these actions to highlight and intensify the tensions within your vignette.