The Nutty Eagle Newsstand
Zhin Kaer Welun 24th, 1350Governor Announces Plans to Explore Valgar Woods
As mentioned in yesterday's issue, the chairman of Andrea, Zangrim Wagglefern, and one of his associates had ventured into the woods to explore ruins he had found approximately one mile from the city. This discovery alone was more than enough to confirm that other sentient creatures had settled this continent even before Iron Beard had found this continent. In his meeting with the governor this morning, he revealed that, not only are there ruins in the forest, there are people still living in the forest to this day.
This information has swayed the governor to allocate city funding towards contracting local lumberjacks to clear paths into the forest and local construction companies to pave roads through such paths with the hopes that these natives can be found and traded with.
In order to accomplish this task, several logging companies have opened new positions and are offering higher wages to encourage new workers to join their work force.
Updates on the Clonio World Fair
In an interview with Soggy Steelballs, owner of the Golden Hammer and the most anticipated inventor taking part in the fair, it was confirmed that the fair will be taking place in the district of Lower Stekk on the 13th of Vekim, 1351. We also managed to squeeze out some info on the centerpiece of his stall at the fair; it is an exceptionally powerful weapon of sorts that he believes to be capable of bringing the war to an end within days of its deployment. If you want to stare this weapon "down the barrel", this may be your only chance without getting blown to bits.
There are also rumors spreading that King Leonidas himself will be making an appearance along with his sons, Prince Andreas and Prince Gerard. If this is true, it will certainly be an event to remember as this would be the first time any memebers of the royal family have stepped foot on the continent.
Missing Orphans
It is well known that many orphans have run away from the orphanage since it was founded. Recently, however, the frequency with which orphans are disappearing has become alarming. It seems as though every other day, a child goes missing. As of last night, 10 children have disappeared this month.
At first, the disappearances were seen as nothing out of the ordinary. As Mother Krakenshine puts it, "The runts run off from time to time." What separates these disappearances from previous ones is that none of the ten orphans that left the orphanage have been found and there are no leads suggesting their whereabouts. Because of this, Mother Wolfstrider suspects foul play and insists that the police investigate.
A full scale investigation is expected to commence within the next few days once a qualified detective is assigned to the case. Any leads that may aid the police in the finding of these missing children should be directed to the Clonio Police Department and will be rewarded if found to be substantial.
Andrea's Rats Return with a Vengeance
After contracting various freelance exterminators to deal with the rat problem, over 100,000 rats were confirmed to have been killed. Despite this, the rat problem is the worst it has ever been. Not only are there more rats, but they seem to be stronger and more resistant to the common rat traps and poisons that are currently being employed.
Researchers have captured several of these rats to see what has changed about them compared to the ones that were killed at the beginning of the month and are baffled to find that there is no significant differences in their composition or diet that could account for the apparent differences. Despite this, the rats have proven to be ever more difficult to catch and dispose of. The researchers are now asking for help collecting more samples so they can get to the bottom of it, going so far as to offer 10GP per captured rat.
Clonio's Drug Problem Worsens
Following the arrest of Baku, leader of the Black Smoke, almost two weeks ago, the second most prominent gang in the city, the Crimson Trolls, has been making moves to fill the power vacuum. Since their primary business is drug dealing, it is easy to list them as the cause for the growing substance abuse problem, which is the worst it has been in over a decade.
According to independant reports, over 75% of residents in Clonio personally know someone that is struggling with a substance abuse problem. This is up from 32% just one month ago, which was an all-time low. The one constant, however, is that 96% of responants cite the Crimson Trolls as the main contributors to the problem.
The new chief of police, Jaylen Ross, has assured us that the problem is being monitored and actions are being taken behind the scenes to deal with the issue. While it is nice to hear, we have yet to see the effects of such actions and eagerly await their results. In the meantime, Law Master Clodaugh Doyle reports that she is beyond overwhelemed by the sheer number of drug related arrests being made as a result of the growing problem, going so far as to call for the Council of Elders to legalize the nonviolent use of drugs in order to reduce the number of arrests being made while still keeping the public as safe as possible.
Given recent events, and the immense popularity of both the Law Master and the policy suggestion she made, the council might just act. The schedule for their weekly meeting has already been altered to address this issue, but don't hold your breath. Many citizens have been calling for such legistlation for nearly two decades now. At this point, analysts are uncertain what their decision will be.
The Battle of the Beasts
As it is well known, the Thunder Eel Thunderdome will be hosting its annual Battle of the Beasts on the 31st of Onkmet. This event often attracts curious individuals to participate for the chance to win its grand prize of 10,000GP, a VIP box at the Thunderdome with room for up to 10 guests, and its famed mystery prize, but none so curious as the Souldiers themselves!
Perhaps in an effort to promote their latest album, Heralds of Hellfire, the Souldiers have decided to throw their hats into the ring. Whether this was their true intention or not, ticket sales are projected to be the highest they've ever been. For a chance to watch or take part in this historic event, the application deadline and the opening of ticket sales is the 1st of Onkmet. Spots are first-come-first-served, so be sure to get here early if you want to get in.
Cheese-flation Thwarted, Cheese Please Next?
The days of overpriced parmesan and bootleg cheese are numbered. According to Francesco Feta, CEO of the Parmesan Palace, a new method of cultivating paremsan cheese has been discovered that will shorten its production time from over a year to just over a month. This is a huge blow to cheese-flation in the short term and to Cheese Please in the long term. For decades, Charles Gouda has had a strangle hold on the cheese industry, but this development gives him some serious competition. This is especially so if the method of decreasing the cultivation time of parmesan can be applied to other cheeses.
Charles Gouda weighed in on this by saying, "Any method that speeds up the process takes the love out of it, resulting in an inferior cheese. My cheese will always be cultivated the correct way to ensure that you can taste the love in every morsel." Whether or not he is correct does not change the fact that people are longing for parmesan and the Parmesan Palace will have it sooner than Cheese Please. Even if it does not live up to the parmesan of Charles Gouda, it will certainly be better than nothing and will at least fill the paremsan void in all of our hearts until Cheese Please is able to restock its shelves with the paremsan we all desire.
Business Section
The Jaded Jaguar: Looking to spice things up this winter? Stop by the Jade Jaguar for the latest and greatest of Mythrael fashion!
The Common Expanse: You need it? We have it! Come to The Common Expanse for all your Common Expenses!
Missing Persons
“Sparrow” Metaxas - Songbird Class: Alpha - Mark I Female Warforged with model number SBC:A-1. Last seen hurriedly exiting the residence of her owner/husband, Lord Hesiodos Metaxas, on the night of Siksta Kear Welun 4, 1350. Lord Metaxas has offered a reward of 30,000Gp for her safe return or 5,000Gp for accurate information on her whereabouts.
Flynn Sha - 12 year old white human male with brown eyes and brown hair. Last seen on the night of Grikad 17, 1350 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 5GP for his return.
Zyn Torval - 14 year old drow male with blonde hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 8, 1350 in bed at the New World Orphanage. Staff of the orphanage is offering 5GP for his return.
Alvin Yun - 8 year old black human male with brown eyes and black hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 10, 1350 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 3GP for his return.
Stella Conar - 9 year old white half-elf female with silver eyes and blonde hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 12 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 3GP for her return.
Gimbly Biggrip - 14 year old white dwarf male with brown eyes and red hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 13 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 2GP for his return.
Er Swil - 6 year old green goblin female with green eyes and no hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 15, 1350 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 2GP for her return.
Kyris - 10 year old red tiefling female with red eyes and red hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 18 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 1GP for her return.
Odabi Babblemask - 15 year old white gnome female with blue eyes and brown hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 20 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 1GP for her return.
Merjin Babblemask - 13 year old white gnome male with blue eyes and brown hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 20 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 1GP for his return.
Mor Bonebreaker - 7 year old half-orc male with brown eyes and brown hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 21 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 5SP for his return.
Scald - 12 year old water genasi female with blue eyes and blue hair. Last seen on the night of Welun 23 in bed at the New World Orphanage. The staff of the orphanage is offering 3SP for her return.
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