Kiana, Pensive

Kiana sat there, and as she watched a strangely determined-looking Kura sleep, she thought.
 

Every time she felt like she was getting time to take a breath, find her footing, something else happened or popped up that threw her right off balance again. Only a few days had gone by since the ritual in the void, but with each day, there was a new surprise or revelation, leaving her with a lot to think about.

The first thing was Kura, and his… oddly specific questions after their night of rest in the Temple of Dinos. Kiana wasn’t stupid, she knew Kura better than anyone. Something big was throwing him off, and he had never seemed so interested in celestial dreams. Something had changed; she didn’t know what, exactly, but obviously the lifelong silence had been broken. She glanced again at his sleeping face, pinched in concentration, and just hoped that his celestial was less harsh than her own. Kura deserved better.

Speaking of celestials… 

Finally realizing that the screams she had been hearing were in fact, Gabriela, had Kiana on edge. She had NEVER heard Gabriela scream, ever, and the new addition of laughter among the screams was… disturbing, to say the least. Kiana didn’t know what it meant, or what had actually sparked it, except that something about that library had set it off, and she had a feeling that when Gabriela snapped out of whatever was plaguing her, she wouldn’t be pleased. Kiana was used to Gabriela’s displeasure, of course; but something about this felt different, and that had her worried. She could still vividly see the vision Gabriela had sent her, of Mandala lying dead in the road; the feeling of comfort she had received while praying had helped calm her somewhat, but she couldn’t help that worry that Gabriela was right, that Kiana’s decisions had lead to the man’s death.

That was why she couldn’t read that book. Kura had such a high opinion of her, had so much belief in her abilities, but Kiana wasn’t sure his faith was well placed. As much as she tried to think about what would be best for others, for Mythralia as a whole, she often faltered, or took the selfish path, or was indecisive. Those weren’t the qualities of a leader, and as much as Kura believed that she was more than just a soldier, Kiana had her doubts. She was a fighter, a shield; not a general. 

With a sigh, she turned her attention back to the wilderness and night around her, determined to spend the rest of her watch concentrating on things other than the inside of her own head. Whatever would be would be, and she would just have to do her best to adapt to whatever the gods chose to throw at her.