Are you a morning person, or more of a night owl?
I’ll wake up when I’m fuckin’ ready.
What’s the first thing you notice about a person when you meet them?
Their weight. And their tits, if they’ve got ‘em.
You see a huge spider in your room, what do you do?
Take its legs off. Chose the wrong room, fucker.
If you could go back and change one decision you made in the past, what would you change?
That time I lost 800 gold in a dogfight backing the wrong stupid mongrel.
Tell me about your first kiss.
She wanted it. That’s all I’m saying.
Do you give people second chances?
Do I look like a pussy?
Are you a cat person or a dog person?
Dog, I guess.
Do you think you’re attractive?
Better than you.
What’s your worst habit?
Absinthe’s my most expensive.
When was the last time you cried?
The fuck you saying?
Are you a good liar?
Only when I want something.
What’s your biggest pet peeve?
Whiny bitches.
Have you ever had your heart broken?
Way too smart to let ‘em get that far.
Are you more likely to use your fists or your words in an argument?
I’ll kick your ass before you get your stupid words out.
What’s something you’re naturally good at?
Getting what I want.
What’s something you had to work hard to be good at?
Getting away with it.
Can you tell when someone is flirting with you?
Better than they can.
Do you think money can buy happiness?
Who cares, it buys booze.
Do you believe in destiny?
Sure, whatever.
Are you a good cook?
Do I look like a girl or a slave? Fuck you.
What do you think happens after you die?
They chuck you in a fucking furnace so you don’t become a ghoul. What are you, nine?
Did you have to grow up fast?
The fuck’s that meant to mean?
Who do you look up to?
I know Uncle Jafar used to be an alpha badass before he got old. I’ll just have to avoid his mistakes.
When you go to a tavern, what do you order?
Straight absinthe. In a bottle.
What do you like most about yourself?
I never take no for an answer.
What do you like least about yourself?
Wish I was a human. They get away with everything.
Do you want kids someday?
I might have some, for all I know. Not something I think about.
Are you a planner or more spontaneous?
I don’t tend to need much of a plan. I’ve figured out what works.
Can you keep a secret?
I’m not an idiot. Obviously.
Do you like being the centre of attention?
Sure. What kind of dumbfuck question is that?
If you knew you were going to die tomorrow, what would you do today?
The same thing we do every night, Pinky: get drunk and get laid.
Do you enjoy getting all dressed up for a special occasion?
Get cuffed. What fuckin’ girl wrote these questions?
Where do you feel safe?
Wherever. I’m the most dangerous thing anywhere I go.
Do you love or hate being alone?
Obviously I hate it, that’s why I don’t do it.
What’s the last nightmare you remember having?
Answering your dumbfuck questions is a nightmare.
Do you admit to mistakes when you make them?
No comment.
Do you want to grow up to be like your parents?
No.
How do you deal with being sick? Are you stoic or super whiney?
Again, do I look like a pussy?
What did your parents expect from you when you were born?
Who cares? Not them if they know what’s good for them.
Do you have a strong sense of style?
Sure, but that’s a gay way to fuckin’ say it.
Would you rather camp outdoors or stay the night in an inn?
Inn, obviously.
Is there a food that most people like but you absolutely hate?
I stick to a paleo-orc diet, except what I drink and what I smoke. I’m not tainting my body with your delicate human plants.
Are you more of a hoarder or a minimalist?
I don’t like to form attachments.
Are you superstitious?
Yeah, what of it?
Are you the kind of person who remembers people’s birthdays and pet’s names and stuff?
No. Easier ways to get what I want.
What do you do to feel better when you’re sad?
Get drunk and get laid.
Is it hard for you to trust someone?
Don’t know, never tried.
Are you susceptible to peer pressure?
Sure; you don’t get what you want by being a creepy weirdo.
If you decided to stop adventuring and settle down, what kind of job would you take?
Cop, probably.
As a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?
Vizier.
