S13 Recap: “What’s A Cocksucker?”

General Summary

DM: What next y'all? > Nova: “I have a plan, we're gonna need some rope.” > Everyone but Romad & Isati have 50 feet each > Nova: “Sick” > also let's bring along somebody who knows what they're doing > like Senegal > y'know Senegal, that other dude who killed the other Beast > Corayas: Can I come? > Everyone else: “Sorry Corayas we don't want you to get arrested so you'll have to stay here with Tia & Talos.” > #homestuck #IfOnlyWeHadKnown > The hunter is hunted down and easily convinced to help out > Senegal: “give me an hour and I'll meet you there.” > Nova confirms and the party departs > oh yeah btw Nova these two guards have been like, walking behind y'all for a few blocks, wild right? > Nova: “I think I dropped something, y'all can go ahead and I'll catch up in a little bit.” > Romad is Sus™ but lets it happen > The guards split up > Nova, internally: “FUCK” > Nova: “bard time I guess...” > proceeds to once again pump out some absolute BOPS > Isati: “oh hell yeah” > Isati flies back to join the growing crowd while Romad realizes that there are 7 guards who would be arresting Nova if they weren't dumbstruck by the killer tunes > Romad: “Serenas we need to go.” > #TooSpicy > The DM advocates for chaos unsuccessfully > Hey actually lets see what Corayas is up to > SmashCut.gif > Corayas: “What's a Cocksucker?” > oof too far forward, lets jump back a little bit > Rewind.Gif > Corayas: “Hey Tia! I've just been talking to my quill and then I remembered I wanted to talk to you so I thought hey why don't I just come over and say hi so I did and now I'm here!” > Tia takes a moment to adjust to Corayas mode > “Is this about last night?” > Corayas: “Yeah! I'm glad you remembered cause I couldn't remember I just knew I wanted to talk to you about something and couldn't remember what I wanted to talk to you about!” > #BigMood > Tia: “right so, Ella's death was the last straw for a lot of folk, specially round here, and with the Marquis being such a cocksucker it wasn't hard for Jenny and her crew to convince the people to charge the gates after some spice tried to throw their weight around at the bar.” > Corayas: “What was that word you used?” > #blindsided > Tia: “You..?” “???!?!” “Do you really not know what a cocksucker is??” > Everyone else: “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” Corayas: “What's a cocksucker?” > The party: “AHHHHHH” > Corayas: “Cause like, you used it like an insult but like...” > Tia: “alright so a cock is your pecker” > (all other players proceed to die and don't stop dying for a while past this point) > Scribius: “OH! But I thought cocks were roosters?” > Corayas: “Yeah me too! That's why I was confused!” > The conversation devolves into etymology before Corayas asks a question that truly kills everybody on the spot > “But why would somebody do that? > Tia:

> Tia: “Are... Are you asking why someone would suck a cock or why someone would be an arsehole???” > Corayas: “The first one!” > Tia, after confirming that Corayas is in fact an adult halfling and not just a strangely proportioned half-elven child: “Right, so you do know what fucking is right? > Corayas: “nope. Though I did hear my parents say it sometimes when they thought I couldn't hear them.” > Tia: “oh so your parents did swear! For a second there I thought they weren't normal people. “ > Tia, taking a breath and with slight desperation: (dear gods above give me strength) “do you at least know how babies are born?” > Corayas: “Oh! Yeah! My parents spent a whole week teaching me all about that! Though they called it love making.” > Tia, immediately suppressing the thought of a week long birds & the bees seminar with her parents and powering through: “So fucking and love making aren't exactly always the same thing but you get the idea.” > The conversation briefly returns to current events where we learn a bunch of house faeries have gone missing and more dickish things the marquis has done before Corayas, top of his game tonight, hits us with another fatal blow > Corayas: “What is love?” > #BabyDontHurtMe > ok no but what he actually asks is “What does love feel like” > the party: “oh nooo” > Tia: “One sec” > #IneedAdrink > Tia: “So should I hate your parents again? Did they not love you?” > IfAnythingHappenedToCorayas.png > Corayas: “No they did, but I mean like the kind of love they had for each other! They always described it as something I'd feel in my heart.” > Tia: “Ah okay. I mean... I'd always felt it more in my gut than my actual heart but like... Look. I'm not exactly experienced in this kinda thing either. Can we go back to talking about the whole revolution thing?” > They proceed to bond over overprotective parents and make an oath of shenanigans for if Corayas ever figures out how to turn people invisible on purpose before Tia has to go to work > Meanwhile Talos has been sitting off to the side just letting all of this happen and Scribius -in the fanciest, flowiest script they can- has written 'Cocksucker' in prismatic ink. > We return to rest of the party just in time to see Romad stun Serenas with kisses and drag him away before he starts casting shit > The song fades out > “Do you have a permit to busk here? > Nova, lying through their teeth: “I do have a permit, it's back where I'm staying” > “so you don't have a permit than.” > Nova: “ I just said I did tho, it's-” > “yeah yeah, I'm going to need you to come with us.” > Isati attaches herself to Nova's (surprisingly swole) arm > Guard: “Oh good, you were on the list too” > than some rando in the audience throws a rock, and just before the guards can nat20 intimidate the crowd, Nova does a better job of it > Through thaumaturgy the roar of the Beast peels through the streets, the powerful vibrato making a noise like a swarm of flies large enough to blot out the sun > The crowd falls to panic and terror and as the guard shoves Nova forward commanding them (shakily) to “deal with it” > Nova: “No it's ok, I'm the one who made that noise.” > #WhyDidISayThat #FML > After Nova is done taking some bludgeoning damage and Ash is done taking some psychic damage > We are given more proof of just how shitty these people are before Nova and Isati are separated > #ACAB > Eventually the dickhead priest Ambros and the captain of the guard show up and interrogate Nova under zone of truth > the only thing they really get out of them is where'd they were staying and by heavily twisting Nova's words a “confession” that they'd been working with the beast and their master > The captain sends off a group of guards to arrest Tia's family and that's where we'll pick up next week.