S17 Recap: The Pepper Ponce Gets What’s Coming To Him

General Summary

We find ourselves in a fancily furnished sitting room with lots of paintings, a fireplace, and a pretty sword > Pazuka: “I have a feeling you have brought along some proof of success but we're just gonna hold off on that for now.” > “First order of business; Serenas I believe you had some questions?” > Romad: “...” > #BestLaidPlansOfMiceAndMen > Serenas (still drunk af and speaking teltean [old high elvish]): “I have forgotten what I actually wanted to ask so I guess I'll just ask; Why are *You*, sssuch a BITch??” > VeinPop.gif > Marquis Pimenta: “You can not be serious‽‽‽” > He was in fact, Serious. > Even drunk, Serenas is still quite skilled at throwing his weight around > Serenas: #MyMomCanAndWillFuckYouUp > Someone other than Serenas: “Can y'all please fucking speak common???” > M.P.: “Hush peasants, the nobles are speaking.” > TheFuckDidYouJustSayToMe.gif > Romad, supposedly the one in possession of the brain cell, tries to pull a knife on the marquis > Serenas: #MyBoyfriendCanAndWillFuckYouUp > Pazuka, someone who's actually in possession of many brain cells and is pointing a baseball bat Romad: “Hold.” > Romad: Is held. > Pazuka: “Be civil children.” > Serenas, finally remembering the question he wanted to ask to begin with: “What the fuck did you even do to piss whistlebitch off anyways?” > M.P.: “I have no idea what your talking about” > The rest of the party (who can't even speak eltean): “So that was a lie.” > Serenas, Still super drunk: “Hmm, he seems to be telling the truth.” > The Party: “Make him speak common Miss Pazuka!” > Pazuka: “Ok so first, don't make demands of me. Second, just speak common man.” “Also Romad, I'mma let you out now, play nice.” > M.P.: “Fine, at your insistence.” > ok so than this bitch deflects answering the question by pointing out that *they* had snuck a changeling into his party > that prompts Isati to call the ponce out for being mean to her and the rest of the party by having them arrested > Meanwhile Nova (currently in possession of the brain cell) is just sitting there shaking their head, silently pleading with Isati to not bring up the topic > #I'veSaidTooMuch > The topic unfortunately and thoroughly brought up, the Marquis details that *they* had hung back in the house and were suspected of stealing a number of items from the estate among the panic. What's more, Nova, as a druid, most likely *was* the giant badger that savagely murdered a guard or had *summoned* the giant badger that savagely murdered the guard. > #GiantBadgerDon'tGiveNoFucks > Serenas: “Isati died killing this asshole and you're accusing *US* of working with him!?” > The maid upon hearing the words 'killing him': IamLOOKING.jpg > Everybody else in the room: “Isati *DIED‽*” > Pazuka, handing the other woman an envelope: *whistles* “No shit? Hey Raquerra, go put some extra in this.” > Pazuka to Isati: “I know you didn't die for me for me, but I don't take it lightly. Thank you.” > Isati: “If I had a copper for every time someone thanked me for dying for them today, I'd only have two copper. But it's weird that it's happened twice!” > Pazuka to Corayas, who's still in Sad Boi Hours™: “And hey, Corayas. She's alive, you got her back. Buck up. You did good.” > The tears stop falling. At least for a little while. > Nova: “Ok so I think now is a good time to open presents!” > This saturnalia, surprise your loved ones with the greatest gift of all; the decapitated heads of their enemies! > PearShaped.gif > The Marquis goes through a spectrum of emotions. First is Confusion. Second is relief (Much to the party's own confusion). And finally dread. > The maid: “THE DARK DRUID IS DEAD! THE BONDS ARE BROKEN! > Brownies, appearing out of nowhere: “Deadass?” > And as the brownies begin to grow and their fur starts to secrete and seep with oil until finally they become boggles/boggarts. The frames within the room (picture, door, window, etc.) also start to swirl with oil as the room begins to fill with more boggarts > Fae: “TIME TO PAY BITCH” > CatVsGlassDoor.gif > #FuckingMagicCircles #Can'tTouchThis > Pazuka: “As you can see this man is currently under my protection, besides, this dark druid dickhead probably ain't doing too hot if he's dead.” > “Isati: “Yeah! When I was dead there were these three gods but none of them claimed him! Instead this big scary faerie woman took him!“ > Pazuka: “Not Hemera? Wait wait, ok I see what went down. Hey, yooz guys are in luck, go talk to your queen if you wanna get ya licks in.” > Fae dip after telling MP he can't hide from them forever > Pazuka: “SO. Looks like you owe these nice people after all.” “Romad, take the sword” > The Marquis proceeds to have a temper tantrum while Romad holds the sword just out his reach > #FantasyProblemsRequireChildishAntics > Pazuka: “Hey Louie! Can we get some coffee in here?” > “Sure thing Zuka!” > Serenas falls in love with his coffee and has mild celestial anxiety as he worries he's tasted of the nectar of the gods, stolen from the halls of Ankathaios. > Meanwhile Talos dumps the beast heads out of his bag and everybody commissions some taxidermy and claw daggers > Afterwards the DM screws themself over by letting their impatience to infodump spoil a fun scene they had planned to happen at a later date > Raquerra returns & hands off the envelope to Romad > Romad is so bold as to open it right away. > Pazuka pitches a light job to the party that would take them past Corayas' hometown and dips, leaving the party alone with the pepper ponce. > Isati takes the high road and in doing so breaks the man. > #HighRoadHugs #CinnamonRoll #TooGoodForThisWorldTooPure > Marquis Pimenta: “Please, just... go.” > #BrokenMan #MehHeDeservedIt > Nova gets the last word and the party dips themselves > Open the Portable Hole. Stop, having it be Closed. > Oh fuck that's a *lot* of money.... > and we'll pick up there next week for 2 in game weeks of downtime.
(Letter from Pazuka reads: “If you were so bold as to open this right away, keep what's written here to yourself until you're off the estate. Contained in this envelope is your payment for the job and a bonus for all your troubles. The silk handkerchief is a magic item that contains enough coin for each of you to walk away with 500 drachma each. As well as one ruby of the warmage for any one of you who'd like to wield magic and blade at the same time.”)