S53 Recap: I Was Gonna Call The Last One “Why So Critical?” But I'm Glad I Waited Cause What The Fuck Y'all‽‽‽

General Summary

Isati is sleeping in rn so let's kick things off with a good ol Corayas dream! > #ÓrioIntervenesForSanityReasons > We get a little peak at just how wild and fucked up the Metisean War was > #ActuallyIt'sCalledTheTuitionWar #ThankYouVeryMuch > Ório: “So yeah you were gonna be experiencing this scene through the eyes of those poor soul who were just crushed to death in the vine growth spell over there but I intervened since that seemed a bit much.” > #JustABit > Corayas (nodding in shell-shocked thanks): “I wish there was something I could do for them…” > #BeautifulCinnamonRollPanDulceTooGoodForThisWorld,TooPure #TellTheirStory > Back in the waking world Nova is trying to wake up Isati for watch but in that awkward quiet way where you also really don't want to disturb anybody, including the person you're trying to wake up > #HighAnxietyTieflingStrikesAgain > Nova is then spooked by Bataar who is somehow right next to Nova??? > #Nat20StealthRoll #CritCount1 #NobodyTravelsAloneInThisWorldWithoutSomeTricksUpTheirSleeve > Bataar comments on Nova's technique before he starts asking questions like “Any tips on killing those big beasty things you were talking about?” and “So what's your whole deal?” > Nova does their best to answer the first question but is super sus of the second > #InsightCheck #He'sKindaFuckinShadyMyDude > “I don't think I should answer that question.” > #FairEnough > Nova and Bataar eventually get to the topic of Bataar being more than meets the eye which leads to just ever increasing amounts of misunderstanding and confusion > #NotOnTheSameWavelength > At which point Isati wakes up and Nova says it's their turn to have a feelings jam > #LoveTalk #EmotionallyRepressedTiefling #MaybeTalkToMyDadInsteadOfSerenas #NoOffenceSerenas #You'reJustKindOfAHotMess > “As Hemera and Eos race across the heavens even their brilliance seems dimmed in this haunted battlefield…” > #NobodyLikedThat #FuckingSpookyFields > Speaking of spooky nonsense! You all just finished a long rest! Roll for Spooky! > #HauntedWagonTime! > “The cart starts to circle your camp all on its own… and as it passes close to each of you, you hear it whisper warnings and threaten to reveal your secrets.” > #NobodyLikedThat > Romad #BolgsOut and stops the cart in its tracks with a Nat20 Grapple while Nova hops on and starts to try and identify what's going on > #CritCount2 > The cart also has the obvi necromantic vibes when Kirin casts detect magic but the magic doesn't stick around long enough for Nova to complete their spell > #DastardlyMinuteCastingTime > With the cart moved back on to the road Serenas checks in with the horses only to realize not only did he never ask for their names in the months they'd been travelling together but he also could've been casting speak with animals this whole time! > #HorseBoy #WastedOpportunity > Nova and Kirin realizing what Serenas is about to do both cast speak with animals too while the rest of the party stares on in confusion > Anyways Klipper Von Kielmeister and Seacaster Earthshatterer are in fact not named Kinck and Kanck and both come from very prestigious ancestry “AND IT IS A DAMNING SLIGHT ON THE NAME SERENAS ADMETUS KEITA PROUDTHORN THAT IT TOOK YOU SO LONG TO ASK!” > #HowDidTheHorseKnowHisFullName? #Who'sToSay > However it is at this point that those with higher passive perceptions pick up a guffaw from the direction of the cart > !!!.mp4 > Everyone who understands animals immediately starts searching while those who don't just go into alert mode > Nova rolls a nat20 revealing that it was in fact Gerald who made the noise!!! > #PlotTwist #FuckingGerald #CritCount3 > Gerald then proceeds to gaslight the party to the best of his ability (which isn't a lot) before finally caving and admitting “Clover” assigned him to keep an eye on Knick-Knack so nothing bad happened >

#AlsoWho'sClover? > Also also, at some point amongst all the beast speech shenanigans another Nat20 was rolled by Kirin so > #CritCount4 > After the interrogation is complete and an apology is Nat20 coerced out of Gerald by Knick-Knack, Serenas falls back to doting on the horses while Kirin switches over to running a perimeter check with detect poison & disease > #CritCount4 > And there's actually a rat boi for once! > Isati (completely seriously after Kirin informs her of their watcher): “Whatever we do, we can't let Gwyf meet the Rat Bois. For the sake of literally the entire world that needs to be prevented.” > With that priority set in place the punks are one by one informed of the situation > Corayas, Isati, Romad, and Serenas (huddled in a group whispering): “We need to figure out a way to distract Gwyf.” | Gwyf: “Why do I need to be distracted?” > #SHIT > Meanwhile Kirin and Nova holding a bomb and lighter: “Should we just do it now while they're all talking?” “Yeah sure” > #Let'sBlowShitTheFuckUp > “You drop the bomb into the foxhole and hear an 'Oh Fuck… ' before a tower of glitter and mud erupts, the explosive noise covered up by a thaumaturgic cacophony of ravens.” > #ShitGetsBlownTheFuckUp #AlsoAnotherSpookyRoll > Everyone on Gwyf Duty™ immediately grabs at him to stop his escape, with Romad rolling a Nat20 to grab and Gwyf a Nat1 to evade > #CritCount6 > Gwyf: “WHY DON'T YOU EVER LET ME SEE THE FUN STUFF‽” > #BabyMischief #ThisIsUndiginified > Hopping outta the hole the Fir Darrig (Now Extra Spooky Looking) is immediately confronted by Nova who is then sown with fear (which sparks another spooky roll for later) but because Nova took (1) damage, now they get to rebuke hellishly at the fir darrig for a hefty sum of hurty > #LiarLiarRatsOnFire > The fir darrig takes this as a sign to get the fuck out of there but with wide open fields the archers easily pick them off > #PoppyPetalPoof > So anyways, problem dealt with the moth children go play in the glitter while Serenas and Romad go calm down the horses with a Nat20 animal handling each. Also Serenas starts to float > #CritCount8 #FuckingSpookyShit > Kirin mage hands a rope to Serenas which Nova takes hold of for insurance and just in time too because at a full flying dash, a glitter covered Gwyf comes charging Serenas after the noble foolishly stated his desire to not be covered in glitter loud enough to be heard. > What follows is a series of wild ups and downs (literally) > Gwyf makes a Nat20 check to crash into Serenas full force but Serenas notices fast enough to Nat20 acrobatic dodge and just for good measure Nova also crits on their Strength check to pull the rope, forcing Serenas to rapidly descend out of the way > #CritCount11(!?) #SeriouslyWTF #GwyfingAround > Bataar once again finds joy in just how fucking batshit wild the party is before we all pack up and hit the road > And that's where we'll pick up next week!